Ellie POV

I take a deep breath as I pull out my phone and set the timer, setting the test next to two others. Stupid, I chastise myself, putting yourself in this position again. I lean against the counter before sliding down onto the floor, still being mindful of my arm. I stare blankly at the wall and let my mind wander. We were careless, so caught up in the moment, nothing else seemed to matter at the time. What were the odds of this happening again? The thought hadn't even entered my brain until after Crowley's attack. It's been over a week, and I can still hear his words as clear as the day he said them. Sam didn't come back to you, choosing girl after girl. Would you like to know the real cause of your parent's accident? You are the ultimate bargaining chips. He must've known; it would explain his taunts about having Cordy call him 'father.' The buzzing of my phone pulls me out of my thoughts, I expect to see the timer, but it's Dean's name popping up on the caller ID. I reject the call without a second thought; he and Sam are the last people I want to talk to right now.

I haven't even had the chance to put my phone back down before it starts vibrating again. A glance tells me it's Dean calling again. "It's 7 am, Dean," I grumble, staring down at my phone. Whatever is causing him to reach out after nearly three months of complete silence must be important, at least to him. I hesitate briefly before rejecting the call.

I check the timer, two minutes. Crowley's voice is in my head, and I'm back to that night again. Your precious Ellie is running out of time, Sam. As soon as we moved in, I was going to reach out to Sam, tell him I was ready for him to be a part of mine and Cordy's lives. We still had our issues to work through, but Cordy had expressed more than once that she was ready to know him, and at the time, I started to forgive him. Sam repeatedly called after Crowley had left me, but Crowley's words were all too fresh in my mind.

I peer into my room to see Cordy sleeping soundly in my bed. She's afraid to leave me at night, something that I can't blame her for. As I watch her sleep, my mind drifts back to the morning after Crowley's attack.

I was trying to keep myself calm as I read through Sam's multiple apology-ridden messages. I didn't care that he was sorry; it couldn't make up for the fact he and Dean had left us so utterly vulnerable to their enemies. I watched from the living room window as Cordy walked back over; I didn't know how to explain my injury to her and how much of the truth I could tell her without further traumatizing her. I couldn't lie my way out of it, but demons were not something I knew how to explain to a ten-year-old. Tears welled in Cordy's eyes the minute she caught sight of me; she could see through my forced smile, she ran to me and wrapped her arms tight around my waist.

"Hey." I tried to soothe her, using my good arm to rub a hand down her back. "It's okay, I'm okay," I half lied. "Couple of months, and I'll be good as new."

Cordy's grip briefly loosened when I moved us onto the couch, I couldn't pick her up like I wanted to, but I wasn't going to stop her from crawling into my lap and burying her head into my shoulder. I let her weep against me; through her sobs, I heard a muffled 'mom.'

It had been weeks since she'd called out for mom or dad when she was scared. By the time we had moved, her nightmares about the accident had become fewer and farther in between. Cordy had taken to climbing into my bed and letting me lull her back to sleep whenever one had woken her up.

"I know," I whispered, trying to keep my tears at bay. "I miss them too."

Cordy pulled away, her face blotchy, eyes blood-shot, and shook her head. "You're my mom, Ellie," she mumbled. "I do-don't wanna lo-lose you too." Cordy splutters through her tears. "You-you're all I– I have le-left."

I choked back a sob; she's right; we only have each other. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't count on Sam to be there if something ever did happen to me. Cordy already lost one set of parents; I didn't want to think about her losing Sam or me.

The vibration of my phone causes me to jump as it brings me back to the present. I sigh as I look down at the phone, rejecting the call. "Take the hint, Dean," I mutter to myself. I check the timer, thirty seconds. I reach for the first test and vaguely remember an x-ray technician asking me if there was any possibility of me being pregnant. At the time, I didn't even think about it; my night with Sam was the furthest thing on my mind.

I mindlessly chew away at my fingernails as the phone vibrates again, and I silently plead for it to stop. Relief floods through me when it does; maybe it's finally gotten through to Dean that I don't want to speak to him. The timer chirps and I grab the test off the counter and cover the results box with my hands. I close my eyes for a brief moment, praying that somehow I'm wrong. I take a shuddering breath as I slowly open my eyes, letting them land on the word 'pregnant.'

Dean's name briefly fills the screen again before I reject the call, setting my phone down on the tile. Surely he'll get the message that I am intentionally not answering. I pull the second test off of the counter, pregnant. I don't bother with the third. Even if somehow it was negative, the two positive pregnancy tests can't both be wrong. I choke back a sob as I run through all of my options in my head. I can't believe this is happening again. What am I going to tell Cordy? What about Sam? We weren't in a good place when he left—that stupid fight.

The loud buzzing doesn't just annoy me this time; it makes me want to pick up my phone and throw it against the wall. I grab my phone off the floor, and for a brief moment, I think of smashing into hundreds of pieces. I shake the thought out of my head before contemplating whether I should answer the call, my thumb hovering between the red and green circles.

"I've got nothing to say to you, Dean," I say before ending the call, not giving him the chance to respond. I look back down at the test again, praying, willing it to change. I know it won't, it was the first time I had sex in months, and of course, it's with Sam fucking Winchester who had to go and get me pregnant. "Perfect vessel for Winchester children," I mumble and let out a dry laugh. I wonder if the angels knew about this one, I chuckle to try to keep myself from crying, but the tears fall anyway, and my laughter quickly devolves into sobbing. Pregnant. Again. My phone chirps, 6 missed calls - Dean Winchester.

"Fuck," I mutter as his name pops up again. I push the bathroom door closed, not wanting to wake Cordy. I clear my throat and wipe the tears away, taking a long and calming breath before accepting the call. "What do you want, Dean?"

"Ellie, don't hang up, please, just–" Dean sighs, "I know you're pissed, and you have every right, but–"

"Pissed is the understatement of the year."

"Ellie–"

"The fucking King of Hell showed up on my doorstep. Came into my home and threatened the lives of both my daughter and me." I hiss while trying to keep my voice down. "You know, I actually believed Sam when he said that Cas would show up if I prayed to him. Do you wanna know how many times I prayed for him to help? He did nothing, showing up hours later, giving some bullshit excuse about us not being in 'real' danger."

"I–"

"What's your excuse, Dean? Are you calling to apologize? You think that'll make it all better? I don't want your apology." I can hear him huffing in anger on the other end. "Have a nice life, Dean."

"Wait just a goddamn minute, Ellie," he snaps before letting out a loud sigh and softening his voice. "I– I'm sorry. You have to believe that we didn't know. If we even thought there was a chance of Crowley... we wouldn't have let it happen. Sammy and I would've shown you how to protect yourself. Ellie, Sam has more guilt about Crowley than you'll ever know. We didn't think he knew about you or Cordy."

"He said he'd been watching me for weeks," I say, memories of that night playing in my head. "Weeks, Dean."

"You would have been safe if you had stayed in Weldon," Dean grumbles.

"The phone works both ways, Dean," I murmur, trying to lessen my own guilt about leaving. "If you or Sam had bothered to keep in touch, you'd have known that we were planning to move."

"Bullshit, Ellie," Dean growls. "You stopped responding to Sam's messages the day we left Weldon. You didn't want to accept his apology, and at the time, as much as it broke him, he understood. You had no intention of telling us that you were moving. You can spout out crap about us not reaching out to you, Ellie, but you said it yourself, the phone works both ways."

I let Dean's words sink in. I'd threatened Sam with taking Cordy far away from him, but that wasn't what the move was about; Cordy and I needed a change. I was able to leave so much of my baggage behind. I didn't have to lie anymore; I didn't have to carry the shame that my parents had made me feel for years.

"You asked for space, for time, and we were– are trying to respect that. You asked us to leave Weldon, and we did. I practically had to drag Sam outta there. He didn't wanna leave you again, but I got his ass in the car, and we left. And all I heard from Weldon to Lebanon was how he wanted to tell you how sorry he was and that he was afraid that you would feel abandoned by him. It killed him to leave you and Cordy; you two are the only family we have left, and then you moved away without a single word. If you'd told us that you were planning on leaving Weldon, we would've found a way to protect you and Cordy. If you weren't ready to be around Sam, we could've sent another hunter to protect you and Cordy."

"We shouldn't need protection, Dean. For ten years, we didn't need protection. But the moment Sam steps back into my life, suddenly Cordy and I are targets for your enemies," I let my eyes fall back on to the test in my hands. "I have to protect my family, Dean, and if that means Sam can't be a part of our lives, then so be it. I refuse to live in constant fear that something like that could happen again. I'm not going to be some damsel in distress. I told Cas; Cordy and I are not bargaining chips."

"The Crowley who attacked you doesn't exist anymore, Ellie. He's no longer the King of Hell; he's nothing more than a regular human. Crowley can't hurt you or Cordy ever again."

"You can't expect me to believe that's true, Dean."

"It is, Ellie." Dean sighs, "Cas told us he warded your house. Wherever you are, you and Cordy are safe. I give you my word."

"Your word isn't the one I want, Dean. You're not the reason Crowley came after us; Sam is. All of it was about him and me."

"You don't think that I care–?"

"I know you do, Dean," I sigh, "but you're on the phone with me instead of Sam. You're the one playing peace-keeper. Sam should be the one telling me all of these things, not you. If Sam wants me to forgive him and think about letting him back into mine and Cordy's life, then I need to hear it from him."

Dean is silent on the other line, and through the static of the phone, I can hear a muffled voice coming through a speaker. A deep breath cuts through the silence before he speaks again.

"Sam's– Sammy's hurt, Ellie," Dean's voice hitches as if he's trying to keep himself calm. "It's– it's bad." Suddenly, all the background noises I've been hearing make sense. "He was doing okay for a couple of days, but then he took a turn for the worse. Sam's…" Dean trails off briefly, and I fear that I already know what his next words will be. "You should be here, Ellie, you and Cordy. Sam needs his girls by his side."

I smile briefly at Dean's words before my heart falls into my stomach. There's something he isn't telling me, and every breath I try to take becomes more difficult. I grip the test tighter in my hands, and I try to let go of all of my anger that had been residing in me since the night we fought. I regret the last words spoken between us, fueled by rage and fear; we don't need you; I should've taken the words back.

"Where are you?"

"Linwood Memorial Hospital in Randolf, New York." Dean doesn't hesitate.

"New York? You're not in Kansas? I thought–"

"Randolf, New York," Dean reiterates, "Linwood Memorial Hospital."

I tell Dean that I will have to get a flight to him, and he insists on giving me a scammed credit card to pay for it. A part of me almost doesn't want to take it, but after seeing how much such a last-minute flight would cost, I accept it.

I call the school as soon as I hang up with Dean, explaining that Cordy will be out for at least the rest of the week. The receptionist seems to understand, reminding me to reach out to her teachers for lessons and homework.

I step into my closet, grabbing two bags, and begin packing my belongings as quietly as I can. I set my bag down at the top of the stairs before repeating the process in Cordy's room. I place Cordy's bag next to my own before glancing back into my room. Cordy's still sleeping, arms tightly gripping her teddy bear. I don't want to wake her, not yet, so I gently close my bedroom door before making my way downstairs. When I open the front door, there's nothing but the sounds of nature greeting me. A few of the houses are bathed in an orange light where the sun is just barely peeking over rooftops. I step out onto the dewy grass, setting the bags down. I relish in the quiet of the neighborhood for a moment and let myself get lost in thought.

"Ellie," a low voice says as their hand lands on my arm.

"Jesus!" I yelp, balling my fist and ready to throw a punch. I turn quickly to see my neighbor, Jason, standing behind me.

"Whoa! Sorry," Jason puts his hands up in surrender, and I unclench my fist. "Didn't mean to scare you."

"Someone oughta put a bell on you," I laugh slightly. "It's not polite to sneak up on people. Didn't your mother ever teach you that?"

"I called your name a couple of times," he shrugs. "I guess you were off somewhere else?"

"Yeah, something like that." I nod.

"Here, let me help you," Jason picks up the two bags. "Looks like you're makin' a break for it."

"I guess you could say that," I shrug and walk towards my car, Jason matching my steps. "Thanks."

"Don't tell me we've scared you outta the neighborhood already?" Jason chuckles. "Is it Old Lady Nelson?" I try to speak, but he playfully cuts me off. "She's a witch, you know."

"Is she?" I raise an eyebrow and pop the trunk. "What kind of witch? Do I need to keep a bucket of water on hand?"

"No, more like the fortune-telling kind," he grins, slowing his steps, before stopping at the trunk. "She paid me a visit the other day and said I would meet someone."

"Oh?" I ask as he sets the two bags down, and he nods his head. Suddenly, I'm painfully aware that he's flirting and that I may be unintentionally encouraging it.

"She said that she would have a-" Jason's blue eyes dart around me, "a robin's nest in her yard. Oh!" He dramatically yells as I close the trunk. "Will you look at that?" He points to the robin's nest and winks. I shake my head; we both know it was there long before I moved in. "So whaddya say, Ellie? Can I take you out for dinner sometime?"

"Cut right to the chase, don't you?" I tease him. "Listen, Jason, I think you're really nice, but–"

"But," Jason sighs and frowns slightly, "you're not interested?"

"I'm– I–" I don't know how to describe my relationship with Sam. He isn't my boyfriend, but he's more than just the father of my daughter. "I'm with someone, Cordy's dad. We're going to be visiting him for the next couple of days."

"Shit, Ellie, I'm sorry," Jason runs his hands through his short hair and gives me an embarrassed smile. "Cynthia told me you were single and has been pushing for me to ask you out. If I'd have known, I wouldn't have–"

"We have a complicated relationship," I laugh weakly. "'Sides you deserve someone who doesn't have a mountain of baggage."

"Well, if Mr. Complicated doesn't wise up, he better be prepared to put up a fight for you," he teases, and a slight tinge of pink fills his cheeks. "I don't give up easily, and baggage doesn't bother me."

"You're sweet," I reach for his arm and gently squeeze it, "but you hardly know me. For all you know, I could be some stage five clinger psychopath or– or an assassin."

"Then we'll be two peas in a pod," Jason smirks, stepping closer to me and brushing a stray hair away from my face. For a moment, I lean into his touch, but I stop myself.

"I have to go," I exclaim and run back into the house, slamming the door behind me.

I scold myself as I pace my living room. Sam's in some hospital, and you're outside flirting with the neighbor? The clock on the wall catches my attention, 8 am, we have to leave soon.

"Ellie?" Cordy's scratchy voice pulls me out of my thoughts; she looks to be on the verge of tears. "I woke up, and you weren't there."

"Oh, kid, I'm sorry." I close the gap between us and let her settle against me. "I didn't mean to upset you. I've had a busy morning. You and me, we're going on a trip."

"Really?" Cordy's face lights up, "what kind of a trip?"

"We're gonna visit Sam," Cordy's smile grows; this is something she's wanted for the last month. "He's sick," I explain, and Cordy's smile fades.

"Is he gonna be okay?"

"I hope so, kid. But I don't know, that's why we're gonna go see him."

When we arrive in Randolf, it's almost 9 pm. Cordy and I are exhausted, unused to this kind of travel. It makes me wonder how Sam and Dean live in the Impala for hours and sometimes days on end. The hospital's visiting hours will be over by now, so I send a message to Dean, letting him know that we are staying at a hotel for the night. He tells me that he has already added us to Sam's visitor list and that he would be under the name Dougherty. I crawl into the large bed, Cordy's already sleeping soundly, and let my mind wander.

Sam is going to make it out of this, isn't he? Will he be happy when I tell him about the baby? Will he come back to Lawrence with us when all of this is over? Will he walk away from Dean for the three of us? Will Dean let him?

It's still early when a turning in my stomach makes me bolt towards the bathroom, emptying my stomach into the porcelain bowl.

"Ellie?" Cordy calls from outside the bathroom, and before I can muster out an answer, I feel the bile rising in my throat again. "Ellie? Are you okay?"

"Go back to bed, Cordy," I say more harshly than I mean to. "I'll be there in a minute."

When I open the bathroom door, Cordy is still standing there, tears filling her eyes. "Are you mad at me?" She asks as a tear slips out.

"Oh, kid, I'm sorry I yelled at you," I crouch down and meet her eyes. "I didn't mean to."

"Are you sick too?" Cordy sniffles.

"No," I shake my head. "I'm– I'm gonna have a baby."

Guilt overwhelms me as I pull into the hospital's parking lot; I need Sam to know that I still love him, that all the words exchanged weren't how I truly felt. Ten years of thinking he had run away, and the anger that exploded from us both drove my words. I know, deep down, that Sam wouldn't have left if he'd known the truth. We were scared kids and didn't know how not to believe the words of our parents. I know that if either one of us could go back, we would.

Even though Cas changed her memories, Cordy's body tenses as we step into the hospital. She grips my hand tightly as we walk to the main desk and check-in. I ask for Sam Dougherty's room, pulling out my ID and handing it to the receptionist. She smiles warmly as she hands over the visitor passes she printed for us.

"I need to ask you something, Cordy," I say as I kneel to place the badge on the front of her shirt. "When we get up to Sam's room, do you want to see him?" She fidgets at the mention of being in a hospital room. "You don't have to; it's your decision."

"I don't know," she answers sheepishly. "If you want me to-"

"No, kid. I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to. It's okay if you don't," I squeeze her arm. "I know we've talked about you getting to know Sam as your dad, but you've only met him a couple of times. If you're not ready to see him, I'm not going to force you."

"Is he gonna look scary?" She murmurs, looking down at the floor.

I don't know how to answer the question. Dean said he was hurt badly. If Sam wasn't going to get better from this, I don't know if I want her one of her only memories of him to be attached to machines, bruised, and broken. If she's only going to have one real memory of Sam, let it be of the day that he visited her after the accident.

"How 'bout," I offer, "I go and see him first, by myself. And if I think he looks too scary, I'll tell you."

"Sammy isn't gonna be mad?" Cordy looks up to meet my eyes.

"No, of course not," I say firmly, "he wouldn't want you to be afraid." She nods and grabs my hand as we head up to Sam's room.

I leave Cordy just outside Sam's room. She looks around for a moment before I hand over my tablet and headphones, letting her drown out the noises of the hospital. I hesitate to leave her, and when a nurse volunteers to sit with her, I graciously accept. I place a kiss on her forehead, whispering one four three in her ear before heading into Sam's room. I peer into the open door of the room. Sam's long frame fills the bed. He looks emaciated; his face bruised, eyes and cheeks sunken in, and skin stretched taut over his bones.

Dean's at his side, hunched over; I can see his mouth moving but can't make out anything he's saying. I wipe the forming tears away, knocking softly on the door. Dean jumps slightly at the sound, and a look of relief washes over his face when he sees me.

"Ellie," Dean frowns when he catches sight of me, his eyes immediately fall on my broken arm. "I'm so sorry," he whispers as he wraps his arms around me. "Cas said he tried to heal–"

"What happened, Dean?" I pull away from him, focusing my attention on Sam. "How did he get this bad?"

"Did Cas tell you what we were trying to do?"

"Said something about closing Hell Gates," I can't take my eyes off of Sam's body. Dean leads me to a chair, letting me sit down before moving to the opposite side of the bed. He grabs a second chair, pulling it around so that he's sitting next to me.

"Yeah. What we didn't know when Sam started them is that to complete the Trials, Sam would have to die." Dean looks back over to Sam. "I couldn't let that happen. I tried to convince him to stop, Ellie, but he wouldn't listen. He couldn't stop," Dean seems to be reassuring himself just as much as me. "The only reason he's probably still alive right now is that he collapsed before he could finish it."

"Where's Cas? Can't he do something?" I ask, hopefully. "He can heal Sam, can't he?"

"Sam's been too damaged for months for Cas to do anything," Dean sighs. "Tried to help a while back, and even then, he couldn't do anything. I haven't let that stop me, Ellie," Dean offers a sad smile. "I've tried praying, but Cas won't answer."

"What about another angel?" I'm desperate, taking Sam's lifeless hand in my own. "Cas can't be the only one who can help."

"The thing about angels, Ellie, is most of 'em are dicks." Dean lets out a pained laugh. "And they're not exactly fans of Sam and me. Most won't help even if they can."

"You have to do something, Dean," I plead. "You can't let him die. You said you'd watch out for him. He can't die, not now; I need him. Me and Cordy, we need him."

"Ellie."

"You're friends with a freaking angel, you know the King of Hell, but you can't do anything to save Sam? You're not trying hard enough, Dean." I direct all of the guilt I'm feeling at Dean; a part of me knows it's not fair to him, but I can't help it. "All this will be for nothing if he's gone. You tried to stop him and now look at him," I direct my attention back to Sam.

Dean silently takes my verbal lashing, his emerald eyes filling with tears.

"Screw you," he says, barely above a whisper. "Sam is my brother, and we've been through more shit together than you will ever know." I can hear the pain in Dean's voice, but he remains calm and quiet, and I notice him discreetly wiping a tear away. "I've watched him die too many times already, and I wasn't gonna let it happen again. I couldn't let another Winchester grow up without a parent; me and Sam, we practically raised ourselves. Cordy deserves to have both of her parents raising her."

"Dean–"

"You don't know how messed up Sam got, Ellie!" Dean's face reddens, and his voice starts to rise. "He was about to die, and he didn't even care! If you'd heard what he said in that church– He thinks that you and Cordy are better off without him; that you can just replace him. He's not replaceable, Ellie. I was trying to talk him off a ledge, and you wanna know the worst part? I'm the reason he got so messed up. I was the one that was supposed to be doing the Trials, not Sam. I could've finished them, and he could've finally gotten out. I had to save my brother; I will always do whatever it takes to save him. You can put the blame on me for how he is now, but don't act like you wouldn't have at least tried to stop him if you were there."

"Dean," I can barely speak, "I'm sorry. I just–"

"D'you know what he's wanted since we were kids?" Dean doesn't wait for me to respond and focuses back on Sam. "A normal life. He never wanted to be a hunter, follow in dad's footsteps; he wanted to be his own person. I'm the one who dragged his ass away from Stanford, I'm the reason he wasn't there when Jessica was murdered, and I know that deep down, a part of him will never be able to forgive me for it. Sam had his chance at normal, but he gave it up for me. If I hadn't pulled him into that hunt, he probably wouldn't have come back. He'd be living some apple-pie life with you or Jessica; married, a couple of kids running around, a dog, house with a white picket fence."

"I don't have a white picket fence," I say softly, garnering a small chuckle from Dean. "But, I want all that with him. I want him around, to be a father to Cordy and- and..." I stop myself from saying any more, reluctant to tell him about this baby as well. If I tell him and Sam doesn't make it through this, I can't have Dean as a looming presence in Cordy and this baby's life, reminding all of us of something we can never have. "Before Crowley, I was ready to find a way to make it work with Sam. After Crowley left, I was so scared, Dean, so angry. I still am, but I want us to move past all that. Cordy's ready to know her dad."

"Cordy knows?" Dean asks, his eyes going wide at my confession, "I thought you were– You said you didn't want to tell her, that you wanted to wait until she was ready?" Dean's brow furrows, and I can hear the anger in his voice. I had insisted to both brothers that Cordy wasn't ready to know the truth, but now, only a few months later, she was suddenly ready?

"I was," I focus my attention back on Sam, and I can feel the daggers Dean is staring into me. "That morning, after you left? That box of photos was still out," I explain. I could tell he thought that I'd lied to him that night. "I'd meant to put them away, but after everything that happened, I was exhausted and pretty much passed out on the couch. When I woke up, Cordy was going through it and started asking questions. She was putting everything together before I could even come up with an excuse. The kid's too smart for her own good," I chuckle, and Dean relaxes slightly. "It was rough; Cordy was angry and confused, but she's adjusting, we both are. She's been getting used to the idea, and for the last month, she's been asking me about getting to know Sam."

"I'll find a way to get him back to the both of you," Dean promises, reaching out to give my hand a firm squeeze. "I promise, I'll do whatever it takes."

Dean and I sit in silence for a few minutes before a doctor joins us. He explains the extent of Sam's injuries: massive internal burns, oxygen deprivation, the coma is Sam's last resort of self-preservation.

"He's dying," Dean mutters.

"If he continues on this trajectory, I'm afraid so. The machines may be able to keep him alive, but with injuries such as these–"

"There isn't anything you can do?" I question the doctor.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but it's in God's hands now," the doctor smiles at me sympathetically.

"God's hands?" Dean huffs, and his face hardens. "You're a medical professional, and you're telling us that my brother's life is in God's hands? What, is that supposed to be some sort of– of comfort?"

"Dean," I sigh, "he's just saying–"

"No, Ellie," Dean snaps at me. He immediately gives me an apologetic smile before standing up to meet the doctor at the edge of the bed. "God has nothing to do with this equation. If I wanted to leave it up to God, I wouldn't have brought him here in the first place. Do your job, save my brother."

The doctor doesn't flinch at Dean's verbal assault, taking it as gracefully as one can. He apologizes again before leaving us alone. Dean refuses to sit back down, pacing around the room and muttering under his breath. I focus back on Sam, squeezing his hand tighter, praying for some kind of response to show that he's still there, fighting his way back to Cordy and me.

"You have to fight, Sam," I lean in and whisper. "I didn't mean what I said that night; I was angry and scared. We do need you. You can't leave Cordy and me, not like this."

The room is silent, save for the heart monitor beeping steadily and my sniffling. Dean has stopped pacing, and when I look up, he's staring at Sam and me, waiting as much as I am for some kind of sign that Sam isn't giving up. I wipe my tears away and take a long, calming breath before speaking.

"Cordy's outside," I say as I leave my seat. "I'm– I'm gonna talk to her, see if she wants to see Sam."

Dean nods slightly, and as I walk by him, he pulls me into a hug, "I'll find a way to fix this, Ellie," he reassures me. "I'll do whatever it takes to get him better again."

When I get back to Cordy, she is intensely focused on the tablet in her hands. I take another long inhale, hoping that I can hide the evidence of my tears. I playfully tug at her headphones, pulling her attention away from the tablet, and I see she's watching a video from a channel called Ghostfacers.

"Learn anything interesting?" I ask as I take the seat next to her.

"Nah," she shrugs and turns off the tablet, "those guys are weirdos."

I laugh as she puts the tablet back into my bag. I try to figure out the best way to breach the subject of Sam to Cordy.

"How's Sammy?" Cordy asks as if she can read my mind, and I give her a tight-lipped smile.

"He's– He's not doing okay." I try to think of a way to explain his condition to her, something that will make sense. "You know how sometimes when you're sick, you just want to sleep?" Cordy nods. "Well, right now, Sam is really sick, so he's gonna stay asleep until he's better."

"How long is Sammy gonna sleep?" Cordy questions innocently. "Are we gonna stay until he wakes up?"

"I– I don't know, kid," I tell her honestly. "It could be days, weeks, or," I struggle with the next words, "Sam may never wake up."

Cordy seems to understand what I'm saying, and I'm thankful that I don't have to say the words, 'Sam's dying.' I don't push her to respond, letting her think over whatever she may want to say next. I keep my own conflicted feelings at bay; half wants to take her back to Lawrence and never talk about this ever again; the other half wants her to go in and see him so that at least she can get a proper goodbye.

"Can I see him?" Cordy asks after a few moments of silence. "Would that be okay?"

"If that's what you want, kid," I grab her hand in mine and gently squeeze it before walking us back towards Sam's room.

Dean's still pacing the floor when I walk in; Cordy stays behind me, gripping my hand tightly. I try to move forward, but she pulls back against me, stopping at the doorway. Dean peers around me before closing the gap between us and crouches down to meet Cordy at her eye-level.

"Hey, Princess, do you remember me?" Dean asks sweetly.

Cordy smiles and nods, "Ellie says you're my uncle."

"That's right," Dean's eyes shine with pride. "I'm Sammy's big brother. Do you know what big brothers do?" he asks, and Cordy shakes her head. "We protect our little brothers. We don't let anything happen to them."

"Can I talk to him?" She looks between Dean and me. "Is that okay?"

"Sure, kid," I smile weakly.

Cordy lets go of my hand and makes her way to the empty chair by Sam's side. Dean gives my arm a reassuring squeeze as I walk by, and I sit in the chair that he previously occupied. Cordy doesn't say anything at first, seemingly studying Sam silently, she wasn't one to normally shy away from a conversation, but this is a new experience for her.

"Why don't you tell Sam about school?" I suggest, knowing that once she starts talking, it'll be hard to get her to stop.

Cordy nods before explaining in unbelievable detail about her teachers and classmates. She tells him all about our new house and how she decorated her room because she's not a little kid anymore, which causes a small laugh from both Dean and me. She speaks non-stop for what seems like hours, telling Sam everything he would ever need to know to become integrated into our lives.

"Definitely Sam's kid," Dean jokes from the edge of the bed, listening just as intently as Sam would. Cordy doesn't pay any attention and goes right back to chattering.

After a few minutes, Dean gets up and gestures for me to join him outside the room. He tells me he has a plan, that it could be our only hope to save Sam, and gently orders me not to let anyone else into the room until he gets back. I want to pry for more details, but it must be a long-shot or something dangerous if Dean's not giving them.

When I walk back into the room, Cordy is telling Sam how she hopes that he will be awake for her birthday, and my heart breaks. Unless Dean can pull off some miracle, Sam won't recover from this; his body is far too damaged.

When Dean returns a half-hour later, a bruise is blossoming on his cheek as if he's been in a fight, and a large man follows closely behind him. Something about him is unsettling, and Cordy stops speaking when she sees him, leaving her seat to move into my lap.

"Ellie, I think you should take Cordy outside," Dean suggests, and the man eyes the two of us.

For a moment, I want to protest, but Dean hardens his face, and it seems that he's as wary of this stranger as I am.

"Okay," I nod, getting out of the chair and grabbing Cordy by the hand. She tugs against me and takes a few steps towards the head of the bed. She leans over so much that only her toes are touching the ground and does her best to hug Sam and places a kiss on his cheek. If I had any less control over myself, I'd be a sobbing mess at the sight—damn hormones.

I give Cordy a small smile when she turns around and returns her hand to mine. I settle her back into the same seat before returning to Sam's room.

"Dean? What's going on? Who is this?"

"My name is Ezekiel," the man faces me, "I am not here to harm you or your daughter, Ellie."

"How do you–"

"Angel," Dean answers before I can finish asking my question. "He's here to help, right?" Ezekiel nods. "Even cut-off from Heaven, you can still heal him, can't you?"

"Your brother is very weak."

"No, no," Dean growls, "I saved your life, and you said you could help. That was our deal: I fight, you save."

"Please," I say, stepping closer to Ezekiel. "You can't do anything?"

"There are no good ways, I'm afraid."

"Then what are some of the bad ones?" Dean says. "He's dying, let's hear 'em, good or bad."

Ezekiel explains that he can help from the inside. I watch as Dean contemplates what Ezekiel says, looking to me for some kind of relief. I shake my head, and I tell him I don't understand.

"Possession," Dean explains.

"It is your decision, Ellie, and yours, Dean," Ezekiel sits down.

"No, it's not," Dean murmurs. "It's Sam's. He'd never say yes to being some angel's meatsuit."

"I understand, but without my help, your brother will die."

Dean turns his attention to Sam and sighs, "do it."

"Dean," I pull him towards me. "You can't seriously be considering this."

"He can fix Sam, Ellie!" Dean argues. "This is the only solution I can think of that doesn't involve something worse."

"Worse than you letting some angel possess him?" I question in disbelief. "I know you want to help him, Dean. But this isn't the way, tell me you don't know that."

"What, you want to leave it in God's hands? Just wait and see if maybe he comes out of this? Those Trials– The person completing them is meant to die; it's supposed to be the ultimate sacrifice. I say Sam's sacrificed enough in his life. He deserves to live, Ellie."

"I don't want him gone either, Dean, but this should be his choice, not yours or mine. You know him better than anyone. Do you think this is how he'd want you to save him? He wouldn't want this, Dean. I don't want this."

"You told me to fix him, that you want to keep him in your life, Ellie. That's what I'm doing."

"I know, but–" I turn my gaze to Ezekiel and then back to Sam. "This isn't right, Dean. You know it isn't."

Dean shrugs me off of him and steps closer to Ezekiel, and they begin talking in hushed tones. My eyes land on Sam, and for a moment, I consider what Dean is saying, thinking that it may be the only way to keep Sam in my and Cordy's lives. I watch Ezekiel; his voice is too low for me to make out any exact words. There's something he's not telling us. Ezekiel repeats his offer.

"He'd never say yes to you," Dean murmurs.

"But he would say yes to you or Ellie," Ezekiel offers, his eyes land between us. "If you want me to help Sam, we must act quickly." Despite his words, there is no urgency in Ezekiel's voice, no emotion. "Your brother doesn't have much time."

"No," I murmur, shaking my head when Dean faces me. "You're not going to use me to manipulate Sam. There's gotta be another way, Dean."

"There's not, Ellie," Dean sighs. "You heard the doctor; there's nothing more they can do."

"That's not what he said, Dean," I argue, even though from what we were told, there was little chance of Sam recovering. I have to hope that somehow he can get better. "People wake up from comas every day. There are new therapies–"

"They will not work, Ellie," Ezekiel states matter-of-factly. "The damage done to Sam's body cannot be healed by mere mortals. Sam will die unless you allow me to help."

"If I'm going to consider this, you show me, prove to me how bad he is," Dean's desperate; we both are. Ezekiel moves, placing one hand on Sam and the other on Dean, and both men go still for a few moments. I stand there, unable to do anything but watch as the heart monitor beeps become further apart.

"What're you doing, Sam?" Dean says barely above a whisper. He turns to face me again, and I can see the fear and panic playing on his face. He turns back to Ezekiel. "Go in as me to convince him."

"Dean!"

"Tell him I gotta plan, that he has to trust me," Dean ignores me and instructs Ezekiel. "And– and that he has a kid that needs him."

I can't take it anymore, and I don't want to be anymore complicit in Dean letting Ezekiel possess Sam than I already am. Dean and Ezekiel are too caught up in their conversation to notice me walking towards Sam. If Dean wants Ezekiel to save Sam, he's not going to use us to do it.

I lean forward and whisper in his ear, "I'm sorry." I squeeze Sam's lifeless hand and place a kiss on his forehead. "One four three."

I don't say anything else to Dean or Ezekiel and reluctantly leave the room. I try to keep myself calm when I get back to Cordy, giving her a pained smile that I hope she doesn't see through. She doesn't question me when I take her hand in mine and begin walking us towards the elevators. I know I'll have to explain why we're leaving at some point, but I can't do it now, not when I can hardly wrap my brain around it.

We're halfway down the hall when I hear Dean calling after me, I do my best to ignore it, but it becomes more difficult when Cordy points it out as if somehow I don't hear him. Dean's voice continues to follow, and I can see Cordy giving me a questioning look out of the corner of my eye.

"Ellie!" Dean's hand lands on my shoulder, only moments after we reach the elevator bay. "Don't leave, please, I'm begging you," he pleads. "It's the only way."

"You're not doing this in front of Cordy, Dean," I scold him before turning my attention to Cordy. "Go take a seat over there, please," I gesture to a row of empty chairs.

"But, Ellie–" Cordy tries to protest.

"Now, Cordy." She pouts, and once she is far enough away that she can no longer hear us, Dean tries to start in again, but I beat him to it. "How fucking dare you. You think I'm gonna let you use Cordy and me to trick Sam into letting some," I lower my voice as a staff worker walks by, "angel possess him?"

"I'm doing this for you, for Cordy."

"You're doing this for you, Dean," I argue back. "You don't even know this guy. He could be lying to you. How do you know he's not going to just–" I can feel myself getting worked up and take a deep breath. "I might not know anything about angels, but you can't tell me that Ezekiel doesn't seem to be a little off?"

"So, what, you just– just want to let him die? You're ready to just give up on him?" Dean's face grows red, and his forehead crinkles.

"Stop it, Dean," I snap. "I want him back too, but this isn't the way." I take a deep breath. "I'm not okay with this, Dean, and you know Sam wouldn't be either."

"What about Cordy, everything you've told me? You want her to grow up without her dad?"

"Screw you, Dean." I bite back, the palm of my hand connecting with his cheek. "Cordy is my kid and the most important person in my world. I won't let you guilt me into thinking you're doing this for her."

"We're outta options, Ellie. What else do you want me to do? I can't– I won't walk away when there's a chance to save him. Sam'll–"

"Sam will never forgive you, Dean."

"He might be pissed at me for the rest of his life, but at least he'll be alive, Ellie."

"I can't stop you, Dean. But if you go through with it: making Sam's choice for him, then you're making mine too." I call out for Cordy, and she joins me by my side again. "Say goodbye to Dean," I instruct her gently, trying to keep my voice steady.

"Don't do this," Dean whispers, and I shake my head, twisting slightly to press the button on the wall. I can't stay, not when I have two other people to think about. "Please."

Cordy hesitantly places her arms around Dean and mumbles goodbye to him. When she steps back, I lay my hands on her shoulder and pull her closer to me so that she can't see the tears slipping from my eyes.

"Goodbye, Dean," I say as I hear the doors ding open and turn around to step into the elevator. Dean's emerald eyes are filled with tears as I face him a final time. "I hope you make the right choice," I whisper as the doors close.

As we exit the hospital, Cordy questions why we're leaving, and I struggle to find an answer. We'll be back on a plane to Lawrence tomorrow, and I do everything I can to evade her questions about Sam, eventually settling on Sam may never wake up.

We are walking into the house when a backfiring car sends me over the edge. Cordy helplessly watches as I'm thrust back into my memories of the night of the werewolf attack; its amber eyes staring me down, its claws swiping at me, how I had to lie to everyone about what happened, how I still have to. Sam never leaving my side until we were pulled apart by my parents.

My whole world is crashing down around me, and all I want is Sam. I want to feel his arms around me again, telling me that everything will be okay. I want to sink my body into his, taking solace in his comforting embrace, and let myself get lost in him. I want him to be with us forever, having the family he's wanted since I told him I was pregnant all those years ago.

My Sam may be gone forever, and the only thing I can do is pray that Dean made the right decision.