Three Years Later
"Cordelia Mary!" I yell from the bottom of the stairs. "Your butt better be down here in five minutes."
"Mo-om!" I hear her door opening, and she steps onto the landing. "That's not enough time–"
"Too bad, kid," I huff. "I mean it, Cordy, five minutes, or I'm taking your phone away." A grumbled okay comes from the top of the stairs. I head back towards the kitchen, blue and green orbs watching me as I walk back in. "What're we gonna do about her, Sammy?" I laugh as I bend down and scoop him up in my arms. "No ideas, huh?"
"You yell at sissy." He giggles when I nuzzle into his neck and blow raspberries on his chubby cheeks. "Sissy in t'ouble?"
"No, baby. Sissy isn't in trouble," I sit him down in his chair and run my fingers through his chestnut locks. Sammy's eyes widen, and a smile forms when he looks behind me.
Large hands wrapping around my waist cause me to jump back and let out a yelp. I turn around to a cheeky grin; he's obviously very proud of himself.
"You jerk," I swat at his chest, trying to retain my serious demeanor, which becomes harder to do as Sammy's laughter fills the kitchen. Warm, comforting arms pull me closer to him. I let my hands settle on the back of his neck, curling my fingers in his hair. He leans down to place a tender kiss on my lips, letting his two-day scruff scratch against my lips. "I don't know why I put up with you sometimes." I roll my eyes playfully at him.
"You say that, but," his lips move to the shell of my ear, "we both know exactly why you put up with me." He pulls back and gives me a wink. His hand leaves my waist and delicately takes my left hand into his kissing the diamond ring still settling on my finger. "'Sides, you love me, and you know it."
"Love?" I scoff, trying to hide my smile. "I don't know if I would say that. Not if you insist on sneaking up on me all the time."
"Sammy saw me, didn't you?" I turn in his embrace, letting my back settle against his chest, and his arms stay tight around me. Sammy giggles and shakes his head. "Traitor," he whispers.
I curl my hands around his arms; it has taken us so long to get here, something I never thought would happen. The watch on his wrist alerts me to the time, and I gently pull away from him, making my way back towards the stairs.
"Cordy! I'm serious!" I yell up the stairs, "You'd better be down here in two minutes!"
"Do you want me to talk to her?" he asks as I walk back into the kitchen. He's sitting down next to Sammy, cutting fruit into halves as Sammy tries shoveling the food into his mouth. "See what the problem is?"
"She's a teenager; that's the problem," I laugh, taking a seat at the table. "Didn't think you'd be here three years ago, did you?"
"What do you mean?" His eyebrow furrows in confusion.
"Raising a teenager and a toddler with someone who works ridiculous hours and has serious abandonment issues," I keep my tone light, but he knows the insecurity behind my words.
"Ellie," Jason reaches for my hand and gently squeezes it. "I told you a long time ago, I don't give up that easily. If I didn't think I could handle it, I wouldn't have pursued you for as long as I did," he says with a chuckle. "I love you, Ellie; Cordy and Sammy, they may not be mine, but I'll never treat them any different than if they were. I'm never gonna walk away from you or them."
Cordy is downstairs just as I'm about to call out for her again. She chatters away as she eats her breakfast, only to be interrupted by Sammy's need to chime in. She placates her little brother, and we all listen intently as he struggles to connect one thought to another.
"C'mon, kid," I stand up from the table, "it's our turn to carpool; go get Ava."
She quickly gets out of her chair and places a kiss on Sammy's cheek. She lets Jason pull her in for a quick hug before grabbing her backpack and making for the front door. I lean down and place a kiss on his lips before doing the same with Sammy. By the time I'm outside, Cordy and Ava are both in the back seat, deep in conversation.
I drop the girls off at school and make my way back home, ready to sleep for hours and thankful that I have the next two days off. Jason plans his schedule around mine so that one of us can be home with Cordy and Sammy more often than not. On a day like today, when I'm coming off a twelve-hour shift from the hospital, he'll leave late in the morning and come back in the early afternoon. I find it comforting to know that I will never have to worry about him not returning from a job.
Jason and Sammy are sitting on the living room floor when I walk through the door, watching some kids show that I can't quite place. I laugh to myself when I notice that Jason seems to be just as invested as Sammy. I take the opportunity to sneak up on him, and Jason nearly jumps to his feet when my hands land on his back. Sammy lets out a loud, high-pitched squeal and claps his chubby hands together, laughing as Jason chuckles.
"Consider that your payback," I giggle as he turns around, wrapping my arms around his neck, and he lands a playful swat on my ass.
"You'll pay for that later," he teases before leaning forward to press a kiss on my lips.
I sit with them for as long as I can before exhaustion starts to overpower my will to stay awake—damn midnight shifts.
I make my way upstairs and crawl into the comfort of my bed, allowing sleep to finally take me. The bed dips and the warmth of a body where there was once cold causes me to stir, and I roll over, opening my eyes to meet Jason's blue ones. I smile sleepily as he presses his lips on my forehead and tells me that he's put Sammy down for his nap. I pull his face downward, allowing him to kiss me properly. Jason holds me close, pulling me flush against him, letting me take comfort in his warm embrace until I'm asleep again.
"Momma." Sammy's small voice wakes me, and I open my eyes to see him reach for the edge of the bed, his curls matted on one side. "Wake up, momma!"
"Hey, baby," I coo, trying to shake the hoarseness away. I swing my legs over the bed and reach for Sammy, pulling him into my lap. "Did you have a good nap?"
"Good nap, momma," he repeats.
"Are you ready for a snack?" I ask as I stand up, letting Sammy settle on my hip.
"Hung'y, momma," Sammy happily nods as we make our way downstairs.
I set Sammy down in his pack n' play and pour some Puffs into a bowl, letting his loud crunching and noisy toys fill the kitchen as I fix us something to eat. As I'm setting the plates down, I hear a knock on the front door.
"Ugh, every time," I complain, taking a small piece of apple and placing it in my mouth. "I'll be back in just a minute, okay?"
"'Kay, momma," Sammy says as he picks up another puff.
Another rapping comes from the door, this one louder than the last, probably some salesperson, I murmur. When I open the door, all I see at first is a broad, tall body covered by a blue plaid shirt, and as I let my eyes travel up, I meet a pair of eyes that I never thought I'd see again.
"Sam."
"Ella."
My heart races at the sound of my name on his lips, but I can't move; the last time I saw Sam, Dean was about to let an angel possess him. What if this wasn't Sam? What if this was Ezekiel? I eye him suspiciously. Should I call Cas?
"It's me, Ella," Sam says as if he can read my mind.
"No." I shake my head and attempt to close the door. "I don't know who or what you are, but you stay away from my family and me."
"Ella, baby, it's me." Sam gently steps forward and stops the door. "We met Thanksgiving 2002," he offers. "I saved you from a werewolf, you clung to me the whole night, and I started falling for you right then. I had to convince my dad to let me stay, I told him it was for school, but it's 'cause I wanted to stay close to you. The first time you said 'I love you' was Valentine's Day; we went to The Tavern, and you were concerned about the prices. The day you told me you were pregnant– it was one of the happiest days of my life, even though I was scared shitless. I couldn't believe it when I saw you again at Joe's. I wanted to tell you right then and there how much I missed you; how sorry I was–"
"You're rambling," I murmur, reaching out and pressing my palm to his cheek, and he leans into my touch. Sam wraps his arms around me, squeezing me tightly as if he's afraid to let me go.
"What– what're you doing here? How–?" I mumble into his chest.
"Cas," Sam takes a deep breath. I let him hold on to me while I try to keep myself calm. "Told us you were in Lawrence; I can't tell you how pissed Dean–" I pull away slightly, and Sam shakes his head. "Quick search gave me your address," he gives me an embarrassed smile that quickly fades. Sam's embrace around me loosens, and I step back to scan his face. The dark circles under his eyes hint at the fact that it's probably been days since he last slept. "I guess I should have called first?" Sam lets out a laugh that seems to be hiding pained thoughts.
"It's not that," I shake my head. "I– I can't believe you're here. I didn't think–"
Sam takes my hand in his rubbing it gently, and gives me a small smile. His brow furrows, and his smile quickly fades as his eyes travel down toward our connected hands.
"You're married," Sam states, brushing his thumb over the ring on my finger. "Of course you are." He lets go and shakes his head, seemingly in disbelief. "I'll just– I'll go. I don't–"
"Wait, Sam," I stop him. "Come in, please," I insist. Sam nods his head warily, and I step aside so that he can walk in. I can hardly form a coherent thought as he walks into my house. He doesn't make it far in before stopping, reaching out to touch a photo hanging on the wall. Even without a clear view, I know it's of Cordy, taken only a few weeks ago on the first day of school. The smile that forms on Sam's face is instant, and I can see his eyes beginning to water.
"Corie, she's– she's beautiful, Ella," he says, eyes never leaving the frame.
I join him in front of the photo, and I watch as he studies it intensely. "Let's talk," I whisper as I move away from the wall and towards the kitchen. My eyes immediately fall on Sammy when I walk back in, who's keeping himself busy with one of his many toys, smiling at the random noises coming from him. I turn around when I can no longer feel Sam's presence behind me, and I see him staring blankly at Sammy through the mesh material.
"You– you had a baby," Sam murmurs, taking his eyes off the toddler and gives me a sad smile. "I'm happy for you, Ella," Sam's words are hollow. "I'm sure Corie's a great big sister."
"She tries," I laugh slightly, "maybe Dean could–"
"Dean's dead." Sam cuts me off, his bluntness taking me by surprise. "He sacrificed himself so that we could be together– our family could be together," Sam's jaw clenches slightly, and his face reddens. "But I come back here, and you're married, and have another kid–"
"Sam," I move towards him. I know how it must look—that shortly after we last saw each other, I found someone else; that I replaced him. "I need to tell you–"
"No, Ella, you don't have to explain yourself to me," Voice laced with anger, Sam stiffens before taking a few steps back. "It's been three years," He turns around and heads back towards the front of the house. "I couldn't expect you to wait around forever, could I?"
"Sam–!" I try to get his attention before he leaves, but he ignores me. I grab Sammy and chase him down as best I can with a toddler in my arms.
"I just– I want to be in Corie's life, Ella," Sam says as he reaches for the door. "I want to know my daughter, and I want her to know me. I'm out of the life. Without Dean, I can't do it; I'm not a hunter anymore. Talk it over with your husband; I'll do whatever you want, Ella, please, just don't keep Corie away from me."
"Sam, wait, please–" He's halfway across the lawn when I stop him, my free hand landing on his shoulder. Sam stills but doesn't turn around. I walk around him so that I'm standing in front of him. Sam's eyes are bloodshot, tears flowing freely from them as he stares at the ground. "Stay."
"I can't," Sam looks up to meet my gaze. "I can't stay and not be with you, Ella. You and Corie– You're a real family now," his eyes briefly land on Sammy again, who's tugging at the necklace Sam gave me. "I'm not going to stand in your way. You and your husband–"
"Stop, Sam," I plead, reaching up to wipe his tear-stained cheeks. "I'm so sorry about Dean."
"We didn't have any other choice," Sam murmurs, leaning into my touch as I tuck back some of his fallen hair behind his ear. "Dean, he– he made me promise to come to find you, get our family back. Said that he wanted us to be together, made Cas tell me where you were. I-I didn't think..." Sam shakes his head and his voice trembles. "I-I wanna stay nearby so that I can stay close to Corie."
"Momma, look!" Sammy points to Jason's truck as it pulls into the driveway and tries to squirm out of my hold. "Daddy!" By the time Sammy is down, Jason is already heading towards us. Sammy is wobbly on his feet as he makes for Jason, who lifts him into his arms, causing a giggle to leave Sammy.
"Hey, babe," Jason places a light kiss on my lips and lets his free hand around settle on my waist. "Who's this?"
"Jason, this is Sam," I say cautiously. Jason's brows raise in surprise as he seemingly puts it together. Sam doesn't move, only narrowing his eyes on Jason. "Sam, this is Jason."
"I've heard a lot about you," Jason offers his hand to Sam, and I know he's trying to play nice. Sam doesn't move, giving him a tight-lipped smile and a nod. Jason closes his hand and brings it back to his side. "I'm gonna take him inside," Jason gestures to Sammy, breaking the growing tension between the three of us. "I can hear this one's stomach growling," he jokes. "You hungry, buddy?"
Sammy nods his head excitedly, and Jason lets him down onto the grass. Sammy is tugging at his arm, guiding Jason back towards the house.
"It was nice meeting you, Sam," Jason says after taking a few steps away from us. Sam doesn't respond again, only giving another nod.
Jason disappears back inside the house, leaving Sam and me alone on the lawn. I don't know how to tell him everything that I need to.
"He's cute," Sam says half-heartedly, and I lift my brow in confusion, "The kid. I guess your husband is too. How long have you been together?"
"Jason isn't– we're not married," I finally get the chance to correct him. "He proposed a couple of weeks ago."
"Is he good to you?" Sam takes a step closer to me. "He treats you and Corie right? Because if he's not–"
"He's been good for us, all of us. Stepped into a role when he could've run the other direction," I laugh slightly.
I can see that Sam has more questions, but my front yard's public nature makes it difficult. Realizing that Cordy will be home in a couple of hours, I suggest going somewhere more private, promising to answer all of his questions. Sam agrees, and I run back into the house to redress and tell Jason that Sam and I need to discuss everything alone. Jason hesitates, but he reluctantly agrees that it would be for the best. I leave him and Sammy with a kiss, promising to be back in a few hours.
"Dean said that you came to the hospital." Sam sits down across from me at the diner, nodding politely at the waitress as she drops off our two coffees.
"I had to," I murmur, bringing the ceramic cup to my lips and taking a sip. "I'm sorry that I didn't stay. I wanted to, but something about Ezekiel and what Dean wanted him to do, it didn't feel right."
"It's okay," Sam assures me and reaches across the table to take my hand in his. "Ezekiel, he– he wasn't who he said he was, he lied to Dean from the start, didn't even tell him his real name, Gadreel. When Dean became suspicious, Gadreel– he locked me away inside my mind, and used my body to kill innocent people," Sam tears his gaze away from mine and brings his hand back into his lap. "It's good that you left. You and Corie, you– you wouldn't have been safe if you stayed."
Sam spends the better part of the next hour filling me in on everything that happened since we'd last seen each other. I don't know how to tell Sam about Sammy, and for a brief moment, I consider letting him think that Sammy isn't his, but quickly decide against it. Sam's face lights up when I tell him, and tears fill his eyes as I pull out my phone to show him the trove of photos of Sammy and Cordy. If Sam was truly out, then I had to give him the chance to be a part of our lives, didn't I? Cordy and Sammy deserve the chance to know Sam, the Sam I fell in love with.
It's late by the time I return, and I do everything I can to act as if everything is normal. Cordy, Sammy, and Jason are curled up on the couch, watching a movie, and I greet them quickly before heading upstairs. Cordy calls out for me to join them, causing Jason to turn around and take in my appearance. I tell her I'll be back down after a shower, and I see Jason getting up out of the corner of my eye.
I don't realize that Jason is behind me until I hear the door closing only moments after walking into my room.
"I think we should talk," He murmurs, closing the gap between us. I fiddle with the ring on my finger and move towards the bed, taking a seat on the edge. "About us, the kids; about Sam," I nod, and my eyes stay fixated on the ring on my finger. "Whatever happened today, just- just don't lie, Ellie, please, no matter how difficult the truth is."
"Okay," I nod again, and Jason places a kiss on my temple.
"You told me that Sam disappeared," Jason moves down so that our eyes can meet. "Did you know that he was going to show up here today?"
The topic of Sam was a difficult one for me to breach with Jason. He's never pushed me for more information than what I am willing to give him. When we first started dating, Sammy was only a few months old. I had finally come to terms with the fact that Sam was most likely dead or worse. Radio silence from Dean seemingly confirmed my suspicions, and I allowed myself to move on, to fall in love again. My feelings for Sam never disappeared, they stayed deep inside me, and when I saw him again, they all came rushing to the surface.
"No," I answer honestly. "The last time I saw Sam, he was in a coma. His brother and I couldn't agree on what to do. Dean wanted to use," I hesitate, "extreme measures, I had just found out I was pregnant with Sammy, and I couldn't–" I don't know how to explain it to Jason; how I seemingly took Cordy and ran away. I try to find something that resembles the truth. "He was dying, I wanted him to get better, but I couldn't watch him become an empty shell of himself. Dean had medical power of attorney, and I had no chance of winning any contestation. Legally, Sam's not Cordy's dad; there was nothing I could do. Cordy and I said goodbye, and we left. I thought he died since we didn't hear from either of them again."
Jason listens carefully and takes a deep breath before speaking again. Whatever it is, I can tell it's going to be difficult. "Did anything happen while you were with him?"
I'm caught off-guard by the question, and guilt begins to fill every inch of my body. I look away from Jason and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My hair is mussed, and my lips are still swollen; it couldn't be any more obvious what happened. Jason is studying me when I face him again, and tears fill my eyes. I don't want to admit what Sam and I did less than two hours ago.
"Jason, please," I beg, my shame taking over. "I can't."
"Please, Ellie," he demands softly, and a choked sob leaves me. "Did you kiss him?" I nod my head and Jason tenses. I glance up and see a mixture of anger and sadness at my confession, which only makes me cry harder.
"Did you–" Jason struggles to get the words out, and I fear I know exactly what his next question will be. "Did you sleep with him?"
"I'm sorry!" I cry, and Jason moves away from me at my confession. He paces the floor in front of me, face growing redder by the second, his jaw clenches, and I see him ball his fists. "I didn't– I wasn't– It just happened."
"It just happened?" Jason stops in his tracks, questioning me in disbelief. "You don't accidentally sleep with someone who isn't your fiancé, Ellie!"
"I- I know," I sob, barely able to choke out the words. "It all hap-happened so fast," I try to explain myself. "One minute we were talking and the next Sam was kissing me and then…"
"I don't need the details, Ellie," Jason snaps. "Just tell me, why?"
"I don't know. I wasn't thinking. I needed closure; we've never been able to give each other a proper goodbye."
"And sleeping with him got you that?!" He asks in a hushed yell. If the kids weren't downstairs, we'd be in a screaming match right now. "A proper goodbye? So does that mean Sam's leaving? That he's going to give you and Cordy and Sammy up? Disappear from our lives forever?"
"I-I don't know," I say between sniffs.
Jason storms out of the room, leaving me alone with my guilt. Jason had been there for Sammy's birth, holding my hand the entire time. He stepped into the role of step-father when he could've walked away. Jason is the only father Sammy has ever known; Cordy took longer to warm up to him, still holding out hope that Sam would be a part of our lives again one day. Jason and I discussed him adopting both Cordy and Sammy after we were married, but now that Sam is back, I'm questioning everything.
When Jason returns half an hour later, he's calmer than before, but I can still see the anger written on his face. He didn't deserve what Sam and I did to him, and I wouldn't blame him for leaving me—us. I watch closely as he walks over to the bed and sits down next to me.
"Are you still in love with Sam?" Jason hesitantly asks and takes my hand in his, his thumb grazing over the ring. "Do you want to be with him?"
"He's Cordy and Sammy's dad; a part of me will always love him."
"That's not what I asked, Ellie," Jason gently grabs my chin and turns my face towards him. "Are you in love with Sam?" He asks more pointedly.
"I– I don't know," I murmur.
"Ellie," he sighs, "I love you, and if you tell me this won't ever happen again, I am ready to find a way for us to work through it. But you have to decide what you want, who you want: Sam, or me."
I let his words sink in, wondering if the situations were reversed if I would be able to do the same. I can't tell him something like that will never happen again because I don't know if I can ever trust myself to not fall back into Sam's arms. Sam was all I ever wanted for ten years, but I had to put my feelings for him aside so that I could focus on Cordy and Sammy; I have to do what's best for them.
"I'm going to stay at my house tonight." Jason's voice pulls me from my thoughts. "Think about what I've said." He leans down and places a kiss on my forehead.
"Jason," I reach for his hand, "I never meant to hurt you."
He smiles sadly, then leaves. I hear him say goodbye to Cordy and Sammy. The silence that follows when the front door closes breaks my heart. A few minutes later, Cordy carries Sammy into my room, and they both crawl into my bed. She's old enough to understand that something happened between Jason and me. I don't know if I should tell her of Sam's return and decide against it. I'm not ready to answer the questions that will inevitably follow. The three of us fall asleep together; Sammy sandwiched between Cordy and me.
When I wake up the next morning, I know what I want. I know who I want. He was the last thing to cross my mind before I fell asleep and the first thing I thought of when I woke up.
I reach for my phone and send him a message asking him to come over as soon as possible. He replies quickly, telling me he will be over shortly. I put the phone down and turn to wake Cordy and Sammy. She grumbles, but I give her a little nudge and ask her to wait downstairs. Cordy sends me a questioning look through her sleepy features, but she complies when I tell her it's important.
Cordy's still half-asleep on the couch when I make my way down, Sammy propped on my hip, also unable to keep his eyes open. My whole body is shaking with nerves as I impatiently wait for him to arrive.
Three light raps on the door have me on my feet in seconds, racing towards the future with the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I swing the door open, letting him step into the house, and he wraps his arms around Sammy and me, holding onto us as tight as he can. I relax into his embrace and breathe in his familiar scent.
As I pull away, I let my eyes fall on his familiar features. I run my free hand through his hair, and a smile appears on his lips. He leans down to press a gentle yet eager kiss on my lips. His rough, calloused fingers tenderly brush against Sammy's face, and tears fill his eyes as he takes in the little boy's features. I hand Sammy over to him and notice how small the toddler looks wrapped in his arms. He closes his eyes in an attempt to keep the tears at bay, but when he opens them again, I see the kaleidoscope of blues and greens that I had fallen in love with all those years ago.
"Cordy," I call into the living room, "come here, please."
I can hear the padding of Cordy's feet as she mumbles about it being too early to be up. When she turns the corner, Cordy's eyes widen, and a broad smile spreads across her face. She runs towards us, ready to jump into his arms.
"Dad!"