TWELVE

There was a soft knock on my dressing room door. It was opening night for LOVELESS, three weeks after I'd won the role. I'd thought I'd been overwhelmed then, but the Monday after the final audition, I got a call from Mr. Cole, the director, wanting me to come in that day for a photo shoot. I had hurried over, excited and more than a little curious. It wasn't every new Sarah that got an invitation like that. Cassie Raleine wasn't the poster girl despite having had the part before me.

As I had entered the theater, I had felt those butterflies rising in my stomach again. Was that what this was about? My daydreams as a little girl about LOVELESS had always featured me being on the posters that were all over Midgar, but even though I'd landed the role, I hadn't even thought about that part of it. Being the poster girl was something only given to the best of the best. Did Mr. Cole and others really think I was that good? It was almost too much to hope for.

But that's exactly what it was.

So I had gotten into costume, just as I was now. It was a sleeveless, black satin evening dress, modestly cut, the skirt hanging down to just above my knees, and a set of matching heels. After I was ready, we had begun the shoot. The photographers had taken picture after picture as I had posed one way and then another the way they'd told me. The one they ended up using—the one that's still painted above the theater and on all the play's posters and flyers—was a little tricky to pull off, but we had all agreed it was the best one.

Getting my hair to look just right was the tough part. They used an air machine set off to the side to lightly blow on it so it would look as if it had been caught in a soft breeze. It took quite a few tries to get it the way we wanted it. The background had simply come from a screen that had been set up a few feet behind me.

As for the pose itself—the one with my hand over my heart—I had kept my eyes open at first, as the photographers had suggested, looking right at the camera. But after he had taken a few shots, I had hit on the idea of closing my eyes instead, my head slightly down and to the right. Sarah was a troubled heroine, after all. And I had felt that the photo of me as her should embody that. So on impulse, I had assumed the pose I'd thought of, drawing on my memories of all I'd gone through during my days at Shinra to bring emotion to the shot and convey the kind of woman Sarah was and what she was going through.

She and I weren't all that different.

And that's how my famous poster shot came to be. It was still a bit unreal, seeing myself up there in the newly-repainted mural and on the posters inside the theater and in so many other places across town. But it was no dream this time. I'd already been spotted and recognized here and there by passersby, even signed a few autographs. It was fun, to be sure, though it still felt a bit strange to me to realize I was something of a celebrity now. Probably even more once the play hit.

"Come in!" I called.

It was Reeve. "Hello, Jessica. I just thought I'd stop by and wish you luck tonight."

"Reeve, hi!" I smiled. "Thanks!"

"You're welcome. Oh, and I brought an old friend to see you."

I blinked, curious as to who he could have meant. Then I gasped in surprise and delight as a short, familiar figure hopped into the room. It was Cait Sith, his tail twitching behind him as he skipped right over to where I was sitting in my makeup chair in front of the mirror. Before I knew it, he had jumped up into my lap.

"Cait!" I hugged him.

I hadn't seen him since leaving Shinra almost five months ago, and I had missed him and his quirky sense of humor. Through Reeve, I had been able to keep tabs on what was happening at Shinra. My father was still looking for me, and the story Shinra had been feeding to the press and public lately was that I'd been kidnapped shortly after leaving work one day. They didn't know where I was yet, but the fear of being found always lingered in the back of my mind nevertheless.

Cait returned the hug, his long whiskers tickling my cheek just like they always did. "Hi, lassie! Yer doin' well."

"Seems that way," I laughed, letting go. "I've missed you."

"Aye, same here. Ready fer the spotlight?"

I grinned. "You bet! I've been waiting for this my whole life. I'm so glad you two are here to see it."

Reeve nodded. "So are we. How are you holding up?"

"A few nerves," I admitted. "But it's nothing I can't handle."

"That's good to hear. Cait and I will be watching the show from the executive suite. I saw your audition, remember? You were magnificent, Jessica. Truly. You do have a gift."

I could help blushing. "Thank you…"

I'd seen Reeve after the final audition when he had come backstage to congratulate me, but I didn't mind him complimenting me again on my performance. It was nice and helped my confidence a lot, which he had probably intended in the first place.

"LOVELESS, eh?" he chuckled, his hands in his pockets. "So much for keeping a low profile."

I giggled sheepishly. "Ah, yeah… sorry about that."

Reeve smiled. "It's quite alright, Jessica. I guess I can't really blame you. It's the biggest role in the city, after all."

We chatted for a little longer, and before long it was time for me to go on up stage and make my debut. After Reeve and Cait had left and I had put a few finishing touches on my makeup and hair, I went up the short hall to the stage and waited for the curtain to rise.

The show was wonderful, everything I had hoped it would be—the lights, the sounds, the costumes—all of it. I felt as if I had stepped into one of my old dreams and had to remind myself this was real. And the audience was huge and enjoyed it as well. The place was packed, full of faces. So many people, of all ages and descriptions.

While I was performing, my eye happened to fall upon a guy in the front row. From the purple uniform, I could tell he was in SOLDIER. It wasn't unheard of for Shinra personnel to come see the play—I'd heard people talk about it now and then when I was still working there—but I hadn't known anyone from SOLDIER ever had.

The guy was cute enough, with his bright blue eyes, short-cropped brown hair, and clean-shaven face, and a metal helmet sat forgotten on his lap as he watched the show intently. At one point, our eyes met, and I felt a flutter chase its way through my stomach. Then I moved on and brought my attention back to the play, putting the guy in the front row out of my mind. He was just another face in a very large crowd.

Or so I thought at the time.

We met a few months later.

He was always there in the front row, night after night, watching as I performed. I wondered at first how he could afford to go so often, but then I realized he must've bought season tickets. He seemed to like the show a lot, and my eyes wandered over to him more and more often as time went on. Whenever his eyes met mine, he'd always look away after a moment or two, his cheeks pink. Who knew SOLDIERs could blush? I thought it was adorable that a fighter like that could also be so shy. It reminded me of that awkward young trooper I'd met in my first year at Shinra and the crush I'd had on him and his sexy voice.

I left the theater one evening after finishing up the after-show meet and greet and autograph session the cast, crew, and I always had for the VIP ticket holders. It was a fun little event, and I liked chatting with all my fans and taking a few pictures. After saying goodnight to the others while the staff locked up the place for the night, I headed on down the sidewalk, intending to make my way home like I usually did. But I was hungry, so I decided to get something to eat instead.

Goblin's Bar was just across the street, so I decided on that. I'd been there once or twice when I'd still been performing at the Starlight, and it was a nice little place. Cozy, with lots of tables, nice décor, music, and of course, the bar itself. It hadn't changed, and I was about to go find a place to sit when I saw him.

He was at the bar, his back to me as he talked with the bartender. I stepped around the corner for a moment to listen, still as curious as I'd ever been. I never had shaken my little habit of eavesdropping. While I tried to hear the guy, I took a closer look at him. Like always, he was in his sleeveless purple uniform, with a plain broadsword on his back and a black leather harness fitted around his waist, the straps going over his shoulders. His helmet sat on the bar near him. I couldn't see those nice blue eyes of his from here, though.

"You saw LOVELESS again?" the bartender quipped.

The guy nodded, sipping his drink. "Yeah. I like it. You know that, Rick. Always have. It's a good play."

Rick wiped a glass and grinned. "You like her, I think."

"What? I-I dunno what you mean!"

"Oh, come on, buddy," Rick raised an eyebrow. "I ain't dense. The new actress they got playin' Sarah."

The guy sighed, but when he turned his head for a moment, I saw his mouth turn upward in a small smile. Did he… have a crush on me? I couldn't help smiling myself a little at that thought. He wouldn't have been the first guy to be interested in me since I'd started at LOVELESS. I'd gotten lots of love letters since then, even a few marriage proposals, if you can believe it. I never answered them, though.

Kayla loved to tease me about it, and we often read them together, out loud and as melodramatically as possible. If we could manage to do it without laughing our heads off, that was. Most of the letters were just the eager fantasies of guys who were into my looks and the fact I was a famous actress but didn't talk much about anything else. Some of them were even a bit… suggestive, if you know what I mean. And those ones went straight to the trash bin.

The guy at the bar glanced back at Rick. "She is great, isn't she? I've never seen a girl play Sarah so well. And she's got the voice of an angel. You should hear her sing. She's amazing!"

"Doesn't hurt that she's damn gorgeous, too," Rick added.

"True, but that's beside the point. I've been watchin' LOVELESS for years, Rick. And Jessie Jae's the best in the role that I've ever seen. They put her up there on the poster for a reason, you know."

Rick nodded. "That all you like about her?"

"No," the guy answered. "I think there's more to her than she shows everyone. Just look at that poster of her, the emotion on her face. What was she thinking about when they took that photo? What did she feel? I've always wondered about that."

For a moment, I just stood there, surprised and touched. He wasn't just another lovestruck fan, as I'd thought at first. He seemed to know a lot about the play, and he wasn't going on about how good he thought I looked, either. I felt like he honestly appreciated me as a performer and had a genuine interest in me as a person. It was wonderfully sweet and very refreshing. I felt my stomach flutter again as I looked at him. Silly butterflies. They always had a way of showing up.

"You've got a VIP ticket," Rick said. "Why don't you ask her?"

The guy shook his head. "I wouldn't know what to say to her, Rick. And besides, you only get a minute to meet her, get her autograph, and if you're lucky, have a picture with her. I wish I could just talk with her for a bit, get to know her. The real her, I mean."

Well, hon, I thought. You're about to get your chance.

Smoothing out the front of my dress, I strode out from behind the corner as if I had just walked inside. I had changed out of my costume before leaving the theater, and the blue sleeveless dress I wore now was a casual one that swished around my thighs as I moved. I had to stifle a grin as Rick's eyes went wide and he nearly dropped the glass he'd been holding when he saw me coming.

"Uh…" he looked from me to the guy. "Don't look now, buddy, but I think your wish just walked through the door."

"What…?" the guy blinked.

He turned around in his seat and froze, his mouth falling open and his eyes growing to the size of dinner plates as he watched me go up to the bar. I sat down a few stools over from him, not looking at him right away. Thought I'd play it casual at first, you know. Give him a chance to let it sink in. After Rick came over and took my order, I sat quietly for a few minutes as the SOLDIER shook off his amazement and turned his gaze firmly on his glass. His eyes darted my way every so often as if he were trying to convince himself I was really there.

After a few minutes, I gave him a soft little smile. "Hi…"

"A-Are you… talking to me?" he asked.

"No one else over here," I laughed softly. "Do you have a name? Or should I just guess?"

The guy swallowed. "Kunsel. I-It's Kunsel."

I liked it. "Nice to meet you, Kunsel. My name's Jessie."

"J-Jessie Jae," he breathed. "It's really you, isn't it? Sorry, it's just… I mean… W-What I'm tryin' to say is…"

"It's okay," I assured him. "I understand."

He took a deep breath. "Thanks. I… I was just surprised, that's all. Never thought I'd get to talk with you like this."

Good, he was starting to relax. Kunsel lifted his head from his glass and looked at me fully for the first time. He was still nervous, but he at least seemed calmer now. Seeing me here must've been quite a shock to him, but he was doing well enough now that we were talking. I decided to take things a step further.

"That seat taken?" I pointed to the one next to him.

Kunsel gulped, lifted his helmet off the stool, and put it on the bar. "N-No! Not at all! Please sit down, Ms. Jae."

I chuckled as I moved over to join him. "Call me Jessie."

"A-Alright… Jessie," he nodded.

"I saw you at the show tonight," I said as I sat down. "Front row. In the middle. Every night, actually."

Kunsel laughed a little. "Yeah. I really like it."

I did the same as Rick brought me my dinner and drink. "I can tell. Have you been coming to see it for a long time?"

"For years," Kunsel answered. "Not always this often, though."

"Really? So… why's it different now?"

He swallowed. "Um, well… you, to be honest."

Glad to see him admitting it. "Thanks. But what is it about me that makes you want to come to the show every night?"

"I…" he began.

"It's okay," I reached out and lightly touched his arm. "Don't be shy. You can tell me."

When he smiled at me, I felt those butterflies in my stomach again. And those bright blue eyes of his were to die for. He looked down for a moment at where my fingers were resting on the skin above his elbow, as if checking to make sure he hadn't imagined it.

Then he looked back up at me. "You're really talented, you know? I think that's one of the things I like the most about you. How much you love what you do. It's not hard to see when you're up there on stage. It's pretty cool to watch, actually."

Now I was the one blushing. "Thank you…"

"Sure," Kunsel replied. "Um… can I ask you something?"

"Of course," I nodded.

He went on. "That poster of yours. I've always wondered what you were thinking about when they took that photo, what you were feeling. If you don't mind sharing, that is. Just seems as if you put a lot of heart into that pose, you know? Like it wasn't just something you were doing as part of your work. But that you really understood her."

I'd been hoping he'd bring that up. Not because I wanted to brag or anything, though. I liked him, and while I'd probably already made his day just by being here and talking with him, I wanted to give him some of what he'd been hoping for.

I thought for a moment. "I do, Kunsel. I've been through a lot, like her. Before I came to the stage, I mean. When I was posing for the shot in the poster, I was thinking about… those hard times, people I've lost. The pain, it never really goes away. But you learn to live with it. For the poster, I let myself feel it, the hurt inside. Sarah's reflecting on what she lost, what she's endured. Just like I was."

"Yeah…" he murmured. "I know what you mean. And… thank you for telling me, Jessie."

"My pleasure," I smiled.

We talked for a while longer about all sorts of things—LOVELESS, Kunsel's work in SOLDIER, my time at the Starlight and the Honeybee Lounge, and all kinds of mundane, ordinary things like what shows we liked or what music we listened to. And when we got to what foods we enjoyed, he couldn't help laughing at my answer.

"Pizza?" he chuckled. "Really? A big star like you?"

I giggled. "Yep! Surprised?"

Kunsel grinned. "Yeah. Thought you'd be more into something like caviar. Fancy stuff like that, you know?"

"Ugh, not me! I tried it once at a dinner party for the whole cast of the play, and I hated it. Totally disgusting! Just give me a nice, hot pizza with lots of cheese and toppings instead."

"Sounds good to me," he agreed.

I laughed. "Even got my own recipe, you know. I call it the Midgar Special. Came up with it while I was still performing at the Starlight. It is so good! Only the finest ingredients."

"I'd love to try it sometime," Kunsel said.

I winked. "We'll see."

After I had finished eating, I pushed back my plate as Kunsel and I settled into a comfortable silence for a bit. I wasn't in any rush to leave, and neither was he. For a while, we just sat together and listened to the low murmur of conversation and the music filling the air. It came from a piano—a real one, an upright made out of polished wood, not one of those electronic synthesizers—set next to the far wall.

A man in a white button-down shirt and a dark gray vest sat on the bench playing it. He'd been doing it all night, his fingers flying skillfully across the keys as the notes sounded sweetly in our ears. On top of the piano sat a glass tip jar a little more than half full, and as I sat listening to the music, an idea suddenly sprang into my mind.

"So, do you dance?" I asked Kunsel.

He stared at me in disbelief, his nervousness quickly coming back. "I-I don't know how…"

Standing up, I took his hand. "I'll show you."

"Really?" he marveled. "You want to dance… with me?"

"Thought you'd never ask," I smirked.

Kunsel got up, and I led him out onto the dance floor. There were a few others here, but not very many, and not close, so it almost felt as if we had the whole place to ourselves. The song the guy was playing was a sweet, slow melody, one I'd heard before and had always loved. When Kunsel and I were in a good spot, I slid an arm up around his neck and put one of his around my waist.

He looked at me. "A-Am I doing this right?"

"You're doing fine," I assured him. Then I held out my other hand. "Just relax, okay? Take my hand."

"Alright…" he said.

Taking a deep breath, Kunsel clasped my free hand in his, and I felt my skin tingle as butterflies attacked my stomach again. Being so close to him was wonderful, and I couldn't help being a little nervous myself. I hid it pretty well, though—I was an actress, after all. Giving Kunsel an encouraging smile, I led at first to show him how it was done, and then after a bit, I let him take over.

"Just follow the music," I said. "Nice and easy."

"Like this?" he asked.

Kunsel guided me around the dance floor, gently and easily. I was impressed, to say the least.

"Not bad!" I told him. "Seems you're pretty good at this."

"Always been a quick study," he quipped.

We danced, our eyes never leaving each other, the piano filling our ears with its music. Kunsel was a little taller than me, maybe half a foot or so. Perfect height, in my humble opinion. He looked to be about my age, too, or maybe a little older. I hadn't asked him yet. There was still a lot for us to learn about each other.

Kunsel gazed wonderingly at me. "I gotta be dreamin'…"

"Why's that?" I asked.

"Being here, with you. Dancing with you. Jessie Jae… the Jessie Jae. I keep expecting to wake up, you know?"

I smiled. "It's no dream, Kunsel. Neither am I."

We danced for a while longer, and when the song finally ended, we walked back to the bar to pick up our things and pay our bills. Then we headed outside, Kunsel waving to a bemused Rick on the way out. This was definitely a night he wasn't going to forget. When we emerged out onto the sidewalk, we both stopped for a minute, neither of us wanting to go our separate ways just yet.

Kunsel swallowed. "Well… thanks, Jessie. For tonight, I mean. And for letting me get to know you a little."

"You're welcome, Kunsel," I said. "I had a great time."

"Me, too…" he agreed.

We still didn't move. I could feel the butterflies circling again, and I could tell Kunsel's initial shyness was creeping back in, too. I was pretty sure why. I just hoped he'd take the plunge and ask me out. If he didn't, I planned to ask him myself, but I wanted to give him a chance to do it himself first. Might need a little push, though.

I slid my purse onto my shoulder. "Goodnight, then. I guess I'll see you at the play, like always."

"Y-Yeah…" he said. "Goodnight…"

"Take care, okay?" I told him.

I waved at Kunsel and started to walk away, but I'd only gone a few steps when I heard him call my name. "Jessie? W-Wait, um…"

"Yes?" I turned back to him, my heart racing.

Come on, you can do it! I know you can!

He laid those beautiful blue eyes on me. "Would… would you like to have dinner together tomorrow night?"

I smiled. "I'd love to."

"Really!?" The way his face lit up was so sweet to watch.

"Yeah. Meet me outside the theater after the show? I get done with the VIP stuff at around 8:00."

Kunsel nodded. "Sure! Stephen's Restaraunt?"

That sounded great. "Perfect! I love a good, juicy steak."

"Me too! So… it's a date?"

"Sounds like one to me," I giggled.

He grinned. "Great! I'll see you tomorrow, then."

"Oh, just a second, let me give you something before you go," I told him. I opened my purse, took out a pen and a scrap of paper, and then wrote down my phone number. After signing it, I handed it to Kunsel. "Here you go! That's my private number, not the public one the theater gave me for official stuff."

"Thanks!" he gazed at it for a moment. "Nice autograph, too."

I laughed. "It's all yours."

Kunsel put the paper in his pocket. "I'm not gonna lose it, that's for sure. Goodnight, Jessie."

Moving close to him, I leaned in and touched my lips to his cheek, holding them there for a moment before pulling away, my eyes finding his as I stepped back with a smile. My heart was racing the whole time. Kunsel gasped, his eyes widening, and he reached up to touch the place where I had kissed him as he gazed at me.

"Goodnight, Kunsel," I whispered, walking away.