THIRTY

I'm in the dark again, still in this weird in-between that I can't wake up from. I remember the journey through the sewers, another time I was badly hurt. But although I pulled through back then, I might not be quite so lucky this time. Cloud's words helped a little, wherever it was that they came from, but I can feel my body starting to give way, drawn inevitably toward that deeper blackness that I won't be able to return from. It's only a matter of time. The end's… getting closer.

After I passed out in Barret's arms, I slept peacefully. I never came to this place back then. But I'm in here now, and that means I'm hurt worse than I was in the sewers. A lot worse. I wish I could remember, but from the time Barret and I separated high in the pillar and I stared down that Shinra chopper, it's still fuzzy. The trauma of whatever happened must've blocked out my memory of everything after that.

As the cold starts to seep in around me, I hear another voice. Barret, his gruff rumble comforting and strong. I never meant to keep him in the dark about my past with Shinra, I just never knew how to tell him. It felt like he was starting to understand by the time we separated, though. I'm glad for that. He's a good friend, and I owe him far more than he knows.Like Cloud's was before, his voice is all around me.

"You holdin' up okay?" he says. "I know your body wants to give out on ya, but you gotta stay strong now. This ain't gonna be your last dance, I can promise ya that. So hang on an' keep fightin'."

I cling to his words as if they were a lifeline, and I think they were. It eases the chill a little. I still can't leave this place, but I feel like I can hold out a bit longer. I want to. I have to. I know it won't go on forever. Sooner or later, it'll end, one way or another. Life or death. For a while, I hover a bit more, my mind either not ready or not able to go back into the stream of memories. And then there's another voice.

It's Tifa. I can hear how worried she is. "Be strong, okay? Everything's gonna be fine. Stay with us, Jessie. Stay alive."

She's always been there for me. Got me through the sewers and back home when I was hurt, and she hardly ever left my side after that during my recovery. Our mission and dangerous journey together brought us so much closer and made us the sisters we've been ever since. Not by blood, but by bonds that were just as strong.

I must be laying in bed somewhere, more deeply out than I was after my ordeal in the sewers. And my friends are with me, too. One at a time if not all together. Just knowing they're out there gives me hope. Whether we saved Sector 7 or not, they're alive. Unless I'm just imagining it all as part of my passing. But I don't want to believe that. Still, doubt gnaws at me relentlessly. Then I hear him again. Cloud.

"Don't stop fighting. Because we won't," he tells me. "Remember what I told you, Jessie. Don't give up."

Short and to the point, just like Cloud. If I could smile in this place, I would. Even here, he's helping me, protecting me. Just like he always has, ever since the night we met. I think I'm falling in love with him a little bit more. Always knew there was more to him than that tough merc act he's always putting on. And I know he cares about me.

I let his words and those of my friends fill me and keep me afloat. It's almost like when the sahagins tried to drown me. The cold and darkness of death is still pulling at me, trying to drag me down into the depths, but my friends have given me something to hold onto, something to keep me alive. And I'll cling to it for as long as I can.

If I can just hold on long enough, then I know I can find a way out of here sooner or later. So I'll trust my friends and listen to their advice. I've never been one to give up when things get tough, and they can't get much harder than they are now. As I fall back into my memories, I use them to stay alert and alive and to keep on fighting.

I woke up in bed sometime later, daylight softly streaming in from the window. This was the upstairs bedroom at Seventh Heaven, the one I'd used for a few days after I had first moved to Sector 7. It made sense that Barret and the others had brought me over to the bar instead of to my house. Easier to look after me here.

Tifa must've gotten me changed during the night, because I was in a set of clean nightclothes, my hair undone and hanging loose. I could feel the bandages over my stomach, and the yucky aftertaste of another potion was in my mouth. As I slowly blinked open my eyes and looked around, I saw Tifa sitting in a chair next to the bed.

"Hey there," she said, giving me a relieved smile. "Good to see you awake, Jessie. How are you feeling?"

I yawned. "A little better. Been here long?"

Tifa nodded. "All night."

"Just couldn't tear yourself away from me, huh?" I teased. "Must be more popular than I thought."

"That's gotta be it," she laughed.

I chuckled with her. "Yeah. It's appreciated, though."

Tifa took my hand. "Anytime."

"Hey, Tifa," I wondered. "How close was I? To dying, I mean."

"Too close," she sighed. "It was touch and go there for a while, and I was afraid we'd lose you. But you pulled through."

I remembered the last time I'd had a brush with death, when I had saved Maddy from that hell house in Sector 5. That thing had roughed me up something fierce, and if Aerith hadn't found me and used those mysterious abilities of hers to save me, I'd have died. I missed her, and I sure could've used one of her healing winds right about now. I was still hurting, though not quite as much as before.

I smirked. "That's about what I figured. Sorry for making you guys worry. Guess I gave you all a good scare, huh?"

"It's okay," Tifa assured me. "You're alive, and that's all that matters. It won't be a fast recovery, though. Remember what I said, Jessie. You're here for the week. Plenty of rest."

"I hear ya," I agreed.

She smiled. "Good. Because you're going to need it."

I blinked. "What for?"

"Your training," Tifa answered.

"What?" I stared at her, my eyes wide. "You're gonna teach me how to fight like you do? Really?"

She nodded. "That's right. I've decided to do it."

"Because of what happened?" I asked.

"Yeah," Tifa said. "I don't want anything like that to happen to you again, and I'll feel better if I know that you can protect yourself. You've got your gun and grenades, but as we saw in the sewers, that might not always be enough. So I'm gonna train you."

I grinned. "Thanks, Tifa. When do we start?"

She thought for a minute. "Hmm… let's say in about a month. You need time to get back on your feet and recover your strength. We'll get to work right after that. And I'm gonna be pushing you hard, Jessie, so you had better be ready."

"Oh, I will," I promised. "Looking forward to it!"

"Me too," Tifa replied.

We talked for a while, simply enjoying each other's company. I was still tired, but I didn't feel like sleeping. I wasn't thrilled about spending a week in here, either. There wasn't much I could do about it, though. I knew how hurt I was, and I still felt a little weak. All I could do was lay there as Tifa and I talked.

"Are you hungry?" she asked as she changed my bandages.

That was an understatement. "Famished!"

Tifa chuckled. "Thought so. Well, now that you're awake, Jessie, I'll see about getting you something to eat. And I'll let the guys know, too. They've been so worried about you."

"Thanks, Tifa," I giggled. "I bet they have."

She nodded. "Wedge is downstairs in the kitchen. We figured you'd be hungry once you woke up, so he's been busy preparing. I'll give him a hand here in just a minute."

"So… what's on the menu?" I wondered.

"It's a surprise," Tifa winked. "Don't worry, though. You'll like it. As for Biggs, he's working on something for you, too. He'll be here as soon as I let him know you're awake."

I knew he would. "Good. Oh, and what about Barret?"

Tifa smiled. "I'll tell him, too. He's with Marlene right now, but I'm sure they'll come see you when they can."

"They'd better!" I quipped.

She laughed. "I'll be back soon, Jessie."

Then she was gone, slipping out the door and into the hall. As I let my head sink back onto the pillow, I wondered how long I'd been out. I saw how bright it was outside now and figured it must be sometime in the afternoon. There were only a few windows on the second floor, and one of them was in here. I could see the usual bustle of activity outside as people went back and forth down the road past the bar. A little later, I spotted Biggs hurrying this way.

He was carrying something, but I couldn't tell what it was from up here. I smiled, though, just excited at the thought of seeing my friends again. After my experience in the sewers, I was really glad I still could. I rested a little but didn't sleep, knowing Biggs, Wedge, and Tifa would be up here to see me before long.

After about fifteen or twenty minutes, I heard footsteps in the hall outside my room as a wonderfully familiar and tantalizing smell teased my nose. My mouth began to water as I looked toward the door. When Wedge walked inside carefully carrying a tray with the piping hot food he and Tifa had made for me, I couldn't help laughing.

"Pizza!" I smirked. "Should've known."

Wedge gave me a big smile. "Your favorite, just the way you like it! I'm so glad you're okay, Jessie."

I chuckled. "Me too. Thanks, Wedge."

Tifa came in a moment later with a drink for me. "Here you go. Let me give you a hand, okay?"

After setting the glass of ice water on the dresser, she gently helped me sit up so I could eat. Wedge put the tray in place in front of me, and I dug in. The food was every bit as good as it looked, cheese and sauce and toppings, all savory and delicious.

"What do you think?" Wedge asked. "It's not the Midgar Special, of course, but I think Tifa and I got pretty close."

I gave him a thumbs up. "Awesome! It's great, guys!"

He grinned. "Thanks! Mind if I have some?"

"As if you needed to ask," I winked. "You brought a whole pie, after all. No way I could eat it all myself."

Wedge eagerly helped himself to a slice, and so did Tifa. We shared a nice lunch together, and I was glad after what I'd gone through to be able to just eat and talk with my friends again. Twice now within only a few months, I had come close to death.

"Oh, I almost forgot," Tifa said, putting her plate down and moving to the dresser. "This fell on the floor while I was changing your clothes last night. Didn't want you to lose it."

She pulled open the top drawer, took something out, and carefully handed it to me. I smiled when I saw it. My baby chocobo feather in its flattened glass case. Ever since Sam had given to me, I'd kept it with me all the time, tucked safely in my pants pocket. Looked like he was right after all. The feather really did work.

"Well, what do you know…" I murmured.

Wedge blinked. "What's that?"

I showed him. "A good luck charm. A friend gave it to me before I moved to Sector 7. Guess we know it works, huh?"

"I'd say so," Tifa agreed.

"Mind putting this on the dresser for me?" I asked.

She did just that. "Not at all, Jessie."

Just then, I heard more footsteps in the hall as Wedge started in on his fourth slice of pizza, and a moment later, Biggs walked in, relief on his face when he saw me awake. And then amusement at the sight of us all having lunch together. But he wasn't alone, and my eyes lit up when I saw who had come with him.

"Lena!" I waved. "Good to see you!"

She went right over to me and gave me a gentle hug. "Jessie! You're alright! Biggs told me what happened, so I came over here as soon as I could. We've been pretty busy today."

I chuckled. "Doing what?"

"Getting your gear all fixed up for ya," Biggs answered, showing me what he was holding. "Here it is, good as new!"

He came over to the other side of the bed and put a large bag down next to me for a moment, then pulled it open so I could see inside. All my clothes and gear were in there—the leotard top, lycra pants, armor pieces, gloves, shin guards, chain vest, and even my belt with its handy pouch—and they'd all been cleaned and repaired. The clothes had been neatly folded as well, and my armor and other metal gear shone with a bright polish. Somehow, I wasn't surprised.

"Thanks, guys," I grinned. "That was really great of you."

Biggs nodded and put the bag in the corner. "Just one less thing for you to worry about. And it looks like Wedge got you lunch. Thought I smelled something good up here."

I looked at the empty pizza tray. "I'd offer you some, but…"

"Way ahead of you, Jessie," Tifa smirked. "I'll head downstairs and put that second pie in the oven. Wedge and I knew just one wouldn't be enough, so we made two. Be right back!"

"Awesome!" Biggs cheered.

Lena laughed. "Now that's more like it!"

After Tifa left, the rest of us talked for a bit, the guys and Lena still fussing over me and asking me how I was feeling. Having some food in my belly helped, but I was getting a little tired. I still didn't have a lot of energy yet, and my abdomen ached where I'd been stabbed. But despite that, I had fun visiting with everyone.

And I didn't miss the way Wedge's eyes always seemed to find Lena when she wasn't looking. But hers lingered on him just as much, and if he turned toward her, she'd look away in a hurry, just like he did to her when she would come close to catching him. It was sweet and funny to watch, and I hoped they'd get together someday. A knowing look from Biggs told me that he'd seen it, too.

Tifa came back a little while later with the second pizza, and we all partook. It was a little crowded, but since everyone was standing except me and Tifa, it wasn't too bad. She was sitting in the chair she'd been in when I woke up. When I was finished and my stomach was nicely full, I barely stifled a yawn. Of course, Tifa noticed.

"Okay, guys," she said, standing up. "Visiting hours are over. Jessie's still in delicate shape, and she needs her rest."

Biggs nodded. "No problem. We'll be back tomorrow."

I smirked. "I'll be here."

Lena gave me another hug. "Take care, Jessie."

"Maybe I'll bring the cats over see you," Wedge said. "They've been worried about you, too. Especially Biggums."

"That'd be nice," I laughed.

He turned to Lena. "A-Are you, um… gonna be back?"

She ran a hand shyly through her short, dark brown hair. "Yeah… I will. I, um… I guess I'll see you then."

"Ah, well, uh… yeah…" Wedge stammered, blushing.

"C'mon, buddy," Biggs snickered, taking him by the arm and giving him a little push toward the door. "Time to go."

Lena waved at me. "Bye!"

"Later, guys!" I called, returning the favor.

Then they left, taking the tray and leftovers along with them while Tifa helped me lay down again. It was almost dark now, and although I was getting drowsy and I knew the sleep would do me good, I didn't let myself go quite yet. Tifa had settled back into her chair with a book on her lap. She leaned forward for a moment.

"Need anything?" she asked.

I shook my head. "Nope. You don't have to stick around, you know. I'm sure you've got stuff to do."

Tifa smiled. "Nothing that can't wait."

"You sure?" I wondered. "What about the bar?"

"Barret's helping me with that. That's why he hasn't come up to see you yet. Been busy getting things ready for tonight. You'd be surprised at how well he can mix a drink."

I giggled. "Marlene must be having a blast."

"Hard to believe she'll be three in just a few weeks," Tifa marveled. "She's growing so fast, you know?"

"Yeah! Little thing's sprouting like a weed," I chuckled.

She relaxed in her chair and opened up her book. "Seems we've got ourselves a birthday party to plan, then."

"We'll make it a good one," I promised. "The best!"

Tifa grinned. "You bet. Now get some sleep, Jessie. Doctor's orders. I'll be here if you need me, okay?"

I yawned again. "Sounds good to me. Night, Tifa."

"Night, Jessie," she said.

As she turned down the lights, I finally let my eyes slide closed. I'd had a long but fun afternoon, and normally I'd have been up a lot later. But I was still hurting and only just starting to recover from all I'd gone through down in the sewers last night, so sleep caught up to me pretty quickly. And before I knew it, I was out.

When I woke up early the next morning, Tifa was gone, but Barret was in her place, sitting in the chair by the bed. He brightened up right away when he saw I was awake, relief all over his face, but he didn't say anything, not at first. He just sat there looking at me for a moment as I gazed back at him, remembering his words to me the other night. How he had always believed in me.

"Hey, girl," he murmured. "How ya holdin' up?"

I smiled. "A little better, thanks. I'll probably be climbing the walls before long, though. The customer service here's totally awesome, but I kinda wanna get back on my feet."

Barret grinned. "I don't blame ya. I'd feel the same way. Stayin' still for too long ain't my thing, either."

"You got that right! So where's Tifa?" I wondered.

"In bed gettin' some shut-eye," he said. "She didn't wanna leave ya, but I convinced her to lay down for a bit. Girl musta been up the whole day an' night ever since you two came back."

I didn't doubt it. "I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her. Did she tell you about the mission? And the sewers?"

He nodded. "All of it, Jessie. You did jus' fine."

"Thanks, Barret," I told him. "I know blowing up that supply depot wasn't exactly part of the plan, but… after what happened in there, I… I had to try and stop what they were doing, or at least slow it down for a while. For Danny's sake. And everyone else Shinra's taken and turned into those horrible, crazy things."

Barret laid his good hand on my shoulder. "Don't you worry 'bout it. You made the right call, Jessie. Can't be lettin' them bastards do that shit to people. I'm damn prouda ya."

Hearing that validation made my whole morning. I had wondered how he'd feel about what had happened, and knowing that he approved of my choice took some weight off my shoulders. I had wanted to do a good job on this mission, to show him he could rely on me. I also owed him for Corel, though he didn't know. That was a debt I doubted that I could ever repay, but I didn't care.

"Glad to strike a blow for the planet!" I beamed.

"Yeah, 'bout that…" Barret sighed.

I frowned. "What's wrong?"

"We nearly lost ya, Jessie," he said. "I didn't know that mission was gonna be so dangerous. Kinda feel like it's my fault you got hurt so bad, ya know? So, uh… I'm real sorry."

I reached up and put my hand over his. "Why? You've got nothing to apologize for. I knew what I was getting into when I signed on. And ya gotta admit, it makes one hell of a story."

"Guess it does, don't it?" he agreed. "Thanks, girl."

I smiled. "Sure thing, Barret. So don't go beating yourself up about what happened to me. It's not your fault."

He scratched his head. "Awright. An' if you, uh… wanna back out, ain't no one'll think less of ya. Avalanche ain't exactly the safest thing to be in. So it's fine if ya don't wanna go no further."

"Who said anything about quitting?" I sat up slowly, narrowing my eyes as I did. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm in, all the way. Gonna take a hell of a lot more than getting stuck by a damn turtle to get me to back out, Barret. I'm still with you, always will be."

Barret's answering grin was wide and warm. "Glad to hear it, Jessie. Was hopin' you'd stick with us."

I smirked. "You're gonna have a hard time getting rid of me."

"That's what I'm talkin' 'bout," he laughed. "Oh, by the way, almost forgot. Marlene made this for ya."

He took something off the top of the dresser, then handed it to me. It was a sheet of paper from one of Marlene's sketch pads—she loved to draw—and on it was a big scribble of colorful lines and shapes done in crayon. She must've used just about every color in the box. It was really nice, though, and I thought I saw a pair of stick figures in the middle of it. The rest I wasn't quite sure of.

I gazed fondly at it. "Marlene drew this for me?"

"Yeah," Barret nodded. "S'posedta be you an' her playin' together in the bar. Least that's what she said."

It did look that way, now that I thought about it. "So adorable! This little masterpiece is going right onto my fridge when I finally get home. Tell her thank you for me, okay? That was really thoughtful of her. I bet her dad had something to do with it."

He chuckled. "Mighta. But you can tell her yourself, Jessie. She'll be up soon enough, an' I think it'd make her happy to come see ya. You up for breakfast with me an' the little lady?"

"Oh, I could definitely go for that," I giggled.

"Well, awright," Barret smiled. "I'll get it ready, then. You jus' go on an' relax, an' we'll be back before ya know it."

Then he stood up, gave my shoulder a little squeeze, and left. I felt good, more sure of myself and the hard choices I'd had to make during the mission. Avalanche was where I belonged. I knew that without any doubt. No matter where our cause took us, I would be there. Whatever it took to save the planet and stop Shinra.

But I had no idea then just how far it would go.