I wake up somewhere very much not L.A.. The air is warm and wet, a breeze blows gently through the room, and an odd chirping noise fills the air. It sounds familiar but I can't quite place it.

I open my eyes and immediately clench them shut again. Warm golden sunlight fills the room that's at least fifty percent windows. Where the fuck am I? The universe declines to answer.

I'm not going to get any answers by laying around so I push myself up, and immediately collapse back down with a scream. The last night comes rushing back about the same time Pua and Sarah come rushing into the room.

Oh. I'm back in Hawaii and the chirping is the house gecko chorus.

"What happened? What's wrong?" Sarah sounds a little frantic.

Pua on the other hand merely walks to the bed, checks me over, then smacks me on the shoulder, "Why were you trying to get up?"

I don't shrug, though I want to, "I was still waking up and couldn't figure out where I was. Figured the only way to get answers was to go looking for them."

"So you tried to sit up." Pua finishes for me.

"So I tried to sit up." I agree. Sarah, looking far less concerned now gets in on the action and smacks me as well, "Given how fucked up I appear to be should you two be hitting me like that?" Pua sighs and pulls up a chair while Sarah sits on the edge of my bed, "Well this doesn't look good."

"There's nothing wrong with you physically." Pua starts.

"The tearing pain whenever I try to move would indicate otherwise." I can't help myself. It get a grin out of Sarah and rolled eyes from Pua so mission accomplished.

"Other than when you fuck yourself up, there's nothing wrong with you physically. The problem is that you've been stuffing a lot of things into your soul that aren't supposed to be there, and neither of us considered that just randomly adding things might create conflict." Pua leans forward, setting her elbows on her knees, "Every time you add something it's like you're throwing a string into a box. With one string it isn't a problem, with two you're probably still okay. The more you add though, the more tangled everything gets. Until eventually everything is tangled with everything else. So when you do something, which would be pulling on one of the strings, everything else gets pulled as well. This is reflected in your body as things moving in ways and directions that they shouldn't, leading to tearing when you get insistent."

That... makes a kind of sense. When building a laptop making everything fit is a rather major part of designing it. What I've done is the equivalent of wiring everything together and trying to stuff it all in the case just hoping that it'll fit. So then, "What do we do about it? I'm effectively crippled right now, which I'd like to fix."

Pua groans, "The 'simplest'," She actually makes the finger quotes, "answer would be to craft a ritual compatible with what you've already done to make sure everything integrates better in the future... and a temporal aspect to fix this in a way that will also address what you've already done to yourself. As if all of that isn't enough, you've saturated yourself in the concept of 'sacrifice', both yours and others, that the ritual will pretty much have to be sacrificial in nature to integrate smoothly. So we need to figure out what to sacrifice, and exactly we're asking for." The Kahuna scrubs her face with her hands, "It'll have to be one hell of a sacrifice too. On the order of a few hundred people at least."

"What!" Sarah shrieks, making me flinch slightly, and regret it the second I do, "No! Killing one rapist and a bunch of monsters is one thing. I didn't like it but I understood the necessity after nothing else worked. I am not letting her become a mass murderer. That's not something that you can come back from!" Sarah is incensed, and not really exercising restraint as she vents herself on Pua.

For her part Pua takes the tirade in stride, "I'm not saying that she should, just giving that as an example of the degree of sacrifice that will be necessary."

"What the hell else is worth as much as a few hundred people?" Sarah demands. It's a fair question. All that potential, all those futures and histories, where else do you find that sort of thing?

"Self sacrifice generates more than the sacrifice of others, so it would theoretically take less..." Pua tries but Sarah isn't really listening any more.

"She's not killing herself either!"

"Sacrifice does not necessarily mean death." Pua is getting frustrated now, though she is sitting on it well. Do I have anything I could give up that's even worth even a dozen lives? Never mind the hundreds to make even the least version of this ritual work? I look down at my hands resting on my abdomen. An idea tickles at the back of my mind, just out of reach, maybe... My stomach grumbles and I flinch slightly, losing my train of thought.

Oh well, food is probably a good idea. If it's good, the idea will come back to me.

"Hey." I call trying to get their attention.

They don't appear to hear me though, "Oh what else could it be? That seems to be the only thing you people care about, death and power!" Oh, she's going to regret saying that when she's thinking clearly again.

"Hey!" I try louder, but Sarah has gotten her wish and finally cracked Pua's calm.

"Do not put me and Ericka in the same category as..."

"HEY!" Everybody snaps around to look at me, looking even more pissed than they had before I interrupted them. That vanishes when my stomach rumbles again. I also feel... empty in an odd way that I don't like, and haven't felt before.

"Right." Pua stands dusting off her sarong, "I'll get something for you to eat." She turns and strides out of the room, her back stiff with residual irritation.

I look up at Sarah, who seems ashamed of her outburst now that she isn't caught up in the moment. She lets out a sigh and sits back down on the bed, "How are you feeling?"

I restrain from shrugging, "As long as I don't move, or breath too hard, fine. If I do either of those I feel like I'm being torn in half."

Sarah winces slightly, "What do you think about this ritual that Pua wants to do." I take a moment to think about how to answer that. Apparently that moment is too long for Sarah though, "You're not actually going to kill a few hundred people are you?"

That... actually hurts, "What? Of course not! You don't really think that I...?"

"I know, I know, I'm sorry." Sarah curls up slightly and puts her face in her hands, "This whole thing is just freaking me out. It's just... You killed what, ten? Eleven, people?"

"Vampires. Their personhood is debatable."

"It's that debate that worries me." Sarah says quietly, "If it's a matter for debate, what else will you be able to talk yourself into? You've changed so much in just the last few months, never mind since you were that five year old girl that bounced into my jujitsu class. I can't help but wonder what else has changed?"

Before I can really generate a reply she stands and heads for the door. Sarah pauses, her hand on the doorknob but doesn't turn back to me when she speaks, "I'm glad that the idea of mass sacrifice still upsets you. I just... I liked that little girl that thought that gymnastics was the best idea ever. Don't lose her." She jerks the door open and slams it so hard behind her that it doesn't latch and bounces back open, letting me see her rushing down the hallway.

I... really don't know what to say to that.

###

When Pua comes back in she's carrying a cup and looking a bit concerned, "Sarah just went running past me looking like she was in tears. Is everything alright?"

I flinch slightly at the idea that I've somehow reduced Sarah to crying. Again. "I... don't really know." I admit, "The idea of us killing a few hundred people for this ritual really bothers her." After a moment I keep going, "The idea that she thinks I might actually do that bothers me."

Pua sighs and sets the cup on the bedside table and helps me sit up. And by help I mean that she warns me not to put any effort into moving myself and lifts me into a sitting position. She's stronger than I would have believed for such a tiny person, even having been a tiny person until very recently.

Once I'm upright-ish, she picks up the cup again, sits on my bed, and puts it to my lips, "Sip this. It'll feel odd right at first." I do as she instructs and the liquid, whatever it is, not only fills my stomach but that empty feeling I have as well. I quirk an eyebrow over the rim of the cup at her as I continue to sip. Pua smiles at me, "It's life energy distilled into a liquid along with protein, vitamins, and all the calories you need. A meal in a cup essentially."

"Where did you get the life energy?" I ask between sips, "Chickens?" I smirk at her.

"Of course. I love Hawaii, killing chickens is my civic duty." The now smaller woman smiles and sets the cup aside and puts on what I think of as her 'therapist face', "You do know that you adapted to the supernatural unusually quickly right? Even taking into account your unusual maturity, given your reincarnation, and your fore knowledge about what you were getting into, you accepted the more violent nature of our world with remarkable ease. Most people would have problems with that, much like Sarah is. Give her time, she'll adjust with more understanding and the time to actually think about things."

"What about me then?" I hate how small my voice sounds.

Pua raises an eyebrow, "What about you? You're doing fine. Just remember where your lines are. And make sure they are your lines. Things not natural to yourself will be much harder to keep to. Just make sure that you are happy with yourself. Everything else should be secondary."

I nod slowly mulling that over. I don't know what my lines should be, I've been so busy trying to get basic survivability that I haven't given much thought to the abstract. Maybe now, so close to attaining my first goals, I should?

"You don't have to work it all out right now." Pua says, breaking me out of my thoughts, "You have time, and it isn't something that should be rushed. Get some sleep for now, you're still healing."

I nod, Pua always gives good advice. And sleep does sound pretty good.

Yeah, everything else can wait until tomorrow.

###

Pua shows up minutes after I wake with another cup of tasty tasty chicken life. Once I've finished she gives me a checkup, "Well good news, your bruising is finally fading, which means your regeneration is finally catching up with the mess your insides turned into. How are you feeling?"

"I'm... Pretty much the same, I don't move, everything is fine. I'm getting really tired of not moving though. I don't think I've held still this long ever, and it's driving me nuts."

"I'm not surprised." Pua says with a small smile. Outside the door I can hear a familiar set of footsteps and Sarah's scent grows stronger, "So on that note, any thoughts about how to approach the ritual I proposed? Or any other ideas? I'll take those too."

Sarah stops outside the door, her breath catching as she gets within normal earshot, "Well... I start out slowly. As I understand this from what little you said about more abstract sacrificial rituals last time I was here, the more connected things are the better the ritual will work. We could burn a hundred dryad trees and use that as a sacrifice to make a bunch of gold or something. That sacrifice would work better if we used it to revitalize a field that had been sowed with salt though. Right?"

Pua nods, "I've never heard of a gold making ritual, that's usually more of an alchemy thing, but you have the basics."

"So wouldn't a large part of picking a sacrifice be knowing what we're trying to accomplish?" Sarah is still listening in, but given her earlier fears I'm inclined to let her, "Aside from fixing me I mean."

"Well... What you need is a way for everything you take in the future to settle as well as possible. As though they were natural to you. Luck?" Pua offers.

I grimace, "I'd rather not rely on luck. No matter how good, luck always runs out." How would I describe what I want if I were writing it in Script? There has to be a way for everything I've collected and more to fit. Plenty of critters have more powers than I do coexisting in the same soul and body, so it's possible. It just hasn't... fallen out that way for me. Is that what I need? To have what I take always settle the right way?

I can describe it better.

Probabilities?

No, that sounds too much like luck.

God, this is going to be frustrating. And if Pua does the ritual with local magic, how would it hold up between worlds? I guess it's always possible that I'll only go to worlds where magic is a thing, but I'd rather not depend on that...

Maybe that's the answer. Many worlds, an infinite number of possible futures, ways things could be. One of which is the way everything fits together perfectly in my soul. I just need to guarantee that I always get that one.

So I need to sacrifice many possible futures to let me always get the best one, and we're back to lots of human sacrifices. We could use animals or something, but futures of similar magnitude would be needed to get any kind of usable result. Where can I get that many human scale possibilities that wouldn't turn me into the mass murderer Sarah is afraid I'll become?

I look at my hands again, still folded on my stomach.

That... is an idea. One that initially seems like a great idea, which makes me cautious. To buy myself time to think I explain my idea for what to ask for to Pua.

The clever Kahuna narrows her eyes at me in suspicion. No doubt she can tell that there's something else on my mind that I'm not bringing up just yet, but she lets it be and considers what I said.

"It should work for what we want... But you'll need one hell of a trade." Pua points out and flicks her eyes at the door behind which Sarah is still hiding and listening.

Of course Pua knows she's there too.

I sigh, there's no real reason to hold back the idea, I just...

I'd have shaken my head to clear it, if that wouldn't have probably broken my neck or something... All I'm doing is stalling, "My ability to have children."

There's silence. Sarah speaks first, destroying whatever cover she might have thought she had, "What?"

Pu and I stare at the door at the outburst. There's silence for several moments, then the door to the room creaks open showing a slightly red faced Sarah. She takes in both my and Pua's unsurprised faces and huffs, "You both knew I was there, didn't you?"

"Bloodhound's sense of smell and bat's hearing." I point out.

At the same time Pua says, "Kahuna." Like somebody else might have said 'pirate'.

...Has that movie come out yet? I really haven't been paying attention to popular culture.

Sarah rolls her eyes, and plants her fists on her hips, "Very funny. Now explain."

"I sacrifice my ability to have children, all the potential lives and futures I could make. In return I get the best possible potential future every time for the integration of all future traits." I glance at Pua to see if she thinks this will work. I hope it does, but there's still some hesitation in me. I've never wanted kids, don't like most of them, but there is some small part of me that hopes the sacrifice won't be valid, so I won't have to go through with it.

Probably a good thing really, would make it a better sacrifice.

That doesn't make me feel any better about it though, which I suppose is the point.

Pua nods slowly, "'Potential lives and futures' would be better. That is certainly a great sacrifice... and a narrow enough gain to produce some spectacular results with that much given."

"Ericka, are you sure you want to give that up?" Sarah's looking a little shell shocked, and a lot worried, "It's possible to have kids without a guy involved with modern science, probably has been for even longer with all this magic around." Pua nods in the background, we ignored her, "You're even good with kids, when you let yourself be. You're still talking to that girl from the Vatican, aren't you?"

"Yeah and Asia's great, but she's an exception, not the rule. Look if I ever change my mind there are other ways to get kids than just popping one out myself." I shudder involuntarily at the idea, "I can adopt, there are even blood rituals that can make an adoptee genetically mine. I'm just... giving up on periods. We can make sure that's part of it right?" I ask Pua.

Sarah also looks over at the Kahuna, "Is she right?" she demands.

Pua nods to both of us, "Yes she is, and I'm sure we can."

My oldest friend stares at me for a long moment, then sighs, "Try to get some rest, Ericka. Just, make sure you don't regret what you do." That's about as close to approval as I'm likely to get.

"I won't." I assure Sarah as she steps through the bedroom door, leaving me and Pua alone in the room.

"You know depending on how firmly this sets, and how things are laid out, you might not even be able to adopt in the future." Pua points out.

I grimace, "I figured it could work out that way, given my luck. Still what choice do I have?" I look up at Pua without moving my head, mentally begging her to give me a better option.

I'm destined for disappointment, "I can't really think of anything better off the top of my head. I'll look... but my gut says you've hit on the best option we have." Pua admits sadly. I wasn't really expecting anything else, so it doesn't upset me too badly.

Pua stands to leave and has almost made it to the door when something occurs to me, "Hey Pua, did you use my transit Script to get to L.A. and me and Sarah back?" She looks over her shoulder and nods curiously, "How did you get that to work? I didn't leave an outgoing Script here?"

Pua smirks and shrugs, "My reputation is well deserved." With that she leaves, and I settle in for another nap.

###

Pua starts on the ritual almost immediately, and is kind enough to do most of the work on it in my room, so I can see what goes into this very different kind of sacrificial ritual. Mine sre pretty basic and straightforward, death for energy to get something that's solidly already there. What we're going to try now was far more conceptual in nature.

It's also untestable, as it's crafted for me and my specific situation. Pua assures me that I have nothing to worry about. I worry anyway, but I'm also mostly successful at distracting myself with the mechanics of what we're doing. Like every time I watch Pua work, I learn a lot, and get even more ideas. Things it would probably take me decades to figure out how to do.

The time of year, phase of the moon, positions of specific stars. What kind of tide (a phosphorescent one for best results) and a million other things go into the incredibly complex symbology and invocation she's crafting. There are so many variables that it makes my head spin.

During the first few days of work Sarah hovers over me, but after the third I call Ku and have him drag her out. She's in Hawaii, and already skipping classes for this, she should at least enjoy herself. So she spends most of her days out on the beach, or exploring the village, and comes back at night to regale me with what she's seen and done. Given the amount of time she spends with and talking about Ku, I have some hope that she might get more than just a vacation out of this. After all if Pua can make my Scripts work it isn't like Hawaii to L.A. is much of a commute.

In the second week of work I finally asked the question that has been bugging me since I came up with this idea, "Pua, if we do this in your magic how do we know it will keep working wherever I end up next?"

"Because after I'm done crafting this, we will translate it into Script." Pua answeres without looking up from where she's measuring the geometry of the beach where she intends to hold the ritual.

"...And how do we know that Script will work wherever I end up next?"

Pua stops and looks at me carefully, "You actually don't know what you've been working with do you?"

I blink, "Um... I guess not?"

"What you call World Script is the language by which reality defines itself." Pua explains in what I call her lecturing tone, "The reason there are so few people that work with Script directly is partially because it's difficult to use, and not really useful for blowing things up. Another part though, is that of the people in the know about what Script is, there are few that are willing to play with the source code of the universe. You were planning on using Script to leave right?" I nod stunned. Source code of the universe? Is that what I'd been playing with? Fuck! And how did devil's get plugged into it? Pua continues, so I put away these thoughts to go over later, "While other universes that use a different... dialect for lack of a better term probably exist, I doubt that Script could take you to a world where it doesn't work. So relax. Or if you can't manage that, be very specific on how you define your destination when you leave."

That seems like a really good idea.

###

Turns out that making a grand ritual from scratch takes time. Normally from what I'm told it takes anywhere from a year to decades to craft. Then however long you have to wait for everything to line up properly to actually perform it. Suffice it to say there's a reason a grand ritual actually being performed is a big deal.

Pua put one together in a month. Not only that but she decides when we'll perform the ritual, then crafts it to work perfectly at that time. It's equal parts encyclopedic knowledge of everything that could possibly affect a ritual, and sheer ungodly talent.

It takes another two months for us to translate her casual feat of genius into Script. It's an exercise in the use of Script that's new to me. As opposed to just trying to achieve an effect, we're trying to use Script to imitate the precise manner in which Pua's ritual would achieve the effect. On one hand that's good, I have some idea of how to begin to do this directly with Script, but it will take a lot of work before I'd be willing to try it on myself. On the other hand getting Script to imitate more conventional magic, while still altering things on the level that Script did... It's a feat of brain bending that sends me to sleep with a headache more nights than not.

Still it's three months during which I can barely turn my head, and certainly can't get out of bed. Sarah has to go back to school after two weeks, her parents are still paying her way contingent on her grades, so she can't just vanish for too long. She promises to be back for the ritual though. She still isn't entirely certain I won't regret what I'm giving up, but she's trying to be supportive anyway. Ku volunteers to take her back to L.A. and pick her up when the time comes for her to return.

My twenty-first birthday comes and goes while I'm confined to a bed. Very little drinking is done.

My one outlet aside from Pua, Thea, and Ku, is Asia. I can actually safely move my fingers enough to type so I spend a lot more time on emails to her than I have previously. It takes some work to convince her that what's wrong with me isn't something she can help with. Then even longer to assure her that doesn't mean she's done anything wrong, and it's in no way her fault. But the whole process is worth it.

Asia is a sweet girl and I like her a lot, though how she looks in the pictures she sends me made me worry that caon is coming very soon. I might have overreacted just a bit reminding her that she can always talk to me, and come to me for anything. She starts asking what's wrong again. Still it's nice talking to her more.

So by the time everything is done and ready, I'm beginning to go more than a little stir crazy. I can actually feel my muscles itching. I can't even fidget without hurting myself. It's a special kind of hell.

So when Ku comes to carry me down to the beach, I almost kissed him. Which is why he's a good choice beyond being able to carry me, if Pua came I probably would have kissed her. And that would have made Thea sad, which I don't really want. Thea's nice. She actually made and helped me eat things besides chicken life nutrient soup.

That's all behind me now as Ku picks me up princess style, very gently, and carries me out of the house. It's night outside, the sky is clear and the stars are bright. The sound of gentle waves fill the air, and as we come around the Ali'i's house in sight of the beach the sight takes my breath away.

The waves are glowing a gentle phosphorescent blue, providing a backdrop to the beach itself. In front of us a large section of the beach has been flattened, smoothed, and wetted. On the smoothed space the Script has been written out in the wet sand. The grooves of the Script are filled with some potion to help conduct the energy that will be required for a working of this magnitude. Around the edges of the flattened area are torches providing light to the whole scene.

What shocked me though, is the entire village has turned out for the ritual. Children are running about carrying messages from place to place. Older children and younger teenagers are comparing the Script drawn out in the sand against pieces of paper they all carry. Adults manage what looks like a buffet table off to the side, keeping those working hydrated and fed. Finally around Pua stand a number of people, all of whom I recognize from my time in the village, and at least a few of which I know are accomplished singers.

"What? Why...?" Is all I manage to get out.

Ku chuckles, "You lived with us for a year and a half. Why are you surprised?" He shrugs, "Now come on. I'm tired of you doing nothing but taking up the guest bed in my sister's house."

Why am I surprised? Because I haven't really done anything beyond following Pua around and finding things to do when I wasn't? Sure after a while the villagers got used to me and started asking me questions they normally asked Pua. I answered them as best I could, and pointed them in the right direction, usually at Pua, when I couldn't. I guess I also spent some time when I was waiting on Ku to be free helping out some of the kids with the basics of how to fight. I also told them about the future...

Huh, it sounds different when I lay it all out like that.

I am a little shocked really, I mean, I did all those things mostly to pass the time or learn more. Apparently the Ke'Kua'Okolani see it as something different. I can't really object to that, but do they know that sometime soon I'm going to leave? Am I going to be letting them down by vanishing?

My train of thought is broken as my ass hits wet sand. Ku has carried me out onto the beach, and set me down in my place in the Script circle. The teens are clearing away from the circle, and the singers are taking their places.

"Are you ready Ericka?" Pua calls from her place leading the ritual. Slowly and very carefully I raise a single trembling hand, and give a thumbs up before setting my arm back down at my side. I actually manage it with only a few twinges, "All right then. Let's get started."

I've never really been the subject of one of my own Script rituals before. Sure there's my tattoos, and those are technically a hung ritual. But those really only affected me for a moment or two right at the end. The rest of everything that happens is pointed somewhere else.

I'm honestly not sure what to expect.

The moment they begin, everything goes quiet. The sound of the waves vanishes, no sound of birds, trees, or the audience. I can't even hear them singing the Script. All I can hear is my own heartbeat and my breathing.

Laid out on my back like I am, I have a great view of the night sky. The village turned off all it's lights, so the light pollution is at a minimum. The sky seems to expand, consuming the world around me until it feels like I'm floating surrounded by nothing but stars.

Everything is so still, I'm not sure time is passing. Something... immense turns its attention to me. I can't see, or perceive anything, but that feeling that something is watching me is almost overwhelming. It... He... felt concerned? Curious. Both. He knows what I'm offering, what I want, and is asking me if I'm sure.

He knows what I'll say, but is asking anyway.

Of course I'm sure. I had plenty of time to think, to change my mind, find another option. This is what I've decided. Besides it's not like I can have a kid in my current state anyway.

The presence acknowledges my choice and then... gets out of the way. Time resumes and I can feel myself being rewritten. The Script that makes me up is altered, changed. Everything I've taken in is adjusted, fitted. Slotted together to not only not clash, but actually support each other. And from now on that's the only way they could be.

At the same time the ability to have children is... written out of me. All the possible futures where I could have created life are consumed by the ritual. I do note that Pua followed through on her promise and I won't have periods anymore either.

Everything settles and I blink...

Groaning in the circle I feel like I've just woken up, like the world has skipped or something, "Did it work?" Something happened, though what...

"Everything looked good from the outside." Pua says, "There's really only one way to be sure though."

Right. Out of habit I didn't move a muscle when I... came to I guess. Now though, carefully, I plant a hand on the sand, and slowly push myself up. Then roll to my feet. Then bounce on my toes. Then do a full front flip into a full back flip.

"I'd say that worked then." Pua say with a smile. I can't help grinning as well. A moment later I'm nearly tackled to the ground by Sarah happily babbling and trying to pick me up as she always used to.

I pick her up instead.

My smile turned a little savage, I have power and will get more. I have skills that will only grow. The only thing that I need now to feel like I'm ready to actually get out in the world is a weapon that will grow with me.

Luckily I have a few favors that will hopefully help me get one.