Life was nice. Ruby Rose got to keep her sword, she stopped a robbery, she talked to someone long enough that they cracked a smile, and Glynda Goodwitch wasn't screaming too loud. Life was nice.
"Young lady, I hope you fully understand the recklessness of your actions tonight! You endangered yourself, the shopkeep, the bystanders nearby, and you are somehow on the good books with Roman Torchwick"
Right. Torchwick. Famous criminal that had yet to be stopped. Totally forgot. To think the only person who likes Ruby's humor is a career criminal. Her day got a little worse. Crap! I forgot to get the barrel! Life sucks. She almost died, almost got people killed, almost nobody laughs at her jokes, and Glynda Goodwitch was screaming at her. Life sucks.
Even the room she was in sucked. Everything was dark and dusty. She felt like she was in one of those interrogation rooms. Gut feeling told Ruby that the wall to her left was a one way mirror. Her company, however, was leagues worse than the chamber she resided in.
"What on this god-damned planet were you thinking? You best believe your father will hear of this" Ruby doubted she knew her dad. "If you think I'm lying, you must not have gone through Tai's old yearbooks from Beacon. Team GOLD was STRQ's… ah friendly rival team"
Could Ruby's day get worse? Of course it could. Did it? Of course.
"Fortunately, nobody was badly injured, and you impressed a lot of people," Ruby smiled, "will terrify and disappoint at least two people soon," Ruby frowned, "made an enemy out of more people than you can imagine, and have personally landed a spot on my shit list"
"I'm sorry Professor Umbridge!"
Silence. Dead silence. A silence so powerful, one wouldn't notice the pin drop because of how unnatural it is. Crap, crap crap crap shit fuck! Why did I speak? Why? I am beyond dead. I may as well start searching for tombsto-
"Excuse me? What. Did. You say to me?"
A vein popped on the witch's face. Ruby at this point was contemplating the first thing to say to her mother. There would be plenty of time for second things, but she figured she had about five seconds to prepare a phenomenal opening. She got about to 'Hi mom' before Goodwitch snapped.
"DO I LOOK LIKE A TOAD TO YOU? NO! I HATE PINK, I HATE THE GOVERNMENT, AND I HAVE NO FAVORITE STUDENTS WHO I GIVE LITTLE GOLD STARS FOR BEING GREEN! I. HATE. ALL. THE. STUDENTS! ESPECIALLY LITTLE SHITHEAD'S LIKE YOU! IF YOU WANT ME TO BE NICE, YOU BETTER DAMN WELL EARN IT! NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME SPEA-"
"Glynda, the poor girl said one thing to you. She had been letting you speak, sorry, yell at her for the last three hours on how she could have hurt someone, gotten hurt, and recently about how you would contact your ex-boyfriend on her behalf" What!?
Ruby had an absolutely fucking amazing day. Nobody would ever hear her swear, ever. She wouldn't even think curse words, but the look on Goodwitch's face made her think Oh Fuck Yeah! before she got a chance to stop herself. She couldn't reprimand herself after because she was laughing way, way too hard.
Because Ruby's subconscious is unable to describe Glynda's face due to it being DDoSed by laughter, the back up system for this fic will do so. Her face was, and I quote: "A deeper shade of red than Ruby's coat, eyes wider than gap between her eyebrow and her hairline, and a jaw so low one of the petals currently falling off of Ruby could float into her mouth" However, the last statement was a lie, as the actual number of petals that floated into her mouth before Goodwitch broke from her stupor to cough was four. She coughed up three. Now, back to Ruby, about ten minutes later.
About ten minutes later, Ruby reduced her laughter down to occasional giggle fits. Enough so she could actually speak with the two adults before her. She failed to notice that another man walked in. He had silver hair and spectacles; calling them glasses wouldn't do their antiquity justice. His eyes were green, his scarf was green, and his Aura felt green. Everything about him screamed Dumbledore and Yoda's forbidden romance airport bathroom child. She'd pay to watch that movie. Somehow, she managed to get herself seated and situated once again. "Sorry… it was just… your face… was like" Ruby attempted an impression of 'the face' She failed miserably, and ended up looking more like a panting dog.
At that point, Goodwitch couldn't take it anymore, and simply left the room. Probably to go the other side of the one way mirror that was definitely right to her left. Or was it left to her right? Gah! It hurt to think about too much, which was at all.
"Sorry… who are you?" Ruby asked with the social grace of the obscenely rude rock.
"I am Professor Ozpin, headmaster of Beacon. It is nice to meet you at last Ms. Rose"
Ruby shook his hand, though slightly disconcerted at how he knew who she was even though she had no idea this was what the headmaster of her dream school looked like.
"Tell me, who taught you to fight like that? I've never seen anyone wield a sword with such finesse and… almost understanding. Do you understand?"
Ruby nodded, though she had no idea what he was talking about.
"My Uncle Qrow taught me the sword. He said that 'its better for learning the flow of combat' or something like that. It was for me to learn the basics before I moved onto… something bigger. We never did move on though. He just… stopped teaching"
"Interesting… and your pistol?"
"I was… self taught… It took like three years worth of allowances to pay for the ammunition. To get this good, it takes thousands of hours at the range"
"I can sympathize. But please, do tell what range would allow a teenager to enter without any guardians" Well fuck. "I spoke with your father not too long ago and he never mentioned a pistol, only that you spent half your time with a sword and the other half browsing the Dust-net" Double fuck.
"Please don't tell him. I've spent too much on this baby for him to take it"
"Time or money?"
"Yes"
"May I ask why your father wishes to inhibit your growth?"
"He doesn't care really… it's Uncle Qrow… I don't think he'd be happy if he knew I spent my nigh-" Triple fuck
"Do go on"
"..."
"..."
"..."
"It is beyond doubt you are a talented individual Ruby. Very determined as well. But I don't think you spend enough time being human. Your existence up to this point has been half swinging swords, half vegetating, and apparently forgoing sleep in order to… become a better Huntress I assume"
"...yeah…"
"Obviously there is a reason, but I won't pry. I can sympathize with keeping secrets. However… no wait don't cry. Stop. Please"
Too late. Ruby tried very hard not to think about her motives. Mostly because she didn't fully understand. But one thing was clear. Something was missing. She felt it whenever she surfed the web. She felt it at school. She felt it all the time. Red like roses even filled her dreams. Someone was missing. Nothing could ever take her place, no one could ever take her place, no matter what they do. But perhaps, she could be that someone. Nothing could take her place, but what if Ruby became her?
What if…
Her thoughts slowed to a halt. Any slower and they would be going backwards. Ruby just sat there. Tears fell. She ran out of breath at least twice. By the time she had coherent thoughts, Ozpin had left. When he returned, her bawling had reduced down to sniffles. With him, he had a plate of cookies. They were too misshapen to possibly be store bought.
"Ms. Rose."
"..yeah..?"
"Would you like one?"
"Okay…" smooth
She took one. It tasted like how it looked. A perfectly baked chocolate chip cookie.
"These were made by one of my students. If you would like, you can bring them home. Although, you probably don't have to…"
"..."
Confusion was the defining emotion in Ruby right now.
"Ms. Rose, our school looks for extraordinarily talented individuals. We would be remiss if we didn't invite someone of your caliber to our institution. If being the best Huntress is your dream, then the school your mother attended is the best option anywhere on Remnant"
This time, Ruby's impression of 'the face' was completely accurate. Whatever stoppage had clogged her mind before had suddenly vanished. A million thoughts were shooting through her head like bolts of lightning, most heading towards Best Fucking Day Ever and a few strays heading to Suck it Goodbitch. The rest were much more calm and lived in the Stop swearing this is a Christian Minecraft Server area.
"Okay…" real smooth there champ
"Well okay then," Ozpin handed her a letter. It had a red wax seal on the back just like a Hogwarts letter, "Welcome to Beacon, Summer would be proud of you"
AN Introducing: Goodbitch and Manipulative asshole! Just wait till I get my hands on Weiss. Also. Forgot to mention. This fic will get randomly deep at times. The tone will be bouncing back and forth faster than a game of tennis. If you like your head spinning like your on crack, continue reading. I'm sure you'll love what comes next. Stay tuned for next Saturday's shit show, located at the Beacon docks.