A/N

Readers, as I said in the last chapter I will be updating this story 2-3 chapters at a time over the span of a week. This is the third chapter of THIS update. I am hoping to start my next string of updates within the next month. I hope you have enjoyed what you've read so far. Please continue to review and spread the word about this story. - 4/30/2020

Chapter Three

The Choice

POV - Ben

Ben could relate. He remembered the look in Rey's eyes as she stared at him through the force connection when she and her Resistance friends were escaping the planet of Crait. She had been absolutely furious and the daggers in her eyes had pierced into his very being… but under this harsh look was something else. He could feel her desperation for him to join her - for him to be Ben and not Kylo. At the time, he thought that returning to being Ben was impossible - but Rey knew better. She always did.

The weight of everything Anakin just revealed hung in the room accompanied with an uncomfortable silence. Both men were lost in their own thoughts of those who they had loved and lost. Ben was the first to speak.

"Grandfather… you never answered my question from before… Who were you afraid of once you got here? Who did you see?"

Anakin let out a breath he seemed to have been holding for quite some time.

"I saw my mother."

Well that was unexpected. Of all the people for his grandfather to meet, how was it that his mother was the one he was most fearful of? Anakin continued,

"Her name was Shmi Skywalker. She always saw so much in me… knew that I was meant for greater things than what being a slave on Tatooine could offer. When the time came, she let me go with the jedi to find a better life. She was so brave… I'm not sure I would have been able to leave her if it wasn't for her strength. She told me I would see her again… and it was true. I just did not know in that moment that the next time I would see her would be when she died in my arms.

"Those were the dreams you saw before the ones about Padme?" Ben asked.

"Yes, which is why I took them so seriously when they began to happen again." Anakin explained. He looked at the ground suddenly looking far less intimidating than the man he had met just shortly before.

"I promised her when she died that I wouldn't fail her again." He scoffed, "Well… I did fail again and it was so much worse than the first time. When she came to me in this… place I could barely look at her. The shame was just too much."

"What did she have to say?"

"Honestly… she didn't say much of anything. I just spilled to her about everything. About Padme, the Emperor, the dark side, my children… I must have talked at her for hours before she even got a word in. What I was telling her turned into more of an apology than anything."

Ben bristled.

"You apologized for turning to the dark side." He stated.

Anakin's eyes darkened and snapped to meet Ben's immediately.

"I apologized for the damage I did to my family. I apologized for spinning out of control and failing my mother, my wife, and my children. But I did NOT apologize for turning to the dark side."

It was obvious that Ben had hit a nerve and it greatly confused him. There were a lot of mixed messages coming from Anakin. One moment he speaks about the dark side like it is not a bad thing, the next moment he talks about it attached to memories of his deepest regrets.

"Ben, I said it once before, and I'm not trying to speak for the both of us here, but we didn't 'go bad' when we turned to the dark side. We messed up the moment we betrayed those who we loved and cared for so deeply."

Ben nodded, still feeling as though he was missing a part of the message but wishing for his grandfather to continue.

"After everything I confessed to my mother, every plea, and apology, she only really said one thing to me."

Anakin paused and closed his eyes, nodding to himself like he was urging himself to go on.

"She hugged me and said 'I know, don't let it happen again, Ani.'... cryptic right? I was already here, I didn't see how I would even have the chance to make things right again with my family let alone even interact with another living being. I said it before and I'll say it again, I've had a lot of time in this place to think about everything, where things went wrong, and how to repair them - and that brings me to you."

Ben cut in before Anakin could continue.

"No offense grandfather, but I don't see where I fit into any of this. Don't get me wrong, I think the parallels between what we lived through are eerie and probably not a coincidence - but I am stuck here, too - just like you. If you can't do anything, what makes you think that I can?"

Anakin sighed, most likely in exasperation that he had already made all the connections and that Ben just was not picking up on what he was laying in front of him.

"I was just getting there Ben." he started. "But first you need to tell me about this girl, Rey."

Ben Solo felt heat rise into his face. He fully knew that he was flushed in front of his grandfather. Damn, where's a mask when you need one? Despite the embarrassment and discomfort, Ben knew he had no other choice than to tell Anakin everything.

"She was a scavenger," he began. "She was left behind by her parents on the planet of Jakku. Her father was the offspring of Emperor Palpatine - thus making her his granddaughter..."

He looked over to Anakin expecting him to be... surprised? Horrified? Ben was never known for mincing his words and he just dropped some pretty jarring information.

Anakin seemed to be looking past him with the type of look one wears when they are listening and hanging on to every word you say. His expression never wavered as he said, "Okay, go on."

Ben waited before continuing. Did he not understand the words that just came out of him? Maybe he already knew? Regardless of the reasoning behind his grandfather's state of calmness, he thought it was best just to power through the story.

"I was Snoke's apprentice and he wanted to find information on the location of Luke Skywalker. She got mixed up with a droid who had part of a map that led to him. It then became my mission to hunt her and that droid down. When I first met her, I could just feel the force coming through her - it was so raw."

Anakin nodded. "Makes sense if she's a Palpatine."

"Yes… but there was something else there, I couldn't identify it at the time but it felt like part of me - like my energy - went to her and some of hers came to me."

He internally cursed how inadequate his words seemed.

"We later found out that she and I had a connection through the force where I could be in her space and she could be in mine simultaneously without having to leave either of our actual locations. It definitely surprised us at first… and we hated it… especially her."

"Why?" Anakin asked.

"Well because -" Ben stammered, "because she was a Jedi! Or at least she was training to be one. I disgusted her. Everything I did or said was horrible for her to even fathom."

"Those are pretty intense emotions to be coming from a Jedi." Anakin remarked, still looking past Ben in the same focused spot.

"She…" he began, "She was an intense person."

He could feel the beginnings of a smile begin to pull at the edges of his lips. Rey was certainly something. The depths of her emotions always floored him. It was like the very air around her shifted with the ebbs and flows of her feelings.

"She was so averse to the dark side… almost afraid of it. I guess that makes sense given that it was part of her through Palpatine. I think a part of her always knew who she was… or at least what she was capable of."

Anakin cut in, "And you hated the connection the two of you had?"

"No." Kylo immediately answered. "Well - kind of. It was complicated. Would you like having a connection with someone who hated you? It was hard..." he trailed off.

"But you didn't hate her?"

"No!" This answer came much quicker than the first time.

"I never hated her. I tried. I should have. But I just couldn't. There was something special about her and it wasn't just the force or her power… every part of me wanted to be around her but it was like my gut was repelling me away from her. It was infuriating."

"So what happened with her?"

"Well she wanted me to side with her. To turn back and become a Jedi. She treated it like it was a simple decision or a simple switch I could just flip any second. Part of me wanted to… but -"

"But you couldn't turn back. Like I said, I get it."

Ben took a deep breath.

"Yes. It just wasn't possible. She was so lost… I guess I was, too. I offered to be her teacher - to teach her the ways of the dark side and join me instead. Obviously that didn't happen."

Anakin continued to nod and chuckled at the last bit.

"Anyway... I knew that Emperor Palpatine was alive. As soon as I met her, I knew she was different. I swear grandfather… I couldn't tell if she wanted to save me or destroy me at any given time."

"Okay, so what happened to make you change, because the 'Jedi turned dark' Kylo who you described, who Rey supposedly detested, is not the same man standing in front of me right now."

Ben paused, letting those words wash over him. Although he knew this to be true, he couldn't help but feel like he had to defend who he used to be… but he swallowed this urge and answered.

"Well… looking back, I'm not sure that she's the one who changed me." He paused to think for a second, "As I said, we were already connected… and Snoke wished for me to have her join us or she would die… and that just wasn't an option for me. So I killed him… it's not unlike a Sith to kill it's master. But then she became so insistent on me joining her again and it was back to where we were before. After that though, our meetings felt different. Being around her felt more - I don't know - tense?

"What do you mean?" Anakin asked.

"It was like she wanted to run away but was desperate for answers... but would refuse to ask and would try and kill me, but wanted to save me all at the same time."

Anakin's eyes widened as he blew out a puff of air and mumbled "Women."

Ben felt himself laughing despite the seriousness of his current situation.

"Yes, it was a lot to handle. I kept pursuing her though, I somehow knew that as much as she hated it, she needed me… and I needed her."

"Okay, now we're getting somewhere. What next?"

"Well truthfully, she almost killed me. It was after I told her who her grandfather was as well as discussing our force dyad connection. Her lightsaber sliced right through me when we were battling. Obviously she didn't take that information well. She looked just as shocked as I felt once she did it though."

"But that's not how you died…?" Anakin trailed off.

"No, she healed me. It was an ancient way of the force that I had only ever heard of in my studies as a jedi and a sith. It was painless and I just remember it felt like something had finally just snapped.. But in a good way. Then she told me that she wanted to join me… but that she wanted to join Ben…"

It looked like Anakin wanted to ask more questions, but he didn't. He may not have understood the specifics of what that meant to Ben, but it seemed at least for the moment, the 'big picture' was enough.

"I think it was then that I changed? I was probably changing before then… but that's when I think I finally 'got it', you know?"

Anakin lightly smiled and nodded.

"She went off to destroy Palpatine, and for the first time I knew what I had to do and I wasn't confused or hurt. I just knew I had to do it. I went after her to help her… not because she couldn't do it herself, but no one should have to do that alone."

"... and you loved her" Anakin said knowingly.

Ben blushed but chose not to respond.

"Well she was already facing him when I got there, and she definitely needed help. We worked together again, just like we did with Snoke… but he was far more powerful. She was so drawn to him… to the dark side… but somehow she didn't succumb to it. In all honesty, I didn't get to see much of what actually happened toward the end because I was… out of commission - Palpatine threw me pretty far… I just know there was a lot of flashing above me, lots of loud noise and what felt like earthquakes. When I finally got back to where she was, Palpatine was gone and Rey was…"

His voice caught. He knows he saved her, but it didn't make the memory any less painful and traumatizing.

He coughed "Rey was dead."

Anakin's eyes widened when he said this. "I'm sorry, what? She died?" Like this was news to him.

"She did." Ben answered. "She was on the ground in front of the sith throne."

He pushed down memories of her beautiful lifeless form and willed himself to continue.

"She died, but I just couldn't let that happen. I don't remember exactly what I did, but remember holding her and I just followed my instincts… I followed where the force led me. I remember feeling like I was pouring into her. Kind of like our force connection but more. I don't know how it worked or how I pulled it off, but the next thing I knew her eyes opened and she was staring at me."

Anakin jutted his head out, and motioned with his hands, "... and?"

"... and then I ended up here." Ben replied, taking this opportunity to look away from his grandfather.

"Umm, grandson, what aren't you telling me - and don't you dare say nothing. Something else happened."

"It's none of your business and it doesn't matter. That's how I got here."

Anakin gave him a hard look and let the silence uncomfortably fold around the two of them.

"Holy shit," he said and started to pace "She KISSED YOU didn't she?!"

"What?! No! NO! I saved her and I died. End of story."

"You're lying."

"No I'm not! There was no kissing, no romance, nothing!" Ben seethed. He internally cursed at his fair skin for showing his blush immediately at any sign of any strong emotion.

"Ben." His grandfather said sternly.

Ben looked at Anakin and couldn't find it in him to cover up the truth again.

"FINE." He yelled, "Yes, she fucking kissed me and I kissed her back!" He yelled. Immediately he was embarrassed at how young he sounded.

Anakin smirked in a way that made him seem satisfied yet without the air of anything condescending.

"Sooo... she loves you, too!"

"No?... Yes?... I don't know, I kind of died before I could pick her brain about it and find out! So I'm stuck here not knowing if we could have had more... It's like none of it mattered."

Anakin's smirk was gone now and he looked at Ben and nodded, allowing what he just said to settle around them. Ben could feel the despair of what put him into a mess before begin to creep up on him again and did his best to quell the outburst itching to break free. After a minute or so Anakin spoke gently,

"Well… you did better than I did. That's for sure." He sighed, "It did matter, Ben… I know you already know that so I'm not going to get into that… but I need you to listen very carefully to what I'm going to say next."

Ben looked at Anakin with questioning eyes bracing himself for anything. It had already been a crazy day to say the very least.

"Ben, your force dyad is more important than just something that connected you and Rey. The moment you two met for the first time, everyone who was force sensitive could feel it. You need to understand, this idea of a force dyad was long thought to be a myth… a part of lore from an old sith cult. Palpatine's master attempted to forge a dyad with him and Palpatine tried to forge one with me. What they didn't know is that they cannot be forced - they just have to happen organically. The connection you felt to Rey when you first met her? That was the force joining the two of you. There was nothing you, Rey, Palpatine, or even master Yoda could do about it even if they tried. Your fates were bound the moment you two laid eyes on each other."

Ben was processing all of this at a speed that made him feel like his brain was smoking. Between defeating a sith lord, saving Rey, dying, seeing his dead grandfather, and now listening to this all in one day, it was beginning to feel like a little too much.

Anakin continued.

"You two were either going to bring balance to the force or be an indestructible weapon that would be used for total and permanent destruction. Luckily, you two brought balance."

"Right, she killed Palpatine and I brought her back to life, and then there was balance. This isn't new information."

"Well actually Ben," Anakin said with a raised voice, "Balance in the force was reached at the moment of Palpatine's demise. You saving Rey was just… extra. It was great, selfless and noble, but ultimately when it comes to the balance of the force, it was technically unneeded."

Ben's eye twitched as he spit out, "Why are you telling me this?" and he began to briskly walk away, suddenly feeling quite nauseous.

"Ben, I'm trying to help you!"

"How is ANY of this helpful?!"

"YOU CAN GO BACK."

The air around the two men froze. Ben felt what seemed like a cold hand grasp his heart and squeeze nearly leveling him to the floor. Now that he thought about it, all feeling in his arms and legs was gone.

"What?" He managed to grunt out.

"I was just getting to that point Ben. You get your impatience from me. Listen to me because I'm not stopping again." He let out a lung full of air. "The moment you two met and formed your force dyad, there was a tear in the force. In the past, those who were powerful enough with the force were able to navigate into the world of the living to communicate through the force once they died. This tear that you two unknowingly formed disrupted that veil only in that very moment."

"... So how does this equate to me going back to Rey after I've died?" Ben asked.

"It doesn't, from what I can gather, if you want to go back, you can only go back to the time when you met Rey for the first time. This tear is unique to you two. Normally, the force is constant in its abundance at any given time, but when you two met, it's almost like the force left the rest of the world and poured into the two of you at that very second and then sprung back once the connection was forged."

Ben paused allowing the new information to sink in. "So if I go back, will it be when she's my prisoner, the First Order exists, and Snoke and the Emperor are still alive?"

"Yes." Anakin replied.

"... and what if I don't go back?" Ben asks.

"Rey lives and there is balance in the force."

"So what would be the point in me going back?" As soon as this leaves his mouth he realizes how hopeless it made him sound.

"Well," Anakin begins, "Do you want to be with her?"

"Yes."

"Well this gives you the chance to do just that."

"Right, but I don't want to go and fuck things up." Ben says dejectedly

"It is a big risk… but the question is are you willing to face this risk again to be with her?"

Ben wasn't sure. This was all too much information coming at him too fast for him to even begin to comprehend. What if this was the way things were supposed to be? Rey is alive and there is balance in the force. That's all he needed.

"Well what happens to me if I don't go back?" Ben asks.

Anakin chuckles, "That's the BIG life question isn't it?" He pauses. "I don't know, Ben."

"What? How do you NOT know? Haven't you been dead for a while? Haven't you… you know… 'moved on'?"

Anakin looked at his feet for a few seconds and then looked back up aming deliberate eye contact.

"What do you think, Ben?"

Then it finally clicked.

"It's what Shmi, your mother said to you wasn't it?" 'Don't let it happen again, Ani' . These words suddenly made more sense with why Anakin was standing with him discussing their lives and shortcomings and redemptions.

"Ben, you have an opportunity that I never did. You can change what happened, you still have a chance to be with Rey - the woman you love."

That was the first time Ben heard those words come out of anyone's mouth, including his own. Even though it was a shock, he knew there was no use denying it. He knew he loved her. He said nothing.

"This is your choice, Ben. Either way, I am proud of the man you are… but I think you should go back. Our lives ran parallel but there is no need for both of us to end up alone. You have another chance."

Ben nodded as Anakin continued.

"But Ben, you need to understand that if you do go back, and things go poorly, you risk undoing everything and causing immense imbalance in the force."

"Okay, but if I go back I can't just…. Be a jedi and join the light side." Ben nearly sneered.

"Ben you're going back for Rey, not to the light or dark side of the force. You just need to be careful, that's all."

That was all he needed to hear.

"Fine, how do I go back?" Ben asked.

Anakin smiled that Ben had made his decision.

"It's as easy as meditating. You just have to focus on the tear in the force that you two created… the first time you two met and formed the force dyad."

A thought came to Ben.

"Grandfather. If what you say about the force dyad is true… that nothing could have stopped the bond from forming, isn't the love we feel just a side effect of the connection? Is it… is it not real? Because I don't want to go back for something artificial or have her forced to love me because of a fated connection."

Anakin hummed under his breath.

"Well I can't be one hundred percent sure, but I would think that the force dyad would only indicate a connection between the two of you - a tying of fates. It does not necessarily mean it would have an effect on how you two feel for each other."

Ben didn't know what to take away from that. It would just have to be another risk to going back for her.

"So are you really going to do this?" Anakin asked.

Ben took a deep breath.

"Yes."

"Okay. I'm going to assist you in meditating by letting the force flow from me into you. I'm not sure you're going to need it, but I figure that it can't hurt to have a little extra help."

Ben nodded and sat down. He still had a million more questions swirling around in his head, but there was no way that any of them were going to be answered. He would just have to go ahead with this crazy half baked plan to get back to Rey.

Once Ben and Anakin were both comfortably seated across from each other, they put their hands out and grasped each other's forearms. Before Ben began his meditation, he looked to Anakin

"Grandfather, what are you going to do once I'm gone?"

Anakin smiled, "I'm going to stay here and make sure you don't fuck up. I'm watching you, kid. I'll be here when it's time for you to be here again and then we'll take it from there. Remember, you may have your father's last name, but through the force, you are a Skywalker. I'll be there for you, Ben. You're family."

Ben sat up a little straighter and felt the words his grandfather just said resonate within him… an understanding.

When Ben nodded, both men closed their eyes and began their meditation. Immediately, Ben could feel the force flow from Anakin, up his arms, and throughout his body. He focused on the first time he saw Rey. Every sense from that moment had to be honed in. The smell of the base, the feeling of the solid ground under his feet, the sound of his breath through his mask. The feeling similar to when he was putting his life force into Rey started in his stomach and worked its way into his shoulders, creating a feeling similar to a tug. He was feeling less and less of his grandfather's presence and more and more of the Starkiller Base. Just as the veil began to lift, he heard Anakin in his mind,

"Just so you know, after you died, Rey chose her last name to be Skywalker. Interesting isn't it?"