Rifiuto: Non Mirena
A/N: Where exactly do you think Elsa is? Any guesses?
And yes, the last chapter, this chapter and the next... couple, I believe, but I'll have to check... are exceedingly important to the story, because some information's going to be revealed that's going to help move everything along- though whether it's in regards to the tinderbox and the legend, Hans and Elsa themselves or Elsa's strained relationship with Anna and now Yelena, I don't know. I just know it's important.
Written: 2019 - Licia
Slowly, it became familiar; one memory would appear, and she would watch, learning more and more about her parents, before it faded away to be replaced with a new one. This was unlike the ballroom at Ahtohallan, where they were all together in one place, patched together with bits of water and ice, an entire span of a life to be explored; no, this was calculated- whatever had happened to her was showing her deliberate memories of her parents, and these, were flesh and blood; the brunette of her mother's hair, and the blue of her father's eyes. They almost seemed to be spirits, pulling her into small moments of time, giving her a glimpse of their life together, or, at least the important moments.
She had seen her mother reveal her origins, watched her own birth- that had been something she never wanted to see again, especially now knowing that she had nearly cost her mother her life- witnessed their wedding and Anna's arrival. She'd sat in on the discussion about her betrothal to Hans, and seen the moment they had discovered their oldest daughter possessed magic.
But it had not shown her their deaths.
She didn't know whether to be grateful or insulted.
The darkness enveloped her again, and she sighed, reaching up to rub the crick in her neck, closing her eyes and humming softly to herself. Clearly, wherever she was wasn't going to release her any time soon; it didn't help that she couldn't remember what had happened to land her here- wherever here was- in the first place. Oh well, all in time, she figured.
"Elsa."
Her eyes snapped open, and she slowly turned at the voice. There was no one. Sighing, she straightened her shoulders and strode forward; she'd quickly learned that she often had to seek out the voices that called, for they would not come to her. After several minutes, she stopped, to find herself in the ballroom of the palace in Arendelle. Laughter reached her, and she stepped closer, to find her parents dancing about the ballroom, her mother's hand resting against her father's shoulder, his hand on her waist. The love that shone between them was real and deep, and Elsa wrapped her arms around herself, turning away, feeling as though she were intruding on a private moment.
"Now it's your turn."
She lifted her head, to find her father standing before her, holding out a a hand. A startled look crossed her face. Could he see her? Clearly, Iduna could- if the memory of her birth was any indication, but Agnarr? "No, Father, I can't. What if I hurt you?"
Slowly, she turned, to find herself sitting on one of the benches placed within the ballroom. Elsa's blue eyes took in the dark purple dress with the black pattern along the hem and matching jacket, her long platinum hair pulled back in a severe bun, her bangs hanging over her forehead, similar to her mother's. Elsa stepped closer; she looked about sixteen, her arms wrapped tightly around herself, fear on her face. "You won't hurt me, Elsa. I promise."
She reached out; it was now that Elsa saw the white gloves she wore, and she cringed. After she'd returned from the mountain and thawed the fjord, she'd never again put on the gloves. A moment passed, before her teenage self pulled back, shaking her head. Tears sprang to the girl's eyes, and she choked on a sob. "No. No, Papa. I'll only end up hurting you if I touch you. You should be teaching Anna to dance, not me. She'll enjoy it and get to use it more." The tears slid down her cheeks, and she turned away. "I don't know why you're wasting your time on me anyway. I'm no good to either of you."
"Oh, Lisbet, how could you ever think that?" Agnarr asked, as Iduna hurried to her, kneeling before her daughter.
"Because it's true!" She cried, looking up at her father. The temperature began to drop, and Elsa watched as Iduna fluidly removed the shawl from around her shoulders- the same shawl she herself wore- and draped it around the teenager, as iff she'd done it a thousand times before, tugging it smartly to get the girl's attention. "I'm a curse, Papa! A curse! I bring nothing but... but bad luck and pain and harm to everyone I touch. You and Mama... Anna... why don't you lock me in the dungeons beneath the palace? Or exile me?"
"Elsa!"
"It's true, Mama! I'm a curse! And you made me the Heir Apparent, the Crown Princess! You should have made Anna the Heir Apparent! At least she's normal! She won't freeze her kingdom someday..." The girl swallowed thickly, cutting her mother off, and Elsa swallowed thickly, realizing exactly how true the words she'd spoken that day became. "You should have killed me after birth. Or better yet, I should have never been born!"
"Elisabeth, how dare-"
"What's wrong, Papa? Don't want to hear the truth? It's what should have happened! I never should have been born, that way I wouldn't curse your kingdom!" The girl broke down then, frost beginning to appear along the walls and floor.
"Now you listen to me, Gitta! Listen to me!" Elsa watched through her tears as Iduna took her daughter's face in her hands, caressing her cheeks. Slowly, the teenager met her mother's gaze, even as she tried to tug away, but Iduna wouldn't let her. "How dare you think you deserve such a thing as death! Papa and I wanted you, more than we've ever wanted anything! We were blessed to have you! You were a gift! The night you were born was the proudest moment of our lives. You hear me, Gitta? You are a gift, a blessing, something unique and special and ours. Yes, you have powers, but that only makes you more wonderful than you know-"
"Let go, Mama!" The girl tried to pull away, but her mother held on. "I don't want to hurt you-"
"You could never hurt me, Gitta, never. Neither Papa or I-"
"I hurt Anna!"
"It was an accident, Lisbet." Agnarr replied, guilt in his voice, for seeing his daughter so distraught, he knew they'd made the wrong choice, forcing their daughter into isolation; it had done nothing but further whittle away at the beautiful baby girl his wife had given birth to sixteen years earlier, destroying not only her confidence, but her trust in others at a rapid pace. If only they could go back, he would do it all differently.
"I still hurt Anna, Papa! I could hurt you- both of you-"
"Listen to me, Gitta." Iduna tightened her hold, pressing her forehead to her daughter's. "You will never hurt us, no matter what happens. Yes, you have powers, but the harm they could do is nothing compared to the harm your words are doing to us right now. Do you know what it's like, for me to hear my baby girl, the beautiful, talented, kind, gentle baby I gave birth to all those years ago speak like that? It's cuts worse than the sharpest icicle. It burns more than the deepest frostbite, to hear you speak that way. We love you, we have loved you from the moment you were conceived. And we will love you long after we are both dead and gone and you sit upon the throne. We will never fear you, never hate you, never stop loving you. Because you are ours. You are our gift, and Papa and I both know that a gift needs to be treasured and loved and nurtured. And I know Papa and I aren't doing that very well, but we're trying our best. We've never raised a child with ice powers before; this is new for us. Forgive us our faults if we go about it the wrong way, we've never done this before. And yes, we're making mistakes, but that does not mean we want to get rid of you, or cast you out or bring about your death."
She pressed a kiss to the girl's forehead, before turning her head and pressing her cheek to the girl's skin; Iduna's dark eyes landed on Elsa, who tried to scamper away, but found herself unable to move. "We have made so many mistakes, but none of them were ill-intended, they all came from love. Everything we've done has been out of love for you, Gitta, my darling, and it will continue to be done out of love for you. You are my world, our world, and without you, our life is dark and bleak. You are the light of Arendelle, and no matter what you think or how you feel, nothing will change that. Arendelle will look to you, she will always look to you, because you are her very heart and soul. Just as you are mine."
She turned, kissing her daughter's forehead again, before pulling the girl fully into her arms and gently rocking her back and forth. "Shh, hush, Gitta, my darling." Iduna kissed the girl's forehead, continuing to rock, her gaze never leaving Elsa's. "Where the north wind meets the sea..."
Finally able to move, Elsa quickly backed away from the scene as it slowly faded; once far enough away, she turned to scamper off, letting out a cry. Her hands shot up to stifle the sound as she found herself face to face with Iduna. "Oh, Gitta, look how you've grown."
Elsa swallowed the lump in her throat, as her mother's hand reached up to caress her cheek, thumb brushing over the apple in that familiar movement she used to do. It had been years since she'd felt her mother's touch, and she leaned heavily into it, tears sliding down her cheeks being brushed away by her mother's thumb. Choking on a sob, she curled into Iduna's shoulders. Clearly, wherever she was, she could touch them, not just watch. She buried her face in her mother's neck, shoulders shaking, and soon felt her mother's familiar embrace wrap around her, holding her close. Gently, Iduna began to sway, her oldest daughter held tight in her arms, one hand working through the strands of her braid, the other tightening her hold. "I'm here, Gitta, darling. I'm here, I promise. Mama's here."
Hearing her mother's voice in her ear, feeling it against her cheek- the one thing, next to her embrace, she'd longed to truly hear for the last eight years- broke her, and the famed Snow Queen of Arendelle, the Fifth Spirit, Protector of the Enchanted Forest, began to sob, cradled in her long-dead mother's arms. Iduna pressed a kiss to Elsa's head, never stopping her swaying. Elsa tightened her hold, slowly wrapping her arms around her mother's back from underneath her arms, fingers curled against her mother's shoulder blades, grasping at the material of her dress. "Mama..."
Tears sprang to Iduna's eyes, and she quickly blinked them away, the sound of her daughter's voice choking out that single word warming her heart. For a moment, Elsa was that little girl again, being cradled in her mother's embrace as she sang the lullaby to her before bed. "Oh, Gitta."
Finally, after several long minutes and heart wrenching sobs, Iduna slowly pulled away, taking in her daughter's face, her body, noting the thickness of her hair, the gentle slop of her cheekbones, the small mounds of her bust, even beneath the tunic, the graceful curve of her hips, and how she had grown, shedding the girlishness she had possessed the day she'd kissed her daughter goodbye, and growing into her womanhood. Though even at eighteen, nineteen years of age, Elsa had been slender, but the few curves she'd had were few and far between... but now...
She chuckled softly, taking her daughter's face in her hands and gently brushing the tears away with her thumbs. "When did you shed your girlhood so, my darling? The last time I saw you-" She stopped, sadness filling her gaze briefly. "I wish I could have been there, to watch you fully grow into your womanhood." Elsa sniffled, but stayed quiet. "Oh," Iduna swallowed. "Gitta, my little Gitta." She pulled Elsa back into her arms and Elsa gratefully went, pressing her ear to her mother's chest. She was surprised to find it beating beneath her chest. Iduna rested a hand to her daughter's head. "I'm here. You hear it?" The Snow Queen nodded. Her mother sniffled. "I'm here. I'm right here."
They stayed in that position for several minutes, until Elsa slowly pulled away, something bothering her. "You can see me? And hear me?"
Iduna nodded at her daughter's surprise, though she'd been holding her moments ago, smiling softly. "And hold you and kiss you. We both can."
Something akin to worry flashed across Elsa's face, and Iduna reached up, brushing her knuckles against her daughter's cheek. "P... Papa's here?"
Without a word, Iduna turned. "Agnarr?" Elsa waited. "Agnarr, she's here."
Footsteps sounded, and Elsa felt her heart leap into her throat as her father, the late King of Arendelle, made his way towards them. He was just as Elsa remembered that fateful day, tall and broad shouldered, hair perfectly maintained, blue eyes piercing, though they softened once they rested on her. A small smile tugged at his lips, and he was soon before her in two strides. His rich, velvet voice was soft as he spoke, a single word reaching her ears- one she had missed hearing for the last eight years.
"Lisbet."
Letting out a cry, Elsa pulled away from her mother, throwing her arms around her father and burying her face in his shoulder as he lifted her off the ground, holding her close, one arm beneath her thighs like a bench, the other around her back, like he used to do when she was a little girl. "Papa! Oh, Papa! I miss you! I miss you so much! I love you, Papa! I... love... you..."
Agnarr held his beloved baby girl close as she broke down then, for the second time, her sobs ringing loud in the darkness that surrounded them. Iduna watched the reunion between her husband and oldest daughter, tears sliding down her cheeks rapidly at her husband's words. "I love you, Lisbet. Shh, it's okay. I've got you. I won't let go, I promise."