Rifiuto: Non Miriena
A/N: Written: 2019 - Licia
"I don't understand. Where am I? Why am I here? Why can I touch you both? What is this place?" She turned back to her parents. "This isn't Ahtohallan. I know Ahtohallan."
Agnarr sighed; once the reunion settled, the tears had been wiped away and the hugs and kisses exchanged, Iduna and Agnarr took their oldest daughter by the hands as they walked through the void. Tucked between her parents, the void she'd woken up in didn't feel as daunting or frightening as it had first felt. "So you finally made it, then?"
"Nearly three years ago, Papa." Elsa whispered, and Agnarr nodded. "I found out why the mist fell that day. That Mama got you out when the fighting started, before it fell, and that the dam was a ploy to trick the Northuldra." She stopped, swallowing. She feared their reactions if she told them of what she'd done, how far she'd actually gone-
"And?"
She met her father's gaze, before glancing at her mother. "I know why the fighting started. Grandfather feared magic, and had the dam built to trick the tribe, to lull them into a false sense of security, and when the chief approached him about the dam cutting off the north, he told him to meet for tea on fjord so they could figure out a solution. When the chief was making an offering to the spirits," She swallowed. "Gran... Grandfather beheaded him."
Iduna gasped, covering her mouth with her hand, more horrified that her daughter had witnessed it than by the act. She had, after all, witnessed her grandfather being murdered by her future-father-in-law that long ago day, but that her daughter-
"It angered the spirits, and they attacked, the mist fell, trapping everyone inside, but you two and the man who drove the cart, you got out before it fell."
"How to do you know that? What happened to the chief, how do you know-"
Elsa winced, her eyes filling with pain and sadness as she met her mother's gaze. Iduna shook her head, knowing the answer but not wanting to believe it. "I'm sorry, Mama-"
Iduna reached up, grabbing the stitch in her chest as she turned away, those three words speaking volumes and revealing the truth of her daughter's actions. She had never wanted either of her daughters to suffer such a fate, and yet, it somehow made sense that it was sensible, elegant, protective Elsa who would sacrifice herself to learn the truth and right the wrongs done in the past, even decades before she'd been born. Her precious baby girl, her heir, had stepped forward and finished what they had started, even when no one had asked her too, and given her life to complete what they could not. It brought both pride and anger to her heart.
"Gitta, how could you do something so dangerous? Don't you listen at all to anything I tell you? That lullaby had a warning for a reason- Ahtohallan is dangerous! And you just leapt right into it without thinking of the consequences! Anna I would have expected that from, but not you! You're more levelheaded than that, Gitta! You're our heir! It was your oath to protect Arendelle, not free the forest!"
"I had to save the forest, Mama! I couldn't leave it to be trapped under that curse for another thirty-four years! You taught me to be brave and to always do what was right! I made a promise to break the curse and I kept it!"
"And sacrificed your own life in the process!"
Agnarr quickly stepped between his wife and daughter, gently taking Elsa's elbow to pull her back. "I saved both the forest and Arendelle, Mama! Anna destroyed the dam, but I stopped the flood from destroying your kingdom! I did both! The Northuldra were freed, and Arendelle did not fall! And it was all because I followed you! You called to me, I had to follow! I had to find you!" Iduna turned, meeting her daughter's gaze as tears slid down the girl's cheeks. "The spirits all agreed, Arendelle deserved to stand." She watched her daughter's lower lip quiver, saw how she bit down hard to stop it, even as she swallowed hard and choked out, "With Anna."
Her parents shared a glance, confusion filling their faces now. "Lisbet, what do you mean... 'with Anna'?"
The girl choked on a sob; she began to panic, terrified of what they would say, how they would react, and she could feel the frost begin to form on her hands as she struggled to catch her breath, pulling away from her father and stumbling back, turning from them as she curled in on herself, the panic attack taking full control now. It had been so long since she'd suffered one, she almost forgot what was happening until she felt the rapid beating of her heart. "I... abdicated... for... Anna... because..." She choked on a sob, struggling to catch her breath. "Because... I'm the... Fifth... Spirit..." The only thing she could think to do to even try and control the attack was to start panting, but with each rapid breath, her small bubble began to swim more and more.
"Gitta!"
"Lisbet!"
Unaware she'd stumbled, she only looked up when she felt her parents' embrace around her; gently, they lowered her to the ground, sitting on either side of her, their arms still around her, letting her gather herself. She continued to pant, looking up as Iduna reached up and caressed her cheek. "Shh, calm, Gitta, my darling. Slow breaths, not fast. You'll make yourself pass out if you keep quickening your breath. Slow, that's it, my darling. That's my good girl. Talk when you're ready." She felt her father's hand on her back, and as her vision came back to her and her world stopped swimming, she felt something shift.
Iduna, noticing her shawl hanging loosely off her daughter, pulled it off completely. She quickly shook it out and then draped it back over Elsa's shoulders with the ease of a practiced dancer. Then, as she had done so many times before to get the girl's attention, she gently tugged on the ends, causing her daughter to look up, and smiled softly, even as tears began to race down Elsa's cheeks. The movement was familiar to the girl, something she missed deeply, and to have it done again, made her heart constrict. "Now," Iduna gently tugged on the ends a second time. "want to explain that to us again, my Gitta?"
Elsa swallowed thickly, meeting her mother's eyes before turning to look at her father, who waited patiently by her side. Turning back to her mother, Elsa burrowed into her mother's lap, as she'd done when she was a toddler, before Anna had come along, wrapping her arms around her mother's waist. Tears began to gather in her throat, and Iduna automatically lifted her arms, surprised at such a gesture. "Elisabeth Astrid Birgitta-"
"You'll be angry with me." Came the muffled reply.
"Lisbet, nothing you do could make us angry at you, especially not after seeing the woman you've become. We couldn't be prouder of you."
Elsa shook her head, her hair rustling against her mother's dress, loosening even more from her braid as she buried her face further in her mother's lap. Gently, Iduna rested her hands against her daughter's scalp, beginning to stroke her fingers through the silky strands she knew so well. "No. You'll be angry, and tell me that I did a horrible, horrible thing, even though I... didn't have a choice... Anna's..."
Her parents shared confused glances. "Elisabeth," Elsa froze; she had only ever heard the fullness of her first name when she was either in serious trouble, or her parents were having trouble understanding whatever was wrong with her at the time and were growing more and more concerned. "what exactly did you do besides freeing the forest?"
"And why are you saying that you didn't have a choice?" Iduna met Agnarr's gaze briefly before she voiced the last question.
"And... what, exactly does all this have to do with Anna?"
Silence met them both, ringing in the air for several minutes, before Elsa shifted, resting he cheek against her mother's thigh, reaching down to play with the material of her dress. The fabric was slightly coarse against her fingers, but it was familiar, as familiar as her father's voice or her mother's caress. Iduna continued to stroke her daughter's hair, and Agnarr gently continued to rub her back, stroking large circles over the girl's back, before gently patting her hip, as he'd done when she was a child and had run to him when she was scared or upset if she couldn't find Iduna. Finally, after several minutes, Elsa pushed herself up, sniffling. She shifted so that she faced both her parents, tucking one leg beneath her, eyes red and cheeks tracked with tears.
"Promise you won't be... won't be angry with me?" She pleaded, glancing quickly at each of them in turn before wringing her hands. Frost began to appear on her skin, slower this time than before, and she choked on a sob. She had done so well, gotten such good control of her powers, not just after the Great Thaw, but after discovering who she truly was- what she truly was- that to see the frost rapidly developing upon her skin now, after so many years of having control-
Agnarr, noticing his daughter's attention to her hands, reached out, taking one of them in both of his. He gently brushed the frost away as though it were dust, before bringing it to his lips and blowing softly. Elsa watched, remembering how he used to do the same thing when she was little, before Anna's accident, before her forced isolation, before thirteen years of her life were spent behind the locked door of her bedroom. New tears, happy tears, slid down her cheeks now, watching as Agnarr gently kissed the chilled skin of his daughter's hand, as he'd done all those years ago. "You can tell us, Elsa. We'll never be angry with you, not when you tell us the truth."
Iduna taking her other hand forced her to turn her head. She watched as her mother slowly unfurled her frost-covered fingers and pressed her hand to her cheek. Unbothered by the chill of her daughter's skin or the frost that was quickly melting away, Iduna smiled softly at her. She had never been afraid to take Elsa's face in her hands, never been afraid to wrap her in a hug, and not once, had she ever feared what would happen when she removed her daughter's gloves and pressed the small, silk-soft, porcelain hands to her own cheeks.
"You will never hurt me, Gitta. Your heart is too good and too filled with love to do such a thing. You are my heart and soul, nothing your ice or snow could do could hurt me more than the hateful words you tell yourself." Iduna punctuated her words with a firm, warm kiss to her daughter's palm, and Elsa sniffled, biting her lip. With her parents holding tight to her hands, giving her their strength, Elsa told them everything- from the Great Thaw to breaking the curse on the forest, to abdicating in favor of Anna and becoming Ahtohallan's guardian, to finding Hans at the gypsy camp and Anna's changed behaviour, to discovering that Yelena had betrayed her.
And they listened, quietly, patiently, letting her speak, seeing the emotions race across her face, hearing the tears choking her voice. When finally Elsa finished, Agnarr reached out, cradling her head, before pulling her into his shoulder; Iduna curled into his side, wrapping around their daughter, and they held her, letting her story soak in as Elsa sobbed, letting the emotions that had been swirling right after Yelena confessed her truth to her be released, if only for a short time. Sandwiched between her parents, held gently in their embrace, Elsa felt as she hadn't in the last eight years-
Wanted. Loved.
She had thought for years that she wasn't wanted by her parents, that her having powers had been the reason they'd locked her away for thirteen years, even though they trained her and prepared her to be queen some day. That the only reason they tolerated her at all was because she was the heir to their throne, and Anna was too young and immature. But now, as she sat within their embrace, with her father's scent in her nose and her mother's heartbeat against her back, she realized that what they'd done for thirteen years had been the only thing they knew how, the only thing they could think of that would protect both their daughters and keep her alive, for certainly if the people had discovered her powers when she was a child, she'd surely have been put to death, no matter how deeply the people of Arendelle loved her.
Silence filled the air, the sounds of Elsa's fading sobs the only noise breaking it. Iduna glanced at Agnarr over Elsa's head, and the questions were loud and clear,
How on God's green earth had we gotten everything so wrong? How could we have possibly let ourselves do this to our baby girl? How much damage had we done to her, and how, in God's name, do we fix it?
Agnarr sighed, pressing a kiss to Elsa's head, knowing exactly what they had to do. He met his wife's gaze, reaching out to take her hand.
It's time. We've kept our secrets from her long enough; we can't keep hiding them, she's here with us for a reason. We have no choice. We have to, Iduna. We tell Elsa the truth, regardless of the consequences. She needs to know.