Rifiuto: Non Mirena

A/N: I just discovered, according to Zani's notes, that the 'mistake' in the the portion Anna's letter in the last chapter- 'resting delicately around her neck'- was deliberate. Any guesses as to why? I know the reason; I want to see if any of you can figure it out.

Written: 2019 - Licia

As Vanja had said, by the end of the week, Elsa was better, and allowed to be up and about, though she still had to take it easy. Her first day back on her feet had been shaky at best, and she'd spent more time sitting than doing anything else, playing with the children and keeping them entertained while the adults worked. She was limited in what she could do in regards to her duties as Protector of the Forest, but was able to speak with the earth giants and Gale, and Bruni kept himself buried in her hair. The only one she didn't have contact with was the Nokk, but it wasn't like she had the strength to go the river at the moment.

And so it went that way until the start of the next week, when finally, she was able to walk long distances without having to rest as much. The first thing Elsa intended on doing was going to the river, which is where Yelena found her at the start of the week. Sitting on her rock, toes in the water, long hair down around her shoulders. She was staring dejectedly into the river's surface, waiting. She'd been waiting all morning.

Lunch was just to begin, and still, she hadn't moved.

"He's upset. He's angry, with himself, for what happened. For throwing me like he did; for hurting me. It was an accident, he didn't mean it. Hans got in the way to try and stop him, stop me from leaving, and he did what horses do. I made the mistake of yanking on the reigns. I should have dropped the reigns and grabbed his neck sooner, when I realized what was happening. I could have calmed him down. I could have stopped it." She sighed. "Nokk shouldn't blame himself. We were both players in my accident, the fault doesn't rest solely on either of us."

A moment passed before the older woman sighed, taking a seat on a rock across from her. She waited, letting the younger woman gather her thoughts, for it was evident that there was more she wanted to say. She could see the wheels turning in Elsa's head, and waited. After a moment, Elsa's blue eyes darted up to meet Yelena's.

"I'm still angry with you." The older woman didn't respond. She knew Elsa would still be angry, had every right to be angry, and didn't begrudge her her anger. "How could you do that? I've been here nearly three years, and not once- once!- did you think to take me aside and tell me the truth! Not once did you even consider letting me know the connection you had to my mother, to me! And you said, when my sister and I arrived in the forest that day that Mama belonged to one of the oldest Northuldrian families- and yet, when her daughter chooses to abdicate her throne and stay in the forest because she's the Fifth Spirit, you don't even bother to take her aside and explain that the family her mother is apart of is your own! How could you do something like that? Why would you do something like that? Why hide it instead of tell me?"

She had stood by this point, ankle deep in the gentle flow of the river, the tunic and leggings she'd worn for the last several weeks replaced by one of her icy creations- a pair of simple frost leggings and an off-the-shoulder dress that wrapped around her torso and then flowed out around her waist in folds of icy fabric, soft as silk and light grey in color. The skirt floated in the water, a singular snowflake in spring. Yelena simply watched her, letting her vent, knowing it wasn't her time to talk, and that once Elsa had said all she wanted, then she would speak.

"How could you not tell me that you're my aunt?" The tears she'd been trying so hard to mask began to slide down her cheeks, as she stared down at the chief. "Why did you hide the fact that you're my mother's older sister from me for so long, when you knew I had no family left but Anna? Even after the curse was broken and the dam fell, why didn't you tell me then? Why hide it?" A moment passed, before she spoke the same six words Anna had said to her the night of her coronation, when everything had gone so terribly wrong, and she'd fled to the North Mountain. "What are you so afraid of?"

She broke then, crumpling into the water, the last of her reserves gone. Yelena caught her, crumpling into the water with her, holding the sobbing young woman close. Several minutes passed, as Elsa buried her face in Yelena's chest, shoulders shaking with sobs, before she clung to the last living person who remembered her mother, letting the hours of held back heartache go. Slowly, the chief wrapped her arms around the woman, holding her close, stroking her hair. She didn't say a word, just let the younger woman cry. Once Elsa had calmed down, she finally spoke, her voice soft and warm, yet tinged with sadness.

"I did not want to believe it was true."

"What?" Elsa asked, pulling away to meet Yelena's gaze. The chief looked down at her, seeing the tears in her blue eyes. The briefest of moments passed, and she saw Iduna, clinging to her as she often did when they were little, before the image faded, leaving her daughter in her place.

"That you were Iduna's child. I did not want to believe that my sister little sister had survived the mist, and married, let alone become Queen of the very people who had attacked us that day. I felt, that it were better she had died when the mist fell, rather than got out. It felt like a betrayal- that she had got out, gone on and married the young prince who had come that day, and had a family, while the rest of us were trapped in the forest. It was easier to believe she had died the day the mist fell. And when you and your sister," Elsa winced. "showed up that day, and said that the scarf was your mother's, I could deny it no longer. It hurt even worse to when you said that she had died six years before. I felt as though I'd lost Iduna all over again. Only this time, I had no possible way to tell her goodbye." She quickly blinked the tears away, before reaching down and gently smoothing Elsa's hair back from her face.

"Why didn't you say anything? After I decided to stay?"

Yelena sighed, standing and helping Elsa to her feet. She took a seat on the rock, shifting over so Elsa could join her. Once both women were seated, Yelena continued. "Part of me could not accept that the little sister I adored was gone. It was not even that she had married and bore children, it was that she was gone. That day, we had not parted on good terms. We were six years apart in age; as granddaughters of the chief, it was our duty to help show the visitors around. Iduna," She stopped, swallowing thickly, "your mother," She amended, meeting Elsa's gaze. "abhorred having to act adult in any way. She would much rather go off and play. That day, my father put me in charge of Iduna while he and our grandfather gathered the tribe to greet the foreigners. Iduna had gotten ready on her own, but when I went to do her hair, she resisted, insisting she did not need to be present to meet 'strange foreigners from the South'. I told her that we had to, because Grandfather was the chief, and it would look badly on him if we did not present ourselves. I still remember the bitter words we exchanged that day."

"You cannot make me, Yelena, just because you are the oldest. I won't meet them, I don't want to!"

"You have no choice, Iduna. They are our guests, how would it look on our father- on Grandfather- if we were not there to meet them?" She yanked the brush a little to hard through the dark curls.

"They are just strange foreigners from the South, what do they matter any- ouch! That hurt!"

"Well, sit down and hold still then, and it won't hurt!" She forced the girl back down, continued running the brush through her hair, and then pulled the top and sides back, securing them tightly behind her head. "There. Done. Now come on, we're to meet everyone-"

The girl stood. "No! I'm not going! Father had two daughters, you can go instead." She left the hut, but the older girl stood and grabbed her wrist, stopping her.

"Grandfather asked for both of us to be there, Iduna! Not just one!"

"I don't want to, Yelena! I want to go play with the wind spirit!" She yanked her hand away, storming from the hut as her sister followed, grabbing her arm.

"And what will Grandfather say when he realizes his youngest granddaughter is not there?"

"He will not notice, because you will be there! You are so much more important that me anyways. You will be the next chief after Father dies! And I will be nothing but a lowly princess!"

"He will notice, Iduna. And I will be blamed for it! As I always am when you run off and get into trouble, because I am to watch you!"

"You don't need to watch me, Yelena! You are not Mother! So stop pretending that you are!"

She released the girl, hurt. "Fine. As you said, I'm not Mother. So go. Do what you want. Cause the chaos I normally try to stop you from causing. But when Grandfather realizes you are gone, I won't cover for you! Do not come crying to me when you get in trouble!" The girl took off, without looking back. "Or better yet, Iduna, do not come back at all! You are nothing more than a lowly princess, after all! We do not need you! We never needed you!"

"I did not know that would be the last time I ever saw my sister. Grandfather wanted everything to go well, but and when he noticed Iduna gone, and questioned me about it, I did not lie. I told him what had happened, and that she had run off to play with the wind spirit. Grandfather said he would discipline her after the visit, but-"

"But he was killed, by my father's father." Elsa whispered, and Yelena nodded, choking on a sob.

"Fighting broke out. I don't remember how long it lasted; I remember the spirits turning on us, and then..." She shrugged. "And then the mist fell. And we were trapped, Northuldra and-"

"Arendellian."

"For thirty-four years. My father became chief, but died two short years later, and I took his place. I married a warrior, and seven years after I became chief, I gave birth to Honeymaren, on the night of the full moon. Ryder followed two years later." She watched Elsa quickly do the math in her head, chuckling softly when she watched the dots connect, and nodded. "You are exactly six months apart in age." A moment passed, before she glanced down at Elsa's hands.

"You thought she was dead? Why?"

"Because I did not know if she had survived or not, and so it was easier to believe her dead than to go through the pain of her possibly having escaped but never being able to see her again. With death, I could imagine she did not suffer anymore, that she was fee. And then seeing you that first night... it was as though Iduna had returned to me." She swallowed. "I look at you, and I see my sister. Every bit of her, despite the color of your hair and the blue of your eyes."

Hesitantly, she reached up to brush her thumb against the younger woman's cheek, and after a moment, Elsa nodded, giving her permission. Gently, the older woman cradled her cheek, brushing her thumb over the apple, as her mother had often done. A moment passed, before Yelena once more spoke. "You have his eyes, but the shape is hers. Her nose, her mouth, her cheeks. The color of your hair may have been his, but the thickness is all hers. Her build, her hands, her smile." A tiny smile tugged at Elsa's lips as she ducked her head.

"You are every bit Iduna. Your skin may be his, your eyes and your upbringing, but you are Northuldra. You are both, Arendellian and Northuldra; the bridge is not just your magic, your ability to command the other spirits, the bridge is you. Your magic bridges the gap between the magical and the natural physical worlds, and your body bridges the gap between Arendelle and Northuldra."

"A bridge has two sides." Elsa whispered, the words she'd told Anna that day on the beach bittersweet on her tongue. "And.. and Mother had two daughters."

Yelena released her cheek, taking both hands in hers. "My sister may have had two daughters, but that does not mean you both are the bridge."

"But-"

"You are both sides of the bridge, Elsa. Magical and physical, Arendellian and Northuldra. Both, together in one. That is what makes you the Fifth Spirit."