Rifiuto: Non Miriena

A/N: Written: 2019 - Licia

A queen without a country, that definitely sounded right.

You were supposed to be a good queen, a good ruler, yet every step you took was just one more misstep that led to your downfall; is it any wonder you allowed this... this... She sighed, getting up from where she sat curled up in one of the earth giant's palms. With a nod, she got down and continued on, lost in her own thoughts. How had her life come to this? Gone from being the most powerful monarch of her kingdom to the physical manifestation of an element that was more construct than element, trapped within the Enchanted Forest, unable to do anything because a troll sat upon her throne and-

She looked up, wondering how the hell she'd gotten to the river when she hadn't been planning on going to the river. Had her subconscious led her here? To the river? Either way, it was better than being back at the camp right now. She loved her girls and she loved her husband, but she couldn't think around them. Such was the way of being a mother to seven month old twins, she surmised. Her life now consisted of exhaustion and feedings and nappies and sleepless nights because the girls had both started teething a few weeks earlier and the pain from budding teeth made them both fussier than normal, especially Elsa's little Thea, who the Snow Queen had a special attachment too, seeing as she had been their surprise child. Not the mention the separation anxiety both girls were starting to experience whenever either she or Hans walked away...

And yet, the fact that the girls were now able to stand with help from both her and Hans, the fact they could crawl, the fact that they were eating solid foods and communicating the way babies did... yes, for all Elsa's grumblings about how the twins she'd borne had taken over her life, she loved watching her girls hit each milestone and such progress made the much more difficult aspects of parenting worth it.

But even so, there were still aspects of this new life she couldn't understand; she had finally begun to understand that it was custom in the Northuldra for mothers to nurse their children until the child was ready to stop; though she was nowhere near that point, it was definitely something for Elsa to consider... and yet, she couldn't understand the overwhelming desire she had to flee to the river at the most inopportune times-

Especially when she feared the river so.

Even though Fifth Spirit- no, Lærke, she was kind enough to give you her name out of trust, despite her trepidation and unease, the least you can do is use it- now had control of the river, that didn't mean Elsa still didn't fear it; it had stolen her life and given it back, but that didn't mean she trusted it. And yet, she couldn't stay away. No one blamed her her fear; what she'd gone through had been traumatic, and was understandable, but for Elsa, who saw it as irrational, it meant that her constant need to return to its edge was just as irrational as her overall fear. As irrational as finding out that your mother made a deal with the spirits to give up her firstborn in return for saving your father...

She had learned of that not long after Yelena's death; Gry had come to her, pulling her aside and telling her the forgotten truth of Yelena's deal- that she had not only made a deal with the river to learn the fate of her tribe and when the mist would rise, but that she had taken the sacrifice to mean that of her own child- and Yelena had been stunned and horrified to learn after the curse on the forest was broken that the river had not accepted her agreeing to the promise of her child because another had already been promised to the river-

"Your mother made a deal the day the mist fell, to hand over her firstborn child to the river and the spirit that inhabited it, to save the prince's life. Her deal, essentially, canceled the deal Yelena later made with the river to hand over her own child. Yelena had been prepared to give Honeymaren up to break the forest's curse; unaware that her sister had made the same deal, but for a very different reason; a deal that was much more valid in the river's eyes because of the people her sacrifice would descend from. I know you're angry, Elsa, but essentially, you saved Honeymaren's life-"

"And sacrificed my own in the process; will I ever stop being a pawn in other people's games, Gry? Or is that all I'm destined to be? A pawn to be used and traded in a game that I wanted no part in to begin with? Will I ever get my own life? Or perhaps I should have not gotten married, perhaps I shouldn't have had my girls, if my life was never going to be my own-"

"You are to be a wife and mother and a kind and gentle and loving ruler to your people. You make your own life, regardless of what fate decides for you. Do not let it define how you raise your girls or your marriage to Hans. Do not let our choices define your destiny, Elsa. Your destiny is yours and yours alone, and only you control it. Do not let the mistakes made by the generations who came before you define the decisions you make for your future and the future of your children and your kingdom."

She sighed; she would rather deal with the raging seas of which mythical Vikings once sailed than the river; the shanty her father used to sing to her coming back to her as though he were there with her. Her father's navy days had always fascinated her, no matter how old she got; as a little girl, she had asked her father if would be possible for her to become a mermaid, to which Agnarr had merely pulled her into his lap and tapped her nose with a soft, "If you became a mermaid, my little Lisbet, then who would be my Crown Princess?" He had then wrapped his arms tight around her and hummed the shanty as he got up and took her to the window, where they could see the fjord beyond the gates. She wondered if Hans knew the song, for he had been a sailor, in the Southern Isles Navy; she would be surprised if he didn't know the song, "My father is a merchant... In opulence doth dwell... And he frowns upon his daughter, who loves a sailor bold..."

Ironic, when she thought of it, for she did love a sailor, and while his eyes were not black as coal, his hair did fall in beautiful copper ringlets that she loved to run her fingers through. And while her father had agreed to the match, would he have approved of her life now? He had told her he did when she last went to Ahtohallan, but saying it and meaning it were two entirely different things. "... and firmly pray arrive the day he's nevermore to roam..." She stopped; funny, Hans had pretty much accepted this to be his life- her, the girls, their marriage, parenthood- and he was content, whereas she seemed to becoming more and more restless with each passing day. She had accepted her motherhood and her marriage, and yet...

She felt stifled, as she had before she'd discovered the secret of the Forest... and something in the pit of her stomach told her that was a very bad thing, especially considering she now had children to raise-

Which was why she was starting to wonder if she'd lost her sanity since the girls were born- because she had removed her flats by the rock she was sitting on several feet away from the cliff's edge, leaving them beside the staff she had slung over her back this morning on her rounds, and then proceeded to take a running leap and dive off the cliff's edge into the river below. The air rushed around her as she fell, pulling her hair back from her face and wrapping the skirt of her dress around her legs. It was exhilarating, to feel the rush of the wind, the weightlessness as she dropped towards the water hundreds of feet below. "Elsa!"

She hit the water with a splash.

It enveloped her like a glove, wrapping around her like the softest of silk robes, causing the ice material of her skirt to wrap around her legs and the twin braids she still wore her hair in- more out of admitted laziness than any other reason now that the girls were seven months out of her womb- to float about her and plaster to her head. Her eyes opened and she looked around; she could feel the Nokk somewhere near, but couldn't see him. Still holding her breath, she let the river's current pull her down; the weightlessness she'd felt diving from the cliff's edge was different to the weightlessness she felt now. This felt more permanent, slightly heavier, though no less desired.

Let go, that is the best thing you can do now; just let go, of your responsibilities, of your marriage, of your motherhood, there's no reason you need to focus on it anymore... breathe and let it all go... She looked around; she could feel her magic pulsing just beneath the surface of her skin and wondered what would happen if she used it-

A moment passed before she reached out, sending a burst of ice into the darkness around her; the crackle that reached her ears thrilled her and she did it again. Her lungs began to burn and she reached up, grabbing at her throat, before she couldn't hold her breath any longer. The water was harsh and bitter as it entered her throat, but the taste didn't last long; the next thing she saw was her world going black.

When she awoke, it was to an indescribable pain within her chest; her lungs burned and she couldn't catch a breath, no matter how hard she tried. It took her several moments to realize that she was reclining back against something, and she heard a soft snort not far away. There was a slight warmth radiating from her head and a soft whistle echoing in her ears; something shifted beneath her before settling down again. She inhaled to take a breath, only for her lungs to burn and rattle, and she sat up; her body reacted and she felt her lungs forcing her to cough up the water still in her lungs. A hand on her head provided minimum comfort.

"There are easier ways of getting in contact with me, you know, as opposed to drowning."

When she finished coughing up the water, she sat back and looked around; Fifth Spirit sat beside her, cradling her head in her lap. "What... how..." As she sat up, she now realized that she had been reclining on the sofa in the study of her palace at the back of Ahtohallan. "How did I-" She stopped, swallowing. "Who..."

Her mirror image held out a cup. "Drink, it will help clear out the last of the river water from your throat." Elsa took the cup and did as told, choking on the bitterness of the concoction.

"What... is in that..."

"Bitter root, wild fennel and wild heather."

"And you made this?" Fifth Spirit shook her head, standing and beginning to pace.

"No. I can touch everything in here because it is crafted of our element, but I... I cannot touch anything that resides on land, but others can." She leaned back against the desk, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Ah- others?"

Fifth Spirit- Lærke, Elsa needed to remember that- glanced at her before turning her head; slowly, Elsa followed her gaze. She wasn't sure for the shadows cast by the fireplace, but it looked as though there were four people standing in the shadows of the doorway. "You can come in now, she's awake."

Slowly, one by one, the other four occupants of the study stepped forward. Elsa felt her brow furrow in complete confusion.

Three young men and a woman stood before her, all appearing around her age, watched her silently, as though waiting for her to speak. Minutes passed, before the woman spoke, her voice light and airy and delicate, like the snowflakes her magic produced. "How do we know she won't flee, Lærke?" The woman in question raised an eyebrow.

"Because we pulled her from the river, Ena, and you said yourself, you watched her take a running leap off the cliff's edge. If she wanted to talk to me she could have gotten a hold of me any number of other ways, it didn't have to be that way." Fifth Spirit turned a sharp gaze to Elsa, who had the decency to look somewhat shamed. "They tell me some of the things you do and sometimes I wonder why I ever decided taking your soul was a good thing!"

"Lærke..." Fifth spirit ignored the taller man with the short dark hair; she was building up to a rant and everyone could see it.

"You have a tendency to be only a danger to yourself, as per some of the situations you get yourself into- don't you think? At all? Does it ever cross your mind that the situations you find yourself in might be just a tad dangerous for you? Does that happen or do you just ignore it that tiny voice in the back of your head?"

"Lærke-" The woman in question held up a hand; she wasn't done with Elsa, in fact she was just getting started.

"Does that husband of yours know what you do and how you are probably shouldn't be running around by yourself lest you hurt yourself a tad too much? My gods you are probably the most accident-prone human I have ever seen!"

"Lærke, that's enough-"

"And those girls, do you even remember that you have two human children that you, literally, I don't know... died giving birth too, or does that just... slip your mind when you feel like it? Because if I were them, once I got old enough, I would seriously start to wonder what the hell was wrong with my mother-"

"Lærke, that's enough! You're making this whole situation harder than it already is, spouting off as your tend to do! Cool it!" Elsa watched her blue eyes widened in surprise as the woman in question slowly turned towards the one who'd spoken; the young man with the brown hair crossed his arms over his chest, meeting her gaze with a raised eyebrow. Elsa couldn't help noting how smooth and silky his voice was; it reminded her of hot cocoa on a warm winter's night.

Fifth Spirit turned to them, opened her mouth to speak, and then closed it, crossing her arms over her chest with a pout. Once she was quiet, the woman made her way over to the sofa, kneeling down in front of Elsa, the only one brave enough to make it past Fifth Spirit's glare. "Don't mind Lærke, Elsa, she is all talk a good majority of the time; countless millennia without human contact has made her dull to the feelings of others," Now that Elsa was face to face with the woman she could see that it wasn't just her voice that was breathy and light- her long dark auburn hair fell to her shoulders in soft waves, nearly dwarfing her small features.

She wore a dress that appeared to be made of the leaves themselves, and they wrapped about her body like folds of soft cotton; she wore a pair of flats made similar to the dress, and the only real giveaway to who she really was, was the small triangle with the horizontal line through the top, right beneath her right eye, but even that didn't give Elsa a clue as to who she was. It looked as though it were similar to the snowflakes upon Elsa's back; she looked as though she were built from the very wisps of the wind- "She believes a blunt approach will get her what she wants, no matter who she insults; isn't that right, Sister?" The other woman turned towards Lærke, who lifted her chin and tried to pretend she was above the scolding she was receiving.

"Since when is speaking the truth insulting someone, Ena?" Came the indignant reply.

Ena... Ena, where have I heard that name before? Elsa furrowed a brow, trying to think as Lærke continued.

"It's not my fault she seems to possess no sense anymore in regards to keeping herself out of dangerous situations- it's almost as if she gave birth to those two small humans and suddenly any brain she had was gone! Not that she had brain enough to start with, considering some of her decisions-"

"Lærke, that's enough! You've said your piece, now hush!" Elsa looked up as a tall, slender man who seemed to be dressed in in the waves of the Dark Sea with blonde hair spoke up, moving past Fifth Spirit and joining them on the sofa.

"Oh come now, Magni, even you can agree-"

Elsa's head snapped up. Wait... "Magni?" The blonde man merely nodded in response. "Wait a min... Magni," She turned to the woman who knelt before her. "Ena," The woman nodded. "So..." She turned to the taller, slightly broader man who had first spoken and appeared to be dressed in the remnants of the earth. "A... Aage," He nodded to her as her gaze shifted to the other man. "And that means..." She swallowed. "B... Bruni?"

He was the only one who hadn't spoken in all this time and spoke up now. "Surprised? We do not take on human form very often; it's rare that we do so." His soft tenor reminded her of Hans' voice, and she felt herself relax slightly. His light red hair shone in the firelight and she could see a light smattering of freckles across his nose: he wasn't as tall as Aage or Magni, who were both roughly around or a little taller than Hans, but he wasn't short either. And he wore what appeared to be clothing crafted from the very flames of a campfire; silently, Elsa studied each of them, realizing that they all were dressed in their element- and that she wasn't sure if she cared for the others in human form, since she was so used to seeing them in spirit form.

"Only Lærke has a true human form," Aage spoke up glancing at the woman in question. "And... you, of course."

"But that's because you're her physical manifestation." Ena added, as Lærke rolled her eyes.

"Regardless- what are you all... doing here? Why are you here? I didn't-"

"Throwing yourself into the river, Elsa," Lærke spoke up, "the only other way to get a hold of me is by having Ena come to me if you don't want to actually come to Ahtohallan. Are you trying to kill yourself? Cause even if you're not, throwing yourself in the river is not the best thing to do. Now what exactly did you want to see me for?"

"I... I didn't..." She glanced at each of them. "I-"

"Elsa, you don't throw yourself in the river because you want to-"

"And not like you did." Ena cut her sister off. "I watched you; you removed your slippers and your staff and... took a running leap off the edge of the cliff."

"You either did it because you wanted to, or you had something important you needed to talk with me about, now which is it?" Elsa shrugged at her mirror image's words.

"I was..." She stopped, thinking back to the conversation she'd had with Gry that long ago day. A moment passed, before she met her double's gaze. "Lærke, tell me my family have not crossed over yet; that they're still within Ahtohallan-"

"Relax, they're still in Ahtohallan; that mother of yours insists they will stay until you are returned to your throne," She rolled her eyes, but something in her gaze told Elsa that Lærke seemed to be hiding a deep pain, especially when around the word mother. "As long as they stay out of my way, they're fine."

Silence settled among the five? six? siblings. Was it six, Elsa wondered, since technically Fifth Spirit had been split in two; so would that make her part of the fifth sibling because she was the physical half of Fifth Spirit? She opened her mouth to speak when Lærke spoke up, saying something that stole the heat from the room.

"I guess it's a good thing you're here, even if you don't remember what you needed me for," She sighed, running a hand through her short hair. "Because she's here and she wants to meet you."

"No, Sister, you don't mean-" She nodded at Aage's soft words.

Elsa furrowed a brow even as Ena's head snapped up and Magni took a deep breath; Bruni and Aage shared a worried glance. "Um... who's here that wants to meet me?"

Slowly, Lærke met her gaze, voice shaking as she spoke. "Who else do you believe would be here to meet you, Elsa?" The Snow Queen shrugged as Lærke's struggled to get a hold of her shaking. "Mother."

Elsa's brow furrowed even more. "Mother?" Several nods met her response. "Who's mother?"

"Elsa, it's her." Magni replied, as he took her hand. She met his gaze, visibly confused.

"Northuldra call her 'Great Mother.'" Bruni said, arms crossed over his chest.

"It's... against our knowledge to know why exactly she is here, because she doesn't return to Ahtohallan unless she deems it exceedingly important." Aage added, as Ena turned to Elsa and took her other hand.

"Wait, you mean Mother... Nature." Elsa replied slowly, with a a soft nod as Ena gently squeezed her hand.

"Humans call her 'Mother Nature,'" Everyone turned to Lærke. "But we," She glanced at each of her siblings in turn. "We just call her Mother."

Elsa didn't bother to hide the look of disbelief that flashed across her face. "Mother... Nature... is here?" The others nodded. "Okay... um... why are you all acting like you're afraid of her?"

The siblings exchanged glances. "We're not. We're not... afraid of her." Lærke shifted nervously, reaching up to tuck a strand behind her ear with a glance at the floor. Elsa raised an eyebrow, not believing her for a second. But instead of pushing, she let it be, instead turning to the others.

"So... when exactly am I supposed to meet her and where?"

Silence.

"The... the ballroom..." Lærke quickly moved away from the desk she was leaning against, turning back when she got to the doorway. "Are you all coming or not?"

Elsa glanced at Ena and the others before she stood, following the river's guardian. None of them seemed to be at all thrilled to be seeing Mother Nature; in fact, if Elsa didn't know any better, she'd say they almost... feared seeing her. But that didn't make any sense- everything Elsa could gather pointed to Mother Nature being this very loving, caring force or person or... whatever she was. Sure, she could be destructive, but the elements were; destruction was a part of them, as much as nurturing was. She didn't know what she was expecting when they reached the ballroom, but the woman that met them wasn't it.

"Hello my children, it's so wonderful to see you all again."