Chapter 5

Golden Week had arrived yet again along with the first anniversary of that fateful day. Though the day was still filled with lingering emotions, many had accepted what happened and moved on. Few people made the trip to Kanagawa to pay respects due to their busy schedules. Sayumi was one of the few to make the trip over. She felt compelled to pay her respects, but she also had a lot to get off her chest, even if what she ended up saying would fall on deaf ears.

Upon arrival, the stone looked as if it was just recently washed. Still, she couldn't help but at least pluck off some of the leaves that had fallen on it before lighting some incense and praying. Afterwards, she sat down in front of the stone, smiling fondly upon viewing the weathered picture frame and medal that decorated it.

"It's been a whole year, Seiichi. How have you been? Is the afterlife interesting?" she asked.

The calm wind rustled some of the leaves, but there was no sign that his spirit was listening.

She decided to continue, regardless of whether or not he was listening. "I had a very eventful year myself. Should I tell you what I got up to?"

More silence. The clouds in the sky began to slowly hide the sun.

"I still remember the last sentence you wrote in your letter to me, Seiichi. That you wanted me to move on and find love again with someone who would love me back as well." She felt herself tear up. "Honestly, he was the last person I would ever think of dating; especially after all the awful things you said about him."

She sat in silence again. There were odd footsteps in the background from other people visiting their respective family graves.

"You broke my heart, Seiichi. I never thought I would ever be able to love anyone again after you. When you died, I felt the wounds reopen and it broke me. I hadn't gotten over you and I was in denial about it. But, Mouri-senpai-," she paused before correcting herself, "Jusaburou, he made me realize that I wasn't okay. He was patient and gentle; the exact opposite of what you made him out to be. I know why you never really got along with him, but he's not a bad person off of the courts."

A couple was walking towards her on their way to a nearby tombstone. She stood up and let them pass before sitting back down to continue her conversation.

"Jusaburou made me realize that I still could fall in love. That just because I was hurt, it doesn't mean I had to continue to suffer." The tears began to fall down her face, but she ignored them. "He taught me that it was okay to let go of you."

The sun peaked out of the clouds again. She held her hand up to shield her eyes from the harsh rays.

"I know you would have wholeheartedly disapproved of the relationship, but I'm grateful that I got to meet and fall in love with him. Even if we did break up, I wouldn't change what happened. Jusaburou gave me strength to move on with my life." She stood up from her spot and looked down. "That's why this will be the last time I'll be visiting you, Seiichi. At least, until next year." She wiped her face with her sleeve. "Don't miss me too much, Seiichi. You'll always be occupying a small place in my heart and memories, but it's time that I let go of you for good."

The clouds had covered up the sun again, but the sky got darker, hinting that it would start raining soon.

"Goodbye, for real this time, Yukimura Seiichi. Thank you for being my first love."

Sayumi seemed to be unaware that someone else was staring at her and listening in to her conversation the entire time. Shiraishi had been hiding in plain sight as he waited for her to finish up so they wouldn't have to have an awkward conversation. Since that night, neither of them have spoken to each other and they were both unconsciously trying to keep it that way. As he watched her walk out of the area, he approached the same stone that she had been standing in front of. He knelt down and ran his fingers along the engraved name of the deceased boy, tracing the strokes as he went down.

"'First love', huh? What a troublesome boy you are, Sei-chan."

He sat down on the ground, noting that the concrete was still a little warm from the person who was sitting there previously.

"Just how many hearts did you steal in your short life? Hokama-san's and my own? Surely, there must be more. Even in death, you still find ways to surprise me."

A strong gust of wind blew past, knocking down the picture frame and scattering remnants of the incense everywhere. Shiraishi reached over and brushed away some of the ashes with his hand as he stood the frame back up.

"How I wish you were still here in my arms. No matter how many people I sleep with, they'll never be the same as you, Sei-chan. Why is that? Anyone can have the same flowy hair like you. The same physical stature as you. The same personality as you." He clenched his fists in frustration. "Why is it so hard to forget you? Why couldn't you have fallen in love with me instead? I could've loved you until your last days. I could've been your Prince Charming." He felt himself losing his composure. "I could have saved you."

Within a flash, a torrential downpour began falling from the sky, almost as if the spirits were crying alongside him. Most of the other visitors in the area ran for cover underneath various structures or trees. Shiraishi continued to sit there as the rain soaked him to the bone, letting the rain hit his face and blend in with the tears that were already flowing.

"My love for you wouldn't have mattered, huh?"

The boy stayed in his position for what seemed like an eternity. Despite the rain coming down harder, Shiraishi couldn't feel the rain hitting him. At first, he thought he was going numb from the pain he was experiencing until he looked at himself harder and realized that he was being shielded. He slowly looked up and saw a man holding up an umbrella over him.

"The ground does not suit you, Shiraishi Kuranosuke," the man called out to him as he offered a hand.

Shiraishi accepted the hand and stood up. He wiped his face clean with the back of his jacket sleeve. "You're-"

"Mouri Jusaburou," the man finished Shiraishi's thought with a smile. "My, my, it seems like my lovely kouhai has a bad habit of breaking people's hearts. First, Sayumi-chan. Now, you." Mouri paused to think about what he just said. "Come to think of it, what I just said sounds awfully familiar."

"How did you-"

"You're not a very quiet person, Shiraishi. Is it an Osaka thing or a Shitenhouji thing? I don't remember it being that way when I used to live there. Either way, I've been watching the both of you for a while now."

"Wait, you used to go to Shitenhouji?" Shiraishi asked in surprise. "Nevermind that. Why are you here?"

Mouri was intrigued by the boy. "A senpai can't visit the grave of his lovely deceased kouhai on the anniversary of his death? I might have been an asshole, but I did care about him."

"I suppose you have a point…" his voice trailed off.

"Of course I do! What kind of senpai would I be if I wasn't here to check on my lovely kouhais to make sure they weren't regressing back into the past? That includes you as well, Shiraishi-kun."

"What on earth are you going on about?"

Mouri shook his head in disbelief. "Shiraishi-kun, do you have no idea what those letters were for?"

"'Letters'?" He thought for a second before realizing what Mouri was talking about.

"For someone touted as a genius, you sure are slow at figuring things out." Mouri reached into his back pocket and pulled out a packet of tissues. He handed it to Shiraishi.

Shiraishi pulled out one of the folded pieces out of the packet. "You don't have to be so rude, Mouri-san."

"Since I'm in such a good mood, I'll explain it to you in simple terms." Mouri looked at the disheveled boy. "Those letters were created to save all of us from ourselves. Yukimura Seiichi knew his death would have ruined all of us if he couldn't reach our hearts. We wouldn't be where we are today if he hadn't given us permission to live for his sake."

"Live… for his sake..?"

Mouri flicked his finger against Shiraishi's forehead, causing the boy to rub the spot to soothe the pain. "My lovely kouhai did not put in all that effort a year ago to see a grown-ass man cry over his grave about a love that could have been. This isn't some melodramatic romance. You even said so yourself; you wouldn't have stood a chance. He was in love with that stoic ape of a vice-captain the entire time, huh? What a cute couple they would have been."

Shiraishi's chest ached. "Is it really that simple? To live for his sake?"

"Of course not!" Mouri responded cheerfully. The rain was slowly coming to a halt. He reached up and retracted the umbrella above the both of them. "No matter how many years pass, we'll all carry the same scar. It may never disappear, but there will come a time where the pain begins to fade. The important part is to not pick at it, otherwise it'll never heal." Mouri glanced at Shiraishi's bandaged arm. "Wouldn't it be nice to finally stop picking at it, Shiraishi-kun?"

Shiraishi instinctively grabbed his arm to hide it. The rain had soaked through the cloth enough to make everything underneath see through, exposing the gauntlet and a stray scar that couldn't be covered by it.

"Come here, boy." Mouri approached him and threw his arms around him. "This used to be the same way I would comfort Sayumi-chan whenever her thoughts would stray in this direction. I'll even close my eyes so I can't see your tears. Just don't fall in love with me like you did with my lovely kouhai."

Shiraishi felt a strange sense of comfort in the arms of Mouri Jusaburou. Whatever was on his mind had vanished without a trace. The pain he had been feeling up until that point had faded. He wanted to remain in them forever, but a hit to his head brought him back into reality.

"Alright! Enough moping around, Shiraishi Kuranosuke. You'll catch a cold if you don't change out of those damp clothes." Mouri pushed the boy out of his arms, making him fall back down to the ground again. "I better not catch you here again," he said as he waved before walking away.

Shiraishi picked himself off the ground and dusted himself off. A genuine smile began forming on his face for the first time in what seemed like forever. "Thank you, Mouri Jusaburou."

The story between Sayumi and Shiraishi would pick up a mere two years later, when the both of them had begun their university lives. Unbeknownst to Sayumi, she had somehow chosen to enter the same university as the Shitenhouji alumni. By that point, both of them seemed to have repressed what had happened that fateful night and lost touch with each other over the years. Though there were attempts from both parties to reach out, it seemed like neither of them could successfully do it. She was not expecting to find the same man she had lost contact with at the same university as her. Needless to say, it was shaping up to be a very awkward reunion.

During the two years leading up to the moment, the both of them had changed their physical appearances to the point where neither of them could point each other out in a crowd easily. Sayumi had cut off most of her hair and now sported a wavy bob. She also grew a few inches in height and bust size in a surprise growth spurt. As for Shiraishi, he had gotten multiple piercings on his right ear and his complexion was darker than what it used to be. He had also given himself platinum blonde highlights in his hair that blended naturally into his original ashy brown hair. Though he still covered up his left arm with bandages, he no longer wore the gauntlet underneath it and hid it with a long-sleeve shirt instead of leaving it exposed. It was inevitable that their previous memories of each other would end up being distorted after all the time that had passed.

Shiraishi was carelessly collecting a large stack of biochemistry and botany books to check out. As he maneuvered his way through the narrow library shelves, he bumped into someone else, causing all of the books he was carrying to scatter about. The collision caused the person to bump into the shelf beside them, which sent more books flying off and into the mess below. Luckily, the person caught themselves on the shelf before they fell to the ground.

"Ah! I'm sorry!" He bent down and started cleaning up the mess that had been created in a panic.

The other person shook off their daze and slowly backed away from the shelves, leaving Shiraishi alone as he stacked the books back up into an unmanageable tower once again.

Hearing the noise from the shelf beside her, Sayumi ran over to see what was going on. "Um, excuse me, but do you need help?"

Shiraishi looked up at the voice. He wore a defeated smile on his face. "I'm alright. Thank you."

Sayumi walked over to pick up the top half of the books in Shiraishi's large stack. "There's no way you can carry all of these down to the check out. I'll help you out."

"A-ah, thanks. I don't need those books though. They fell off the shelves, but I don't know where they go."

"I'll go put these on the shelving cart, then." She adjusted her grip on the stack and walked over to the shelving cart to add them onto the growing pile of books. As she turned to head back towards him, Shiraishi had somehow managed to pick up the tall stack and started walking to the elevators to go back down to the ground floor. She hastily walked up to him and put her hands up to prevent the wobbling stack from falling over again.

"T-thanks," Shiraishi laughed awkwardly.

"Please, at least let me take some of the books. You can barely see over the pile you have!" She reached up and plucked off enough books to see his familiar face. "Where are you taking these books? I can help you carry them to where you need to go. I have enough time before my next class."

Shiraishi wanted to protest, but decided not to, now that his books were being held hostage by the girl. At this point, neither of them seemed to realize who the other person was. "I'm heading to the biotechnology building. It's a bit of a walk from here."

"Oh? That's where my next class is."

The elevator doors swung open and all of the students cleared out of the cart. The two got into it and Sayumi used her elbow to hit the button to go down to the ground floor.

"I'm sorry," Shiraishi began. "I'll make it up to you the next time we meet."

"That's alright. I can't just leave someone alone when they need help. That's not right."

The elevator door swung open and the two walked up to the check out kiosk together. After what seemed like an eternity of scanning and desensitizing books, the two divided the books into more manageable piles and headed out of the building. As they walked down the concrete pathway towards the biotechnology building, Shiraishi decided to make light conversation with his newfound companion.

"Your accent doesn't sound local to the area. Are you from Tokyo by any chance?"

She shook her head. "Kanagawa. Yokohama to be more exact. Close, but not quite."

"Yokohama? I knew some people who used to live near there. Nice place," he remarked.

"Yes. I thought about staying there for university, but Osaka seemed more fun. Plus, it's nice to have a change of scenery." She looked at the stack of books and studied the titles on some of the book spines. "What's with all the books on plants and medicine? Are you a botany major?"

He shook his head. "Pharmaceutical Sciences. What about you?"

"Mathematics, though I think I might also end up double majoring in Foreign Policy too."

"Haven't decided yet?"

"I just started here a month ago. I still have some time to figure out what I want to do."

The two reached the entrance to the biotechnology building. The automatic glass doors slid open quietly and the two walked through the foyer towards the back of the building, where Shiraishi's study group room was located. The place was deserted, with bags and other belongings scattered around. After setting the books down, Shiraishi thanked Sayumi profusely for the help.

"You're a lifesaver."

"Really, it's alright. You don't need to make a big deal out of it," she stated. "Glad I could help."

Shiraishi smiled. "You are too kind. I can't believe I haven't gotten your name yet either."

"My name? It's Hokama Sayumi."

Shiraishi's jaw dropped. He couldn't believe that he wasn't able to recognize her. "Hokama-san?!"

"Y-yes?" She seemed taken aback by the sudden reaction.

His face turned a bright red. "I-I'm sorry! I didn't r-realize it was y-you," he stammered.

She was confused. "Do I know you from somewhere?"

"I-It's Shiraishi. From Shitenhouji."

Sayumi squinted her eyes and took a long, hard look at the man standing before her. Despite his new look, his eyes were the same ones she remembered from almost two years prior. When she realized it, her face also started turning the same shade of red as Shiraishi's. "S-shiraishi-san!"

The initial shock soon turned into a suffocating state of silent awkwardness between the two. Both of them had remembered what happened that night at the exact same moment and were lost for words. They were not expecting to meet in such a strange situation. If anything, their reunion of sorts was too convenient.

Sayumi sighed, ending the silence. "It's a bit silly to be hung up on that one mistake, don't you think, Shiraishi-san?"

"Easy for you to say; I just saw you freak out about it, Hokama-san."

"You freaked out too! You're equally as guilty as me!"

"Look, I know what happened between us was a mistake. Let's just pretend we don't know each other the next time we meet on campus," Shiraishi suggested. "Isn't that what you want?"

"Bold of you to assume that, Shiraishi-san," she responded in jest. "I'd rather pick up where we left off all those years ago."

He blinked twice, unsure if what he was hearing was true. "You mean you still want to be friends?"

"Amerika-mura was so much fun back then. You made an awful family trip memorable by creating moments that were hard to forget. Even though I want to forget one part in particular, everything else was amazing."

Shiraishi let out an exhausted sigh of relief. "I'm so relieved to hear that, Hokama-san."

She gave him a confused look. "Why?"

"A similar thing happened to me almost five years ago with another friend, but I was never able to make amends with them. I didn't want history to repeat itself with you."

Sayumi could sense the pain behind his words. Deep beneath the appearance change, he was still the same guy she had known all those years ago. "If that's the case, then why haven't we spoken in the two years leading to up now? You haven't responded to my texts from back then either."

"Funny story about that," Shiraishi grinned sheepishly. "You see, I broke my old phone and couldn't transfer the contact data over and I had no other way of getting your number," he stated as he twiddled with his fingers to get his mind off of the sheer awkwardness of what he was saying. "I also changed my number too. I wanted to reach out, but I had no means of getting your number again."

She burst out into laughter, which made Shiraishi think that he had done something wrong.

"W-what's so funny?" he panicked.

"All this time, I thought you just didn't want to speak to me again," she said as she wiped away her tears. "What a hilarious turn of events, Shiraishi-san."

He felt his face get hotter.

"Sorry, sorry! I don't mean to tease you, but it's just funny how all of this happened because of a series of unfortunate events and a misunderstanding."

It took Shiraishi a moment before he realized how absurd everything was and he also started laughing as well. "You're right; it is hilarious," he sighed.

Sayumi took out her phone and opened up her contacts. "Here," she handed the phone over to him, "add your new number in. Let's hang out again."

Shiraishi took her phone and entered his number. He took out his phone and handed it to her. "Add yours in as well. I get too many random texts from people these days, so I need to keep track of who actually has my number."

She punched in her number and saved it before they exchanged their phones back. Upon checking the time on her screen, she realized she was going to be late for her class. "I hate to cut this reunion short, but I have to get to this lecture."

"No worries, Hokama-san. I'll text you later, then."

She headed towards the door, opened it and hurried out of the room while waving at him. After she had disappeared from his view, Shiraishi sat down in one of the chairs, cursing his strange luck.

"Is this fate or some kind of twisted joke?" he muttered to himself.

The door to the room swung open again, hitting the wall with a loud thud. His groupmates started populating the room again. "What's a joke, Shiraishi?" one of them asked.

"Ah! N-nothing. Don't worry about me," Shiraishi responded in surprise. "Now that we have all the snacks and books we need, can we please finish this stupid project before the prof fails us for being two days late?"