Careless Whispers

"What the hell is going on?" Raphael demanded as Donatello returned to the living room. Michelangelo retreated to the kitchen for more snacks, but he was listening, head tilted curiously toward them as he rummaged through the cupboards.

"You imbecile"—Don's breath hissed through his teeth—"You moron! You- you egotistical maniac! How could you do that to her? What were you thinking?"

"Hold it, brainiac," Raph said, lifting a hand palm out. "I only did what Fearless has been demandin' for weeks. I cut the girl loose. Ya' can't be pissed at me for doing what he practically ordered."

"You broke up with Nessie?"—Mikey popped back in, a bowl of chips in hand—"Tonight? Why didn't you say something? I would've gone with."

"I'm fine. An' we didn't exactly want an audience."

"I wouldn't have been there for you! The Ness-monster probably needed some cheering up."

The glower on Raph's face wavered for a split second, but his expression hardened as Michelangelo opened his mouth again.

"Bunch of busybodies," Raph snarled, cutting him off. "Leo couldn't leave well enough alone either. Why'd he bring her back?"

Michelangelo blinked at him blankly. "Why wouldn't he?"

"She weren't happy afterward. It's gonna traumatize her all over again, wakin' up here."

"Waking up here?" Donatello exploded, aghast. "You complete idiot! If he hadn't been there—"

"What did you do?" Mikey interrupted.

"He left her alone on a rooftop," Donatello said.

"I tried to let her down easy, Mike"— Raphael shot the genius a glare—"An' I didn't leave her alone. I took her to her friend's place. Ya know, the building over on 37th. Figured Ness could cry on her shoulder."

"She moved out of state. Her mother died and she went to California a month ago," Don said, distracted from his rant.

"Something you would know if you ever actually listened to your so-called girlfriend," Michelangelo added. "Nessie's been so sad since it happened."

A pained look crossed Raphael's face but he hid it behind a frown. He pushed off the couch and stalked past Donatello towards Vanessa's room.

"I thought we had this settled, now I gotta deal with it twice."

He rapped on her door with a knuckle and rolled his eyes when she didn't answer.

"Ness," he called out. "It's me. Open up."

He huffed in frustration and tried the knob. It clicked and he let go, stepping back in surprise as the light fell on an empty bed. He glared up and down the hall, then stomped back to the living room in confusion.

"Where is she?"

Donatello scrutinized him warily. "Leave it alone, Raph."

"You're the one who came in here lecturin' me. Where is she?"

"You deserved every word after what you did."

Michelangelo waved a hand. "Hello? Remember me? Still waitin' on an answer. What did you do to my BFF?"

Raphael ignored Mike's game of twenty questions, focusing his anger on Donnie's intense stare.

"Where is she, Don? Don't make me drag this outta ya."

Donatello sighed and glanced away. "Leo's room."

The hot-head's eyes widened, then narrowed. His frown turned into grimly gritted teeth. He spun on his heel and stalked down the corridor. Raising a fist, he pounded on the next to last door. It snapped open before he connected twice.

"Haven't you done enough damage?" Leonardo asked in a restrained growl.

"Ya couldn't leave her alone, could ya? Not for one night. She ain't a toy ta be passed around ya know. Ya gotta let her breathe."

Raph didn't realize it was possible for his brother's expression to get any angrier, but Leo's face solidified—hardening into a blankness beyond fury. It might have made him pause if he wasn't so riled himself.

"You want to be very careful what you say next, Raphael."

"Why? You afraid she'll hear the truth? You would've said anything to get her to come back."

"You're right," Leo snapped. "I lied through my teeth to get her off that roof"—his voice deepened into a rough menacing whisper—"I told her you still cared about her. That one day you might change your mind and beg her to come back—"

Raph snorted in contempt. "Outta the way, Fearless. Ya got no clue what's goin' on. Let me talk ta her."

Leo surged into the hall, snagged the front of Raph's plastron in both fists and lifted, smashing his shell on the opposite wall. Mikey and Don came running at the crash but slid to a stop at the sight of their brother holding Raphael against the cinder blocks high enough his feet dangled off the floor.

"You stay away from her!" Leonardo growled. "You don't deserve to look at her. You lost, no, you threw away that privilege when you left her on the roof to die!"

For one brief moment, Raph's eyes flared with rage, then what Leo said registered and he froze, a horrified expression on his face.

"Ta die? What are you talkin' about?"

Leo slammed him into the wall again, hard enough to make his teeth rattle.

"Shut up and listen for once! Because of you—she tried to end... everything."

By the last word, all the strength faded from his voice and his muscles. Leo slumped, unable to face the idea of her attempted suicide again. He almost hadn't survived the first time. He dropped Raph to the floor.

"Nessie's dead?" Michelangelo's voice ramped up through three octaves, panicked as he worked out what they were saying. He ran down the hall and slapped hysterically at Raph.

"WHAT DID YOU DO?"

Donatello cut him off by the simple expedient of throwing his arms around his younger brother in a massive bear hug and lifting him off his feet. He dragged the struggling turtle away a few paces.

"Calm down!" Don bellowed, "She's okay, just sleeping!"

Raphael collapsed to his knees, face contorted in pain and shock. "Leo, I didn't mean—"

"What did you think would happen?"—Exhaustion and worry thickened Leonardo's voice as he turned away—"You took her to a deserted rooftop and destroyed her life."

"I knew she was upset, but I didn't think she cared that much."

Leonardo laughed, near hysteria himself, and buried his eyes in his palms. He scrubbed his hands down his face and chin, then snorted.

"You never think."

Raphael gritted his teeth. "I don't get it. What the hell happened?"

Anger ignited again in Leo's eyes pushing out the helplessness. He waved an arm.

"You didn't simply break up with her you cut her off! We are her only family and you made her feel like an outcast, unwanted and worthless.

"She screamed. Did you even hear? She closed her eyes and walked right up to the ledge. She didn't even take a last look before she stepped off."

"But you caught her, right?" Mikey asked in a hushed voice.

Leo nodded. He couldn't bear to recount how she fought against him, repeatedly reaching for oblivion.

"That's why you told her I might change my mind," Raphael said softly.

"I tried, Raph. I've hid my feelings from her for the past year. Let her think I got over her and didn't care anymore," Leo muttered, "but she wouldn't listen, even when I said I'd make you understand. She promised you she wouldn't come back and she'd rather die than break her word."

He lowered his gaze to meet his brother's. His eyes were glazed, lost. "I begged her—on my knees—to come home. To stay. She wouldn't. Not until I broke. When I confessed, she consented to come back. For me… I should have told her the truth in the beginning."

Raphael sighed. "I didn't mean for this ta happen. I wanted her ta see she was too good for me. I spent weeks trying ta get her ta make the break. I pushed her away every chance I got, but she's too loyal. She chose me, an' though I was lettin' her down every step of the way, she stayed, 'cause she made a promise."

His fists clenched.

"She wouldn't end it for herself, so I told her it was about me—that she was cramping my style. An' I left as quick as I could 'cause her face crumpled in on itself so bad I would've said anything to make her stop hurting..."

"That doesn't justify destroying her relationships with the rest of us," Don said.

"Why, bro? Why'd you make Nessie promise to stay away?" Mikey whined.

Raphael shrugged.

"Thought Leo'd have a better chance if he started over with her fresh—outside the lair. It ain't gonna be easy for her being down here when I'm around, an' there ain't nowhere for me ta go. 'Sides, she's human. She needs the outside world, even if she don't believe it."

"Let me get this straight. You deliberately destroyed her, yet you care?" Don asked, shocked.

"'Course I care!" Raph grumbled. "Ness is the only girl who ever looked twice at any of us. You think I don't realize how absolutely incredible that is? That after a year of watchin' her puttin' up with my crap and still stickin' by me, I don't worship the ground she walks on?

"I ain't stupid, Don. Ness is gorgeous. She's smart. She's funny. And she's goddamn loyal. There ain't another woman like her on Earth."

"If you love her so much, why break up at all?" Mikey asked.

Raph flinched at the 'L' word, but answered him anyway.

"Cause it don't matter how I feel. Her heart's achin' for someone else an' it's killin' her tryin' ta stay with me."

"You ever thought of talking about it with her?" Don asked.

"This shit ain't easy! I've been sick for weeks workin' it out." Raph drew in a deep breath and quieted. "She gonna be ok? I mean, I'll tell her everything if it helps."

"She's fragile," Donnie said. "We'll have to watch over her for a while."

Raph nodded, but Leonardo's face hardened. "No, you don't. I won't be letting her out of my sight."

"I didn't want to hurt her," Raph protested.

"Save it," Leo said with an icy glare.

Vanessa stirred, roused by the sound of voices nearby. They were trying to be quiet, but...

For a bunch of ninjas, they fail miserably at silence when at home.

She smiled briefly at the thought. The lair was the only place they let down their guard.

With a bit of concentration, she identified them. Leo stood right outside the door, or possibly just inside, she couldn't quite tell. Raph's low rumble, vibrating in the hall, was impossible to mistake.

"Ya couldn't leave her alone, could ya? Not for one night. She ain't a toy ta be passed around ya know. Ya gotta let her breathe."

Her heart ached. Raphael sounded hurt under his customary anger and she cringed. Yes, he had broken up with her, but she had returned home in the arms of his brother. How bad must she seem to him right now?

Still, he was defending her honor, as if Leo were somehow using the situation to his advantage. She didn't hear Leonardo's response, but Raph raised his voice.

"Why? You afraid she'll hear the truth? You would've said anything to get her to come back."

Vanessa's eyes shot open. They weren't in the room and the door was pulled partially closed, obscuring Leo's figure and muffling the ongoing argument in the hall.

Leonardo willfully misled me?

Of course, he was a master in all the arts of ninjutsu. Taijutsu, weapons work, stealth, and... deception. He could lie easily with words and manner, but he didn't often. At any other time, she would not doubt his veracity, but today had... extenuating circumstances.

Perhaps he had only told her what he knew she wanted to hear.

"You're right, I lied through my teeth to get her off that roof."

Vanessa stifled a gasp, utterly crushed by the venom in his voice. Her hands moved from her mouth to clamp tightly over her ears. She couldn't stand anymore.

Leonardo's odd behavior this evening—his visible emotions, the sudden confession—abruptly made sense. It was an act. Obviously, he cared enough to stop her from committing suicide. It didn't mean he loved her.

At least, not the way she wanted him too.

He could read her like a book. It probably took him all of two seconds to figure out how she felt. After all, she fainted when he asked her to stay. As a strategist, Leo exploited every weakness to his advantage. He had to. Their family was precious. Unique. He was clan leader, protecting them with tireless dedication. He would do anything to spare them pain.

Even kiss me and lie to my face.

Vanessa swallowed the whimper that would alert him to her conscious state as her gaze darted frantically around, seeking a way out. There was only one door and she didn't recognize her surroundings. They were in the lair, but this wasn't her room.

It must be his.

Another time, she would have stared, searching for hidden facets of his personality within his possessions. Now she only sought an escape route, devastated.

This room was entirely different than Raph's, orderly—with everything in it's place. But in one important facet, they were the same. A small air grate hung over his desk. An opening into the cement dropped ceiling.

Vanessa had no inkling of its original purpose, but Mikey once confided the gap ran above the whole lair. When they were younger, he used to sneak through there to prank his siblings. That ended when they grew too big to fit and the passageway went unused, forgotten.

She slipped out of bed. Her exit was only a few steps away and her socked feet made no noise.

I can't face him. Not after I told him I love him.

The best she could hope for was a silent escape.

Balancing on the polished wood of his chair, she climbed on the desk and reached up to the vent. A loud thud and raised voices from the hall covered the sound as Vanessa yanked the grate down. It opened sideways on a hinge type system and she prayed whatever was happening would keep them occupied for a few more minutes.

Tears dripped silently down her cheeks as she pulled herself into the cramped space. The hole was a tight fit, but she squeezed through successfully and shut the grille quietly behind her.

Crawling as quickly as she could through the dirt and cobwebs, she put as much distance as possible between herself and the lair. She turned down randomly branching passageways until the tight tunnel opened out into a room large enough for her to stand. A huge fan pulsed slowly at the other end.

Vanessa collapsed into a corner and gave in to the darkness.

As she sank towards unconsciousness, the loud vibrations and pressurized air throbbed against her eardrums, drowning out her sobs—and the cry of despair echoing in the tunnels behind her.