A/N: If you haven't guessed by now, I only update this story when a song inspires me to create the next section. This song you might recognize (at least if you grew up in the 80s, like me), but it's been modernized in a most impressive way. If you want to understand Venessa's feelings going into this chapter, take a listen to 'Died in your arms—Epic trailer version' by Hidden Citizens

Something You Said

Leonardo fell to his knees and a guttural cry of pain escaped his lips.

The bed was empty. The covers thrown back. The room deserted. The only sign Vanessa was ever present was her shoes arranged neatly by the footboard.

His brothers rushed in at his moan of defeat.

"Leo?" Donatello asked, "What's wrong?"

"She's gone," Leonardo whispered brokenly unable to tear his eyes away from the bed.

"Gone where?" Raphael demanded. "How? She didn't pass us in the hall."

Michelangelo squeezed by them in the doorway and started checking all the hiding places in the room. Peering in Leo's cupboard-like closet and the space under the bed frame.

"Nessie?" Mikey called, "Hey girl, come out, come out where ever you are!"

Searching the room was a waste of time.

Leonardo knew in his heart she had left. It had stuttered in his chest the moment he turned back to the room and shattered when he saw the empty blankets.

"But she promised to stay," he protested weakly.

Why would she nearly kill herself to keep a promise to Raph then break one to me in the same night?

"She must have woke up and caught us arguing," Raphael said in a subdued voice.

Was it something we said? Did she hear Raph still loves her? She didn't want us to fight!

"She climbed out through the ventilation shaft," Donatello said after closely scrutinizing the room. He jumped up on Leo's desk and fiddled with the grate overhead until the cover swung open.

"Fabric from her shirt got caught in the corner." He held out the small piece of cobalt material but Leonardo made no move to take it.

Leo stared at Don blankly, still numb from shock. Something was wrong with the scene. More wrong than Nessa simply being absent. But, he couldn't quite isolate the cause of his unease among the general anguish he felt. His eyes scanned the area repeatedly. Less than a second later, realization struck.

"NO!" Leonardo shouted.

He vaulted up on the desk, knocking Donatello to the floor, and shoved his head into the cavity.

"Venessa, NO!" he screamed as loud as he could, "Please love! Don't do it! Stay alive! You promised!"

"LEO! What the hell?" Raph yelled, giving Don a hand up.

Treating Donatello so roughly was totally out of character for the leader, but Leo didn't have time for pleasantries. He leaped down and grabbed Don's shoulders.

"Where do those tunnels go?" he demanded.

"Uh," Don stuttered, startled.

Leonardo shook him violently. "WHERE DO THEY GO?"

"The-the fan rooms. One of them anyway. There are about 20 and there's no telling which route she took."

"We have to split up and search them all, NOW!"

Don shot from the room like an arrow from a bow, heading for his lab and his maps of the tunnels around the lair. Leo was right behind him with Raph and Mikey hot on his heels.

"What happened?" Mikey called from the rear. "What's wrong?"

Leonardo stifled a sob-like cry and forced his answer through a throat closed tight with fear.

"She took my knife."

I should have walked away.

The dark peace of unconsciousness couldn't last, nor could it stop Vanessa's tears. The front of her shirt—a deep blue silk number, torn in places from her scramble through the crawlspace—had turned almost black with them. A vast 'V' shaped stain formed as the saltwater soaked through and crept ever downward.

Drawing her knees up to her chest, she rested her forearms and head against them.

I keep looking for something I can't get.

Leonardo's words, his kiss, were magical. Vanessa would never forget how they felt. But they were too good to be true.

He had sacrificed himself for honor and family. Lied so well that if she hadn't heard the venom in his argument with Raph she would have kept right on believing he loved her.

Or maybe I am just that desperate.

Vanessa shoved herself angrily upright and stumbled toward the iron grate next to the rotating fan. The gate rattled at her fierce tug but it didn't give. She poked the wall on both sides, seeking a hidden control panel. If she were lucky, one of the codes she memorized at Don's insistence would unlock the door.

'Cause I can't go back.

Nothing remained for her at the lair but broken hearts.

No bricks sprung open under her questing fingers and she kicked the wall in anger. All that accomplished was hurting her foot since she was still only wearing socks. Slightly damp socks.

Thankfully, this floor wasn't as dirty or wet as the open sewer pipes, but condensation stilled formed from the outside air. Vanessa sighed. She was wholly unprepared to be venturing out on her own.

There is no easy way to get out of this.

But, at least she wasn't in danger from their enemies here. No one had entered this area for quite some time. The ubiquitous graffiti sprayed on every surface of New York—above and below, told her that.

Ten years or more had passed since these faded signals were active. In fact, the place looked almost clean except for the dust. No broken bottles littered the floor to worry about cutting her feet on. Probably, Donatello swept the space out himself sometime in the past.

Briefly, Vanessa eyed the area around the fan. The fencing keeping small animals out had come away enough to let her squeeze through, but the blades spun too fast for her to safely pass between them. And death by 2-ton mechanical contraption was not the kind she was looking for.

No guarantee it wouldn't merely crush my bones and leave me to bleed out in agony...

Vanessa shuddered at the thought. Suicide wasn't the answer it appeared to be earlier. And, she had promised Leonardo she would stay alive. She intended to keep that promise despite his lies.

Though, if I change my mind, I still have the knife.

She sat and pulled the weapon out of her waistband.

The handle felt solid in her hand. Heavy and evenly weighted. Deftly, she flipped the clip on the fine blue leather sheath and drew the short blade. Its four-inch length caught what little light remained and gleamed at her; the edge razor sharp.

Of course, it's sharp. It belongs to Leo.

She hadn't meant to take the ceremonial dagger. During her escape, her foot nudged the stand on his desk. Rather than let the knife clatter to the floor and betray her exit, she scooped it up.

This blade could end her life quickly. Near painlessly.

No. I promised.

Besides, they would eventually find her body if she killed herself here. Donnie had maps of these tunnels and Leonardo would feel honor-bound to search. Mikey would be devastated. Raph would drown in a sea of guilt and Leo would never see her actions as a decision if she used his dagger.

He'd blame himself for leaving a lethal weapon within my reach.

Vanessa couldn't burden them with that. None of this was their fault. She was the one who decided to love by proxy—giving herself to Raphael.

And Raph had accepted her, even cared for her in his own gruff way, though he had to know it wasn't him she craved. Shame knotted Vanessa's stomach. On at least one occasion she knew she'd slipped up.

Thrilled to fantasy, in a moment of passion, she called the wrong brother's name.

Leo.

Vanessa dropped her face in her hands, though no one could see her horribly red cheeks. Raphael had not chided her. He only gave her a queer look, but their relationship had presumably died that night.

My final mistake. No wonder he wanted to break up. I'm surprised he kept me for as long as he did, knowing I wanted his brother. I am such a bitch. He was right to ask me not to come back. The least I deserve, after ruining so many lives, is exile.

There was her answer. Exile. A few hours ago, she didn't think she could face it. The difference now was it was self-imposed. She would leave of her own free will. Change her patterns. Change her name. Remove herself completely from their sphere.

Leo, my love, I died in your arms tonight. Venessa is gone.

A new life awaited her outside, but first, she had to get out. Gathering her feet under her once again, she slid the knife home.