Chapter Three: There's A Hole In My Soul
"So, you're really going? This is it?" The other three stood in front of her.
"This is it." Annie said, setting her duffle bag down at her feet.
"I'd say it's been fun, but I don't think that's the right choice of words." Boris said, holding out his hand.
"I know what you mean." She took his hand and shook it. "Take care of yourself, Boris." She gave him a rare, small smile.
"You too, Annie." He let go of her hand and stepped back.
"Well now, Corporal Freudenberg." She said as Marlowe stepped up. "Try not to get them killed."
"Try not to get yourself killed, Sergeant Leonhardt." He replied, shaking her hand.
"You know me. I can't seem to die." She pressed down that bad feeling she had again.
"Keep that up then." Marlowe let go of her hand and patted her on the shoulder before going to stand beside Boris.
"Don't let Marlowe think he's actually in charge now." Annie said to Hitch as she stepped forward.
"I would never." Hitch smiled, though she had tears in her eyes. "I'm going to miss you, Annie." She said, moving forward suddenly and wrapping Annie in a tight hug as the tears began to fall.
"Take care of them, Hitch." Annie whispered, hugging her back. "They'll get themselves killed otherwise, especially Marlowe. You know how he is."
Hitch nodded her head. "I'll write." She said, pulling away. Marlowe wrapped an arm around her while Annie picked up her bag.
"I'll see you guys soon." She said.
"Yeah, when we see you next, you'll be a super soldier." Marlowe grinned.
"Can you imagine, our little selfish Annie, all grown up and saving the world?" Hitch said, trying to smile through her tears.
"Goodbye, Annie." Boris said simply.
"Goodbye guys." Annie began to walk away, but something deep inside her made her turn back and look. They were standing together, watching her. She felt something tug at her heart as she raised a hand in farewell. They all waved back. She took in the sight of them one last time. Something told her she was never going to see them again.
Then, she took a deep breath and turned away. "No attachments." She whispered to herself as she began to walk. She needed to head into the future, not dwell in the past. "Just keep going." Ten minutes later, she found herself standing awkwardly next to Christa in front of HQ.
"Sooo." Christa said, breaking the silence as they waited for the captains. "How have-"
"No." Annie said brusquely.
"No?"
"No." Annie looked at the shorter woman. Annie herself was fairly tiny, so it was amazing to her that a grown adult could be that much shorter. Christa had been close to him, so it hurt to look at her. "I've been in a war zone. That's how I've been." She looked away quickly.
"Right. Sorry. It was stupid to ask."
They stood quietly for another couple of minutes. Normally, Annie relished in silence, it was so hard to get Hitch and Marlowe to shut up, but curiosity drove Annie to break it. "I didn't know you joined the army."
"We all did, right after graduation."
"Everyone?" There were several among that group, Christa included, that she couldn't picture as soldiers. But here Christa was, good enough to be recruited for the SOC, so maybe they were all full of surprises.
"Everyone." She confirmed. "We all had our motivations, same as you." She grew quiet for a while. "Why did you cut us all off., Annie? We were all suffering after-"
"Don't. Don't say his name."
"Okay. We would have been there for you. We wanted to be there for you, if had let us."
"I couldn't. I can't. I just- I don't know how to make you understand that kind of loss-"
"I understand." Christa's voice sounded harder. Colder. Like a diamond. "Ymir's dead."
"Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't-"
"Two years ago. Her plane was shot down. So, I understand the loss."
Annie was quiet for a moment. "Bertolt's dead. Artillery shell. Reiner's MIA. Probably dead."
Christa opened her mouth to reply but another voice spoke up. "Ah. You're early. Excellent." Hange walked up.
"Yes, Captain." It felt strange to call Hange that. It was strange to stand here with these two women, who were bringing up ghosts of a past she had tried to bury.
Just then, a jeep pulled up with Captain Zacharias in the driver's seat. "Load up, we've got a long trip ahead of us."
"He's got a way with words, doesn't her?" Annie muttered as she threw her duffle bag in the back.
"Just like you then." Hange grinned, clapping her on the shoulder. She climbed in the passenger seat. "Let's go ladies. Adventure awaits us!"
Hange was just as annoying as Annie remembered. She looked at Christa across the jeep and rolled her eyes. She should have just stayed where she was and put up with Hitch. But she'd never been one to back out of something, and that wasn't about to start now.
Soft lips caressed her neck. Fingers traced her skin, leaving her feeling like she'd been kissed by fire wherever they went. Soft hair tickled her chest. She gasped as a warm hand found her breast, and another her hair.
"Annie!" She opened her eyes. Hange was looking at her from the front seat, a grin on her face. "You seemed like you were having a good dream."
"Yes, Captain." She groaned, sitting upright. She and Christa had fallen asleep on each other in the back seat.
Christa stirred as Annie moved. "Are we there?"
"Just about. I hope you two are ready for some fun!"
"Why do I get the feeling you're being sarcastic, Captain?" Annie asked, looking around.
"I don't know why you'd be getting such feelings, Sergeant."
They pulled up to a gate and Mike handed papers to the guard. The guard looked at them, and then at Annie and Christa as he handed the papers back. "Good luck."
That didn't make Annie feel any better about her decision. Hange laughed. "They'll need more than luck to get through the next 15 weeks."
Mike drove off and a few minutes later, Annie found herself and Christa standing in front of their new training instructor, Major Keith Shadis. "You two are the first to arrive, so you get first pick on the bunks. Female quarters are over there."
The two women trudged over and entered a barracks similar to the one in basic training, only less beds. As compared to the 50 beds per barracks in basic, there were only 20 here. Annie claimed the bottom bunk farthest from the door. She didn't want people talking to her as they came in. Christa took a bottom bunk in the middle. "So, do you think all these beds will be filled?"
Sure. This week." Annie shrugged. "I'm sure they can find enough people that want to join. But give it a few weeks and it'll start to thin out, just like in basic." Annie sat on her bed and stared at Christa. She looked like him. Same sunny blonde hair. Same round face and button nose. Same inquisitive blue eyes. Christa could be his twin. It made Annie's heart hurt, so she looked away.
The next person to enter was a short, red haired woman who introduced herself as Hannah Diamont. Hannah took a bunk near the door. Annie stopped paying attention as several more women trickled in over the next few minutes. The bunks were beginning to fill up. Suddenly, Christa let out a squeal that drew Annie's attention just in time to see her run and hug another old friend. "Oh my goodness! Sasha, you're here too!"
Sasha Braus was another one Annie never would have pegged for army life back in school, but the world had changed. Young people basically had three options upon graduation: the factories, which everyone knew were bomb magnets; the farms, which were 17 hour days of back breaking work that most of the city dwelling population was not used too; or join the army. Free food, free housing, good pay; it was like a young person's paradise, except for the fact that all your friends kept dying. But that would happen no matter where you were, so Annie didn't see it as much of a downside.
"Hi, Christa! How are you?"
"I'm good! You'll never guess who else is here?" Don't do it, Tiny. Dpn't do it. "Annie."
"What? Where?" Sasha's eyes scanned the room until she found Annie. Annie suppressed a groan, and raised a hand in greeting. Sasha waved back, then set her stuff down on the bunk above Christa's. Annie was glad to be left alone.
Annie had begun to zone out, tuning out the chatter of the other women, when suddenly, a voice spoke directly to her. "Is anyone sleeping here?" Annie looked up to see a dark haired woman standing in front of her, motioning to the bunk above her's.
"No." Annie said simply.
"Well, now there is." The woman said, swinging her bag up onto the bunk, then sticking out a hand. "I'm Mina Carolina."
"Annie Leonhardt." Annie shook Mina's hand.
"Nice to meet you." Mina smiled at her.
"Yeah." Annie wasn't interested in making friends. She didn't need friends. She didn't want friends. She rose to her feet and looked around. There were only a couple of empty beds left. Were they waiting for all the beds to be full? How long would that be? Annie felt a need to do something. To move. She wasn't used to being idle. As she glanced at the door, it opened, and Annie's day somehow got worse. Another face from Annie's past, the worst face, stepped into the barracks. "Oh fuck me." She muttered. She locked eyes with the other woman as the door shut. This was the face Annie associated with THAT day. The only other person there on the worst day of her life…and she hadn't liked her before.
"Mikasa!" Christa chirped from across the room. Mikasa turned to acknowledge Christa and Sasha, and Annie took the chance to turn away.
"It's like a fucking class reunion." Annie groaned.
Mina snorted. "I take it you and Buff Barbie over there don't get along?"
"That's an understatement."
That made Mina laugh. "It comforts me to know someone is having as bad a day as me."
Annie narrowed her eyes slightly. "Why? What's wrong with your day?"
"I found out my ex-boyfriend is here."
It was Annie's turn to laugh. "That sucks."
"That's an understatement." Mina grinned. Maybe her bunkmate wouldn't be so bad. And after all, Annie had gotten used to Hitch.
The door opened again and someone yelled, "Officer on deck!" They all snapped to attention and a short woman with platinum blonde hair and glasses surveyed them.
"My name is Major Rico Brzenska. I am the assistant training instructor specifically assigned to the female trainees. So, you." She said 'you' in such a a disdainful way that Annie knew already that the major hated all of them. "Now, you all can finish getting acquainted with each other outside, because you have running to do! Move it, ladies!"
"Oh good. We're running already." Mina groaned.
"Come on. Running's got to be the least bad thing they do to us." Annie said as they moved towards the door.
"That's not making me feel better."