SEVEN

At first she had actually asked him to wait for her in the parking lot, which he had flat out refused. Andy all but completely understood her need to not have him hover over her while she was examined by her doctor, but he did draw a line somewhere. In response, Sharon's jaw had set in the same way he had seen a thousand times from across her desk in FID. He felt only moderately ashamed that he had then proceeded to draw the security detail card and insisted he would at the very least accompany her into the building. She had agreed, if only grudgingly and in deference to the rulebook.

He had obligingly waited two steps behind her when she had signed in at the reception desk.

"You can go right through, Mrs. Raydor. You're the last patient of the day." The young receptionist had beamed up at the both of them and gestured towards the door to the examination room. When Sharon had nodded in acknowledgment and made for the door with one last veiled look at Andy, the receptionist had added a cheerful "Your husband can go in with you!" and had them both deeply mortified.

Sharon had winced slightly and, flustered as she clearly was, buried one hand deeply in her pocket while gesturing nervously with the other. "He is not… we are not…" she had stammered hopelessly. Andy had left it to her to define what or who he was to her, because there were a lot of choices. Was he a work colleague? Her boyfriend? Security detail? Bane of her existence?

"He's my ride."

Andy was still turning that one around in his head while he was pacing the length of he cheerful waiting room. There was no way he would be able to sit down for longer than a second. He knew because he had tried. He couldn't say that he had been at a gynecologists practice before. When Sandra had been pregnant, it hadn't been common for expectant fathers to trail along to doctor's appointments and he couldn't say that he had been especially bothered by that.

The room's walls were painted a light yellow and adorned with abstract paintings in black and white that, at least with his limited expertise, he thought were well done. He paused in front of one that showed the outline of a pregnant woman's body with just enough brushstrokes to make it recognizable. Staring at it for a moment, he tried to imagine Sharon visibly pregnant, but failed. It was just not a way he had ever thought of her. To be frank, it seemed a little frightening.

He paced back towards the windows, his footsteps echoing on the linoleum floor, leather shoe creaking as he turned around yet again. The AC was on and yet he felt hot, longing to loosen his tie a little. But then he was irrationally afraid that loosening his tie would somehow make him come undone completely. He had just begun to contemplate picking up a magazine to at least try to take his mind off things, when he heard the door to the examination room. Andy was back out in the hallway before he could stop himself and consider what the wise course of action would be.

Sharon didn't look at him when she walked toward the receptionist's desk. The young woman beamed up at her from her computer screen and after a few clicks, the printer began to whirr. There was a surreal moment when everyone remained still and the noise of the printer was the only thing to be heard. Then the receptionist broke the spell, pulled the prescription form from the printer and handed it to Sharon.

"Here you are, you're good to go, Mrs. Raydor."

"Thank you." Sharon wouldn't be Sharon if she didn't manage to make her voice sound completely neutral, so he had no way of guessing what the news were. When she nodded at the receptionist, her movements seemed somehow slower than usual and that was the only thing that gave her distress away.

"Oh, Mrs. Raydor!" The younger woman called after her. Sharon looked mildly annoyed by the interruption and turned around, visibly willing herself to remain polite despite her apparent urgency to leave.

"You forgot this!" The reception hadn't noticed her state of mind, rose from her chair and came around the desk to place a small printout in Sharon's hand. Intentionally or not, Sharon's body was angled just so that Andy could not see what it was. She held on to the corner of the paper as if it might burn her and looked up at the receptionist with a look of desperation in her eyes.

"I didn't ask for this. I don't think I-"

When the other woman looked at her blankly, she seemed to decide that it was not worth the effort and hurriedly dropped it into her handbag, heading for the exit without waiting for Andy to follow.

He caught up with her out in the parking lot, a little alienated by her blatant disregard of his very presence. When she headed straight for his car, he saw his opportunity: Stopping two steps behind her, he watched her try to open the door and then realize that he had not unlocked it. Her shoulders sank in defeat and she turned around slowly, looking up at him from where the rims of her glasses would have been on a normal day.

Andy folded his arms and cocked his head with forced nonchalance. When he didn't say anything, she rolled her eyes.

"Can we not talk about it here in a hot parking lot?" she asked, her voice now brittle. Apparently she, too, was reaching the end of her rope.

Andy sighed and rolled his own eyes. The woman was impossible. "I would kind of like to know whether I need to ask my ex wife for the family rocking horse back or not."

For a moment she looked endeared by the suggestion, then she pressed her lips together.

"It's more complicated than that, Andy," she said softly.

He knew that he should give her the respite she clearly needed, to let her get her thoughts in order on the way home and let her fill him in on her own time, but he was Andy Flynn and patience was not one of his virtues. In fact, he had been more patient with her recently than he could remember being with anyone for a long time, if ever.

"Look, we have a yes or no question here and I'm gonna ask it," he said brusquely. "All you need to give me is the short answer and I'll leave you alone for the time being."

Her shoulders sank and she closed her eyes.

"Was the test a false positive?"

At that, she opened her eyes again and looked at him, expression unreadable.

"No."

Andy didn't really remember how he had gotten them home in one piece. If Sharon's stalker had attacked them on the way, he really wasn't sure whether he would have been of any use. The weird thing was that he was actually wondering about how to ask Sandra for the rocking horse back. It had been in his family for generations and he could not imagine bringing another child up without it. Of course, he knew that this was not only premature, but also quite ridiculous. Provenza would have hit him over the head and told him to focus. Maybe this was just his mind trying to find things to worry about it that were complicated in their own right, but way less serious than the actual elephant in the room.

Now they were sitting at the dinner table with a simple meal of spaghetti, fresh tomatoes and fresh basil between them. Neither of them was hungry, but his Italian DNA had dictated to do what his grandmother would have done and prepare a warm meal to talk over. They were probably both secretly longing for the glass of the red wine from Tuscany Nonna served along with it, too.

He watched Sharon eat, clearly not enjoying the task. He couldn't blame her, because he didn't have an appetite either. She mechanically chose small pieces to make her agonizing way through the plate in front of her. When the clock on the kitchen wall told him that not a word had been uttered in ten minutes, Andy couldn't hold back anymore.

"Sharon?" he asked her, making her look up at him with those green eyes he had learned he couldn't resist. "Please, you're making me nervous."

She placed her fork down and he could tell that she was performing some sort of subtle breathing exercise. He reached over and covered her hand with his.

"Come on. I know the most important part already." He decided to try for a little humor. "Big idiot me got you pregnant."

For a moment he wondered whether he was supposed to apologize for that, if only for comic relief, but he decided against it. When her silence continued, he felt obligated to fill it.

"I know Jack has been an ass about everything and, well, I used to be like him, back in the day. But I'm not that guy anymore, you know. It doesn't matter whether we have figured that thing between us out or not. I want to be there for you, okay?"

At that, her eyes filled with tears and when she looked up from where she had been staring at her plate, he could suddenly see all the emotion she had been keeping under wraps.

"Oh Andy," she said, almost choking on the impending tears. "It's not that easy."

He furrowed his brow. Of course, the thing they were dealing with was far from straight-forward. When were they ever? But he thought that going through it together and dealing with it together would be the most important thing.

She wiped her eyes and took a deep breath before she unexpectedly rose from her seat. Andy was filled with dread. He had come so close to maybe finally understanding what exactly the problem was.

"I need a moment, okay? I'm sorry." And with that, she walked away from the table and into his bedroom.

Desperation was followed by anger and Andy impulsively threw their half-full plates into the sink, not minding that one of them cracked and the drain would inevitably get clogged with food.

While he was still debating whether it was worth shattering his grandfather's old water glasses as well, his phone began to ring. Provenza of all people, so it couldn't be good.

"What," he barked, because Provenza always deserved a little antagonism and never minded it.

"Ah, how good to hear you're back to normal," Provenza greeted him gleefully. "Chief wants you and the Wicked Witch in her office first thing tomorrow morning."

"Can't she make her own phone calls anymore?" Flynn snapped, feeling better already.

"Apparently not. Look, she thinks we might be on to something."

"Yeah? What? Can't be a hot lead if it can wait until tomorrow."

Provenza snorted. "I can't blame her for not wanting Raydor around anytime soon when she is in such a mood."

Andy couldn't help remembering Sharon's tear-filled eyes just moments ago and his heart dropped. Even though he was angry with her, he was also hurting for her.

"Now what is that lead?" he inquired.

"Chief thinks Raydor may have had an affair with one of her sergeants," Provenza said, not without glee and Andy knew straight away why the Chief had foregone filling him in on that one herself.

"Come on. That's just ridiculous!"

It was, of course, he told himself. Sharon would never engage in improper conduct with a subordinate. He was a different story, because he was a different division and the only disciplinary offense FID had had to deal with since their affair had started had been dealt with by another officer with zero involvement from Sharon. He knew that had been very much deliberate. The idea of her with one of her sergeants was ludicrous, even if the image did get his blood boiling with jealousy - however misplaced it may be.

"Is it, though, lover boy? If she sinks to your low, who know what else she would do. See you in the morning." Provenza was having more fun with this than he was entitled to.

And with that, the line went dead. Andy rubbed his forehead furiously. He needed an advil.

He felt fairly stupid knocking on his own bedroom door, so he walked in despite the fact that Sharon had not answered. She was sitting on his bed, propped up against the headboard, still in her suit pants and silk top from work, her jacket discarded on the bed next to her. When he approached her, he could tell that she was looking for a way to hide the printout she was holding, but failed. He sat down on the side of the bed.

"Hey," he said softly. "What is this?"

Trapped, she wordlessly turned it over for his inspection. Even though he knew what to expect, the sight of the ultrasound image took his breath away. In those erratic black and white lines, he recognized a small body and head.

"Eight weeks, huh," he said, referring to the information in the upper right hand corner.

Sharon looked at the image, but then closed her eyes. "I asked them not to print it out, but there must have been a mix-up."

"I can see that," he said. "Why didn't you want it?"

Only now he realized that she had been crying. She looked defeated, but maybe finally ready to tell him the truth.

"Because I didn't want to get attached." His heart sank when he heard that. It seemed fairly obvious what her plan was then.

"Okay," he said softly, waiting for her to elaborate. She turned toward him, putting her hand on his arm for his reassurance or maybe for her own.

"My medical history is what is making this complicated, Andy. The risk of a miscarriage is very much increased."

Andy furrowed his brow. "My cousin had a high risk pregnancy, but she was fine! It's not that unusual."

She gave him a sad smile. "The risk goes both ways, Andy. I lost so much blood so quickly the last time. It would likely be even worse if it happened again." She swallowed, clearly struggling with what she had to say next: "The diagnosis came with the recommendation to, um, explore my options."

At first, he didn't understand what she meant by that, then it dawned on him and he suddenly very much understood why she hadn't wanted that picture.

"Oh no," he said feebly. She nodded, her eyes full of pain, and yet she seemed relieved to have finally said it.

"I'm sorry for holding back earlier, Andy. I needed a minute to process it all."

"No, I get it. That is not an easy thing to deal with." He felt deflated all of a sudden. This seemed too big for either of them. Sharon gently took the ultrasound image from him and followed the lines with the tip of her forefinger. The look in her eyes had softened and for a moment, she just smiled up at him.

"I made him turn the monitor away, so I wouldn't have to see," she said. "It would have been better that way."

"I think it looks so cozy, like it's snuggled in," Andy said unhelpfully, but to his surprise, she chuckled lightly.

"It does." Her eyes filled with tears again. "I shouldn't be taking the risk, Andy."

It did sound to him as if she was on some level considering not following her doctor's advice, but Andy couldn't go down that road just yet. It was all too fresh and too raw.

"Can we not talk about this for tonight?" she finally asked. "I don't think I am ready to deal with any of this just yet."

He nodded. "Alright. Let's get some sleep first, shall we?"

"Thank you for your patience, Andy, really." Sharon looked more open and genuine than he had seen her all day. "I know I am not exactly easy to deal with right now."

He smiled and nudged her side. "When are you ever?"

Before he knew it, she was tightly enveloped in his arms. This was the most fucked-up scenario he could have imagined, he decided. Whatever was looming ahead wasn't good and it was all he could do to not show her how scared he was on her behalf. There was a good chance now that he would lose one of them or even both without having ever really had them.

Sharon and the Chief had locked eyes over the latter's desk, neither side willing to relent. Andy thought that opening the conversation by casually asking Sharon whether she was in the habit of engaging in affairs with subordinates without any further explanation had not been the most elegant way to go about this. Back in her armor, there was no detectable trace of the woman Andy had held through the night. He had woken to find her body rocked by little sobs she had been desperately trying to contain at one point during the night, but now she seemed completely unaffected by the situation. Ghastly pale, but unaffected.

When Sharon was finished staring at the Chief, she raised her chin and looked at her over the rims of her glasses that had reappeared this morning. Her eyes were still swollen, Andy noticed, but she had done a good job of covering that up with copious amounts of dark eyeshadow.

"What are you implying, Chief?" Sharon sounded dangerous now and a lesser woman than the Chief would have been intimidated by that. Chief Johnson, however, seemed to enjoy the conversation more than she should have.

"I am not implying, Captain. I am asking."

Sharon let out a long breath, probably to give emphasis to how ridiculous she found the suggestion.

"I do not have and would never engage in improper conduct with one of my officers," she said slowly, as if the Chief was hard of hearing or in some way intellectually challenged.

"I am glad we got that out of the way." Chief Johnson beamed up at Sharon. "Okay, then where would those rumors come from?"

Sharon rolled her eyes for dramatic effect. "Really? Those rumors have been around forever. There are, in fact, lots of rumors about me. I have never paid them any mind."

"Hm," the Chief said. "Fair enough. I have an officer who tells me that two of your sergeants have gotten into a fight over something to do with you. What is that about?"

Sharon looked genuinely surprised and shrugged.

"I have no idea what you're talking about. I am the disciplinary officer. I would have heard about it."

"Not now that you have been off duty for over a week, you wouldn't," the Chief said almost apologetically. "It happened not too long ago."

"Which sergeants?" Sharon asked, her voice going up slightly. She had enjoyed the picture of professionalism and level-headedness her team had presented at the interviews and hearing of this annoyed her, Andy could tell.

"Elliott and Martinez."

Andy rolled his eyes and was glad that Sharon couldn't see as he was once again standing behind her. Elliott was the complete opposite of Martinez, but just as annoying. Blond, lanky and nondescript in appearance, he worshipped the ground Sharon was walking on. However, it seemed like actual admiration and not romantic or sexual in nature.

"Elliott," Sharon said surprised. "Wouldn't have thought so."

He did notice that she did not include Martinez in that assessment.

"They were in a break room and very much at each others' throats. Even physically so until the fight was broken up. Apparently, Elliott was defending your honor, repeatedly yelling that you would „never sleep with someone at work". Sadly, neither would elaborate on what that was about exactly."

Sharon did not look comfortable with what she was about to say next.

"I do not expect every officer in this division to keep what they have learned about Lieutenant Flynn and me under wraps, Chief. I wouldn't be surprised if word had gotten out to my division as well."

Now it was Chief Johnson's turn to look scandalized. "Captain, we might not appreciate you very much, but we do like Andy. We would never let this get out."

To be honest, Andy hadn't expected that either. "The pictures and the information as to your relationship" the Chief gestured awkwardly between them "stayed in this room, just like I promised."

Sharon turned around and looked at Andy then turned back to the Chief.

"What is your verdict then, Chief? Am I fucking Elliott or Martinez?"

Chief Johnson raised her brows challengingly. "Neither of them is talking to us, Captain, but it seems that Elliott is especially inclined toward you. I suggest you sit down with him and get him to tell you exactly what happened."

It was clear from Sharon's huff that she would rather pass on that entirely and that she found this particular line of inquiry ridiculous.

"It's your investigation, Chief," she finally relented with a curl of her lip that signaled disgust.

"Well, good!" The Chief said with forced cheerfulness. "Then I'll make sure he gets here and you do your thing."

She waved her hands for them to leave and Sharon seemed only too happy to oblige. Outside in the murder room, Andy could tell that standing was not in Sharon's best interest right now, so he unceremoniously pulled out his desk chair for her to sit in. Ever since her revelation the previous night he kept half-expecting her to suddenly double over in pain, even if there was no sign of it. Provenza made a gagging noise at the display and Flynn shot him a furious look. The complicated situation did absolutely nothing to increase his limited patience with the man who called himself his best friend, yet had been less than helpful so far.

He bent down to Sharon's level. "You up for conducting the interview?" he asked quietly, making sure that Provenza would not overhear.

She looked up at him with a half smile. "More than ready, Andy. It will be nice to do something useful for once."

Spectator was not a job Sharon did well if she was not able to scribble notes into her little book and annoy the hell out of people, Andy realized.

"Let's hope it will shed some light on things."