I don't like how the situation of 4.12 onwards play out in Grey's Anatomy. Hence, created my own Fanfiction on how I thought it should be played out. In this fanfiction, some scenes were from the show and somewhere created by my fictional and quarantined mind (whole country is being quarantined for the past 7 months now and the progress so far is like a drain that is open). I just thought that Derek is a Jerk, lol. But thus this story is still about them. More of Meredtih POV.
In this Fan fiction, Meredith is a bit active with the therapy and actually taking considerations of the advices her Therapist is saying to her. Also, some characters from the future were placed in this timeline. I have altered some timeline in Grey's like for example, Mer didn't get an appy in season 3, it happened here in the current timeline which is season 4.
Shonda own's the Grey's Anatomy
Moments
Six weeks after Derek and Meredith ended their relationship, Meredith, Alex, Izzie and Cristina compete in a surgical contest, with Bailey serving as judge
We like to think that we are rational beings; humane, conscientious, civilized, thoughtful. But when things fall apart, even just a little, it becomes clear we are not better than animals. We have opposable thumbs, we think, we walk erect, we speak, we dream, but deep down we are still routing around in the primordial ooze; biting, clawing, scratching out an existence in the cold, dark world like the rest of the tree-toads and sloths. There's a little animal in all of us and maybe that's something to celebrate. Our animal instinct is what makes us seek comfort, warmth, a pack to run with. We may feel caged, we may feel trapped, but still as humans we can find ways to feel free. We are each other's keepers, we are the guardians of our own humanity and even though there's a beast inside all of us, what sets us apart from the animals is that we can think, feel, dream and love. And against all odds, against all instinct, we evolve.
MEREDITH
I am currently on the walking run with Cristina and Izzie on the way to the PIT when we saw Derek and Rose walking out of the elevator smiling and laughing. My heart is sinking but I am trying to shove it those aside. I stopped walking and watched them walk towards the nurse station
"She is wretched and she's mean." Cristina said on my left side.
"She's not" I said. I feel my heart is tearing up seeing that he can laugh and be happy with other woman that, fast. The last time we talked that is not related to medical was when I decided to stop what we have.
"Why are you here Meredith? This is our third session, and you still haven't said anything yet." Dr. Wyatt ask on my first week doing the Therapy.
"I read a study that uh, says that just the act that going to therapy is beneficial, even if you don't say anything, even if you just sit."
"So you thought you come here and just sit, that's how you're gonna solve your problems?"
"I don't have problems."
"What brings you here?" Dr. Wyatt asked my raising here left brows.
"Look, I'm fine. I just haven't been sleeping. You know, it's a – just been a week and I can't sleep" I said.
"Been a week since what?"
"Look, I work in the hospital, I try not to listen to gossip, but this is a very gossipy place. So there are some things that I've heard."
"Derek is not the reason I'm here"
"Then what brings you here?"
I took a deep breath and felt my eyes watered. I looked up to stop it from falling but even when I did that, I just felt my tears falling.
"I honestly don't know, what I know is I am hurting so much, I feel like being invisible and can't find my own reason to live. Which is I know is fucked up." I looked up and smiled to Dr. Wyatt, I can still feel my tears falling and it seems that it won't stop any sooner.
"That is a progress. This is good, tell me something that you think makes you feel like that"
"I, uh, I…. My mom tried to kill herself when I was five years old. I didn't call 911 until she passed out cause I know she will get angry and mad at me. I never told anyone of that before. You think you can fix me with that much history?" I said smilling again. I saw how Dr. Wyatt faced change from smilling back at me to frown.
"I heard one of the nurses saying that they've only been on five dates." Izzie leans towards me as she said that.
"Yeah 'cause she's wretched, and she's mean"
"What did you do to your hair?" George out of nowhere appearing on the right side of Izzie.
"You guys, I know you're trying to make me feel better, but I have to tell you, this pausing talking about Rose and Derek, it just means…"
I looked at Izzie and Cristina sideways.
"Yeah?"
"I'm gonna win" I said and laugh a little as I run towards the PIT.
"You bitch! Keeping it clean was getting in the way of the contest. So I chopped it of last night. It just makes me faster and sleeker, like a cheetah." Izzie said to George"
"You chopped off your hot hair for our stupid contest?"
"Not stupid. Rock star contest. Best contest ever. You should try living in the hospital for two straight weeks, George, it's amazing."
"This contest is for residents only. " Cristina jump off the conversation.
"Yes, I know that." George said.
"Doesn't mean he can't still live here. I feel juiced and alive, and my brain is clicking and running. I have never been more on my game"
"I'm kinda sad the contest ends tonight." I said as we are now near approaching the door to PIT.
"I'm not. I want that prize." Cristina said.
"What prize?" George bumped into one of the glass walls as he asked.
"Bailey won't tell us but I want it. I want it bad" Izzie said.
"Too bad you're never gonna get it" I said in a singysong tune.
"So on my game!" Izzie said.
I pushed the door of the PIT and was welcomed bt the craziness of this room. I took the lab coat for the pit and fixed my tie at the back. Cristina took the lower part and fixed the tie. As Cristina and Izzie are bickering, Alex and I tried to count the points. We heard the sirens becoming nearer so we walked towards the entrance of the PIT. I saw Alex finished counting the points as we are waiting.
"Who's winning?" I asked.
"Yang"
"Not surprised."
"What? Lemme see." Izzie gasp as she saw the points in the notebook.
"I'm 26 points behind? That is now possible count again. What about the surgeries?"
"Only 3 points for watching. You got to do."
They continue bickering until the MVC arrived. Izzie took the patient that arrived and Alex, Cristina and I were left in the bay. Dr. Baile arrived and instructed us to go inside to more work and not to troll for trauma when a car arrived and a girl is screaming her lungs out to help them.
The patient that arrived were camping when a bear cub arrived in there sight, they tried to help it when the Mother bear arrived and latched at my patient.
"He has to be alright. My brother, he has to be, right? Right?" Philip said, which is I think an unusual based from the brother that he is asking.
"Done, beat you. Busted hand and all." Philip said as he is smirking at his wife.
"It's completely illegible." I looked into the paper work and saw his writings.
"He's a slob." The wife said.
"Okay,Dr.O'Malley is going to come and take you to the X-RAY, and I am gonna take your wife to the waiting room until you get back."
"She said "WIFE" I'm still not used to that." The wife said which arched my brow.
"We're newlyweds. She's my rebound girl
"She thought she was my rebound girl, but I rebounded here, all the way to the church. Only knew her ten day. But when you know, you know"
I smiled as I walk towards the door accompanying Mrs. Robinsons. As we exit, I saw here lean at the wall and started to cry.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"You marry a man like that or a man like that marries you. And he is cute and rich, he's a catch by anyone's standard. So you sort of sit around and let the other shoe just drop. Because there's no way a man like that marries you. Or me. He married me" Drop the chart that I was writing on as I saw some blood on her head.
"I'm sorry, I look like a crazy woman here" She said as she wipes here tears away.
"It's okay, but it looks like you're bleeding a little. Do you mind if I just take a lok?"
"No, no, I'm fine—I'm fine. I just scratched myself on a brash when we were running." She said as she removed her cap. I saw her scalp hanging by her head as she took off here cap.
"I just got happy, I just got married and I'm really, really happy. I don't have permanent brain damage, Do I?"
"No, it appears that you don't. All right, page me if any neuro deficits appear." Derek said as he hand me a pen. I took it did not look at him as he exit the trauma room.
"You got lucky, your scalp wasn't completely taken off, so we can just sew it back on. Your hair should cover the scar. You won't even surgery." Sloan said as he removed his gloves.
"Wow. That's great. Thank you."
"Dr. Grey here will help you. You can go back to being happy newlywed."
Sloan stood up from his sit and put the gloves in the trash bin. He leans towards me and whispered.
"Don't worry, he and rose won't last. " I smiled a little and took a deep breath as I felt a pang on my chest.
"It needs surgery but Callie wants to do 24 hours antibiotics. So I think we should just irrigate and splint." I said to George as we are looking into the films.
"Okay, I'll take care of it" George said.
"Or I could take care of it, and you could take care of the wife's scalp. She needs lots of complex sutures. You could get lots of complex practice." I said while still looking into the X-RAY films, I felt George turns his head and look at me quizzically.
"Isn't that the point of suture? You don't want that?" He asked.
"I think this is a bigger than a broken hand. He provoked a bear, and then drove himself to the hospital-"
"Well, he was in shock."
"-and married his rebound girl. He married his rebound girl, after knowing here for only ten days. Nobody does that, who does that? I'm thinking brain tumor"
"Meredith are you okay? I know it has been weeks since ou and Derek broke up, but are you okay?"
"I'm fine George. I am moving on."
"What? You gave up on him now? After all that you guys been through?"
"Yes, George. I am moving on. So could you please do the sutures on the wife?"
"Wait, I got married at the spur of the moment but I don't have a brain tumor."
"That you know of." I said smirking.
"But you are really moving on? Is this like before moving on stage? Cause I don't live in your house anymore so I don't know how you are coping up Mer."
"This is not like before, with all the one night stand. Just tequila and me."
"You don't hang out at Joe's anymore Mer. Even if we invite you a lot of times and assure you he is not there."
"I still hang out with you guys. It's just that, part of my moving on is to be in a place where I know he does not exist George. I mean, at the hospital I know I can't avoid him. So.. I'm going where I know I will not see him. Could you please do the sutures now please." I said smilling.
I am finishing Philip's chart when I saw Lexie talking to Rose.
"Have you seen him?" Rose asked Lexie.
"I have"
"Have you seen his eyes?"
"I… yeah".
"Im trying to play it cool. I am playing it cool. So, so cool. I love him" She said as she puts her hands at both side of her cheecks and turns around.
"Oh, my god. I… don't know you. I didn't say that" She left when she realized that it was not a friend from the nursing station she was talking to.
Lexie turned around and saw me putting some charts in the box.
"What are you doing?" I asked her as she picked up the flowers from the nurse station.
"Are you asking as a sister or a resident?" She asked.
"As a sister" I said and smiled.
"Oh ah, I am stealing. Are you okay?"
I felt another pang from my chest and drop my smile
"Resident again now, stop stealing crap from the hospital"
2 weeks since Meredith and Derek broke up
"Mer? Open the door or I'm gonna break this" I heard Alex knocking on my door. I am tired from crying I have been crying for a week now, and also, Derek and Rose are practically all over the hospittal. Holding hands and laughing.
"Alex I'm okay" I said with a shaking voice."
"Wha—what happened?" I heard Cristina talking.
"I heard her crying all of a sudden and it has been 2 hours since she's been crying, she will be dehydrated if she keep doing this. " Izzie said with a worried voice.
"Mer, I'm gonna break it, I swear to God."
"Mer, talk to us. Nothing will change, you guys still broken up and he is dating her an hour after that. Nothing will change that, but we are here. We can help you. You have us. That will never change. Open the door." Cristina said knocking.
"And also, I still don't have a cardio God. So, I'm sad too, Lets be sad together." I smiled when I heard what she said.
I stood up from my bend and open the door. I see that Alex, Izzie, and Cristina at the door looking all worry.
"I'm okay guys. No need to worry." I said reassuring them.
"Mer you are not okay, last week you look like a walking robot. So cold and stern, you can't even sleep." Izzie said and rolled her eyes.
"Do you want me to kick his ass? I'd do it Mer." Alex said.
"Mcass does not deserve your tears."
"I know that now. My shrink made me realize things" I saw the shock looked on their faces when they heard what I said.
"I'm doing the therapy. I need that to figure out myself. I need to fix me so when the next guy that comes to my life, will not make me fill not enough. I realized that. It's just that, it still hurts. I'm not him. I can't move on as quick as he can. So this is me coping up." I pick a tissue on the side bed and wiped my tears away.
"I still can kick his ass though"
"No, don't do that, and stop being rude to him. We are both to blame with what happen to us. And can we please not talk about this at work? I am already taking too much crap gossip at the hospital. Nurses and other residents does not like me because I'm the stupid intern who fell in love with an attending. I already been having pity glances because they think I am midlife crisis and finally he figure things out, and maybe I am. But I don't want to add another thing on that gossip. So could we please not talk about this when we are at work? I will be okay. It's just.. just now, I need to release this stupid tears. This is all new to me, I never cried, before I just avoid or shove things out, but now I am facing it."
"Okay… do you wanna drink?" Cristina said as she is trying to process all the words I said.
"That would be good" I said smilling.
"Phillip, earlier today you were squinting at you paperwork" I walked towards the table near at his feet and wrote all the procedures I have done.
"I keep telling him he needs glasses." Mrs. Robinsons said.
"And your handwriting was very tin and wasn't all that legible. Is that normal for you?" I asked.
"Well, uh, never been a straight-A student, if that's what you mean."
"Is he done or are we done here? We could both do some rest."
I wrote all the signs that I have been hearing and done.
"Humor me for one more second." I walked towards his bend and sat on the space that is free on his left side.
"Okay, look straight ahead. Tell me when you see my fingers." I put both of my hands on each side of his ears and lifted one fingers each. He nodded and I started to move my fingers towards me.
"I see them" He said.
I felt a victory when I heard that and jump off the bed.
"TUMOR" I said smiling and both hands up.
Both look puzzled at my reaction and drawn to me that what I did was rude and stupid.
"Sorry."
"You paged me?" George said as he enters the room.
"I thought you might like to see this" I said as looking into the computer screen.
"Is that bear attack guy?"
"That's bear attack guy, and that's his big ol' brain tumor. And I am not requiring you an apology, George. I'm not requiring you an apology because the fact that I have potentially saved a life today is reward enough for me."
"You're calling me in to gloat.'"
"No."
"I need a favor."
"Okay. Mer, you can't not see him you know."
"I know, it's just that, I told you. I am moving on. And this is a part of me moving on. Do you know that I know now how to cook?"
"What?"
"Yeah, I enrolled myself into cooking class. That's one of the reasons what I can't join you guys at Joe's every day off, I am trying to cook. And now, I can do lasagna."
"Really?"
"Yeah, at first I enrolled myself because I want to be more ready and more enough for him. But then, we broke up and realize that I shouldn't be doing things for him to be better, I should change and be better for myself. Cause trying to be better for him was losing myself in the process which is not health by the way."
"So now you can cook?"
"Yep, I know how to cook lasagna, past. Majority are Italian food. But, I am still learning, I only took a few classes."
"Okay."
GEORGE
"Is this Meredith's patient?" Derek ask me as he is looking into the films.
"Yes" I answered as I leaned to the wall.
"She didn't want to come to me herself"
"Hey, I'm just her intern"
"Is she okay?"
"The wife scalp are sutured." I said. Ignoring his obvious question about Meredith.
"No, I mean Meredith."
"Oh, uh, what do you think Dr. Shepherd?" I asked back not looking at my foot.
"There's nothing we can do here. The tumor is non operable based on the sized and place." He said and walks out of the room.
MEREDITH
"What are you doing here? You spend the last hour watching a surgery that is three points." Alex said to Cristina who just arrived from a surgery.
"I'm trusting you guys screwed up enough that it won't matter." Cristina said.
I am waiting at their back waiting for the final tally of the contest.
"I can still win, I could. I did get a lot of points today." Izzie said.
"What's the matter with you? Where's the trash talk Charles Barkley?" Alex turned around and asked me.
"She knows I'm the best." Cristina said.
We walked towards the door of the conference room as we saw Bailey walking towards the door with little tuck on her hip.
"Who won?" Cirstine asked.
"Congratulations…. Dr. Grey."
"Oh" Izzie and Cristina both groan from what they heard, Even though I won, I still don't feel content.
"The guy from the bear attack had a brain tumor, Grey caught it. 80 points for solving a medical mystery. That's what put her over the top. Now say congratulations to Dr. Grey."
"Congratulations." They all mumbled. I smiled and said my thanks.
"Now for the prize. A sparkle pager. It is special, it is surgery's Holy Grail. It's been passed down from resident to resident and now belongs to Dr. Grey. For the next three months whenever you all get a surgery, you have this pager, and if Dr. Grey wants your surgery. She has the right to take it from you. "
"Oh come on." Alex said.
"Enjoy the power Dr. Grey. Now, you all go home, you smell, you greasy, you need to bathe." Dr. Bailey left the group and we started walking to the resident's lounge.
"Somehow I thought I would enjoy this more." I said.
"Then give it to me Mer, I would enjoy this." Cristina said and tried to pick the pager from my hand.
"No." We entered the resident's lounge and they started undressing themselves to change into street clothes.
I just sat at the chair and look into my cub.
"Hey, aren't you gonna change?" Cristina asked as she put her shirt on.
"No, I'm gonna stay, I will just do some research then I'd head home."
"Are you sure?" Izzie said.
"Mer?" Alex said with concerned voice.
"Yuh, don't worry about me" I said reassuring me.
It was the next day, 7 am early morning when I was done with my research and decided to page the doctor that I think is good for this.
"Hi Nurse Debbie" I like Nurse Debbie, she is one of the few nurses who are genuinely nice to me in spite all the gossip around that has been going on.
"Hi Dr. Grey, do you need anything?" She asked me smilling.
"Actually yes, could you please page Dr. Nelson from nuero?"
"Yes sure."
"I'll be just in residency lounge to take a quick shower, could you please page me too when he arrives?" I asked.
"Sure Dr. Grey. No problem." Nurse Debbie said as she nods but I can still feel her question based on her eyes on why is Derek was not the one I am requesting to page.
When I entered the residency lounge I saw Cristina changing into scrubs.
"So you did not go home."
"Nope"
"Why?"
"That is secret."
"Should I be worried on why you did not go home?"
"No, but you will be proud I think" I went to my cubby and picked out my new set of clothes and entered the shower.
"Are you okay?"
"I am fine Cristina. I was able to go through yesterday without much talking to him. I'm gonna go take a shower then, to Wyatt, then home. Bailey said I could do the night shift for the rest of the week."
"Okay."
I am drying my hair when my pager went off. I brushed my hair real quick and took a quick check of myself in the mirror. My hair still looks wet from the shower and a bit tangled but I don't want Dr. Nelson to wait any longer so I picked up my research from the table and went off to the nurse station where I saw Dr. Nelson waiting for me.
"Dr. Nelson, Hi." I said as I offered my hand to him.
"Dr. Grey, how can I help you?" He took my hand and shake it.
At my peripheral vision, I saw Derek and Rose walking out of the elevator. I tried to avoid them by turning my back and facing forward the nurse station. I can hear the giggle that Rose did with what I think Derek said.
"I uhm, have a proposal to you on how we can save more lives. Maybe you can just look into this research I did and think about it?" I said hoping he can look and give it a chance.
He looked at me quizzically but then his eyes walked past me and I know where he is looking at. Or Whom. He turned his eyes back at me and looked into the folder that I was offering him.
"Okay, I'll check this, and page you with an answer." He smiled and walked past me.
I can feel his eyes watching me at my side as he is writing something to one of the charts the needed to be signed immediately by him. I tried to ignore his stare that I can actually feel under my skin and looked up to face nurse Debbie who was actually watching me and him.
"Thank you Nurse Debbie. Before I forget, I know Adrian want to watch the game of Seahawks and Vikings this coming Saturday, I was able to pull some tickets and got 4 seats for you." I said as I pulled the tickets from my jeans. I have been meaning to give this to her but got caught up with the contest.
"Oh Dr. Grey! Thank you! Adrian will be happy! He misses you by the way! Can't wait to see his favorite doctors he says. We only talked about this like 3 days ago. You have friends in the field? How were you able to pull tickets in such short notice?" Nurse Debbie said eyes with glee as she looked into the tickets.
"Well, tell him I miss my favorite patient too. I have friends in the field, and was able to pull some tickets from them, anyway, please tell Adrian to enjoy the game, I'm gonna head home now. Thank you again nurse Debbie!" I said and turned to my right where Derek is still on and still signing some papers.
I walked towards the Resident's lounge and can hear Cristina and Izzie bickering about the sparkely pager.
"Mer, you look like some would do and looking for with that hair of yours now." Izzie said as I entered the resident's lounge.
I groaned at what she said and try to finger comb my a bit wet hair.
"Seriously Mer, I you need to get laid, hangout with us at Joe's." Cristina said fidgeting at her phone.
"No, I don't need to get laid. What I need is to sleep, but I still have to take a Detour." I picked up my bag and put all the dirty clothes I wore yesterday. I put the pager down in my cubby and drop my scrubs at the laundry.
I zip my bag and was ready to walk out of the lounge when Alex entered.
"Do you want me to accompany you to elevator? Someone I think is standing there, you might want to wait."
I rolled my eyes with that he said. Thank God only the four of us was left in the lounge. "Seriously, I'm okay, I am not avoiding him, I just don't want to interact with him if there is an option. I talked to him with regards to walk. I want to be professional about this."
"Well from the looks of it, he got your message of not talking to him if it is not about work, so now, he is trying or making a way to just see you or get a reaction from you when he is talking, which is by the way, I am proud on how you handling this. So much better that the last one." Cristina said as she stand up and help Izzie with her scrubs that got stuck on her neck.
"What do you mean getting a reaction?"I said in confused voice as I don't get that.
"Oh, you mean you don't really notice it? I'm a proud Mama Mer, proud Mama." Izzie was trying to tie her shoe lace when she said that.
"Mer, For the past 6 weeks, you improve a lot, which I think came from the shrink that you have been seeing. From robot to sometimes smiling and giggling Mer that we met. Which is great. Shepherd have been eye stalking you with every chance he get. You are not talking to him like really talk. But as you said, you are also not avoiding which I think is somehow true and not true. But the bottom line here is, because of the lack of interaction that he is getting from you, he is actuall eye stalking you," Alex said which I think is quite amazing on how observant he can be this days.
"For the record, I am not avoiding him, my shrink advice that to me, also she said that if given the option on not be with the people who hurt, grab the option of not to be that people. Which is what I have been doing, I don't find an reason to talk to him outside about work so I don't talk to him, I don't see him as a friend, which by the way, I learned from the past. Right now, he is a colleague and and teacher to who I don't need to speak to when outside of work and nothing more."
"Okay, are you sure you don't want me to accompany you?" Alex said as we walk towards the reception area, Izzie and Cristina at the back following me.
"No, just guide my interns will you? Thank you guys. See you later?" I waved at them as I walked towards the elevator. I saw Derek in his scrubs now at the back of the nurse station still writing some note on some charts.
I was standing in front of the elevator when then I felt someone is standing behind, I can feel the eyes of that someone in which I was trying to ignore.