Moments

by sg19rv

Sometimes, they are in exactly the same place at the same time. He can almost hear her voice. It's like he's touching her. He likes to believe she also knows he's there. That's all you get. Moments with the people you love. They move on and you want them to, but still, those moments are all you get. S4x12 continuation, this is I think should've happen. MERDER

2. Chapter 2

The first 2 chapter that I posted had a technical difficulties. LOL. Fixed it now! Enjoy!

I am new with Grey's Anatomy universe, because of quarantine, and had a lot of time after work from home. I love Grey's and addicted to it currently.

Chapter 2

MEREDITH

The elevator open and when I turned around saw Nurse Rose actually gawking at me. I pushed the button of GF and waited for her to enter.

I smiled and asked her. "Aren't you getting on?" I tried to be brave with my voice in which hope that it was not shaky but and nothing but dignified and civil.

"Uhm, yeah sorry." She entered and pushed the button of the second floor.

"He is selling the land because of you, you know." She said.

"I'm sorry what?" I asked as I turned around to her.

"The land, and the house. He is not going to build the house, he is selling the house. He is building the house on that land before when you were together but now he is selling land. I'm not trying to…..I just really like him and you intimidate me."

"I'm sorry, but why are you saying this to me?" I asked with the stern voice now facing the doors of the elevator.

"It's just that, you guys are legend. You know. He is planning to buy a house near the hospital. I just thought you should know." She said while fidgeting her hands.

I did not reply after what she said, Derek is really moving on, he is selling the land. The land full of our memories and where our supposed to be little children would run. The elevator stopped on the second floor. Right when she is about to exit she turned around and said. "We are happy, and from what I am seeing, you are okay. I hope this changes nothing.

I just looked at her in the eyes and said nothing. When the doors closed I felt my eyes watered again. I took a deep breath and wiped those tears away.

"Back to square one."

3rd week post op break up.

"Uh, we were at home" I am setting at the sofa and looking at the aquarium.

"You were there?" Dr. Wyatt asked.

"Yes I was there."

"It's okay to talk about it."

"Dr. Wyatt, my mother took a scalpel and sliced her wrist in front of me. I sat on the kitchen floor in a pool of her blood waiting until she passed out so I could call 911. It's not okay to talk about it."

"Why did you wait until she passed out?"

"She asked me not to right before she slit her wrist, so I knew I would get in trouble if I tried to save her life."

"But you did save her life."

"She didn't want to be save."

"You must be very angry at her."

"No, not at her"

"Who you angry at?"

"The people who made put her in that situation." I said with a shaky voice.

"Did you feel not loved and enough when she did try to kill herself?"

"Yes, not just about her, but with Thatcher as well. They always leave me when things get complicated. They don't settle for me. I am not enough for anyone."

"Meredith, you should know that you are a person too. For you to feel that you are enough, you should love yourself more and learn more about the value of life. People will always find a fault at you, but for you to embrace that, you should found peace within in you."

"I have peace with the people in my life right now, I have Cristina, Izzie, Alex, Lexie and George. This people does not make me question my life. These people makes me peace"

"Within you Meredith, not around you."

Cristina

"Steven with Sloan, Karev PIT, Yang, Shepherd needs a resident." We disperse after what Bailey said.

"Great, I'm with Shepherd, when is the new cardio God will fall here?" I said.

"1, scut, 2 and 4 post op. 3 you are with me."

We walked towards Dr. Shepherd where on in the Nurse station writing some stuff in the chart.

"Dr. Shepherd we are on your service today." I said.

"Uh Dr. Yang, nice to see you today."

I grimaced at what he said and did not reply.

"Prepare Mr. Jenkins for the operation and you and Dr. Grey will scrub in." He said as he handed me the chart he is signing.

"Okay Dr. Shepherd" I said as I walked past him.

"Uh Yang, can I talk to you for a minute" I turned around and look at him. What could he possibly want to talk about now. I nodded and lead me to a near conference room.

"How is Meredith?" He asked

I raised my brows and tried to walk out but he pulled my left arm trying to stop me. "Well, we are not talking about Meredith other than work related Dr. Shepherd." I said as I tried to pull my arms from him.

"I just want to know how she is. She is not talking to me aside from case related, I have been trying to put her on my service but Bailey seems to not be doing anything about it. She's not even going at Joe's."

"Well what do you expect her to do? She is not the Intern Meredith anymore. She knows her lessons." I said and left him.

MEREDITH

"How are you today Meredith?"

"I…uh, Rose talked to me today. She uhhh, cornered me in the elevator. She… uh told me that, Derek is selling the land." I said as m tears won't stop falling.

"Does Derek know that you know about it?"

"No, She… just told me on my way here. Oh God, he is moving on. Dr. Wyatt. Oh God, He couldn't wait, I am not enough, I am not worth the wait for him." I said as stifled my cry.

"Meredith what did I tell you about questioning your worth?"

"That, people who loves you enough will always see that I am worth it. And that people who does not see that should not have a space in my mind." I said as my tears still won't stop.

"Right, people who makes you question yourself are not good for your health, body and mind. Keep the memories but let go of the people. You can start with the Meredith."

By 9 AM we finished the session and I left the hospital, I walked towards my car when I saw someone standing at the driver's door.

"Hey." Derek said with the goofy smile that made me fall in love with him. I took a deep breath before replying to him

"Dr. Shepherd, I'm off duty today. How can I help you?" I said without looking up. I opened my car door and put my bag in the passenger seat. I stand in front of the door and waiting for him to answer.

"Meredith, can we at least be friends?" He asked me.

"Is this work related?"

"Come on Meredith. Just friends."

"No, I did that before and look where it got me. Dr. Shepherd, if you don't have questions for me about work related. I'm gonna go now." I closed the door before he can even reply.

DEREK

I watched as she drives her car away. I looked at it until her car turned right.

I still love her, but I just can't continue breathing for her. With Rose, everything is easy. Not complicated. She does not drives me crazy, she does not makes me question every step I do with her. She understands my pain and situation with Meredith. I know with her she will not constantly leave me ad everything was easy.

"I have to keep doing this to keep my dignity."

I walked towards the entrance of the Hospital and ride the elevator, there were a few doctors, nurses and patients family in the elevator when I saw Karev at the back. I walked towards his side and stand in there.

"Is she okay?" I turned to Karev and saw he brows shoot up with my question. He ignored my question so I asked again.

"She is okay or not is really not of your business anymore Dr. Shepherd."

"Karev, I'm just concerned. She is not talking to me aside work related."

"Well what do you expect from her? Come running to you like before? Even though you didn't tell her about your wife still make her fall in love then drop her like a hot potato after giving her hope of you choosing her? Meredith is not the same anymore Dr. Shepherd. She is not the stupid intern anymore that would coming running always after you. Look, Meredith asked us not be bitch and rude to you, so please help us do that by stop asking everyone around her on how she is. Cause you will know it if she wants you to know it."

Elevator on the third floor opened and Karev exited.

MEREDITH

I need a drink. I don't want to go at Joe's as I might bump anyone at the hospital in that place. I drove around the nearby places in the hospital and saw Aces Tavern. I stopped in front of the bar and entered it. When I entered only few people are inside, there are two billiard tables on the right side and 2 darts near the bar. There were hanging neon lights shape like beer bottles around the bar, and big pieces of Aces hanging like a light.

I walked towards the bar and put my bag down.

"Hi, one tequila please" I said.

"Wow, Aae you new here?" The Bartender asked.

"In this Bar yes, but in this town no." I said, I dunk the tequila and asked for another.

"Wow, you will be sorry in the morning with that."

"I'm always sorry in the morning" I said smirking as I dunk another tequila.

I was ordering another drink when I a man on my right side suddenly appears.

"Hey Mike, one whiskey please." He said as he sit on the chair next beside. I turned around as I heard his voice which have an accent.

"Wow, your voice." I said.

"What the accent?" He asked smirking as he drinks a little of his whiskey.

"Yeah, that is the first time I heard that accent, where are you from?" I asked which I think is so out of character from me, which I think came from the Tequila.

"New Zealand, but move here 10 years ago."

"I'm sorry, it's the tequila that is talking to you right now, I am having bad day and I need it right now."

"But day? It's only after 9, the day is only about to start." He said as he was looking at his watch.

"My shift just ended, so…"

"Uh, why are you having bad day? If you don't mind me asking."

"Well you are a stranger, I probably will not see you ever again."

"Well you are a stranger to me too, so shoot. Tell me, it might help."

"Well I talked to my shrink it help a bit but not much, I thought if you do that it will somehow help with the heavy feeling, but I don't this shrink she is helping with that."

"Oh, okay. So tell me, maybe this stranger can help out. Try me." He raised his glass towards me. "Before that, let's get another drink. Mike another one for her and me."

"Thanks for this." I have three tequila in front of me now.

"You are welcome"

"So, I met this guy on a bar, then something happened, and then the next morning I found out that he is my boss's boss. I tried to resist him but he is just persistent. I tried, really. But, I fell you know" I felt another damn tears on my face. "I thought you know, he is the one, after all the bad memories from childhood, abandonment issues, commitment issues, daddy issues. I took a leap of faith on him you know. It turns out that the jerk is married. I had to found out from her."

"Oooh, Jerk. Just so you know, I am not married, I was engaged but something happened to her. Now, she is missing."

"Good to know, Oh my God! What happened to her? Yah Jerk! And then he told me that he will sign the divorce papers but then he didn't, I practically beg him to choose me. He tried to make his marriage work, and I accepted it. I have too you know. So I did what I did best. Tequila and I in a bar with a broken heart is not a nice picture you know." I drink another Tequila which I think is my eight glass.

"I'm looking at it right now, I say it looks good."

"I mean before. I had string of one night stand, that is how I cope out you know, my mother really does not care about me when I was a child you know, and my dad left me when I was five years old and forget all about me and created a new family which by the way, they look like a happy family based from my Half-sister. But now, I am learning. I am on the same situation but I am not having a one night stands you know. This is the first time I went to a bar, you know, after we broke up"

"Another whiskey please Mike."

"Anyway, his marriage didn't work, we got together again, and things happen in span of year." I said and had another shot of tequila.

"What happen? I'm a stranger, might as well tell me everything right? You can unload."

"It's not like I don't have friends, I have friends, It's just that, I know how the will gonna react if I say this things to them, especially Alex, that dude could go full on rage on him. They are my family you know, Cristina, Alex, Izzie, George, and now Lexie, my half-sister who I didn't know existed until Molly, other half-sister arrived in front of me. So what happened was, my mom who has Alzheimer's got lucid for a day, and she said something to me, and it get into my head. Which is my fault, I know her, I know how she will gonna react if she found out that I have a boyfriend I still let her into my mind. So, my issues that I have shoved came running at me. And it as I said, it got into my head. And I almost give up on life, but then I realized I have him, I have to fight, so I fought for my life back, but then, after that a lot of issues happened again, with my step mom died, my dad left me again, my sister suddenly showing up. I had too much on my plate. Maybe he didn't want that, maybe he realized I am too much to handle and too much to think about, so he ask me to put him out of his misery, so I did. I broke things off with hm. But then, we had S&M and-"

"Sorry to interrupt but, what is S&M?"

"Oh, Sex and Mockery, which work for a couple of months, I was happy with him. I get to keep him. I love him so much, so so much, but I can't give him the full time commitment that he was asking for because of the issues that I have, so I tried to work it off. He told me he loves me too, that he wants to marry me and wants to settled down with me, wants to build a house, he wants to have kids with me that he wants a lifetime and wants to grow old until 110 years old with me and I freaked out a little bit. Then he told me, he understand, I am just starting, then I told him I'm not ready right now But things could stay the way they are, and I could get ready and then he said he'll wait but what if while waiting someone comes a long,. So, to be able to commit, I did shrink, tried to more involve. And then I ask him to stop seeing other people…I mean given the history, that isa big step for me and…."

"Woooahhh, hold up. You are saying that you guys are kind of dating but you guys are dating other people too? That's kind of fucked up if you ask me. Don't you think Mike?" His head turned to Mike who is now behind the bar also listening.

"Yeah, I mean from the looks of it, you guys are still together without the label, you do things what people do in a relationship just without the label." Mike said while cleaning a glass.

"For the record, he was seeing other people. I was not seeing other people" I said and took two shots of tequila.

"Woah, you had too many glass now. You should stop." He said and signal Mike to stop gicing for shots of tequila.

"Oh, I can handle this. I trained during my college life with this drink." I said and wink at him.

"Oh, I know you did, but you have still got to get home, soooo.."

"Give me your keys, I'll call the cab when you are ready." Mike said.

I reached out my bag and looked for my keys. When I found it I placed it on the table and saw that Mike picked it up and put it on his pocket.

"Anyway, I ask him for that, I was like baby steps. But then the following day he put up this stupid house plan in my table. Like baby steps! Sexy steps! Then I found out, the same day I told him that I want him to stop seeing other people, he was kissing other people. He didn't bother telling me that! I had to found out from George! Ugh. He told me he love me but he is giving me more reason not to trust him" I have too much tequila now in my body and I know I look a mess, my hair all over the face, tears and some make up smudged. I probably looked horrible right now. "I mean, you are dating a person who have trust issues with you, he could've said that to me, and we wouldn't be where we are right now! You know what he said to me when I confront him about the kissing, he knew the moment he showed that house plans I will find a way to back out, he calls me bluff. So he official pulled the plug. From a man who said he will wait. I'm stupid."

"No you are not. You are not stupid. He is the stupid one. I mean, strike one with the married thing but not telling you about it, strike two with saying he will sign the divorce papers but ended up not to, and actually be with his wife, strike three with leaving you when things are hard with you, and strike four with actually kissing other people when clearly you guys are together without the label. I mean, from you story, you are a mess, but he is equally a mess too. He has issues too with commitment and also with trust. I mean you didn't lie to him, he is the one who lied to you but clearly he has issues with trust too. Also, the duded looks like a runner, when things got complicated he runs. Rather than face it and move passed it, he run and jump. At least for you, you faced it, you work things out even though you are not together anymore. But him? He run. And left you with someone who is easy." I stood up and left me at the bar. I watched him leave as he went to the bathroom.

I started to think about what he said and dawn at me that he is right. I left my sit and also went to the bathroom and fixed myself. I went to the sink and washed my hand. I looked up and saw my face look awful from the dry tears and mascara smudged. I grab a tissue and removed my makeup, reapplied my lipstick and wipe off the remaining mascara in my eyes.

I went back to my sit and ask for a coffee to wear off my drunkenness. I saw the man I was talking too leave the bathroom and went back to the sit beside me.

I took a deep breath and turned my head to him "What should I do? He is all over the place I am working at, and he is my boss. My shrink told me not to avoid him but also pull myself out of the situation when I am not needed when he is around."

"Well for starters, do something that you are not your usual thing. Do something out of your usual routine. That might help." He said and smiled.

"Well I enrolled in a cooking class already. I don't cook. I don't go to bars anymore until the stupid girl that he is dating an hour after we broken up told me that he is selling the land that I was talking about earlierd."

"Woah, I am out of words for that guy. He dated a girl an hour after you guys officially broken up. A mess" He said while shaking his head.

"Yeah, I mean way to rub off my face that you couldn't wait right? Not worth fighting and waiting for, that's me."

"We both know that is not true, a guy who knows and love you enough will do anything for you. And I only know you for like what? An hour? But I can already tell that you are a force of nature and someone who is man enough will be lucky to have you. Don't let a guy lead your life. Continue what you are doing, I think your shrink is right with avoid and remove thing. Continue the shrink, cooking, and maybe stop going to the places you guys used to be, aside of course the work thing. If you think you can now smile even if you guys are not together anymore and can accept that horrible things happen but you can still get on with your life, that is when the time you can actually go to that places you guys been, and not be hurt about it. I think."

I nodded and smile. We were silent for a couple of minutes when I remember what he said earlier. I turned my head to him and looked him in the eye and said. "You said earlier that you were engage then something happened to her? If you don't mind, what happen?"

I looked at me and smiled. He took a sipped from his whiskey and opened his mouth. "She went missing, until now actually." Smiled sadly and looked at the said above Mike's head who is also listening to him.

"What happen?

"Well, she boarded the plane, and the plane went missing. We all assume that it was hijacked because we can't find any debris from the plane. No body, no nothing. She is missing until now. It has been 3 years."

"I'm sorry" I said.

"Well, I'm still not giving up on that, I know she's in their somewhere. I know she is alive." Sound hopeful.

"For what is worth, I think you are a great guy too."

We fell into silence for minutes and looked into my watch.

"I have to go, thank you for listening and talking to me." I said and get up and took my wallet to pay my bill.

"You are welcome stranger.." He smiled slyly at me and winked.

"Right, stranger." I giggled. I waved at Mike and said my thanks. I said that my friend George will come by later to pick up my car. I left my card in him and said. "Don't show or tell him my name. I want him to be my Stranger." I said and walked away.

"Well, you know where this stranger is. You know where to find me" Stranger shouted as I exit the bar.

I saw my taxi waiting for me and texted George about picking up my car. I thought of sleeping and waking up to be at my cooking class later tonight.

I woke up from my alarm, and saw that it is now 6PM. I have a cooking class at 7PM at downtown. I quickly got up from my bed and headed to the shower. By 7:30 PM, I'm already closing m bedroom door. I headed straight to the stairs and saw Lexie doing some dinner with Mark.

"Hey." I smiled and went to the coffee to put it in my tumblr.

"I'm making dinner, wanna eat before you go?" Lexie asked while whisking something in the bowl. Mark looked up to me and smiled.

"No, I'm gonna be late for my class, so I'll eat dinner there." I said and closed the cup.

"What class?" Mark asked.

"Cooking class, Mark" I rolled m eyes and put the coffee maker back in the shelf.

"What is this? Post-Derek activity?" He looked up and sly smile was working on his lips.

"This was supposed to be not Post-Derek, it was supposed to be ME trying to meet him half-way with what he wants surprise, but he couldn't wait. So this is me Post-Meredith dark and going to Meredith bright and shiny" I said and wrinkled my nose. I picked up my bag and left. "Bye." I said and left.

"George left your car there, keys are in the table beside the door. Did ou drink? Why did George picked up your car?"

I ignored here question and went to my car and headed to the downtown.

MARK

"What is this Lexie?" I asked while watching her turn on the stove.

"Well just like what you heard." Lexie simply smiled.

Ever since Derek and Meredith decided to end things between, Lexie didn't really talked about what is going on with Meredith which he respected because she thinks I will tell Derek about it. I understand that and even though he knows nothing with what is going on with Meredith after they broke up he will still not be telling it to Derek even he knows a whiff of something. Rose is a stage for Derek proving to Meredith that he could get what he wants without her and making her jealous which I think is stupid because from what he can see Derek is drowning. And if he keep doing what he is doing right now, he might not be able to swim back to shore. Nothing to comeback. As Derek is drowning, and not realizing it, Meredith is trying to swim from the drowning now and trying to move past whatever her and Derek had.

"How is she?" I asked Lexie.

"Mark." Lexie said with warned and big eyes voice.

"I will not tell Derek, I promise." I said and raised my left had with it. "As much as he is my bestfriend, I can see and know that he is being stupid right now. He is drowning Lex and he does not know that. I don't think he knows. He is too busy trying to prove to Mer that he is happy when he is clearly not. And he is so stupid for that and main reason on why he is hurting right now even though he does not admit it. So, how is she?"

"I swear to God, Mark, if you tell this to Derek, we will break up. I just got Mer, and I don't want to lose that." Lexie said and sighed. "She is moving on. She wants it too you know. She wants the house, the kids, marriage, but not right now. Derek is so stupid, he know Mer's have issues and she was trying to meet him half-way, but he couldn't wait. At all, I mean, he jump right to the next woman who is open for him and ready to get want he wants. Is this how shallow is love for Mer? Mer does not deserves that kind of treatment. Did you know that she actually didn't sleep for the first week? And just cried for straight two week at night after that because that "best friend" of yours is too busy parading his new girlfriend in the hospital. Talk about audacity Mark." I saw Lexie's face turned red for a while when she was talking. And took a deep breath and continued talking. "But now, we can see the progress, I mean, the fact that she is not going to Joe's because she does not wants to see him or talk to him out of work is a big step. She does not want to be friend with him apparently, cause it went downhill when they did that. I can tell that she is moving on. And I swear to God, if he tries anything stupid with Mer, we will not back down Mark, she has been straining us from doing anything to him even though he deserves it."

I was shocked from all that I have heard from Lexie, looking back from the past 6 weeks, Mer looks fine when she is at work, she rarely smiles unlike before but she is casual with Derek and Rose, she do does not glance or look like care with Derek and Rose in the first few weeks so hear on how she was able to cope up and pretend that everything is okay makes my heart ache for her. I have been there with Addison and it hurts every time I see her with Derek but I was able to move on and NOW I am happy with Lexie. I want Meredith and Derek to be happy together but Lexie is right Meredith deserves someone who is willing to understand and accept her for whoever she is at the moment and who she will be in the future, just what like Lexie is doing.

"She is moving on Mark, I can see that, I am happy for her. And when the time you see her again at Joe's, all I can say is that. She finally moved on. Derek pulled the plug with their relationship when he went out with that Nurse same night they broke up, the same Nurse he kissed and didn't bother telling her. Because if his excuse is that meant nothing and they are seeing other people when that happen, then he does not Mer at all. Does not understand her at all and not willing to compromise with her at all. "Lexie said and put the plates in front of me.

I tried to process what Lexie said and just sighed and thought Derek is so screwed up if he is to late to fix this.