N/A: Okay, bear with me, I am building up the pain that Derek will feel in the upcoming chapters. I am still in the process of making Meredith strong and grow for the better. Also, some of the lines here are from the future seasons from different character, I just thought it is befitting. lol. This is a part AU.
Letting go is the easy part, it's the moving on that's painful. So sometimes we fight it, trying to keep things the same. Things can't stay the same though. At some point you just have to let it go. Move on. Because no matter how painful it is, it's the only way we grow.
Chapter 3
George
I was waiting for the elevator to open when I saw Izzie going towards the elevator too.
"Hey." Izzie said.
"Hey, do you know why Mer is asking me to pick up her car in Aces Tavern? She said she left her keys by the name Mike." I asked.
"What? Give me that." She snatched my phone and read Meredith's text. "Aces Tavern? I have never heard of that." She gave me back my phone and she knotted her forehead as she read it.
"I don't know, but I can come with you, I hope it is not what I am thinking right now." We entered the lift and I saw Dr. Shepherd. Izzie didn't saw him as she was looking into her phone and looks like texting Mer.
"She's off tomorrow right? She should be sleeping right now, I swear to God. If she is drunk-"I pinched her to stop talking. "Aww? Why are you pinching me?" I raised my eyebrow to the left signaling that Shepherd is in the elevator.
"No, she's not. She had a follow up text saying she's on her way home and she has to be on her class at 7 so, I have to bring her car before that." I told her.
"Uhm yeah." Izzie said.
We left the hospital and walked towards the Aces Tavern which is near and just around the corner. Just 5 minutes' walk from the hospital.
"Izz, how is she? I don't live in that house anymore Izz. And I am concerned."
"Well, she is handling it good compare from before. She was didn't sleep the first week George. You know that, she cried for the next two weeks. Then, she just stopped. I don't why or how. But she just stop." Izzie said as we turned to right and saw the bar Meredith's was earlier.
"Yesterday, she asked me to give films to Shepherd. She said she is moving on. Not like before, but for real." I said as we walked towards the door.
"I think this time, she is trying to make it true. More on, trying to be a better person, and to be a better person, and she is not trying to avoid her problems anymore George, she is facing them. And I think that is good for Mer."
"I know. And I am happy on wherever she wants to be. I hope she will." I just said and walks towards the bar and asked for the man name Mike.
MEREDITH
I thought about what that stranger's said and what Rose said all the time and I don't think I learned anything from the lesson today. Maybe tomorrow.
I parked my car in front of my driveway, I turned around and walk towards my door. I looked for my house keys in my bag when I heard laughing from the house. I smiled and opened the door.
"Hey." I said. I saw Izzie, Lexie, Mark, Alex, Cristina, and George in the living room watching one of my Mom's surgery tapes. They all looked up on me and raised each of their beers. I put my coat down and removed my shoes and put it in the shoe rack.
"Hey, food is in the fridge, you can heat it up in the oven." Izzie shouted.
"Thanks! I'll just change my clothes." I run up to the stairs and changed my clothes to my old Dartmouth shirt and purple PJ's. I brushed my hair and left the room.
I walked in the kitchen and saw Cristina in the dining room.
"I heard from George that he picked up our car from a Bar." She said.
"I uh, took a few shot then went home." I said and took the food from the fridge and heat it up in the oven.
"Why?"
"Nothing."
"Mer, tell me."
"Nothing, Cristina. Just drop it."
"No. Tell me."
I sighed and picked up glass wine from the cabinet and took the wine from the fridge. I was hesitant at first to tell her and decided to tell her anyway.
"Rose talked to me this morning. She told me that Derek is selling the land, the land where our supposed house and supposed family to be." I said and smiled sadly.
"Okay? Why did she told you that? What is her purpose?"
"I don't know and I don't want to know. But I felt like I was slapped right in the face, Cristina." I said and wiped off my tears that has been falling that I didn't even notice.
"You know what Mer, the guy is stupid. You were doing great this past couple of weeks don't let this stupid Rose said get into your head."
"I know, someone told me that too." I smiled and eat silently. George walked up to the kitchen to get another beer and just looked at me with questioning eyes. I sighed because I know what it is on his mind right now.
"I drink okay, just few glasses and then went home. Nothing more, I swear. I am not the stupid Meredith before. I learned from my mistakes, George" I said and picked up my plates and put it on the dishwasher.
"I am just concerned Mer." George sighed.
"I know. Thank you." I said. I washed m hands and joined the rest of the group in the living room.
The rest of the night came b so fast. George and Mark left the house around 10, Cristina stayed and joined me in my bedroom to sleep.
"You can talk to me Mer, it's just us now here." Cristina looking up to the ceiling.
"There's nothing to talk about." I said also looking at the ceiling.
"I know you."
I sighed and gave in. "I keep on convincing myself I'm okay. I'm okay not being with him anymore, I'm happy on where I am right now, but every time I see him, walking with her, seeing him nearby, makes me want to scream. Want to touch him and hug him. But I don't have the right anymore. I love him so much but I want to stop loving him because it hurts so much Cristina." I said and wiped my tears that keep on coming. "When I am at work and occupied, I have every reason not to think about him. But at night, it just came crushing to me, it is him all I think about. It is eating me." I keep on crying as telling her that. "After all this time I still wonder you know, why I can't move on. I mean he did it so easily. Why can't I? I tried to think about every possible reason to hate him, I think about how he is holding her so tight the way he did with me, kiss her when it should've been me, he probably loves her by now, she is not Meredith dark and twisty, she is bright and shiny with good childhood and don't have issues like me. "
"I know, he does not deserve you Mer. He is stupid and asshole. Mcdreamy is a type of guy who runs when things gets complicated, and you don't need a guy who does not understand you when you are at the bottom and just leave you when things gets super hard. He always does that to you."
"You know, I met someone at the bar today. It was te first time in a while that I talked to a guy. Derek ruined all other guys to me. But this guy, who does not know me, tried to understand me, I talked to him about Derek" I said and paused for a minute. "He also said what you said. He said that Derek from I told him it looks like every time we have problems, Derek runs away. I only realized that now. At least I only avoid. But him, he just drops everything and run away. Is that how shallow his love is? Maybe he only wants those things, but to only who is available. And Rose is. She is ready. I mean like I said. She is bright and shiny."
"Mer, whatever his reasons are, it is stupid."
"I want to move forward. Heck, I need to move forward. But, I don't know how. "
"Mer, for what is worth, he gave you more pain than happiness when you guy were together." Cristina said while looking at the ceiling.
I turned my face to my left where Cristina is sitting and smiled to her sadly. "That is the thing Cristina, the pain he caused cannot be compared from the happiness, warmth, safety and love that he gave me when we were together. No one else gave me that kind of feeling other than him. And I want to stop loving him, I don't want to love him anymore."
"I know." Was all Cristina could said.
I picked up my pillow and hugged it.
"Goodnight Cristina." I said and closed my eyes.
DEREK
"AH, Dr. Bailey, the woman I am looking for." Derek said as he saw Bailey in the Nurse station writing some from her charts. She looked up and raised an eyebrow with a questioning face.
"I need a resident for my craniotomy this morning."
"You can have Yang, she's only doing Grey post op now." She turned around and asked one of the nurses to page Stevens.
"I'm sorry but can I have Grey instead? I need to talk to her." I said.
"Grey is not available at the moment. Yang is available at the moment." Bailey said not looking at Derek.
"Where is Dr. Grey?" Derek asked.
Before Bailey could answer Yang arrived.
"You paged Dr. Bailey?"
"You are now under Dr. Shepherd's service today." She said and left the nurse's station.
"What can I do for you today Dr. Shepherd?" Yang asked with stoic face. Meredith's friends has been hostile to him which shocked him, but when he learned what Karev said yesterday he finally gets it.
"Room 2214"
Derek sighed and gave her the chart of the patient that they will be having. He has been looking for Meredith all morning, he received the papers that Dr. Nelson sent to him this morning and saw that it was the same case that he had yesterday. He asked Dr. Nelson about it and said that it was Dr. Grey who actually presented it to him. Dr. Nelson actually approved the proposal and I just need to sign the papers as Richard already approved it.
He knows that Meredith is not actually avoiding him but she is not also not talking to him outside of work. He should've known that this is going to happen. He is also hurting too, but he can't just keep on hanging onto someone that where he is the only one trying to make a relationship work, where on he is the only one breathing. He loves her, but he need to be with someone who knows what she wants, not keep on making him crazy and always second guessing with what they will be in the future.
People around him keep on telling him that he will regret whatever he is doing in the future, but they don't know that, maybe at the end of this, both of them will be thankful that they broke up. He is done with complicated and with Rose, everything is easy. She makes him smile and laugh, not the same way Meredith does, but maybe one day she will.
"Do you know where Dr. Grey is Dr. Yang?" I asked.
"I don't know sir." Cristina replied. She turned around and went to the patient's room. Just before Cristina could go further Derek asked again.
"Where is she Yang?"
"Dr. Shepherd, Is this work related?"
"Yes."
"She's on day off. She'll be back on Monday."
"Thank you."
Derek left the station and went straight to his office to reread the proposal Dr. Nelson sent. After reviewing for a few minutes he signed the papers and gave it to Patricia. He went to OR 1 and scrub in. He saw Cristina and some of the nurses are already inside just waiting for him.
He went inside, a nurse walked up to him to put his gown and gloves. He turned around and walked to the head of the patient who is already down under.
"Good morning everybody, it's a beautiful day to save lives." I said and asked for ten blade.
After a long three hours of the operation. We were done and asked the intern under Yang to close. When went to scrub room to scrub out, Yang were already there.
"How is she?" I went to the sink and started scrubbing. When she didn't answer, I asked again. "How is she Yang, could you just tell me?"
"Not really your business anymore Dr. Shepherd."
"Look, I'm just worried. I heard Stevens and O'Malley talking about her."
"You don't need to get worried for her anymore. She is not your responsibility anymore. You made that perfectly clear. The whole hospital understands that and sees that every day. She have us. Let us worry about her and just worry about your own damn life Dr. Shepherd." She said and walked out to get paper towel to remove the excess water that was dripping from her arms.
"I'd like to think we are still friends. We still have history together."
"Well from what I heard, she is done with friend thing. She did that and look where it got her. And history? I didn't think you care about that, given that you practically parade your new girlfriend the next day you guys broke up. Also, stop making Mcguilty face every time you see her. Meredith is not the same girl who will give in every time you give that face, she learned. You hurt her who's had enough hurt for a lifetime. I'm pretty sure you are aware what happened to her this past year. You know what she has been going through and that can't be enough for you, and she understands that, you asked her to put ou out of your misery, she gave you that right? If that is the kind of love you've been giving to her, breaking up with her maybe the best thing that ever happened to her this past year. I hope you are happy." She said and throw her paper towels in the trash bin.
He stared at the door where Cristina left and though that they don't understand why he did that. He love Meredith enough to know when things are hard one should let go, or both of them will drown.
MEREDITH
I woke up from my sleep when the alarm went on and decided to get up. I am all alone in the house at 9AM. Cristina and the guys already left the house as their shift started early. I went down stairs and ate brunch.
I cleaned my bathroom and the common room. I washed some clothes and watched some video tapes. By the time I'm on my third tape. It was already two o'clock. I have a class in four so I decided to get up and take a shower.
By six o'clock my classes are done and decided to go to Aces Tavern.
I went straight to the bar and saw Mike. I sat at the furthest right and waved at Mike.
"Hey." I said.
"Well look whose back." Mike said in a welcoming voice.
"Hey Mike, can I have a beer please?" I asked and smiled shyly.
"No tequila tonight?"
"No, uh, I need to drive home. So I need light right now." I said. I saw his eyes looked way past me and smiled. I turned around and saw the guy I was talking with yesterday walking towards me.
"Well, well, well. Look who is back. Hey stranger." He said.
"Hey, how are you?" I asked, Mike gave me a beer. I took it and drink some.
"Good, how's yours?"
"A bit boring, but hanging on."
"Did you see him today?"
"No, today is my off. I have a weekly break from all the drama at work. For today, I'm just girl who is not on work and not stress with the people around me. How was yours?"
"Well, I got a job. I'm gonna start on Monday."
"Oh, wow, congratulations? Let's celebrate." I said happily.
"Yeah, I was offered. Well actually my friend recommended me. And his boss needs someone to fill the spot, and luckily the job description fits."
"Still, congratulations!"
"Thank you, drinks are on me tonight. You can have as much as tequila or beer you want."
"Thanks, but I don't have plans to get wasted today. Maybe tomorrow."
"Oh, so you are coming back to tomorrow?"
"Yep."
"So what time? So I would know when to come here." He said and winked at me.
"Maybe lunch? My shift the following days are night. So yeah."
I ordered some fries and burger to fill my growling stomach. It was the strangers treat so I ordered the one with highest price.
"So I poured my heart out to you last night. Maybe you can do some of yours?" I said.
"What? I said mine. That's all the story to tell."
"No, I feel like it's not."
"Well, I met her during college school, joined the army because of her. Became best friends with her brother. Who recommended me by the way from the work I am talking to you about.. She went missing as I said, she was bigger than life you know. She knows what she wants in life. She never doubted me, always believe in me. Learned to love the work, but then It caused her life. She went missing and we are still looking for her, and here we are."
"I'm sure she's lucky to have you. You look like a catch yourself." I said smiley, my upper teeth biting my lower teeth.
"I'm lucky to have her." He took a deep breath and took a sip from his drink. He turned his facet to me and said.
For the rest of the night we talked about a lot of things, it seems that we intentionally did not talk about anything related to Derek and his fiancé for the rest of the night. We talked about sports, mainly football. He is also a big fan of Seahawks, I told him that I have friend in the field and I have tickets for the game this coming Saturday.
"No! Are you kidding me? The one with the Vikings?" He exclaimed, like a giddy boy who just won .
"Yeah, I got charter seats." I said nonchalantly. But in my mind I was really laughing.
"You know, I'm just a strangerfor a shoulder to cry on, but I am also a good stranger friend." He said.
"Shut up." I said laughing.
"I will give you anything you want."
"Yeah." I said and rolled my eyes.
"You can use my body to anything you want."
"Hey! You are actually turning yourself into prostitute for this?"
"What are you saying? What I meant is, you I'll grant any possible wishes you want. Could you just please give me ticket?" He said hoping.
"I could just actually give you tickets even without all that. But thank you. I will accept the offer." I said laughing. I waved at Mike to ask 3 tequila shot.
"I thought you would skip tequila tonight?" He said when he noticed that Mike placed three tequila infront of me.
"Well, that was my intention, but for the first time in a while I am actually laughing my ass off. So to celebrate, tequila should be the drink."
"So any celebration, tequila should be the partner?"
"Yeah, it taste way better." I said and just chug three tequila straight.
"Heyow, slowdown! No one's here to stop you." He said and took a napkin to remove some excess tequila that drip down my lips.
I smiled and took the napkin from his hands and continued to remove the tequila. "You know, I remember way back in college, I had too much drink that I can handle, so from my friend's house party, I took a cab, and I'm just about to blow because of the dizziness. I asked the cab driver if I could leave him some tequila and friend chicken, he said "sure" So threw up right before he stop in front of my dorm and left some money and then run." I said laughing.
"I'm amaze that you can even remember that." He said while shaking his head.
"Why?" Looking at him quizzically.
"Well you know what they amount too much tequila."
"What?"
"Can't remember." He said.
I laugh again until my eyes watered from the laughter.
"Oh, that was a good one." I said, I looked at my watch and saw that it was already past 10. I actually forgot the time this time. For the first time since Derek and I broke up. From that though, m smile drop and eyes that was watered from the laugh have turned into sadness water.
I looked up and saw Stranger guy looking at me. He saw my sudden change of mood and sighed. He picked up another napkin from the bar and wiped the water that was starting again to fall from my eyes. I smiled at him "Is someone actually chopping onions here? Why am I crying?" I said laughing.
"You have to let go. At some point, you have to." When I heard him said that, the water that was only a drop falling have turned into falls. "I need to move forward. I don't know how. I mean sure, I am changing. But I want it to be with from the bottom of my heart. Why can't he wait hmm?" I said.
"Move forward. Take a step."
"How? I mean, every time I turn around there is a memory of him. In my house, in work, in the bar I usually go. Favorite places. Heck, ferryboats are now ruined to me. I like ferryboats, but he also like those. We ride ferryboats."
"Well does he still have things from our house?"
"Yeah, maybe start with those?" He suggested. "Maybe that will help?"
I nodded and tried myself to stop crying. "I should really stop drinking tequila. I've been on a tequila diet for the past weeks you know. My friends got alarmed when I went two straight weeks drinking tequila every after work. But in our house, not in the bar, because I know he will be there. And I don't want him to see me like this. So broken, while he is so happy with his new girlfriend. I'm so stupid."
"No you are now. Come on, let's get you home." He said, he placed his card in the table and waved at Mike for the bills.
"Done for the night?" Mike said, he picked up the card and did something in the register. He returned it and gave it back to the stranger
"Yeah, I'm going to get this lady home." He picked up my bag that I drop from the floor and helped m stand up. I did not feel all the liquors in my body until I stand up and felt the heaviness and dizziness and the nausea.
"Maybe I can leave some fries and tequila here too." I said and giggle a bit.
"No you are not."
"Wait a minute. I am not going home with a complete stranger, I did that before and look where it got me right now."
"Well, I promise you, nothing will happen. Now, where is your car keys?" He asked.
"Left pocket of my bag." He reached out and got my keys. He looked at me and asked my where my car is. I pointed at my jeep and we walked towards it.
By the time I woke up, we are now in front of my house. He opened the door and we went straight to the living room, the house is very quiet which is indicating that either my friend are still at work or at Joe's. Felt my stomach turning up so I run through the stairs and vomit the life out of me.
I felt him fixed my hair from falling out and he picked a towel that was near the toilet and offered it to me after. "This is so humiliating." I said.
"No worries. Think of me as the adviser and the helper." He said and helped me get up.
We went down stairs and went straight to the kitchen. I offered him some water and accepted it. It was awfully quiet for the next few seconds "Well, I'm gonna go now."
"Thank you for bringing me home, I could've just take a cab. You didn't need to bring me home"
"Well after hearing that you might to leave your fries and tequila, I figure that I should just really bring you home."
"You are right. I'll be doing my tequila diet from now on."
"Sure, like I want to believe that."
"Shut up." I said. He opened the door and we walked out of the house. We waited outside until a cab was driving towards us. Behind from that cab was Alex car which from the looks of it's containing, Lexie, Izzie and Cristina. The cab took a halt in front of us and he entered it. "Thank you again."
"See you tomorrow?" He said.
"Maybe on Monday? I have things to do tomorrow." I said.
"Sure. Bye." He waved and signaled the driver to move.
By the time the cab moved, Lexie, Izzie, Cristina and Alex hopped off from the car.
They all looked at me expectantly, waiting for the explanation. I rolled my eyes and ignored all the questioning look. I went straight to the door and marched towards the kitchen to get some food. I feel hungry as all the food that I ate earlier seems to be in the toilet now.
"I'm hungry, do guys want some pizza?" Breaking the silence and all possible eye talking.
"Are we just going to pretend that there was no guy earlier?" Cristina said. Cristina and Lexie went up to their rooms, which is my room for Cristina.
"Mer seems to want that." Alex said and went straight to his room and shouted "Order some pizza, I'm hungry."
I called in and ordered two boxes of pizza.
"Who is that Mer?" Izzie said after changing into more comfortably clothes
"I don't know." I said. "I'm thinking of renovating the house, what do you think Iz?" I said trying to change the subject.
"What do you mean?" She said. She went to the fridge and went to get some beers out. She also picked some iced and placed in the bucket.
"I'm thinking of removing the wall here." I said and pointed the wall that was dividing the living room and the kitchen. "I also thinking of fixing the attic into a full room. I mean Lexie needs a decent room. And George, I mean, I don't even know where he lives now."
I picked up the bucket and helps to some of the beers.
"And you thought of this the whole day?" She said.
"No, just tonight. I feel like I need to change something's here." I said. We went to the living room and placed the beers in the table.
"Are you guys talking about the guy earlier? Is he the guy you said you met yesterday?" Cristina asked and opened one beer.
Lexie and Alex followed behind her and took a beer each one.
"No, we are not talking about him. We are talking about renovating the house. I'm thinking of extending it and like removing this wall? And turning the attic into full bedroom. What do you think?"
"What has gotten into you?" Cristina asked.
"Nothing."
"But seriously Mer, who was that guy?" Izzie said.
"Just like what Cristina said. He is the guy I met yesterday. We met in a bar. And right now, we are friends… I think."
We heard a knock on the door, Lexie got up from her sit and put the pizza in front of us.
"He has been giving me advices. It was actually from him the idea of renovating."
"What, het got here for the first time and thought that the house interior is ugly so he suggested to renovate?" Cristina said and picked a sliced pizza.
"No, it was my idea to renovate. He just said that maybe to step forward was to change somethings up. Which lead me to my next agenda." I said. I turned to Cristina and Izzie looking all hopeful. "Can please one of you guys talk to Derek, I need to get my things in the trailer. And I don't have keys for those."
"Dude, you guys are practically living together and he still hadn't keyed you?" Alex said.
"Well, It was actually him living here. Not me there. And every time I am in the trailer, he is there."
"I can go talk to him about it. " Izzie said.
"Thank you Iz. Tell him, I'll just drop his things there too." I said
"Wow, so this is it really?" Izzie said.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, when Addison was here, you didn't actually did that, you were actually waiting for him. You let his things to be here. But now, you are actually returning his things. And here I am thinking you two will get through this."
"Oh please Iz, the guy is practically parading his new girlfriend in the hospital. Like, whatever Mer and him went through was nothing. Respect is one thing Iz. And he did not give that to Mer as he dated that girl like an hour after they broke up. There is no going back in there." Cristina snapped.
"Are you sure about this Mer?" Lexie finally spoke up.
"Lexie, in able to move forward I have to take a step right? This is the step. I mean, I don't know if I'll never love this way again, but I don't want to hold on it. Not this way." I said. "I can get it maybe by lunch tomorrow so I can get it done same day." I said hopeful to the two.
"Yeah, sure." They said at the same time.
Alex left the room and returned with a big hammer.
"What is that?" I asked.
"Well you said you want to remove this wall right?" He said. He removed the painting that was hanging on the wall and placed it near the TV stand. "You should do it now before you change your mind." He pulled me from my sit and placed the hammer in my hand. I look behind me and saw that all of them looking at me waiting for me to actually do what Alex said.
"Well, when I thought of that, I actually thought of a construction worker doing that for me."
"Where are we going to live if we actually do that?" Izzie said.
"Those can be done in like a week or two Iz. We are not here most of the days anyway. One of us could come here to check one in a while. But I think, 2 weeks is max."
"Oh yeah, what money can do." Izzie said and rolled her eyes.
"I'll be here every morning anyway, I can monitor this too. The process will be done before you know it."
"Well, what are you waiting for?" Cristina said and motioned to swing the hammer from her sit.
I smiled and swing the hammer towards the wall.