A/N: I miss the original interns and old Grey's comedy attack. The banter the used to have is ot the same anymore :'(. I miss Slexie too. I hate how they ended a lot of good characters. They could've just said that George wen to military, and Mark moved back to somewhere to support Lexie with her fellowship. I this fanfic, Meredith and Dr. Wyatt already talked about the suicidal tendencies of Mer, and Meredith accepted Lexie in the past 6 weeks.

Chapter 4

DEREK

I was walking to the bridge when I heard someone is shouting my name from the opposite direction. I turned around and saw Izzie Stevens actually running towards me. I looked at her and looked at her quizzically. She stopped in front of me and took a deep breath before she started talking.

"Good afternoon Dr. Shepherd, I just need to rely a message from Meredith as she is on leave today." She took another big breath. "She asked if you can give the key to me for to the trailer, she wants to get her things and she said that she'll just drop you things from the house too."

My heart sank from what I heard. I know she is moving on. I hear it a lot from her friends. But to actually make a move to get her things from the trailer hits differently. I don't want to admit it to himself but he miss her every day, I compares her to Rose which is sad and he knows that. H always tries to remove her from his system but it felt like Meredith injected her some diseases that he can't shake off. He is trying to be strong for himself. I have to let her go, I don't want to hold on to something that is bad for me. I have to let it be.

"Keys are in my office, I'm on my way there, might as well walk with me." I just said.

"Sure." We walked quietly unil I reached my office. I went straight to t he side cabinet where I out my bag and went to look for my extra keys. "Tell her she can give it to me tomorrow." I said hopeful maybe tomorrow I will see her.

"Okay." She left and closed the door.

I stared at the ceiling of my office and closed my eyes. It is unfair to Rose that he is still feeling this way to Meredith but he knows deep down inside of him, this love will never go away. SO he just need to bury it deep in him. He have to. Maybe one day, everything will be fine. But now, he knows they are far from it.

He heard a knock from his office and wiped the tears that he didn't felt actually coming down from his eyes. He looked at the door and saw Rose smiling at him. He smiled back.

"Hey." Rose said.

"Hey." I just replied.

"Ready for lunch?" She asked and walks towards in front of my table.

We left my office and walks towards the cafeteria. When they entered it he saw Meredith's friends laughing at something Cristina said. He don't want t admit it to himself but he wants to actually listen to what they are talking about he might hear something about Meredith.

After buying food, he looked for a table near from their groups table. He saw one not far from their back. He did not wait for Rose to finish picking for the food and went straight to the available table before anyone could snatch. The time he is sitting, the groups seems to be in a serious talk.

"We saw him last night George. Well the back, but we saw him." Izzie said.

"I don't know the guy, but whatever he is saying to her, is good for her I think." Cristina said.

"You know anything about the guy?" George asked.

"No, she just told me that he gave her good advice, and she is acting on it, irhg t about now." Cristina stood up from her sit and picked up her left over food. "I have surgery in about 15 minutes. I'm gonna go ahead."

"I'm with her." Lexie said.

"I'm going home." George said.

One by one the left the table. I sighed and turned to Rose who was actually but did not have time to catch what she actually saying.

"I'm sorry what?" I asked.

"You are not listening?" She said ad gave puppy eyes.

"I'm sorry, my patient died this morning. I was not in my mind right now." I reasoned for not giving her the full attention.

"Oh Derek, I'm sorry."

We finished having lunch and said our goodbyes. I went straight to the nurse sation in the surgical floor and asked the chart of m patient that I will be operating in an hour when Mark walked in.

"How is my lost boy?" Mark said. I shook my head from what he said.

"I am not a lost boy."

"Yes you are Shepherd. You are losing it but you are not aware of it at the moment. But I think the whole hospital can see it." He said and winked at the Nurse.

"I am happy and content at the moment Mark, thank you for the concern." I handed off my chart to the nurse.

"Shepherd, what did you even see in that girl? Is it hot the hot sex? Is he an animal? Is she a bobcat?" He said while writing something from his patient's chart.

"Mark" I said to stop him from talking.

"Come on, lady on the streets, tramp in the sheets. Am I right?" He continued.

"Oh yeah, She is amazing, hot, hot sweaty. Very dirty, hot, dirty sex." Mark stop writing when he realized something.

"You haven't slept with her yet, have you?"

"She's waiting until we're serious. She's moral, she's a lady." He shook off his head with his sarcastic smile. "Besides, do you know what's better than sex?"

"What?"

"Anticipation, anticipation my friend." I said and walk off. He stopped writing and handed off his patients chart to the nurse.

"Yeah right. Continue fooling yourself with that. Continue justifying your action with that. You are drowning Derek, and you can't see it yourself. And as a friend, let me tell you this. Save your time and just get back together. Before you're too late." Mark said and walk different direction.

MEREDITH

"Meredith, right now the only way to get to move on from Derek is to remind yourself of the reality." Dr. Wyatt said.

"That we will never get back together now because he is with Rose." I said.

"Power stuff—reality."

"Yeah, he is with Rose."

"Look, I'm just gonna say this because your insurance onl cover 20 sessions, and I feel we should get right to the point." Dr. Wyatt said and drop off m chart from the table and changed her position from her sit. "He's with Rose." She said.

I stood up from my sit and took a deep breath.

"He's with Rose."

"Why do you keep saying that?" I yelled.

"Because if you can't see what's wrong with that sentence. "He's with Rose." We're never gonna get anywhere. He's with Rose."

"Okay! So He's with Rose, so what?" I said in a frustrated voice.

"And if He's with Rose, that means he's not with you. And do you know why He's not with you?" She paused for a second and continued. "You're scared."

I looked at her straight in the eye and was shocked at what she said. "Are you calling me a coward?" I said.

She shook her head a bit and replied "I think you are very frightened, Dr. Grey."

"Are you calling me a coward?" I said again.

"What do you think?"

"I am not!"

"Yes you are."

"I am not!"

"You are afraid of a lot of things Dr. Grey. You're scared of commitment, maybe because your mother and father quitted on you that is why you can't commit. And if you continue doing that, you will not find peace. And right now, I want you to realize that just because people quit on you that doesn't mean you have to quit on yourself too. He's with Rose. You have to accept that. He is no longer with you, he chose that. And if you realized that reality and accept those, you can finally move on and find peace." She exclaimed.

"Well, I am accepting that reality!" I shouted.

"By how?"

"I'm returning his stuff now, I'm rearranging my house."

"Meredith, changing things does not mean accepting things. Let me ask you something Meredith, What is the cause of this relationship with you? If your cause is ou dignity, self-respect, your individuality, you peace of mind if that's the cause. Let him go. Let him go. And if he says to you that he'll stay with as long as we are happy, and does not accept you fault, let him go."

My mind keep replaying what Dr. Wyatt and I talk about. I sighed and texted Izzie to meet me at the lobby to get Derek's keys from the trailer.

I sat at the lobby when I saw George at the elevator waiting for it.

"George!" I shouted and waved. He looked from my direction and smiled. He walked towards me and sat beside me.

"I thought it's your day off today?" He started.

"Yeah, I just met Dr. Wyatt, I had a session. Are you going home now?" I said. And looked at his outfit.

"Then why are you still here?"

"Oh, I'm waiting for Izzie, I'm going to get keys for Derek's trailer. Then going to get my things and drop off his." I said.

"Are you okay with that? He asked.

"At some point I have to do that, why don't I do that now, where I am free, I know he's at work. I will not see someone there. So yeah, I'm okay with that."

"Do you want me to accompany you? I'm free? I have nothing to do anyway." He offered/

I thought what he said "Sure, help me. I mean some of this stuff are heavy." I looked up and saw Izzie walking towards us.

"Hey sorry, I was stuck with the patient" She handed off the keys as she said it.

"It's okay. I was also late. I told you by lunch but it's past one already." I reasoned out. George and I stood up from our sit and walked towards the elevator. Izzie walks with us and also waited in the elevator.

"You okay doing it alone?" Izzie asked.

"Yes, but George volunteered to accompany me." I lifted my lift towards George.

We went inside the elevator when Izzie started talking again.

"O'Malley, sup, party dude?" I immediately looked at Izzie when she said that. "Do you want to know what I did the other night? I googled recipes. I spent the night with a search engine.' Izzie crossed her arms and leaned against the wall.

"Oh, but that was just spontaneous." George said looking uncomfortable. "I did not think you want to hang out with interns." He laughed.

The elevator opened in the second floor and Lexie and another intern entered the lift. The other intern suddenly laugh and fist bump George. "Bro, coded."

"Hey Mer, got the keys?" Lexie asked and I nodded.

"Oh, the construction is starting Monday, I was able to have contact from the neighbors and recommended me some. They will start at your room and I think they said, they will be finished by the day after tomorrow. You can use my room. I'm in night shift anyway." I said filling her in with the information.

"What is that?" Izzie asked in whispered in response to what the other intern and George said.. I was just looking at them back and forth while listening to them.

"Oh, it's just something we came—well, he came up with. Coded." then George did his thing with his hands, as is gesturing a life line. All of a sudden, Lexie and the other intern laughed and all said "Coded"

"Oh, okay." Lexie replied and turned around to George. "Hey, um, so we're all set for tonight."

"Tonight?"Izzie asked. What's tonight?" George made a face.

"Oh, um, the interns, we're just having a little darts tournament thing at Joe." Lexie said.

"Oh my god, I love darts." Izzie exclaimed.

"Do you want to join…us?" George said. Lexie leaned onto George and said. "You so coded." In which Izzie can't here.

Suddenly the lift opened and we went straight to the exit while Izzie and Lexie went straight to the PiT.

"I'll just stop by at a flower shop, I'm going to visit Doc's grave while in there. I mean, might as well. This will be my last visit here." I shrugged and pulled over at the nearest flower shop before George could respond. I asked for lilies and bought a wine.

"So this is where he leaves?" George asked while getting Derek's stuff from my trunk.

"Yeah." I said.

"In a tin can?"

"No, it's not a tin can. It's a trailer." I said

"That is in color of a can. A tin can."

"George, just help me with those." I said and pointed at the heaviest box.

"Oh my God, what is this thing? Why is this so heavy?" George said and drop the box from in the grass.

"Oh, that was his medical books. He read those usually before he sleeps." I said and entered the trailer.

I looked around and can see that everything still looks that same. I can still see some of my stuff from the cabinet above the bed. And my mug and my purple jacket.

"Just drop those there. I pointed the bedside. George nodded and drop the box. I emptied one box that contained his clothes and favorite blanket. Stopped everything the moment my eyes landed again on his stupid stupid blanket. I sat on the bed and just looked at it for a while.

"Mer, you are crying." George said. I looked up and that was when he said that I realized that tear are yet again trailing down my face. I sniffed as the tears won't stop falling. I looked George straight in the eye and smiled sadly

"I have to let it go now George." I said in whisper. For a few minutes we were quiet until I heard the doors close, George leaving me in the room giving me some space. I looked around and inhaling everything at the place. I wiped m tears and took a deep breathe.

I folded the blanket and put it on the bed. I climbed from the bed and get my things from cabinet from clothes to shoes that I left. When I was done, I washed the dishes that he left this morning and pulled a post it. I put it on the fridge and closed the door.

I looked around and saw George standing in the lake. I turned around and went straight to my car to get the Lilies I bought for Doc. After getting the flowers and the wine I bought, I walked straight to the tree which is near to where is George standing.

"He is selling this." I said. After I put the lilies at Doc's grave.

"Why would you sell something like this" George asked.

"Well, he does not a reminder of me maybe, this is where our dream house is supposed to be build." I pointed at the open field above us. "Rose said that he is selling this and will but a house near the hospital." I continued.

"That McBastard!" George said slyly.

I laughed at what he said and sat at the grass facing the lake. I offered George the wine after taking a sip, he took it.

"I don't think it was your fault alone Mer." George said.

"Yeah, I realized that now in therapy" I agreed.

"That you don't deserve someone who quit on you. You deserve someone who gives you hope in life and still accept the dark and twisty in you. And he does not." George continued. I just nodded and continued listening to him. "So this is it huh?"

"Yep." Popping the P.

"What if he asked you back?" He said and took a sip again.

"Well, in my current state right now, no going back. Too much water under the thing. I mean I love him still, and I don't think the kind of love I have for him will never change, but how can I go back with the guy who does not even try to get my trust back? Asking forgiveness yes, but trying to win m trust back? I mean when we get back together at the back of my mind still have doubts I admit it. And I was wroing that I get back together with him when I have such issues with him. But there was a reason, and he proved it why there was a reason. He did it again. He knows my issues George, and to add a reason why I can't trust you." I shake my head. "Is not something I need right now. I need assurance, I need support. But he still blames me for everything that went wrong with our relationship."

"So there might still be a chance? Is that what you are saying?"

"No." Then, it reminded me my conversation with Dr. Wyatt earlier. "He's with Rose." I just said and now full understand what Dr. Wyatt means.

I smiled and finished off the wine. We were done with everything by five pm. I tattooed the place in m mind that I now I will no longer see. Said my last goodbye to Doc's and entered the driver's seat. I started the engine and made a u-turn. I gave one last look at the place and turned around and never look back.

We were on the highway when I started the conversation to George.

"So, I'm renovating the house." I said.

"Yeah."

"And extending the house to accommodate one more room and bathroom." I said.

"Okay?"

"George, you could leave with us is what I'm saying." I exclaimed and made a left turn when he pointed the direction to his house.

"Wow really?"

"Yep, the people at the construction said that it will be done in two weeks."

"Oh cool! Thanks Mer. Living alone sucks." I giggled in response. I stop in front of a old looking house who looks like needs a repair.

"Wow, this is the one that needs a renovating." I said.

"You think?" George said sarcastically.

After dropping off George, I went straight to my cooking class which ended at eight. I went straight home and tried cooking the one I learned the other day which is Pasta sardines. I texted Cristina asking her if she will crash at the house tonight in which she replied yes. Cristina is going through the Burke thing that is why she has been crashing at my place a lot.

By the time I was finished cooking, I heard Alex car. Lexie is on call tonight. One by one they entered the house.

"Hey."

"You are weird, why are you smiling?" Cristina asked.

""I cooked today"

"Oh Mer, I told you, do that at your class, not at our house. We all need somewhere to live. I could do the cooking for all of us." Izzie said and drop off her bag I the couch. She went straight the kitchen who is now have a while from last night shenanigans. And saw the food I prepared. "Oh my God."

"I hope it taste good as it looks like." Cristina said and sat in one of the chairs. She opened the wine and poured the all of our glasses.

"Shut up." I said. "Alex! Sit down. This is not a food poisoned or like the same thing I cooked for Lexie." I gestured the chair in front of me. He sighed and drop off the bag at the side and tried to eat when Cristina moaned.

"Oh my God. You cooked this?" Cristina exclaimed.

"Yeah, learned it the other day, went grocery shopping after today's cooking class ad bought the ingredients." I explained.

"This is so good. I am so sorry I ever doubted Mer." Izzie said and Alex nodded.

We finished dinner by 10 and Alex volunteered to wash the dishes when all three of us went to bed.

"I got a text from Dr. Nelson, my clinical trial proposal got approve." I said to Cristina.

"No way." Cristina said.

"Yep, and Bailey let me scheduled fix in line with , I'll be in night shift for the next two weeks now."

"I hate you." Cristina said and turned off the lights.

"You love me." I said and turned off my lights.

I woke up in bed alone. I looked at my phone and saw the text from the construction worker and said that will arrive at eight am to start. My shit starts at 7 PM today so I have a lot of free time to go around.

At exactly 8, the foreman arrived with his team and we talked on how I want things done and by 10 we were done with the discussion and they started doing their job by mixing the cement to putting the blocks up in the attic.

I left the house and went straight t Ace's Tavern where I saw the familiar man.

"Hey." I said. And slipped inside the booth.

"Hey. Right on time I say." He replied and wave at Mike to get menus for Lunch. Mike nodded and asked one of the waiters to get our food.

"Never really thought that I will be seeing you." I said.

"Well, we agreed right?"

"So how's you first day?" I asked.

"Well it was good. Met few good people I think. Well, it is my first day. And Here I am having lunch with you. So I guess it was a good day." He said sarcastically.

"Give them chance, it is your first day you know."

"I know." One of the waiters went to us and handed as the menu.

"Ooh, before I forget, here is you ticket." She handed the ticket to the stranger and then looked at the menu. "I'll have Country Skillet and Eggs Benedict." I said and looked up and can see that the guy in front of me looking like could I eat all that. "WHAT?" I said.

"Can you finish all that?"

"Yeah, I'm having a brunch, and the next meal will probably at midnight so might as well eat a lot." I said.

"Okay." He said in defeat. He said his order to the waiter and left us.

"So, I gave his stuff back." I said as the waiter putting the food in front of us.

"You gave his stuff back."

"Yeah. I gave his stuff back."

We still don't know anything about us aside from our lovelife so wa talked about our life in highschool. We talked about my rebellion stage and how I didn't attend my prom which he did the same. By eleven we are done talking about life and he is about to go back to his work when he spoke again.

"Listen, you got to find peace after this, and you start with forgiveness. You brought his stuff back and you are still hurting but that is the part of the process of moving on."

"What is the second step?" I asked.

"Forgiveness, you have to choose it. Don't give you power away. The only person you can control is you. Don't cling to negative feeliings. You have to make a conscious effort every day to forgive and accept things, you have to say, I'm not going to invest hatred, ager, resentment in this person anymore. You can't change the things that happened in your life but you can make and decide on how to things will go in your life." He said and ride his car and left.

I was left astound by what he said ad contemplate what he said and what Dr. Wyatt said, I was still thinking about it until I arrived home. Upstairs where noisy from the construction so I decided to sleep in the Alex's room. Before I go to sleep, I looked at the clock and it was past eleven am, Alex will arrive at one pm, I texted him about me sleeping in his room and he replied that he will bring dinner. After tucking myself in, I drifted off to sleep.

IZZIE

"Hey Lexie" I said and catch up with Lexie while walking.

"Hey, is everything alright? Is Mer okay?" She asked.

"What?" I said in confusion.

"I was not at home last night because I was on call, and I don't know what happened in the house, is everything okay? Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, I just want to tell you that she cooked dinner last night and I brought the extra for you. Mer wants to make sure that you eat it. It's in the residence lounge fridge, it has your name on it" I said and left

I walks straight to the main desk of the nurse station and get multiple charts to review for the upcoming surgery in the next few hours when someone's shadow was blocking my concentration. I looked up and saw Dr. Shepherd looking at me.

"Hey, can I ask you something." He said to me.

I looked back at m charts and mumbled a "Yeah, sure."

"Is everything alright with Mer?

"Oh, I thought it was about a patient." I just said.

"I'm just concern Izzie, I want to know if she;s alright, none of the other of her friends are answering it."

"Yeah sure, she''s fine." I just said for him to stop talking.

"Meredith fine or fine fine."

"Really none of your business as Cristina said to you the other day, but yeah, whatever helps with you." I just said and closed the chart and decided to read it in the tunnel for no disturbance or what so ever. I stop walking and turned around again and walked straight to Derek Shepherd.

"You just have to stop asking us about Mer, you have a girlfriend let me remind you of that. " I said in the middle of the front desk where nurses are actually looking at is which I don't care as they keep talking about this whole Derek-Meredith thing like Meredith can't hear them mocking her just because the current girlfriend of the great McDreamy is one of them. "Yeah, we talked about it and if you are not incredibly stupid, we all live together you live their too right? So you know we talk about things, this things. And she has been straight to us on how we treat you in the hospital, but since you are asking a personal question, I'm talking to you like we are not in the hospital right now."

"You decided to leave her, you pulled the freaking plug Dr. Shepherd. She is moving on just how you did an hour after you left her. You just have to stop. Meredith had enough. And this hospital gossip around her is already too much! You chose to leave her when everything is already hard in her life. You don't get to care anymore. Just go busy with your own damn girlfriend alright." I said m piece and left.

I was busy writing some things in my chart when someone sat beside the gurney.

"So, I heard you talk McDreamy down. Way to go Barbie."

"Shut up. The guy has a girlfriend and every time he acts like he does not have one when it comes to Mer, everyone can see the stupid puppy eyes across the street every time he ask about Mer. The guy is a neurosurgeon but acts like he does not have a brain. Only stupid people cannot see it." I just said.

"Apparently his girlfriend."

My phone beep and looked at it and saw that Alex will be going home and will bu dinner.

"Mer will be on night shif for the rest of two weeks, did you know?" Cristina said.

"No, why? I mean that is good for her, by why?"

"Apparently, her clinical trial got approve and Bailey changed her shift to in line with Dr. Nelson's schedule who will be on call for the rest of the two weeks. Hey, did you hear anything about our new Cardio God? I have not heard anything from him, can't see anything from google either."

"Mer's clinical trial got approve?" I exclaimed.

"Yeah yeah, so this Nathan Riggs is apparently from the arm forces that is all I know from the guy."

"No, ad I have not seen him either. Is he good at his job?"

"I just said Cardio God Iz. And when that words coming out of my lips that means that he is that good."

"It is his first day right?"

"Yup, first day and already made an impression. Bonus is that he is good looking and looking wise. But military man can be pain in the ass, they only work with system."

"I heard from Bailey that he was almost got the Postion as Chief Surgery at his last work but declined because he decided to move here." I said.

"How did Bailey knew about that and I don't?"

"Bailey knows everything Cristina." I said and rolled my eyes.

"But how?"

"Well a fact is nurses likes her."

"Nurses likes me too."

"Cristina, no offense but you are anything but a bitch to the nurses. Meredith Grey was the one who is universally liked intern until that Rose came to the picture and was like Mer was the villain in the story when she did nothing but class."

"You are right, Mer's the one who's well liked and she still is. Nurse Debbie's group still like her. Small group of nurses who does not like does not make any difference. Bitches that stay together bitch together."

"Yeah well. Derek's is an ass at the bottom. And I feel like at the end of this drama, he is the happy one and Meredith is the wreck one. I feel bad for her but I know she does not want that."

"Mer's already faced a lot worse than this. She put her hand on a bomb. I mean let's face it, it was incredibly stupid but also incredibly brave."

I looked at my watch and stop writing. "Well I got to go, I have surgery" I said and hopped off the gurney.

"

"