TWENTY-SEVEN

Even though Andy would have liked to make Sharon tell him whatever it was that ominous announcement heralded on the spot, he understood her need to leave the restaurant for a more private setting before she did so. In the elevator up to their room, she suddenly turned away from him with a start, her hand firmly clasped around the railing, suffering her way through what looked like a strong contraction. He understood that, now that Emily had left, Sharon had finally dropped all pretenses and so he got a sense of just how urgently they needed to get to the hospital. Andy reached out for Sharon, but received a decisive shake of her head, clearly telling him to step back. For a moment, he thought he was going to freak out. They were in New York City, far away from Sharon's home and her doctor and this was obviously happening fast. When the elevator doors opened, he had trouble keeping up with Sharon as she all but rushed back to their room. All the while, he was frantically wondering which hospital to go to in the absence of Provenza's informed googling.

Back in their room, he found Sharon sitting on the side of the bed, looking exhausted. He understood now that she had been hiding her pain by the sheer force of her very stubborn will and he was starting to get angry with her and with himself. What the hell had he been thinking letting her get away with obviously going to give birth very soon and not saying anything? Was he insane?

Sharon smiled carefully. "Hey, sit down, okay? You don't look so good."

He snorted. "Tell me, how long do you think it is going to be now?" His voice carried the anger that was vibrating in his chest, but she didn't seem to mind it.

"Not very long," she said with a rueful smile. "I'm glad my water hasn't broken. That would have been messy."

Andy huffed, suspecting that there was more to this than she let on. "How long have you been in labor for, Sharon? Since before we left?"

She avoided his eyes for the first time now, so he knew he was right. "I couldn't be sure at the time whether it was actual labor."

"Sharon! How could you?" He was shouting now, but there was no way of keeping it inside. "You just let me drive you to New York City when you know there is a good chance that you will give birth there?"

She held up a hand that was supposed to calm him, but aggravated him further instead.

"Andy, you haven't met my doctor, but she would not have let me take a trip to New York City this late in my pregnancy without calling ahead to a hospital of her choice and sending my patient file over."

He looked at her, dumbfounded. "Seriously?"

Sharon nodded, currently between contractions and looking as nonchalant as possible when you were about to have to endure excruciating pain once again. "I gave them a call earlier. They are expecting us."

And, of course, she added, she had a hospital bag in the trunk of the car. Sharon Raydor was nothing if not quietly prepared. Realizing that she had not been as reckless as he thought, his anger began to subside and he sat down next to her. Sharon gave him a shaky smile and rubbed the underside of her stomach.

"What is it you were going to tell me?" he asked, more softly now, ready to attempt a joke, even. "Don't tell me you want to name the kid after Elliott."

She chuckled, bringing her hand up to cover the lower half of her face. "Elliott is also a first name," she pointed out teasingly.

"Sharon." Andy stretched the vowels to make sure she knew that he was very much hoping that she was joking.

"No, Andy. The Catholic church preaches forgiveness, but I am not sure that my capability for it extends that far."

"Thank God." He released a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding. She snuck her hand in his and his heart skipped a beat. He still wasn't completely used to this kind of familiarity with her and it gave him a little kick each time it surfaced.

"I just need to warn you, Andy, the same way my doctor warned me." Andy's throat suddenly felt tight as he looked at her.

"When I lost my baby, the bleeding was a little worse than I told you about," she said quietly, the impact that memory still had on her etched into the lines around her eyes. "It was touch and go there at the hospital for a while."

"What exactly does that mean?" Andy croaked, suddenly feeling feeble. He couldn't lose her now.

"They couldn't stop the bleeding for a long time, so they basically got blood transfusion after blood transfusion into me while I was on the operating table. I couldn't get up for days after."

Another wave of panic was beginning to build up, threatening to swallow him whole.

"It is not a given that it will happen again. My bloodwork is fine right now. It is just that it can happen, coagulation disorder or not and I want you to promise me something."

For the first time, there was urgency in her eyes. "If anything happens to me, Andy, I need you to take care of our son, okay? I have a will in place and everything I own will be divided equally between my three children, but I need this little one to be looked after, okay?"

Andy grabbed her hand and brought it to his mouth, faintly realizing that he was squeezing it too tightly, but unable to loosen his death grip for fear that she would slip away.

"Nothing will happen, Sweetheart," he said, his voice shaking. She smiled sadly at that, gently prying his hand away from hers and placing it on her stomach instead.

"Everything will be fine, Andy. Just promise me for my own peace of mind, okay?"

He nodded, feeling numb with shock.

"And should there be a situation, unlikely as it may be, when there is a choice between my life and our son's, Andy, I want you to choose him. I choose him, okay?"

Andy reached out and pulled her into his arms at that, desperate to hold her tight, to feel her warm body and revel in the fact that she was alive. He felt her hands gently caress his back through the haze, but was unable to respond in kind for his muscles seemed locked in place, unable to let go.

"I love you," she whispered.

"I love you, too," he said back, both elated and devastated.

He couldn't lose her. Not now that he had just found her again. Her grip on him suddenly tightened and then she let go, groaning in pain. There was a faint smile there for him when she got up.

"I think we need to go."

"Hey Nicole, it's Dad."

There was a beat of silence at the other end of the line that made his heart sink.

"Are you okay, Dad?" She sounded worried more than distant, which brought him some relief.

"Yes, I'm okay," he answered. "Look, I am sorry for calling so late."

"No, no, it's fine. You sound really shaken, Dad. Did something happen?"

How was he to explain it all to her over the phone? Andy cleared his throat. Calling her had seemed like the logical thing to do just a minute ago, but now he was beginning to doubt his brain's capability for logic right now.

"I don't know where to begin," he finally said. "I just really wanted to hear your voice."

"You're not making any sense, Dad," Nicole said, but he could hear the affection in her voice. After all this time, after everything he had done wrong, he understood, she still loved him.

"I'm in Boston," he told her. The adrenaline was wearing off and making room for an exhaustion that was descending on him like a heavy blanket.

"Boston?" Nicole asked. "What are you doing in Boston?"

Andy leaned back in his chair and looked down at his left arm in which is son was sleeping, swaddled in blankets.

"Don't freak out, okay? But I met someone and… things got a little out of hand."

Nicole chuckled despite herself. "What is that supposed to mean, Dad?"

"It means I fell in love." He couldn't go on for fear that he would break down and actually start crying. The silence around him seemed deafening all of a sudden, the faint humming of the overhead lights the only noise.

"Wow," Nicole said. "That's… nice, Dad. I don't think I ever saw you with anyone long term."

"No, no, you haven't," he said. "Look, there is something else. Um, Sharon…" It hurt to say her name, the feeling of it leaving his lips pressing down on his chest like a rock. "She got pregnant. We both didn't think that could happen what with, you know, our ages and all. She just gave birth and I am here in the hallway with…" He cleared his throat to stop his voice from shaking, but the tremor wouldn't go away. "with your brother."

He really wouldn't have been surprised if she had just hung up on him after that bombshell.

Nicole gasped on the other end of the line, but she seemed to be filing her shock away for later. "Dad, you sound so sad. What happened? Is he alright?"

Andy adjusted his hold on the sleeping infant. He seemed to weigh so little in his arm.

"He is fine, Nicole, you should see him. He looks so much like you when you were born."

Nicole let out a long breath. "Look, I don't really know what to say, Dad. This is a bit of a surprise."

"I'm sorry that you have to learn of it this way. It was all a little complicated along the way. It is just… I needed to talk to someone. Sharon… she lost so much blood."

Nicole gasped. "Oh God, is she alright?"

In that moment, his heart swelled with love for his little girl. Her shitty excuse of a father called her in the middle of the night with news he should have shared with her months ago and still she was willing to comfort him in such a dark hour.

"I don't know. She's been in surgery for a while now." Saying it out loud made it real, chased the fog around his brain away. The result was a sudden onslaught of pain. "Nicole, I am so worried about her. She was so strong in there. The little one was born just an hour after we arrived, but she could only hold him for a few minutes before she crashed."

"Oh Dad." Nicole sounded choked up now. For all the distance between them, he had forgotten how compassionate his little girl was. All of a sudden, he wished he could just hug her.

"Look, Nicole, I've been thinking about you and your mom and your brother so much those past few months. I was such a sorry excuse for a father and a husband. I don't think I can ever make it right again. But, know I love you, okay?" He knew that he was rambling, but he didn't care. This had wanted out for a such a long time and now that he was feeling so raw and hurt, he finally found a way to say it. "I am not asking you to forgive me, I really don't think I deserve that. I just want you to know that I love you and that I always have."

"I love you, too, Dad." Nicole was crying now, he could tell and he was about to apologize for making her cry as well when she beat him to it. "Does my little brother have a name yet?"

Andy looked down at the little face. He had opened his eyes once when on Sharon's chest during those first few moments of his life and Andy had instantly recognized them as Sharon's. He hoped they would turn out the same vivid green as hers down the road, but only time would tell. He remembered Sharon look at her baby, exhausted but with a look of pure adoration in her eyes.

"Henry," he said. "It was Sharon's idea."

"Henry then," Nicole said softly. "Say hello to Henry for me, Dad, okay?"

"I will," he said. "Maybe you'd like to come visit him for yourself someday?"

"Are you going to move to Boston now?" Nicole asked cautiously and he couldn't tell how she felt about it for the evenness of her tone.

"I think so, yes," he said. "I don't want to make the same mistakes with him that I did with you. Does that make sense?"

He so desperately hoped that it did. Maybe Nicole would feel betrayed again, as if that newborn brother was so much more important than she had ever been. He grappled for words to tell her that this was not what this was, but he couldn't find them.

"It does, actually," she said. There was a tangible sadness, but she did seem to understand. "This is a lot to take in, Dad, but it also means a lot that I was the one you called."

Andy looked up and saw a familiar person in scrubs approach.

"Listen, Nicole, there is the doctor now. I need to get going, okay?"

"Oh, of course. Call me when you can, Dad."

He understood in that moment that there was still a long way ahead of them. You didn't just give your kid a call in the middle of the night and expect it to heal all those countless inflicted wounds. But it was a start and they were both willing to try, so that was something at least. His heart ached with the love for all three of his children. His older son, he knew, might not be this forthcoming, but maybe, just maybe, there was some hope.

He hung up and carefully rose from his chair, holding his infant son against his chest, his hand gently supporting his neck. The doctor approached, lowering her mask as she stood in front of him. She looked exhausted but not defeated, Andy noticed.

"Sorry to have kept you waiting for so long, Mr. O'Dwyer." He didn't correct her, feeling oddly elated by the thought that she assumed him to be Sharon's husband. "We have the bleeding under control. We're giving her an intravenous iron supplement right now and we will follow that up with a blood transfusion after, but she is not critical."

The rock on Andy's chest got lighter instantly. "Will she be okay?" he asked.

The doctor smirked. "Yes, she will be. She will feel like shit for a few days - and that is my professional way of phrasing it at three o'clock in the morning - but she will make a full recovery, don't worry."

Andy took a deep, cleansing breath. "Can I see her?"

The doctor nodded. "Sure you can."