A/N: I took a break last week as it was Christmas. Merry Christmas and Happy New year everybody! Year 2020 was crap but Grey's gave us something to smile. Hoping that 2021 is better. We made it! Let's all be healthy! Wear mask and always bring alcohol keep you distance!

Chapter 14

DEREK

Derek texted Meredith that he will wait for her at Joe's after he learned that she will stay and be with Cristina. He went straight to the bar and sat and ask Joe for his drink.

He knows something is bothering Meredith that afternoon but he can't pinpoint what it is. He wants to help her with that but she won't tell him which bothers him so much. He sighed as he, process those things in his mind. He don't want to think of it but he feels that Meredith is trying avoid that conversation. He feels like he did something and Meredith is now having second thoughts with them.

He was already over an hour in Joe's when Mark entered the bar, didn't saw Derek, but when he sat at the end of the bar he so Derek drinking. With every intention of talking to him, Mark walks towards him.

"Hey Shep." Derek didn't saw Mark was actually sitting not far from where he is. Mark sat beside him and ask Joe for his drink too. Mark have not had a talk with Derek this past few weeks, and he knows that Derek is now fully aware with Will. And he feels like he is being bad friend to him right now for not asking him on how is he is. "Everything okay?" Mark mumbled.

Derek smiled with Marks question and shook his head. "I don't know."

"Look men, I know you are having a hard time with Meredith right now, with Nathan before and now Will. But I believe fate will work on you both. Everything will be alright in perfect time"

"Meredith and I have been dating for weeks now. She broke up with Will weeks ago and gave me my chance but I feel like right now, she is having second thoughts and I don't know what to do anymore if she broke up with me again, and I don't know if I'm overthinking this again and I don't know what I did, I want to fix it so she won't leave me." Derek finished, he looked at Mark who is now looking as shocked as he ever seen.

"Wait, hold up." Mark raised both his hand in front of Derek and arch his eye brow, "You and Grey got back together weeks ago and I don't know anything about it or didn't even notice it? Damn, my vibe is going nowhere."

"She wanted it to be private, and I respects it, I'll just go with her pace. I understand where she is coming from."

"Shep, for the record, for the months I have known now Big Grey, she is the person who is determine when she decided into something, well I don't know about getting back together with you but…" He trailed of.

"Thanks, very assuring." Derek scoffed.

"Okay, so you two are together now, has been for weeks, and now suddenly she is getting cold?" Mark trying to get the picture.

"Not cold, more like when I try to start the conversation of what is bothering her, she tries to change or avoid it. She gets somehow gets angry when I am trying to start that conversation"

"Well, did you do something that might be offensive or like something you did to remind her about all the stupid things you did."

"I did a lot of jerk and asshole things to her that I couldn't even take a list."

"Well, at least you know and trying to fix it. Talk to her Derek, communication is the key."

"Wow, never thought in my life that I will get a life lesson from you." He sighed and just looked in the glass. "I should not let this happen overnight, I should just talk to her to make things clear."

MEREDITH

Meredith walks straight to the morgue and can actually hear Cristina singing from the doors.

She sighed before opening the doors. She found Cristina on her earphones while suturing hearts of the cadavers.

"You so fine, and you're mine…" Cristina singing.

"Stop singing." Cristina looked up but ended up trying to cut the hearts again from the cadavers.

"Make me strong, yeah, you make me bold.. cause your love thawed out.."

"Cristina!" She called her again and again but she still didn't look up. She sighed and put her hands on her hips. She walks towards Cristina. "You're gonna win your own Harper Avery Award. Burke wouldn't have a career if it hadn't been for you. You saved him when he had his tremor. The Harper Aver award board may not know it, but he does.

"Like a virgin… Hey! Touch by the very first time.."

"I got back with Derek!" With that she said, Cristina look up from the cadaver to her and removed her earphones. "I know, I screwed up again. I went back with my words of not getting back with him, but I broke up with Will and got back with Derek and we've been dating for weeks now."

"That still not make me feel better." Cristina said as she continue with the cadavers.

"I know… I should've told you this but I wanted it to be just us. I'm sorry about Burke, but he wouldn't have it if he didn't have you before. Talk to Owen about this, maybe he could help?"

"Owen is more screwed up than you think." Cristina said silently. She put down her tools and sat at the high chair

"What?"

"He has his own crap, but I understand it, with Burke, it's just that all those memories just flashed right before my very eyes again. And you get back with McDreamy? What the hell Mer? What about this past few months that you went through?"

"I know…" She raised her hands as if surrendering and sat in one of the high chairs. "I dated Will, it was great, I'm happy with the life I have with you guys, but when I am alone, in my room? Walking down the streets?" She shook's her head. "I am not. Cristina. The first person I want to talk to when there is good news? Derek! The first person I want to talk to when my patient die? Derek! Person I want to comfort me? Derek it pisses me off, but I love him." She paused and looked up to Cristina. "I love him, and if this one did not end well again, at least I tried, at least I didn't have a what if." She finished.

"Okay." Cristina finished.

"Okay?" Meredith asking her in confusion. "Want to grab some beers? Izzie is already at home, she wants to watch Ellis's surgical tapes.. She wants to drink at our house. So?"

"Yeah. Okay." Cristina and paged Lexie to finish what's left.

"Have you talk to Owen about Burke?" Meredith asks as she changed to her street wear. She just received a text from Derek telling her he's at Joe's.

Okay, I'll go straight home, Cristina's with me. Meredith replied.

Meredith and Cristina want straight home, they found Izzie, in the couch munching a pizza and a beer while watching a surgical tape. Meredith put her bag on the side and removed her shoes. She went straight to Izzie's side and grab a pizza. Cristina did the same and grab her own beer.

"Derek and Mer got back together." Meredith turn her head to Cristina and smack her arms.

"Cristina!"

"It's not like she will not know it, you guys live together, in fact, I am more surprise that she doesn't know, considering the loud sex."

"You and Derek are back together?!" Izzie exclaimed.

"Yeah, apparently she and Will broke up, then she got back together with McDreamy."

"MER! What about the things you went through just to get over him?" She looked at Izzie and saw disappointment in her eyes.

"Izzie."

"No Mer, you went through so much because of him and now you are putting yourself in there again."

"That's what I said."

"And I said, I don't want to live in what if, at least I try. I want to be happy Izz, and Derek. I love him, I've been honest with him that I still didn't forgive him for what he did and I still don't trust him and he is trying to gain that. He has been understanding, I want it to be private" She turned to Cristina as she said the word private. "I want it to be just us. And so far, it has been good. I am happy."

"So you didn't get laid weeks ago, that was the day you got back with Derek." Cristina putting the pieces together.

"Yeah."

"That was more than a month together. Wow, got to give credit to you guys, I really thought you and Will are still together and going strong."

"Yeah well."

"So how is the sex? I bet you are doing it." Izzie asks after a little while.

"Izzie!"

"What? You guys are like rabbits, imagine the drought from one another, I bet it's so hot."

"That's the thing, we are taking it slow, and I told you this morning, it's true, and because of what we talked about this morning, I keep on thinking it with Derek."

"You guys still not having sex? Wow, I got to tell you, I am amazed on how you are holding up." Cristina butted in as she gets another slice of pizza.

"And I keep thinking it, I am getting horny the whole day, and I am afraid I might just jump on him or pull him on an on call room, I mean it has been months. Ugh." They all laugh with what she said. "And he keep on asking me about it and all I could think of is his tongue running through my throat."

For the rest of the night they talked about her and Derek. Meredith felt free when she started talking about her relationship with Derek.

"But I still wanted it to be private. So please, try to minimize this." They both nodded as if paying attention to her but she knows better. "Seriously!"

"Okay Mer. You have our word." They both said. They were fixing things when Mark entered the house.

"Meredith can I talk to you?" Meredith looked at Cristina and put down the towel and nodded.

"Sure."

They walk towards the back yard and Meredith sat in one of the chair. She turned to Mark and waited for him to talk.

"Derek told me." Mark started.

"Oh."

"Yeah, and he told me that you might be having second thoughts" Mark said as he plopped down the chair next to her and look up at the stars.

"What? I…I don't understand, where did he get that?"

"Apparently something is bothering you, and every time he tries to address it you tried to dismiss him or avoid it and now, he is having this thoughts."

"That's crazy, we just talk before I leave, I told him it's nothing." She reasoned out.

"What is it that is bothering you anyway?"

"If I am not talking to Derek about it, sure as hell I will not talk it about with you."

"Yeah, but whatever it is, just talk to him. I know him. He is beating himself up about it 'cause he took too much crap to you and he thinks he did something again for ou to act like that."

"Trust me, it's just stupid. Stupid though that has been…. Just… I'll talk to him tomorrow."

Mark nodded and went upstairs. Meredith saw Cristina and Izzie at the living room, Cristina preparing to leave.

"What was that about?" Cristina asks.

"I told you, aside from patients and surgery, sex has been going playing in my mind, well Izzie helped, I have actually thinking about it and tried to avoid Derek, and he thinks I am having second thoughts with having him."

"Well…. I'm gonna go." Cristina trying to avoid a Derek talk.

"Mer, talk to Derek." Izzie sad as we about to head upstairs.

"Yeah, I'll talk to him about it tomorrow."

"I know, I said things about Derek earlier, but if you think this is it? Tried as hell to work things out, be honest with one another, not secrets..." She nodded and sighed.

She went to bed and thought about what Izzie said. She's right, and she should not sleep tonight if things are cloudy with her and Derek. She sighed and grab a jacket in her closet and grab her car keys that was placed on her bedside to go straight to Derek's trailer.

Meredith is on the stairs when someone came knocking o the front door. She opened it and found Derek about to knock again.

"Derek."

"Before you say anything, just know that I love you. I know I did a lot of stupid things. It's a miracle ou gave me another chance but please Mer, whatever is bothering you. Talk to me." Derek said before Meredith could say anything.

Fear crippled in Derek's body as Meredith is about to open her mouth as he knows she will say something that would change his life.

"It was sex okay? Sex was bothering me the whole day, and eveytime I look at you? All I could think off is your tongue down my throat. And Izzie, just won't shut up about it so that's all I could think off. And I just want to jump on you in the middle of the hallway or just pull you in one of the on call rooms okay? That's what is bothering me…. And I…" Meredith ramble. "I was about to head to your trailer to just at least ease your mind about it cause Mark told be its bothering you and just want to clear that one up."

"Mer.." Derek smiled finally, he tilted his head smirking at Meredith.

"Wipe off that smirk please." Meredith walks inside and sat in the living room. Only light from the street lights giving them shade.

"Do you know that you are my moon Meredith?" Derek said as he follow her inside outing his hands on his jean pocket.

"You're what now?"

"My moon. The light in m darkness? You always are and always have been." He sat beside her. Took her hand and looks at her in the eyes. "The hope of a tomorrow? The light of my life? Giving me the light? That's you. It's always been you."

"You are McDreaming again." Meredith giggled. Derek love that giggle.

"I'm sorry, I overthink again. IT's just that when it comes to you, you never know what's coming Mer."

"Yeah, well, that Meredith's chronicle." She agreed.

"So sex huh?"

"Shut up."

"Do you wanna take advantage of me know? I'm drunk, vulnerable and good looking." He said slyly.

"You are not that good looking please."

"Oh please. We both know I am." He sighed. Finally what is bothering her. He knows he should leave, things are clear now. Derek stood up after minutes of silence. He stood up still holding Meredith's hand.

"I'm going to leave now." Derek said. He pulled Meredith up from her sit.

Meredith, having second thoughts if he should just pulled the band aid or just let him leave. Derek is now in front of the door. Meredith watching him taking his steps, she pulled his hand not letting it go.

"Should I leave" Derek asks as he looks Meredith in the eyes.

"I… I…" Trying to find the words. Having second thoughts… Derek sighed and turned around to kiss Meredith on the forehead and let go her hand and head straight to his car. Meredith watching him taking steps, every steps makes her long for him. That longing has been months. Derek is about to turn around the driveway and get to his car when Meredith run over to him and pulled his hand.

"Don't leave. Just don't…." Before she could finish, Derek kissed her. Hard the longing they both been having from one another feels like it has been spread to their entire body. Meredith sighed, finally feeling that again. He tugged her lower lip and sucked on it, only street lights are helping them walk towards the door. He lifted her up using one hand and the other opening the front door. Meredith wrapped her legs around him, she feels his hand on her buttocks, helping her. He walks upstairs still carrying Meredith.

He has been to this house a lot of time and slept in this house a lot of times to know where he is going even though he is not looking. By seconds, they were already inside of Meredith's bedroom. Not much change aside from the couch by the window and drawer that has been change. He drop her on the bed and locked the door knowing her roommates that does now care about privacy.

He turned again, seeing her watching him. He crouched a bit and gave her a deeper and longer kiss, not like the kisses that they've been having this past weeks. He stopped to get some air and kissed her again, he curse after the second kiss as her tongue tried to equal his. He stopped again to get some air again and rubbed their noses. Looking her eyes lovingly then looked down at her lips, swollen from the kisses.

MEREDITH

He gave me little kisses, teasing mine softly, making me remember how hot our sex life is. While it has been so long since we found in each other's arms, the longing and satisfaction can be felt mile away from this room.

He kissed my lips in all angles. He pulled me closer, making me feel my breast feels tender. He hold onto his shirt, supporting my body, while kissing him back, my other hand on his neck pulling him also closer. He now pulled my hair, making me arch my body, felt his kisses down from my lips to my neck to my valley of breast. It made me sighed and shiver from the feeling of his lips. I felt him kissing his way up now, then he reached for my ears.

"Clothes." He said.

"Clothes." I agreed, he pulled my shirt up, removed my brassiere, he pulled me to the edge of the bed and helped me removed my leggings. Now only left with panties, I helped him removed his sweater and shirt. I sighed with the sight of him. I placed m hand to his chest nervously and felt his heart beat a little bit faster than normal. I giggled knowing it's my effect on him.

He lifted his lips a little. He pulled me to him and kissed her again hard. Now only his underwear left, I can feel his bulge grew thicker by the minute. The type of is someone sees it you can definitely tell he do have an erection. I almost got dizzy when I felt it from my legs. I looked up and saw Derek's lips open slightly, eyes are tender. He sat on the bed and pulled me, now I'm on his lap, my knees are on his both side. I sighed again when I felt him under e now. He hand on my pulse holding me while the other is on my hips.

"I missed you so much." He whispered.

"I missed you to so much." I said as he rocked my slightly making me moan from the anticipation.

He kissed my shoulder blades, his favorite spot in my neck, sucking it a little bit which if he keeps on doing I am sure will leave a mark. I can feel his breath in my neck when he lifted his face from it. Making me shiver and felt an electrifying feeling in my entire bod. I tried to wiggle from his hold in my hips but he hold me tightly. "Shit" he whispered softly when I felt him again when I wiggled. "Stop Mer, or I might lose control."

I nodded, but unconsciously I moved again, and the same spot hit me again once more. Before I could say anything, he held my neck again and kissed me. Fiery kiss, he kisses me the way I'm the only one is so damn turned on. His other hand now explored my breast. His kisses from my lips are now on my breast. I arch and grab his neck, his tongue flicked which made me moan. His other hand's attention is on my right breast. I pinched it a little making me moan a bit louder than before.

I am slowly sliding from his thighs, he fixed that by bringing me and now I am under him, still his month now on my right breast while his other hand is now travelling down to my navel. Covered in panties, he placed his hand in my underwear, not sliding it in,, just above it. He stopped kissing me and now looking me in the eye.

"You are so fucking wet Meredith." He whispered.

I looked at him, how can I not fucking be?

He removed my panties, the only cloth that is left, his lips now busy in my breast gone down to me. A breathy moan escaped my throat. Derek cursed before kissing my hips. His other hand now travelling to my thighs. I arch my body in anticipation. Knowing that it has been so long since I've been touch, I know how turned on I am right now. I arch m body again when I felt him touch e there. You can actually hear his touch and can know how wet I am right now. I blushed but I looked down and saw Derek looking at me as he touched me there.

Immediately, my folds reacted to his touch, his touch that is so soft making me moan louder.

"Derek." I said as I am looking down. His fingers started to glide in my wet folds.

He rocked my using his finger while his thumb is playing with my clitoris His fingers continued to push n and out of me that my back arched He kissed my again in my nape, neck, as his other hands playing with my breast.

"Derek-" Before I could finish, he removed his hand and pulled me again on the edge of the bed, and positioned himself in between my thighs. With no power to protest, I he kissed my down there. I can feel his wet lips on my vvreamy folds. I can feel the way he suckled and enjoyed on them.

"Ah! Fuck! Derek!" I moaned again and again.

I bit my lip to stop myself from the screaming, wiggle as I felt his tongue doing magic down there. I put my right hand in his hair trying to pull him up but then he is firm, unstoppable, He wouldn't let me move even a bit! In once flick of his tongue and masculine fingers, my world is shaking uncontrollably.

I screamed as I felt my coming. I felt him moved himself up and now kissing my breast again, I am swollen and tender. My flesh between my thighs has never been so sensitive. My nerves ever so sensitive. He climbed closer to me, I saw his boxers making a big tent, I violently removed it. He stopped kissing me and watched my removed his boxers. In his naked glory, I saw his thickness with my own eyes. The sight that I miss.

He looks at me in the yes, lust still evident in him.

"Reality is so much better that dreams Meredith." He whispered again and claimed my lips.

His manhood keeps brushing the lips of my entrance. I moaned every time it hit me, the sensation from it. My blood rushed like crazy from the anticipation again.

"Derek..." I called him

I parted my legs more so he's have a better access from it. He sighed as he placed it in the entrance. I moaned again as he slightly entered it then back away. I pulled his hair and kissed him hard making him moan too.

"Derek… please." Begging him. HE shook his head, his entire face is now in red. When he entered me, the fire in my body was doubled. He rocked m slowly making me moan. I looked down seeing our body connected. I moaned again when he disappeared I wrapped my arms around his back and bit his shoulder to minimize my scream. I wrapped my legs to his making him moan harder and changed his pace from slow to hard and fast making. He pulled my head from his shoulder and his heavily lidded eyes never left mine, as he pushed harder and harder making me moan louder and louder. "Derek.. ahhhhh Derek…. Derek.." I keep saying his name as I looks at him in the eye.

He put his forehead to mine and gave me hot kisses as he slams me which I returned back.

I felt my head board now as he keeps on pushing me, I didn't even notice how we got there but now I feel the head board.

"It's no one if it's not you Mer." He whispered and double his pace from before, you can actually hear the bed screeching and my head banging the headboard. From his last pushed we came together, my scream being muffled from his mouth as he came too.

Still not leaving me, I can still feel him hard, he made me turn around, with no strength to fight, now on my knees and arms. He slammed again, I moaned when he slammed back. A pain etched but it the intoxicating pleasure filled me. Making me lose m rational thoughts as I know he hit a spot. I parted more of my legs and tried to meet his pace.

"Dammit, Meredith, stop doing that!" He violently said.

"Derek, harder please." I said languidly.

He pulled himself from me making me feel lonely by seconds when he changed the position. He laid me, put my legs to his shoulders, he entered me again, holding my hands above my head, trying to stop me from moving. "Fucking stop Mer." He said gently but his curse made me too wet to even hear him.

I pulled and pushed again, that's when he lose his control again and slammed again vioelently while looking me in the eye, my mouth formed and O as I looked at him in the eyes. He grunt with that sight which made him pushed harder. He removed his hand from mine, I pulled him closer as he changed the position of my legs, my arms now on his hair as he puhsed harder and harder. He rocked me so fast I couldn't find my voice to scream properly! He knows my body, places he knows that makes me moad. With every push, he's fill me to the brim. Before I could scream, he'll push again!

Derek bt his lower lip while watching me writhe in pleasure. My scream was endless, pleasure was endless, again and again, he pumps harder, deeper and faster. The sharp please burst on m womb making me scream in so much bliss! I can't even recognize my own voice. The earth shattering release was more intense that earlier.

"Derek, oh god. Derek!" As another train of pleasure came.

Derek cursed and as earlier I felt the head board. Derek growled again and again, making me feel the incoming please again, and with last push, I felt his release in my womb with hot liquid as I came with him.

After a few minutes, he pulled himself out of me, and laid right beside me.

He turned around and met his yes.

"Dammit Meredith. I miss you so fucking much." He said, I smiled at him softly with no power to say anything. Catching our breaths. "I will never let you go Mer, whatever happens, this is it. I love you."

"I love you too." Few minutes after I replied back and let sleep eat me.

The next time I opened my eyes, Derek is watching me. I smiled at him a little and reach for his hand.

"What time did you wake up?" He intertwined our hands and gave me my morning kiss.

"I little while."

"Did my snoring wake you up? I'm not snoring anymore."

"You know, this past months, I missed your snoring that I actually enjoyed squirrels playing outside the trailer" He said jokingly.

"Shut up! I don't snore anymore." I said again.

"I missed you so much that it hurts Mer. Back when we were not together yet, with Addison? Knowing that I can reach you but I know I can't? I did not know pain until you, the pain your presence is giving that time. And I did it again. I'm sorry Mer." I smiled at him a little. I pulled my hand from his and put it on his cheek, I wiped off the tears that fell from his eyes, and pulled my self-closer to him and kiss him.

"I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." I said to him reassuringly.

"You need to be with someone who will choose you over and over again. You don't need a man who will always run when things get hard, run off to the next girl because that's easier. You don't deserve that. From all the crap you've been through. I will not promise you that pain will not be a part of this relationship Mer. But will tell you, I will choose you over and over and over. I will work my ass off Mer, to deserve this second chance."

"I know." I said and let him hugged me, he put his hand under my head and pulled me closed and kissed my head again.

"Thank you. I love you." He said before I drifted off to sleep again.

I was woken up by the blast of my alarm clock. I tried to look for it by hand but I can'e find it. Derek pulled me closer to him, my back is now on his.

"Turn it off please." He whispered. I founf the alarm clock ath the foot of the bed and turned it off.

"You need to go." I said as I turned around and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"What? It's like what?" He asks her grogilly.

"It's quarter to 6. You don't have clothes here. I brought you things back remember?" She said as she pulled his hair from his forehead back and kissed his lips.

"I have clothes in my car." He just said.

"My roommates still does not know we are together."

"They probably know now the way you scream from last night."

"Crap." I said realizing all the noise we had from last night.

"Crap? Last night was not crap. I am sure, the way you scream?" He said, as he stroke m spine back and forth. It lingers my back.

Knowing the people in the house probably know that Derek is in the house, I just let him stay.

"But I have to take a shower, I have round with my interns." I said as he rolled over my again and kissed my neck again.

"Let's take a shower then. He said and pulled himself from me and picked up his boxers and head down stairs to get his things.

I smiled as I watched him move in my room, when a thought occurred to me.

"CRAP!" I exclaimed.

He turned around from the closet and looked at me questioningly. He walks towards me and bent toward and pushed my hair.

"What now?"

"CONDOM! DEREK CONDOM!" I exclaimed again.