I manage a half hour jog in the morning. I only manage to trip five times and come back with scraped palms and scratched chin. I send my thanks to whatever god there was for sparing me from a sprained ankle. But surprisingly enough, I like it. The silence that usually frightens me, seems soothing today, as if I have something I can control, even though I couldn't completely control my feet yet. But this jog, this new thing I have started, I have started because I wanted to. This made me happy, and I will take whatever happiness I can find.

With this thought in mind, I hop into the shower before Charlie and already curling up on the sofa with a warm cup of coffee by the time Charlie comes down. He looks pleasantly surprised to see me.

"Morning, Bella. You're up early." He goes to check the coffee machine and grunts in pleasure to find a mug waiting for him for a change.

"Yeah, I went for a jog." I get up put the bagels on the toaster and beat some eggs.

"Did you really? That's great." Charlie says and then blushes at his own outburst.

I hum and prepare two plates for us. We have breakfast together in companionable silence.

"Alright then, I'm off." Charlie says some time later.

"Be careful." I nod at him.

"Always am."

I am less apprehensive to go to school than I was yesterday. I wave to Tyler as I park my truck, a safe distance away from his mother's sedan. 'Ol Rusty could make mince meat out of the poor Corolla. Still, I take a moment to centre myself and set out towards Gov.

I seat with my usual crowd at lunch, wow usual crowd, good going Bella.

"So, I was thinking we could catch a movie in Port Angeles over the weekend" Jessica is saying, chewing on a stick of carrot. "I mean we haven't had a night out in, like forever."

My hands shake as I try to uncap my apple juice. People don't really have any idea what forever means, do they?

"Count me in," Angela says, "I need to pick up something for my mom for Christmas."

"I'll come with you, I was planning to buy some stuff for my room, I need to buy a present for Charlie too." I add quietly.

"Great! We can start on Saturday bright and early and be back after dinner!" Oh no, Lauren's going too. Let's just say, Lauren doesn't like me much. But I admit to myself, her sneer has nothing on Rosalie's. I'm pretty much immune to her passive-aggressiveness.

Mike looks from one face to another, his face confused in an an adorable golden retriever way, "What about us?"

"Who's us?" Jessica asks testily. I look from Mike to Jessica.

"Me, Eric, Tyler? And What about Ben?" Mike implores Angela.

"Nope" Jessica says before Angela can open her mouth, "It's a Girls' Night Out." And believe, you can almost hear the capitals.

Tyler slumps down his seat, Lauren shoots him a smirk.

Charlie seems happy to hear about our plan for the weekend. He offers to leave some money for me to spend, but I assure him that I have got it covered for my wages at the Newtons'. "You mom wants to know how you are doing." He mumbles, "I have tried telling her you are doing better. But she'd feel better to hear it from you."

I take for the wordless plea it is. Clearly Renee has been driving him up the walls with her worries. "I'll call her after dinner." I say. He looks relieved.

"Hi baby! How's it going? You should call me more, Bella. I worry about you, you know." Renee gushes out the moment she picks up.

"Hey mom, I'm fine. How's it going?" And that is good enough for Renee, she launches into stories of her woes and adventures. At least, Phil seems to be taking care of household maintenance and bills. She goes on for sometimes, I hmm and ohh in appropriate places.

"So what's going on with you?" She finally asks.

"Well, Jess and Angela invited me to a girls' night out next Saturday." I say, knowing she would like it.

Renee doesn't disappoint, "Ooh! That's so nice! I miss the times we had together, just you and me." No you don't, I think, but immediately feel bad, she has every right to be happy, just because I'm miserable…

Suddenly it becomes too much, the hyper energy from Renee, "I gotta go mom, have homework to finish." Renee says something else, but I drop the call with a short bye, feeling exhausted.

As the days pass by, I slip into a routine. I wake up at ungodly hours trying not to wake up Charlie with my screaming, I study and wait for light, then I go for a jog and shower and breakfast and school, and the Newtons and dinner and rinse and repeat.

When Saturday arrives, I'm ready to go. I have jogged, showered, had breakfast. I debate with myself in front of my wardrobe, before I decide to look nice and wear the leather jacket for the first time. It was a biker jacket Alice insisted I get. I run my fingers through the soft lining, and the shiny outer surface. Before I can convince myself to save it for a better occasion, I pull it on on top of my grey hoodie.

I get my purse as a car horn sounds outside. Charlie gives me a smile and a wave as I rush out the door.

Lauren is driving her mom's Nissan, Jessica got the shotgun, she hoots as I opened the door to join Angela on the backseat.

"Nice jacket. Bella" Angela smiles at me.

"Thanks." I smile back.

"We'll just hit the new shopping mall and go from there. Sounds good to everyone?" Say what you will about Lauren, she has immense confidence, some times even when she is wrong. But I appreciate her decisive nature this time around. Last time Jessica and Angela debated for almost an hour before we could decided on where to go.

"Yup." Jessica replies, combing through CDs.

"Yeah" "Sure" Angela and I say at the same time.

We split up at the mall, Angela decides to come with me to check out a Bed n Bath, Lauren and Jessica saunters into a boutique to check out dresses for this years' prom. I look for a bedspread and pillows to go with the new colour scheme I am planning. Angela checks out some showpieces, wind chimes. She comes over while I am debating between a cream bed spread and a peach one.

"What colour are your walls?" I jump a little as she asks from behind me.

"I'm planning to paint it teal, kind of like that." I point to a blanket on display.

"Ooh! I like that one, maybe I'll get them for the twins." Angela muses, and then her gaze snaps into mine, "Sorry, take the peach one. It will look warmer. Maybe we can get some peach and cream throw pillows to balance it out."

"Sounds good." I nod, then add "You have a good eye for this, Angela."

She blushes and mumbles something about a rug. I load the peach bedspread set and the teal blanket on the cart, then follow after Angela.

We meet up with Lauren and Jessica for lunch, satisfied with me haul of bedspread, pillows and a faux fur rug picked out by Angela. She looks pretty happy with the blanket. Lauren and Jessica have shopping bags with them, so they look pretty happy as well. We get hamburgers and fries. I get a lemonade instead of Cola. After lunch we roam around the mall a little bit. I pick out a waterproof watch for Charlie. Between the general climate and the frequent fishing trips, I hope he finds it useful.

Turns out, the movie is a rom-com.

"We can skip the movie if you want, I can come later with Ben anyway." Angela tells me in a low voice, Jessica looks uncomfortable, I shake my head at her. I'm not going to fall apart apart every time I see someone kissing. I. won't.

I suffer through the almost three hours of drama, kissing and waterworks. I can feel Lauren's gaze on me throughout the movie, but I find the cheesiness and the overacting funny.

We pile into a Mexican place for dinner. We order tacos and quesadillas.

"Ooh! They sell michelada! God I can't wait till twenty one." Jessica moans.

Lauren smirks at her, "Well, you could always come to my place." But she clamps her mouth closed as soon as she remembers my presence. I busy myself with my fish tacos instead of reacting.

After dinner, we are walking back to the shopping mall to collect the car from the parking. Lauren's phone rings, she tells us to just wait here, she'll take the call and bring the car around.

So we stroll around aimlessly, chatting idly, when I hear them. There are four of them in an alleyway, drinking and laughing. Immediately I am transported to a year ago, another dark alleyway, me feeling cornered, watched. I don't feel watched now, I know they have not noticed us. I have somehow developed this sixth sense that alerts me whenever someone is watching me, looking at me for more than a passing glance. But maybe if I get closer? My legs move without my permission.

"Bella?" "Turn back, Bella." I jump, Jessica's uncertain question gets lost in the wake of another voice, the voice I have been craving, and dreading, looking for, running away from. His voice is just as smooth, cultured, with a hint of an old accent. I take a few more steps forward.

"Bella! What are you doing?" "Go back to your friends, Bella, please." His plea holds the same pained edge that I remembered.

I am almost at the mouth of the alleyway, when someone snatches my arm and pulls me back. "Bella!" Angela whispers urgently, her face is calm, but her eyes are wide and scared. I look around, the men take a long look at us then stumble out of the alley on the other side. There is no one apart from us. Jessica under the lamp-post, hugging herself tightly, Angela still has her hand clamped over my non-existent bicep, to prevent me from running away, I think, the rest of street is empty. He's not here, obviously. The fog clears from my head and utter shame washes over me. Here I am worrying my friends and behaving like a freak, I shake my head to clear it further.

"It's okay, I just thought I knew them for a minute." I stutter.

Angela gives me a disbelieving stare, but lets go of my arm. We walk towards Jessica.

"What the hell is wrong with you?! They could have been serial killers!" Jessica screams at me. I stare at her, she has livid red blotches on her cheeks, but her eyes have teared up. On an impulse, I pull her into a hug.

"I'm so sorry, I don't know what happened." I confess quietly. Jessica trembles against me.

"I was so scared! What would I tell the Chief!"

"I know, I know, I'm sorry." I pull Angela into the hug too, for moral support and her longer arms.

As we pull apart, Lauren calls Jessica to know our location.

The journey home is silent, Lauren tries to make conversation, but even Jessica doesn't feel like talking. She sighs and plugs in a CD.

They drop me home an hour later, I wave at them a little as I walk to the door, towing my purchases. Charlie is stretched out at his armchair, a game of baseball going on the TV. I look away from the screen and turn to Charlie. But I can't meet his gaze, how could I have so stupid, haven't I worried him enough?

"Hey dad, have you had dinner?" I throw in his general direction, pulling the bags towards the stairs.

"Yep, how's your day? Did you have fun?" Charlie asks eagerly.

"Yeah, listen Dad, I'm exhausted. I'll just head to bed early." I mumble at him. I do feel tired, but more importantly I don't want to sit and recount the day. I am still puzzling over what exactly had happened.

I push the bags under my bed and go for a shower. The hot water loosens up the tensed knots on my shoulders. But it doesn't help me sleep. I lay awake staring at the ceiling. My mind going through the evening over and over like a bad playback. Am I hearing voices? Or was He really there? Was He following me? I feel overwhelmed with the longing to be with Him. His voice, His cold embrace, the way He surrounded me, protected me. I felt loved, cared for. Maybe He lied, maybe he hasn't left. Maybe He is keeping an eye on me, to protect me.

Then a surge of anger washes over me. If He really cared, He would have come back. No, He wouldn't have left in the first place. He certainly would not have taken away the people I considered family. If He has been watching over me, He must have seen what I have been through in the past months. If He had seen everything and still been able to stay away, he never loved me in the first place. I smother my face in a pillow and scream. I scream and scream and scream, not in fear of desperation, but in rage. I had been played, so desperate I was to be accepted, that He had lured me in with breadcrumbs. And I had followed Him like a lovesick puppy.

God! His family, they must have pitied me. Carlisle, so kind and good, did he look after me in the same way he would for a stray that had followed his son home? Esme, so loving and gentle, I thought she loved me. How can anyone fake this kind of love? But if she really did love me, how could she leave without saying goodbye? How could she not reach out to me afterwards? Not one email, not one phone call, does she even remember me? I sob quietly, afraid of waking Charlie up. Emmet and Jasper I could understand, nothing seems to phase Emmet for long. And Jasper must be relieved to be away from me, from the constant torture of the smell my blood around him. Rosalie has been the most honest of them after all. She had tried to spare me from the inevitable, in a way.

I should have realised the truth when He refused to change me so vehemently. No amount of logic, discussion, argument, pleading had any effect on Him. I should have known that I was disposable, fun to have around for a little while.

Alice puzzled me the most. He had promised, 'It will be as if I didn't exist'. I shudder. Alice made no such promises, and she has left reminders everywhere. The clothes that I wear, the money that keeps accumulating in my account, even my sense of style has been influenced by her. Her departure hurts as much as His does, perhaps even more so. Because with Alice, I never saw it coming. She was so genuine, so spontaneous… but wait, how much spontaneity can you expect from someone who can literally see the future?

I fall asleep as torturous thoughts turn into dreams, tear tracks drying on my cheeks, only to wake up four hour later, gasping and clutching my chest, a spike of pain shooting through my ribs. I stumble to the bathroom and splash some water to my face. My eyes are swollen from the waterworks last night. I brush my teeth, pull my hair up in a ponytail and go back to my room, to study and wait for the light to start my day with a jog. Maybe that will clear my head.

The phone rings as we sit down for breakfast. Charlie picks it up, listens for about five minutes, then answers, "I'll meet you there."

I look up curiously. He gives me an apologetic shrug, "Sorry Bella, they found two hikers dead near the Beaver Lake. Mark called, I gotta go."

He completely forgets about breakfast and rushes up the stairs to get ready.

I pour his coffee into the flask and wrap his bagel in a napkin and move to hand it to him as he comes downstairs in his uniform, trying to comb his hair with one hand and attaching the gun belt with the other. He smiles as I walk with him with the food in hand.

"Be careful Bella, it's probably some animal. Stay away from the trails…" he immediately shoots an alarmed look in my direction.

"Yeah, don't worry about me." I manage, "Take care out there."

He gets into the cruiser, takes the food from my hands and gives me a relieved smile.

"I will" I watch as he drives away, then go back in to my cold breakfast, my mind churning with worry. Forks has been pretty calm on the surface, crime rate was pretty low if you didn't count the supernatural ones.

I decide to give Angela a call, I feel bad for worrying them last night.

Angela picks up on the third ring, one of the twins, or maybe both of them wailing loudly in the background, "Hello, this is the Webers."

"Hey Angela, this is Bella."

"Oh hey Bella, what's up?" Angela sounds a bit cautious. She must have moved, the volume of the wailing gets lower.

"I just," I swallow, "I'm sorry about yesterday, I- I don't know what came over me. Just, thank you, you know, for not freaking out."

"Oh, um, it's okay. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm good."

"Good. Um, so what are you upto?"

"Uh, I was thinking of starting the painting. The paints are sitting under my bed since last week." I take a deep breath to stop my babbling.

"Oh, do you want help? I can come over." Angela said hopefully.

I understood why as the wailing turned into screaming. Still, I had to make sure.

"Are you sure, might be a bit of work on a Sunday."

"No, no, it'll be fun, I'll get Jess as well."

"Cool, see you. Bye."

"Bye."

Jessica and Angela show up as I wrestle with my dresser to pull it out into the hall, my desk and chair are already pushed against the hallway, leaving a narrow path to the bathroom. I trip my way down the stairs to open the door for them.

"Thanks for having us over, Bella." Angela smiles at me, "the twins were driving me crazy."

"Yeah I heard." I snort.

"Don't know what you complain about Angie, the twins are so cute!" Jessica grumbles, "All I have is one older brother, who's sole purpose I life is to prank me."

At least, yours don't abandon you without saying goodbye, I think.

I toy with the idea to ask them about last night. Was I the only one to hear His voice? Surely they would have said something if He was really there? But I have seen vampires move at impossible speed. It was dark, with only parts of the street illuminated with lamps. But Angela could have heard something. Then I remember their faces from last night, scared, Jessica minutes away from freaking out, and I decide not to bring the topic up again. I'll figure it out myself.

Half an hour later, we are giggling with bandanas on our hair, pushing furnitures about, dragging sheets around and generally making a mess. Between the three of us we cover the ground, ahem, the walls surprisingly quick. Angela finds my digital camera and proceeds to take shots of our paint splattered faces. For a blissful minute the jagged edges of the hole in my chest is smoothened, and I grin at the camera along with Jessica. Then I switch with Angela to take their picture.

We order pizza for lunch and collapse on the couch as the first coat dries.

"Where's your dad? Out fishing?" Jessica asks in between.

All the worry I had managed to keep at bay crashes onto me.

"No he got a call from Mark." I shake my head, "They found two hikers dead near Beaver Lake. Charlie has gone with him to investigate."

"Oh" Jessica fidgets, then bounces a little on the sofa. "Well, don't worry, Chief Swan is a tough guy. You won't believe the crush my mom had on him when they were in high school!" And then she launches into tales of her mother trying to woo Charlie, effectively distracting me.

They head back to their homes a couple hours before dinner. The room is painted, so are the furnitures. The window is open to let out the fumes. I feel too antsy to sit still, so in a fit of impulse, I paint the kitchen cabinet white with the left-over paint. But then I feel guilty, Charlie had kept everything just as Renee had left. But this is a house, not a shrine, It's been years and years. Charlie should move on already and date someone, I snort, pots and kettles and all that.

Finally the phone rings, my sheen bone collides painfully with the coffee table in my rush to answer the phone. I stumble and curse my way to it and pick it up.

"Hello, Swan Residence." I answer breathlessly.

"Bella, it's Charlie." He sounds exhausted.

"Dad!, what happened? Are you alright?" I whisper scream.

"Whoa Bells! I'm fine, I'm fine." There is a hint of a smile in his voice.

"Listen Bella, I think it's an all-nighter."

"Ohh" I breathe. He's not coming back today. "Are you-are you still on the trails?" Oh god!

"No, no Kiddo, I'm at the station. We'll do the reports and head out in the morning. Will you be alright by yourself?" Now he sounds anxious.

"Yeah, yeah I'll be fine. Just be careful, okay?" God knows if he had anything for lunch, "And get some dinner."

"Will do, you too." Charlie says. "Lock the doors before you go to bed."

"Will do, bye Dad."

"Bye Bells."

I eat the leftover pizza from lunch and curl up on the sofa. I think it's better not to sleep in my room today.