Disclaimer: Twilight Universe does not belong to me.
"So you and Jake, huh?"
I choke on my coffee. I never imagined Charlie will bring a topic like this up on his own, first thing in the morning too. But to be fair, I have been spending a lot of time with Jake, and he still has no idea about the bike.
"What! No dad, just, no." I shake my head between coughs.
Charlie looks a bit disappointed, huh?
"Oh, well. You guys seem to get along well, and Jake's a good kid." Charlie goes a little pink.
"No dad, Jake's cool. But I don't see him that way." I say firmly, as soon as I can stem the line of though, the better.
"Oh ok." Fortunately, he drops the subject.
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Not so fortunately, Jacob himself brings up the subject the next time he comes over for homework help. We get our homework done and are taking turns on the tire swing in the backyard that Charlie hung when I was eight.
"Any plans on Saturday?" Jake asks during a lull in the conversation.
"Um, I don't know." I shrug, "Haven't thought about it yet."
"Wanna go for a movie?" Jakes gets off the swing, not looking at me. "But we just went one week ago." I kick off the ground.
"Yeah, but we could watch something new, have dinner out." Jake mumbles, his eyes on his toes, busy drawing a furrow on the ground.
Uh oh. I stop the swing, "Like- like a d-date?"
Jake doesn't answer. "Jacob Black? Are you asking me out?"
"Maybe?" Jake still doesn't look up, "I thought you liked hanging out with me." He sounds a bit insecure, it forcefully reminds me that he's only sixteen. It's easy to forget when you look at him towering over all the boys and men you know.
"I do Jake." I say gently. "You are my second best friend. Angela is the first, sorry." Jake snorts despite himself. I give him a brief smile, but continue, "Thing is, I don't think we should date."
Jake opens his mouth to protest. But I raise my palm in the age old hear me out gesture.
"Look, you are cool, I really like you. But I don't feel that way about you."
"Well, you could give it a chance." Jake gives me a pleading look.
"No Jake. It's not a good idea. I- I was dating someone, I think you already know." I can't bring myself to say his name.
"Yeah, Edward Perfect Cullen." Jake doesn't feel the same, obviously. I wince as pain stabs at my heart, but I try to shoulder on.
"Things ended b-badly." I swallow roughly, "And-and I am not ready for a relationship right now. I'm not emotionally available."
"That's bullshit, and you know it." His voice comes out cold. My head snaps up, my mouth hangs open, what the-?
Jake takes my silence as permission and continues, "He left you in the forest, Bella! Harry told Billy, when Sam brought you back, they thought-they thought, you were dead." His voice breaks in the end.
"Stop, Jake." I whisper, the inside of my ribcage feels hollow, as if I'm eroding from the inside.
"And here you are, pining after him. Don't think I haven't noticed, how you avoid saying his name. Are you waiting for him? Is that it?" He clenched his fist, trembling from head to toe.
I try to stand up, but it feels like someone has driven a knife through my heart, I sway, clutching the rope. "That's enough." I mean to say it sternly, but all that comes out is a gasp.
"Bella?"
The ground rushes upto my face.
"Shit! Charlie!"
Something hot envelops me. Everything goes dark...
"What did you do to her!"
"Nothing! I swear! We're just talking!"
Voices sound subdued and distorted. They float in and out.
"Bella? Honey, can you hear me?" Charlie sounds breathless with anxiety.
"Bella, can you open your eyes? I'm really sorry. I don't-"
"Jacob, shut up." There is a shuffling sound, then a door closes somewhere.
I'm lying on the sofa, feeling exhausted and groggy.
"Dad?" I call tentatively.
"I'm here. Bella? How are you feeling?" Charlie comes into view, his forehead creased with worry.
"I'm fine. What happened?" I look around.
"I don't know, Jake and you were talking and then Jake called me and said you fainted. What happened?"
"I don't know." I say, looking down in shame. This has never happened in front of an audience. I thought it was getting better, I thought I was doing better.
"I think you should see a doctor."
"Oh no, dad. I'm ok, really. I think I may have skipped lunch today. And I haven't been sleeping well recently." I make up quickly.
"Oh" Charlie frowns, hesitating, "you really should take better care of yourself, Bells." He doesn't sound entirely convinced, but the nickname tells me I'm off the hook, at least for now.
"I will dad, I'm sorry."
"Ok kiddo, you feeling up for dinner?"
"Yeah, give me a minute, I'll be up." Truth is, I still feel shaky. I'd like nothing more than to curl up on the sofa for hours. But after hearing that I have skipped lunch, there is no way Charlie will let me skip dinner.
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Jake sounds properly apologetic when he calls the next day.
"I don't know why I said those things. I'm really sorry Bella."
"I know. Look, can we talk about this? Without the tempers this time?" I sigh.
"Yeah, yeah. I'd like that. Can I see you on Saturday? We don't have to go anywhere, we can stay in and watch Kung Fu Hustle or something." Jake must be desperate if he's ready to watch Kung Fu Hustle again.
"Sure, I'll see you then." I drop the phone on my bed and get up to get ready for school, but then I remember that Charlie insisted yesterday that I should take it easy today and called the school and the Newtons that I'll not go today. So I have the day free with nothing to do. I have no wish to tell him that the fainting thing has happened before and I have just gotten up and continued what I was doing before.
So I putter around the house, make some headways into my essays. It's a nice day for a change. I spend most of the day in the backyard, taking some photos, reading, relaxing in general. Angela calls in the evening, I reassure her that I was feeling better and will be in school tomorrow.
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"Hey Bella!" Eric waves enthusiastically the moment I walk into the cafeteria the next day.
I wave back and continue on my way to join the queue.
"Hey guys" I greet as I reach the table with my chicken salad and apple juice.
"Guess what? There is a student art show in Port Angeles next month. Ang and I are thinking of submitting some photos, you in?" Eric almost bounces in excitement.
Hmmm, I do have some good clicks, I think…
"Yeah, sounds good. I don't know if I have anything good yet though. I haven't got a chance to develop my films." I say.
"Come over to my house sometime, Bella." Angela comes to the rescue, "We can develop the films and look though them together?"
"Thanks Ang, what're you doing on Sunday?" Hopefully I'll clear things up with Jake on Saturday.
"Nothing much, Sunday is cool. We can hang out." Angela gives me a big smile.
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Jake doesn't show up on Saturday. I hoped with Charlie being out on weekend duties, it will be easier for us to talk. I call his number.
"Hey Jake, it's Bella. Aren't you coming?" I cut to the chase.
"Hey Bella." Jake rasps.
"Jake? What happened? You sound terrible."
"Thanks, I think I'm coming down with something." He really did sound like it.
"Oh no, should I come over?" I pace the kitchen.
"No no, I don't know what it is yet. I'll get it checked out. Don't worry, I'll call you. Sorry Bella, I gotta go."
I open my mouth to reply, but he has already hung up.
Huh, that is weird. But I now that I think about it, he has been acting weird lately. I am feeling bit uncharitable about his behaviour the other day, I shrug, he will talk when he feels like it.
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Sunday I visit Angela at her basement. She always comes across as meticulous, so I'm surprised at the organised mess that's her studio. We have a lot of fun developing our films, I take the role of the assistant while Angela walks me through the steps with her usual calm competence. Working on the bike with Jake was a lot of fun, but working with Angela is good in a different way, it is relaxing and productive at the same time. Angela promises to shortlist some photos and bring them to school. We'll go though them along with Eric, finalise a theme and prepare a collection to submit.
She brings almost twenty photos the next day. Eric brings another fifteen, and they get into a heated debate about themes. Surprisingly, I feel myself drawn into the discussion. Finally we decide on a theme, perspective. They both seem happy with it, but we decide we still have some time, so we'll try to get some more photos and try to make a good series out of it.
I mull the idea over as I drive to the Newtons. They liked the photographs of the tide pools and the cliffs, maybe I can capture some forest scenes. My flashes back to the trail We used to walk behind my house, no, I shudder, I don't think I can go back to that trail ever again. But there is one other place which doesn't have bad memories, I can go to the meadow. No you can't, a part of me says, why not? I tell myself, the meadow doesn't belong to him. It might as well, the scared part of me answers, can I really go there alone and come back whole? I can and I will, I tell myself. I will not let him brand every beautiful memory with the devastation he has left behind. He doesn't own me, not anymore. Can I even find it? she asks, I'll never know until I try, I answer.
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I call Jake few more times during the week, I have half a mind to ask him to go with me. But he stops picking up calls, sometimes it goes to voicemail, once or twice Billy receives the calls and tell me that Jake is still unwell, and no I cannot come visit him.
I ask Charlie if he has heard anything during dinner. Charlie looks a bit uncomfortable.
"Um, I might have thrown him out of the house and toldhimnottoshowhisfacearoundhere." Charlie mumbles, I strain to hear him.
"What?" Then it dawns on me, "Oh no, dad, do you think that's why he won't talk to me? But he talked to me the next day and he didn't sound angry."
"Hmmm, well, he won't tell me what were you talking about or what happened before you fainted. And I was out of my mind with worry." Charlie shrugs apologetically.
"Don't worry about it dad." I tell him about our conversation.
"He had no right to talk to you like that." Charlie looks pissed off now. "I certainly feel better about throwing him out."
"No no, dad, Jake's cool, I guess he wasn't feeling well and overreacted." I try to appease him.
"Well, that may be so, but no one has the right to tell you how to feel about them. If you say you don't want to date someone, they should respect it, whatever the reason." Charlie emphasises with his spoon.
I feel a surge of affection for my father, "And I won't forget it, Chief." I toast with my water.
We finish dinner on a happier note after that.
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By Saturday, I feel antsy, my hands itch for my bike. I run for almost an hour, but as I sit for breakfast, a whole day yawns before me with nothing to do. So I make a snap decision.
"Hey dad, do you have work today?" I ask, buttering my bagel.
"Yeah I do" Charlie sighs, "What about you? Any plans today?"
"Yeah, I'm thinking of going hiking."
"Hiking?" Charlie frowns, "I don't think it's a good idea, Bella. People are reporting bear sightings, apparently a very large black bear has moved in from somewhere. You remember that hiking accident I went to investigate?"
"Uh huh" I nod.
"Well, couple more hikers have been killed. It's not safe to go alone."
"I'll ask Angela and Eric, and maybe Mike and Jessica." My leg bounces under the table.
"Oh, okay then," Charlie sounds reluctant. "keep your eyes and ears open, and don't forget the bear spray. I maybe late today, I'll text you."
"Ok Dad."
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'Heyyyy! You have reached Jacob Black. Leave me a message, and I will get back to you."
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"Hey Angela, this is Bella, how's it going?"
"Hey Bella, not much. Babysitting the twins. Mom's got duty today."
"Oh…" I trail off.
"Yeah, it sucks. But Ben's gonna come over," I can almost hear her smile. "We're gonna do some homework."
"Homework, sure, sure."
Gasp, "Bella!"
I laugh, it feels good. "Have fun, I'll talk to you later."
"We'll not- okay fine, I'll catch you later. Bye."
"Bye."
And there goes my hope. Eric's number goes to voicemail as well. I don't want to call Mike or Jessica. Mike seems to have gotten over his crush on me. Coupled with the fact that most of the time we work together in his store, we have started to get along fine. But Jessica is still a little insecure about Mike around me, and I had no intention of being the third wheel, which will surely happen if I invite them along.
What to do? What to do?
Another thought starts to bother me a little, do I really want an audience when, IF I manage to find the meadow? After the last fainting episode, surely Charlie will haul me to a doctor if he hears something like that happening again. And after what happened in Port Angeles, I don't want to freak out Angela or Jessica any further. Jake, I may have persuaded to keep it a secret, but not Angela or Jessica. They will be worried and there will be no stopping them.
Really, it was better all around if I went by myself.
Thus convinced I rush to get ready, I have no intention to stay out after dark and the days are short. I pack my camera, lenses, water bottle, bear spray, a couple of energy bars in my backpack and start my truck. I am pleased to find that I remember the place pretty well, despite my sieve-like memory, and have no trouble finding the mouth of the trail.
I park the truck on the side, shoulder my backpack and start my trek towards the meadow. That proves to be difficult, although I don't have nearly as much difficulty traversing the trails as I had the first time. I lose my way a couple times, then I realise that I came here on a different time of the month, and I'm unconsciously trying to avoid remembering the first trek. After that it is easier and by midday I see the forest thinning, and then there it is, only it looks very different from what I remember.
It must have snowed here, because all the wildflowers are gone, in its place there are only grass, that too looks like they have been burnt. My throat went dry, no no no, I chant in my head, this isn't happening. How ironic that I would come all this way to make a symbolic gesture to move on and fate would play this trick on me. I sink to the ground, bitter and cold, I had worked up a sweat on my way here, and now it makes me shiver.
A sound reaches my ears from my right. My body goes taut, but I force myself not to make sudden movements, if it's a bear, it will only serve to anger it. I keep my sitting position beside my backpack and with movement as slow as I can make them, unzip my backpack halfway. Then I peer to the right through my hair and almost collapse in relief when I see it's not a bear, but a buck, taking turns in eating in the shadow of a tree at the edge of the meadow and watching me. My hands touch the camera instead of the bear spray and as he dips his head to eat, I adjust the lens and take a quick shot. He startles at first at the sound of the shutter, but surprisingly doesn't run. After sometime he resumes his lunch and allows me to take a few more shots.
Just as I relax and contemplate having my lunch of energy bar as well, the bucks head shoots up and he disappears in the foliage in the blink of an eye. I look up at the direction he was looking at. At first I can't see anything, and then a man steps out from the forest on the other side of the meadow. He isn't dressed like a hiker, nor is he carrying a backpack and as he steps into a shaft of sunlight, it becomes clear why.
He's a vampire, and not a friendly vampire at that. He was part of James' coven, what was is name? Laurie? No, Laurent.
"Laurent?" I breath. He of course doesn't need me to speak any louder. I blink and suddenly he is standing within a few feet of me. I have almost forgotten how disorienting it could be.
"Bella, isn't it?" He sounds friendly, "What a surprise! I came to visit the Cullens, but looks like nobody has been around for months. And here you are, all by yourself?" He almost sounds concerned, by I notice with horror that his eyes are burgundy. Not only he's on human diet, but he's hungry.
"Lie, Bella." I know, you moron, I suppress the urge to talk back to my hallucination.
"They had to move, you know how it is." I try to adopt a cheerful tone, as if I'm well used to the vampire routine. "What brings you here? Weren't you with the Denalis?" I feel grateful that I remember this tidbit that I only heard in passing.
He and Carlisle both decided Laurent to be the least threat. Jasper was in favour of destroying the whole coven, I wish they had listened to Jasper now.
"I was. Still am, I think. Although I may have to do something about the eyes before I go back." He winks, much to my dismay. "Actually I came here as a favour to an old friend. Victoria, you may remember her."
I do remember Victoria, the only female member of James' coven, but only vaguely. She had reminded me of a lioness with a mane. I nod in reply.
"She isn't very happy with you, you know." Laurent tells me, as if she's my boss.
"We do take death of our mates very seriously." He inspects his nails next. My throat goes dry.
"M-mate?" I try to swallow the lump beginning to form in my throat.
"Yeah, She is taking James' death very hard." Laurent sighs, "He was foolish to take on a coven of seven, gifted too. But none of that matters to a grieving mate, you know. All she wants is a mate for a mate, your life for James'" He shakes his head. "Besides, they aren't here now, are they?"
"Lie, Bella." My hallucination repeats, but I don't agree with them. Laurent knows they aren't around, lying will only make me look desperate.
"No, they are gone." My voice shakes despite my best effort.
"Strange thing," Laurent muses, "Why would the Cullens leave one of their own mates behind? Unless you are not. You really were some kind of pet of theirs, weren't you?"
I feel the sudden, irrational urge to punch him across the face. But that will do me no good, on the other hand…
"I guess" I try to shrug nonchalantly.
"Bella" my hallucination sighs, I ignore him.
"So you can tell Victoria, that I'm sorry for her loss," not really, "but killing me won't give her any satisfaction, the Cullens don't care enough to grieve for me."
"Perhaps." Laurent looks thoughtful. "But I have a better solution."
"You do?" I blurt out in confusion.
"Oh yes," He continues in the same friendly tone, "You see, neither James, nor Victoria ever listened to me that much, I was just the tag along." He gives a self-deprecating smile.
"I-I'm sure th-that's not true." I don't know why I am telling him this.
"Oh, it's quite true." He waves a careless hand, "they were mated pairs, James was a tracker, Victoria has evasion, me? I'm plain old Laurent. Anyway, so I don't think Victoria will listen to me. And you have no one to protect you, let's be honest. So it's not like it'll be difficult for Victoria to get a hold of you."
That is quite true, I think with rising horror.
"So, it's better for everyone really, for me to drain you here." Laurent finishes with the same friendly smile.
It cuts through my terror induced mental fog like knife through butter.
"Wh-what!" I stutter out feebly.
"Oh yes." He says with relish, "You have no idea, all the things Victoria has planned for you. I don't think your sanity can take it. With me? It will be practically painless, I'm not a messy eater, and you do smell so nice. You won't even feel it, no one will know." He assures me with a smile.
A/N: Finally, the supernatural catches upto Bella. What do you think?