Bo colors over the tattoo covering my forearm, her tongue peeking out as she traces her mother's name with a magic marker. I am impressed with her coloring within the line's skill.
"You know tomorrow is the first day of school." I say, trying to sound distract from the book I was holding, though I'm watching her from the side of my eyes.
"I know, Daddy." She doesn't speak, she sings. That is Bo's way, as was Bella's.
"We can't run away this year."
More for my benefit than hers.
"Yes, I know, Daddy."
She was entering first grade. We skipped Pre-K altogether after the first day fiasco and Kindergarten was much the same, though she had to go after a week of skipping, much to both our dismay. My mother held my hand as I let go of Bo's. I sat in my car in the parking lot the entire first week she finally stayed at school, getting out at recess to push her on the swing till the teacher chased me away, telling me I was making it harder on Bo. I left after she entered the building in the mornings after that.
This year there would be no skip days and no early days just to play.
First grade was a big deal.
"Aright, let's practice that French braid some more." I clapped my book shut and we turned around so that her back was facing me and she held up a phone with a tutorial video playing.
I should have been focused on work, but I could only wonder what my daughter was doing. Who was she playing with, were they being nice to her? Was she sad, was she having fun, did she miss me as much as I missed her?
She left with only a slightly off centered braid after four weeks of practice, a bright pink dress, electric blue leggings, and white fringed cowgirl boots. She had a style all her own and I hoped she always would.
"Ed." Emmett threw a balled-up piece of paper at me, bringing me out of my thoughts.
"What?"
"She'll be okay." He smirked, pushing a paper forward that needed my signature.
"I know." I muttered, absentmindedly signing my name without reading what it was.
"Don't forget about tonight."
"It's Bo's first day of school." I frowned.
"Your mother said she would babysit. You won't be leaving till she is bed anyway."
"If she wakes up and I'm not there…"
"Edward." Emmett spoke quietly, patiently. "It's only dinner. Eat some food, have some adult conversation, and go back home to your little girl. No pressure, no stipulations, and no expectation."
I didn't speak or look up at him, instead I focused on the dot I was creating with the pen till it broke the paper and left a hole in my desk.
My phone rang and I welcomed the interruption.
"Mr. Cullen, this is Mr. York, the principal. I have Bo here in the office, would you happen to be available to meet with us?"
"I will be right there." I got up from my desk and put on my coat. "I need to go to Bo's school."
"I'll see you tonight." A question as much as it was a statement.
I didn't respond but rushed from the room, getting to my daughter as quickly as I could.
When I got there I was ushered to a office with blue walls and commercial carpet. Bo was sitting in a chair against the wall, swinging her legs, her braid almost completely out. A boy was sitting beside her, also swinging his legs, but looking entirely too smug for my taste.
"Hey Ed." I turned to see Mike Newton was also in the room, sitting in a chair in front of a wooden desk.
"Mike."
"I'm sorry I called you both down here, but I thought it better that we sort it out quickly and amicably, given their age."
"What happened?" I asked, taking a seat after giving the top of Bo's head a kiss.
"I was informed by the playground monitor that she found Bo sitting on top of Chris, swinging both her fists at him while He tried to cover his face with his hands."
"My Bo did that?" I asked in shock.
"I did, Daddy." Her sweet voice rang out, calming my heart to hear how normal she sounded. "You always say to never allow a man to disrespect me. That man yanked on my hair, not once, but three times!" She said in outrage, holding up three fingers. "I asked him not to the first time," Holding out one finger, "and I warned him the second time" adding another finger, "and the third time I got off the swing and kicked his ass, Seabass!" She grinned, showing off all her teeth minus one single front tooth that had fallen out last week.
The principal made a noise, and I coughed to hide my embarrassed laugh. I would have to monitor our movie nights better, Obviously Jim Carey wasn't always the best role model.
"Well, he pulled her hair first." I shrugged, knowing it was not the correct response or example for Bo. "Sorry," I followed quickly "I will have a talk with her, as I am sure Mike will with Chris?" Turning my attention to Mike.
"Of course." He nodded, narrowing his eyes.
She finished her day after she and Chris apologized to one another and came home in the afternoon stating that they played together the rest of the day.
"I can do this." I told myself, tucking in my shirt and slipping on my shoes.
I avoided the dresser across the room at all cost, even when I could see it out of my peripheral vision in the mirror. A splash of cologne and I left. No final goodbye kiss for Bo for fear of waking her. No goodbye to Bella, something I did every other time I left my bedroom.
"I can do this." I repeated, parking my car and walking into the restaurant where Emmett, his wife Rose, and her cousin Jessica were waiting for me.
Emmett insisted it was not a date. It was dinner with friends, something I hadn't done in seven years.
Bo's seven, Bella. Can you believe it?
I felt a bit of panic as I was escorted to the table I saw them seated at, thanking the waiter as I took my seat.
"Edward." Rose smiled, leaning in to kiss my cheek and squeeze my arm in what I thought of as support.
She had been Bella's best friend and mourned over her almost as much as I had, though weeks later she was once more going out to eat, seeing friends, and visiting salons. I didn't resent her ability to overcome her grief, I didn't even wish that I could do the same. I was content to miss my wife, to grieve for her till the day I died. Now I knew how to put on a show for my friends and how to be a Dad for Bo, no matter how much I missed her mother.
I told Bo stories, every night I tucked her in there was a new one to share, to give her a glimpse into the life of the mother she never got to meet. I only hope I do well enough, she will never blame herself or even come close to similar thoughts.
"It's nice to see you Jess, you look lovely." I spoke without meeting anyone's eyes, I was on autopilot, focused on the drink list that stood in the center of the round table.
"I'm so glad you could make it." She responded.
Her voice was questioning, and I could sense her flashing Rose a confused expression.
They should have known better.
I wasn't ready for this, and I never would be. They can insist all they want that it isn't a date. Two men, two women- one of which isn't my wife. This was not where I wanted to be, and I was beginning to wonder why I even agreed to it.
I downed the gin and tonic that was placed before me, the lime leaving a slightly bitter taste on my tongue. I ordered another before the waiter could even walk away after delivering the first.
Five drinks later I saw Charlie enter the restaurant.
"Charlie!" I grinned, getting to my feet and following him out. "Bye Em." I called behind me without giving the three people watching me with a frown another glance.
I told them I wasn't ready.
Charlie didn't even need to be asked, he drove me through a drive- thru and sipped a milk shake while I ate three double cheeseburgers and a large fry. I gulped the last of the coke and leaned back with a sigh.
"Thanks."
He grunted, sounding amused, and drove me home. My mother stayed silent and I felt the look she was giving me. I peeked in on Bo, the sheep with a blue stain tucked under her arm, chest slowly rising as she slept, a nightlight shaping crescent moons and stars above her.
I grabbed Bella's urn and propped it on the pillow beside my own, vowing to wake and move it before Bo woke.
"I wont ever be ready." I whispered to her.
The computer is back, yay! Thank you for reading my late chapter! Fran worked her magic, as always!