We all wonder what happens after we die.
Do we just disappear from existence? All of our hard work and accomplishments gone away with us? Are there really a pair of pearly or golden gates waiting for us to be judged at their entrance? And would we be punished and sent to a Hell if the deity that controls that decision deems our decisions in our life to be not up to their standards?
These are the things that send me into an existential stasis before sleep takes me every other night. I try not to think about these kinds of things. I always start out thinking about more fun things like cute animals and rainbows.
No one likes to think about death. Myself included.
Unfortunately I found the answer a bit too soon for my liking.
It was an accident - a child actually, that caused my death. They were playing in the street as kids used to before all the iPhones and X-boxes. This day and age, it always seems like children prefer to attach themselves to fantasy and fabricated realities rather than real life. Can you blame them? Well, I should get back on track. Right. My death.
Well, to make a short story shorter, the kid wasn't paying attention, a truck was speeding down the neighborhood like someone who believes their fun is more important than the risk to another's life, I saw it, and I body slammed the kid to the other side of the street and out of the way. Just like in a game of marbles, my body stopped while her body absorbed my kinetic energy. There was no time for me to start moving again.
Right before I got hit I saw their dad running in our direction, his hand outstretched. He never would have made it.
I don't regret my decision.
The first thing I felt was my ribs snapping like shaved down toothpicks. Then multiple internal organs ruptured. My spine snapped, my legs were dislocated sideways, and my head hit the hood, which surprisingly hurt the least.
I couldn't even scream by the time my limp body slid into the pavement, my lungs were two of those organs ruptured. I was thankful that my spine snapping cut off all pain receptors in my body though.
It allowed my body to focus on shutting down in a way that let me go peacefully. The lights were shut off in my eyes, the blinds were dropped to cover my ears, and my body locked the door with a soft click and threw away the key.
The first thing I hear upon reaching Heaven is the chirping of birds. It's a very pleasant twitter that I easily found myself lulling towards. The more I listened the more I found the sound mixed with something a little softer, yet still audible. As I listened more intently, I became aware that I was slowly regaining the ability to feel and move my face once more. The scrunch of my eyebrows and eyelids were the first signs of this. I experimentally wiggled my fingers, finding a soft texture brushing against them dully. The secondary noise was molding into something recognizable and I internally quirked an eyebrow when I recognized it as music. And not just any music, but specifically the song I had been listening to right before I had pushed that girl out of the way.
You can feel the light start to tremble
Washing what you know out to sea
You can see your life out the window, tonight.
I winced as I cracked my eyes open, a glaring brightness left me shutting them tightly momentarily, opting to instead use my left arm and foot to push me over onto my side. I felt a dress and shoes I wasn't originally in brush against me. A breeze caressed over my exposed skin where they failed to cover me. I winced at the deep and overwhelming headache I got from the movement, and held still hoping it would just pass over. Doing so seemed to do the trick as I once again tried cracking open my eyes.
One after the other, I took in my new surroundings, considering I would assume that the neighbors would at least have the decency to take me to the hospital were I not already dead and in Heaven. It appeared though that I was shit outta luck when I saw that I was very much in a flower field on the outskirts of a forest, and not instead in the white, sanitary environment of a hospital room. It is odd to me though that Heaven looks a lot like Earth, though I guess that is kind of an unfair expectation since I never really believed in Heaven in the first place. I wasn't necessarily an atheist, but I also didn't necessarily believe that you were sent to heaven either. I liked to mix the science of the conservation of energy and the idea of rebirth. My theories and prior beliefs smashed into a million pieces aside, I have to say I definitely prefer this over many alternatives.
I took a moment to push away the many thoughts entering and leaving my mind at the rapid pace I was currently being afflicted with. Taking in a deep breath of the fresh air, I tasted a pleasant sweetness that reminded me of my home back in upstate New York. I was never one for the cities. I always felt so out of place in them, and the beautiful scenery and air easily placed a serene smile on my lips.
I looked down and lightly picked my phone off the ground and swept my thumb over the newly, but thankfully only slightly, cracked screen gingerly. I instantly noticed that something wasn't right when my thumb was half the size it was not too long ago. My hands weren't that large to begin with, considering people years younger than myself had hands larger than mine, but these were closer to the size of a three or four year old's. I flexed my minimized digits and determined that despite the slightly slower operating speed than my original ones, they worked and felt fine. I decided to ignore this strange change in lieu of wanting to look at the time and battery life left on one of my only sources of confirmation I was still me inside. That and proof I'd actually just come from the event of getting taken out by a truck.
My quick glance showed that I still had seventy-one percent battery and that it was still around ten in the morning. A quick glance at the positioning of the sun in the sky had me confused, though, at the accuracy of that. The sun was in the middle of the sky, the highest point. Shouldn't that mean it would be noon? Maybe ten is just when I died, and it's always noon in Heaven? Whatever, I guess it doesn't really matter in the end. I could just reset my clock accordingly if I really needed to. Though that also begs the question of how I'll charge it to even make use of its features. I think I'll cry if I'm cruelly allowed to keep my phone only to have it die so young like I did. I was only nineteen for god's sake.
The topic of my death back on my mind, I take a moment to wonder if I can still text from Heaven? It takes seconds to prove that I could in fact not send texts. I immediately got the 'message failed to send' alert and I couldn't help but sigh. Should've guessed. Before I could make any other thoughts or plans, a soft chorus of voices reached my ears and had me pausing.
Could these be angels, or even other denizens of Heaven? I await their approach since it seems like they're coming my way anyways. They seemed to be coming from the forest and definitely were getting closer to where I was. For some reason, the voices were also most certainly becoming less soft and angelic the closer they got. I could now differentiate that there were at least five different people and almost all of them were male.
"Boss did say this direction right? Should be around here somewhere…" "I don't see a damn thing. Not even a single blade of burnt grass! Are you sure this was where he said?"
"Hey you two, quit yer yappin'! The boss said it was this way so it's gonna be this way!"
I watched as the group emerged haphazardly from between the trees and foliage, trampling down the poor plants unlucky enough to be growing in their way. With each stomp and huff, I grew less and less sure of their good natures.
"Hey! What's that over there?"
"Looks like a girl, think she's what the boss sensed?"
"No idea but I say we bag 'er either way! Heheh!"
"I second that motion! Irzua?"
Most of the men looked like stereotypical thugs you'd come across in an alleyway. All of them had tattered clothes, broken or missing teeth, and a body covered in deep scars that spoke of fights they had in their pasts. The largest of the men was the first to spot me, most likely due to his stature and therefore ability to see me over the tall grass. Three of the other men were pretty average. There was one that was lanky and definitely leering at me in a way that sent shivers up my spine and caused bile to rise to my throat. Especially with the fact that I was now in the body of a small child. The only woman had yet to speak, and the way the lanky guy basically asked her permission to 'bag me', it was safe to assume that she was the ringleader.
She peered at me through thick lashes and dark eyeshadow, her blood-red eyes peeling me apart from the outside. I gulped in a way that I would laugh at myself for in any other circumstance, and began to speedily and messily come up with some sort of escape plan. If I take off now, maybe I can take them off guard and get away. That currently seemed like the best of my seemingly minimal options. My mind picked out the strapped knives and daggers, but I thanked all that was holy that I didn't see any sort of gun. Not that they couldn't be concealing one or multiple, but the way they're openly displaying their knives, I think I got lucky.
The woman seemed to sense my preparation to run, and smirked. That look spilled pure fear into my veins and it lent my body to make a decision for me. I turned on my heel and began to run as fast as my little legs in small heels could take me. I immediately heard shouts behind me and the unsheathing of weapons. This spurred me faster, but I winced at the sharp pain these new shoes put me in. I would have ripped them off if I felt I could spare the time to do so. Thankfully one of them was taken care of for me as a dagger flew past my ankle and sliced the strap. Unfortunately though, the sudden loss of my shoe threw me off balance and sent me to the soft earth. The sharp sting and new feeling of warmth dripping down my foot indicated to me that it hadn't only been the strap that was cut.
"Aghh!"
I tried to hold in my shout, but my body betrayed me and gave away my position completely. action didn't have me too worried about that though, since it seemed that they were not only very aware of where I was, but also that they were extremely accurate in their throws. They were basically ninjas! Or at least whoever threw that knife was!
"Now, now. We don't want 'ta hurt ya! Much! Hahaha!"
One of the three regular thugs was leaning over me with his gross sweat and dirt covered face. Quite quickly though he was shoved out of the way and into a nearby tree. I looked up at my savior with a smile, but lost it immediately when I saw it was the female leader that now hovered over me. Looking over at the guy she just pushed away, she sneered.
"Don't go being a gross jerk, Tur. If she's important to the boss, he won't want her damaged."
Without warning she reached out and snatched my arm tightly, hurting me slightly despite her remark about not wanting me damaged. I'm dragged behind her, tumbling to keep from falling over or twisting my ankle. She sighed irritably and stopped not even a full five steps before motioning to the largest of the gang. Wordlessly, he picks me up and holds me under a single arm. I struggle futility and shout out for help, but receive a hard few shakes that shut me up, as well as a slap across the face by the female. The combined assault stunned me into silence and stillness. Coming to my senses I begin to cry from the pain blooming on my cheek and remaining in my arm as well as from the situation I was currently in.
From the way of things, it was obvious that this wasn't heaven and these people were the farthest beings from angels. I don't think I was in Hell though, despite my current kidnapping situation. The forest and flower field were far too pretty and pleasant to be a feature of Hell. Knowing the uselessness of trying to struggle as I was not only outnumbered, outsized, and in a completely unknown area, I figured it was in my best interest to come quietly rather than sustaining further injury to myself for no reason other than the satisfaction of knowing I fought back.
"Well, that's better now isn't it? You learned your place quickly. That's a good pet."
I scowled at the woman for her words but said nothing to defend myself. It was useless anyways, she would probably just use whatever I said against me.
She kept her smile the entire way. I had no idea where we were going but as soon as I saw a large stone castle in the distance the answer was obvious. Past the guarded gate, in where I had the displeasure of meeting two more burly thugs, I was walked through the large, aged wooden double doors and into a large room that appeared to be a mix between a dining hall, a full liquor bar, and an area of general reprieve and chat space. Seems nice if it weren't full of men and women that looked like they wanted to eat me like a snack or use me as a punching bag or for some other unholy purposes that my mind wouldn't stop hinting at.
I was carried deeper and deeper into the castle, passing through countless halls and down lengthy corridors. Eventually, we reached what was obviously a throne room. I was tossed onto the floor unceremoniously, hitting my chin on the stone floor when my arm gave out from under me at the sudden drop. A small 'oof' escaped my mouth, and tears pricked back at my eyes. I was about to rub at the new injury when a soft, gloved hand beat me to it.
I looked up to see who was touching me and was met with a pair of brilliant blue eyes, a beautifully sculpted face, and a well-groomed head of auburn hair. A starry array of freckles dotted his cheeks- I had to shake my head free of his hand to snap out of whatever trance I was sent in at his good looks. I glared up at him with as much fierceness as I could muster. This was obviously the person in charge of my kidnapping. But it was strange, he couldn't have been older than twenty, twenty-five at most. He wore little to nothing in the form of exagantry either, other than the white gloves. Just a black turtleneck, pair of shiny, black pants, and a pair of leather boots with metal studs and heel. His muscles also made him appear a little above average in fitness, but nothing about him screamed 'guild master'.
"Hmm, such a scathing look doesn't belong on a beautiful lady such as yourself. Irzua, I presume you brought me this girl because she is the source of the disturbance?"
The girl dropped to a knee and bowed her head with her hand across her chest like a knight would. She definitely didn't look like one though. She looked more like an assassin with her dark leather suit and myriad of pockets and daggers covering her arms, legs, and hips. Not to mention her long, dark, straight hair and scary eyes. What human even had eyes like that? She had to be some kind of demon.
I hadn't even realized I was staring at her until she shot her gaze to me from the corner of her eye. The attractive redhead placed his hand atop the assassin girl in an affectionate head pat. Like one would give a dog or child they were proud of. This guy looked way too young to be her father, so I'm going to assume that she's the former.
He removed his hand and approached me with both hands behind his back. My first thought was that this was a great position from which to punch him in the balls. My second thought was that I unfortunately treasure my seemingly second chance at life too much to do so. He maintained his smile, leaning down to peer closer at me, taking in seemingly every aspect of my physique without touching me. Guess he just as well cherishes his fingers.
"Strange. She physically appears no different than any regular little girl, yet I clearly sense the same energy from her as I sensed from the disturbance before. Tell me, my lady, what makes you special?"
Oh, you mean other than having just died, gotten turned into a little girl, changed into an uncomfortable frilly dress and shoes, and getting yeeted to a field of flowers next to a forest like some magical fairytale princess? Not much.
"Nothing I'd tell you about."
He chuckled and I started to feel uneasy at the realization of the obviously forced nature of his pleasantries.
"Well, to be perfectly honest, you can either tell me, or have terribly painful things done to you until you tell us or we find out for ourselves. If we do determine though that you are just a normal little girl, trust when I say you will be deemed useless and dealt with accordingly."
That false smile sent a panic into me so strong I almost spilled my guts about the nature of my happenstance then and there. I didn't even want to know what 'dealt with accordingly' meant. If I were lucky I would guess death. But I wasn't sure and that scared me almost more than being told straight up that they would kill me. My imagination was most certainly my enemy at the moment.
"We also found this in her pocket, Sir."
I watched with wide eyes as my phone and headphones were handed over to the evil man in front of me. The venomous smile he directed towards me had me more nervous than even the thought of getting beat down or killed. That was the last tether to my previous life he was holding in his velvet grip.
"Mhhm, and now what's this here? Could this perhaps be some form of new rectangular prism communication lacrima? It doesn't appear you have taken very good care of it though."
He ran his gloved thumb over the cracks on the screen as I had, but I was more focused on the words that had just left his mouth. Communication lacrima? That couldn't be right. I've only ever heard of that from an anime I never even ended up finishing back when I was still in high school. I didn't have the chance to ask about it as a head nod later I was picked back up. I was carried back down the hall we'd come from and down a separate corridor darker and much smellier than any of the others we'd passed before. As we got closer, my fear increased exponentially. I could recognize the odor of death. The farther down the hallway we went, the worse it got, and I had to hold back the bile that burned my throat with choked gags. It took so so much effort, but the last thing I wanted was to make everything worse for myself by covering myself in my own sick. Anything I did to make my situation worse they could use against me to get me to spill my secret and I did not want to know what would be done to me after they learned of that information. If they even believed me in the first place.
A line of metal prison doors were what made up the hallway we finally stopped in. I made a mental note that we had passed four doors before I was tossed into one that was notably empty. At least from what I was able to gather in the short burst of light that entered it from the hallway. The door was slammed behind me and I heard them all walking away with guffaws and bellows at my expense.
I felt the grimy floor beneath me and shivered at the gross damp feeling, wiping my hands on the fabric of my dress, caring less about soiling it further and more about clearing my skin from the foreign substance. I stood up, lamenting that despite it feeling awful on my hands, the damp floor actually felt nice against my single bare foot. I bent down and quickly worked on unclasping the shiny plastic, kid-sized Mary Jane, hoping to make use of it as a potential improvised weapon. The thing was pretty weighty, contrasting its size. I might be able to at least use it as a distraction if a single guard comes to my cell rather than the five that captured me. Crawling around the dark space, I traced the rough stone walls for any other feature I couldn't see in the suffocating darkness. My search became much more frantic and tears started to pour down my face in thick drops as I continued to find nothing that might aid my escape. Just as I was about to start wailing on the door with my tiny fists, a small voice echoed out through the darkness.
"Shh, please! If they hear you cry they'll come in and beat you."
The words did quite little to stall my tears, but the knowledge that there was another little kid down here too helped switch my mind into protective mode rather than only fearing for myself. I scrambled up to the wall closest to the voice and whispered back waveringly.
"H-how many more kids do they have locked up here?"
Actually taking a moment to listen, I could hear almost inaudible sniffles and shifting against the ground.
"Around eleven. At least that was before they took Mitsu. She hasn't been back down in a while, so she's probably dead."
My heart clenched at the defeated sound in the decidedly male boy's voice.
"Don't worry, I'll do everything I can to help you all get out of here!"
I heard him scoff and presumably roll over.
"That's what she'd said too."
Tense quiet followed after and I quickly shut my mouth. What could I say to that? That I won't fail like his obvious friend did? That would be inconsiderate to many degrees. I shook my head and opted to instead give the lost girl a moment of silence.