Dear Bella,
I like to think you already know what I am going to write to you- that you are above, watching over us. So I want to say as you may know, Bo and Chris Newton have been going steady for a year now. I had to stay upstairs and listen to them celebrate downstairs after I made it clear I wasn't leaving the house.
She cooked dinner for the two of them, though before he arrived, she brought me a plate of my own with a sheepish smile. She was awfully proud of the meal she had prepared all on her own for the very first time. It was baked ziti and a side of salad. I taught her your trick of roasting a bulb of garlic to add to the sauce and have it simmer as long as possible. Since early morning, the house smelled of caramelized garlic and onion, and my stomach rumbled like it used to when you made us pasta.
I watched as she changed her clothes three times, settling on a simple, light pink dress and white sweater. She was messing in her jewelry box, and I decided I would give her your pearls, early. I was saving them for graduation, and though I may not like the idea of her being so serious with a boy, it felt right.
My heart hurt, turning the key to your jewelry case, opening it, and smelling the lavender you had in a sachet inside the door. The pearls hadn't been touched since you hung them up after wearing them last. My fingers traced the circle of them, the coolness turning warm by the third time around. I wanted it to be you who warmed them, having them lay against your collarbone, one that I use to kiss, before unclasping them so they wouldn't break as we made love.
I had to remind myself this wasn't for me; this was for Bo.
I remember hearing a saying that pearls lose their luster if not worn.
She knew about them; knew that there was a handful of nice jewelry waiting for her, but had never asked for any. She was mature enough to wait until I thought she ready… till I was ready.
She was a vision, and the love she had in her eyes when she answered the door for Chris hurt. She isn't my little girl anymore; she is a young lady. I don't know what I am going to do when she leaves home. I have focused my all on her, given her all my attention. I am already dreading my quiet nights, my dull days with nothing to look forward to…
I listened in bed with the door open as the kids had dinner together, talking softly and stealing kisses they didn't think I would know about. I couldn't stop myself from checking on them when it grew quiet and watched as they held hands, Chris's thumb gliding gently over her knuckles. He looked at her in such a way that I instinctively knew it was not just a high school romance. There was something more to it, and it scared me. I wasn't afraid for Bo, for she is stronger than anyone I have yet met, but for the boy who reminded me of myself.
He looked at her, how I use to look at you.
I want Bo to know the kind of love I felt for you, but I never want someone to know the pain I have felt since you left.
He was respectful, I didn't spy the entire time, but I checked on them occasionally. I watched as he kissed her goodnight. Half of me wanting to be happy they were in love in a way that happened only when you were this young, and the other half wanting to pull her away and remind her she was my little girl.
How I wish you were here holding my hand, telling me she would be okay, that he would be okay. Young love was meant to happen, and even if it didn't last forever, they would be okay.
I want to know that I will be okay when she leaves, for I won't hold her back.
I miss you in these times, more than others because I have never stopped missing you.
I love you, forever.
Always yours,
Edward
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