Dear Bella
Bo has been gone for almost three months, the first was the worst. I saw her old running shoes kicked carelessly near the porch door, left there after her last run, as if awaiting her return- much as I was. They still sit there, untouched.
I knew it would be hard, but I hadn't counted on how much so.
Emmett and Rose are busy with their new little one. I've had dinner with them a few times since Bo left, it helps fill the void. A few other nights, your dad and I have sat on the porch and watched the stars. Not a lot of conversation, but the company is nice.
Bo was calling once a day, after the first week her work-study grew, and I hear from her every Saturday or Sunday. She seems content. She has never had a problem with schoolwork and seems to have made friends quickly. She doesn't have an issue telling me she has to go when there is a party going on, or she is headed out for the night. She is close to home, but I have kept the promise to myself not to show up unless she has otherwise invited me. I haven't even done a drive-by, something I was sure I would end up doing before the end of week two. Charlie must have sensed as such because he showed up with pizza and beer.
Your dad and Emmett have been good distractions, but it still leaves nights that are quieter than I am used to. It makes me wonder more so than naught what it would be like if you were here with me. Would we have had more children to keep us occupied, or would we have been enough for each other? The idea of coming home from work to you, sitting at the kitchen table and eating dinner together, talking about our days. Sometimes I imagine it so much; it feels as if you're sitting across from me as I ate.
There were only one or two nights that I drank and laid in bed, imagining you beside me so clearly it was if you were there. I want to think maybe you were, because there are also a few nights I wake up, and your image is fading away from your spot on the bed. Your soft smile is always present, encouraging.
Though I look forward to being with you once more, I am eager to see where life leads our daughter. Your images do more than just give me comfort; they give me the strength to continue for Bo, to be the best parent I can be.
I cannot deny I miss you, I will always miss you, but I am thankful to be here too, to be Bo's dad. She doesn't need me as much as she used to, but I most certainly need her. Even though it's painful without you, I choose to be here for our daughter, and I know in my heart that you would agree with my choices.
I love you, Bella.
Always yours,
Edward
Thank you Fran for all of your help and wonderful skill, and to all my readers- you all encourage me to keep going!