A/N: And here, we finally have another chapter for "The Loud House Rewrite" ready. :)
The Loud House (Rewrite)
Chapter 3: Get the Message
It all started while Lincoln was playing a VR game where you fight zombies with breakdancing.
"Take that, zombie! Feel my twerk, you evil jerk!", Lincoln shouted while twerking, killing zombies, and even doing a pelvic thrust before he continued to breakdance while going upstairs and doing more moves in the hallway before entering one particular room.
"Lincoln!", Lori growled before he took the goggles off and saw her making an angry expression at him, making him scream.
"There's only one rule in this house: Stay out of my bedroom! If I catch you in here again, I will literally turn you into a human pretzel!", Lori threatened before then going back on the phone.
"No, not you, Bobby.", Lori spoke before giggling.
"One sec, okay?", Lori spoke before promptly kicking Lincoln out of her room before he put his goggles back on and continued to dance the zombies away.
"Oh, yeah!", Lincoln shouted before going to the bathroom and realizing what he's doing in there.
"Zombies don't need to see this.", Lincoln spoke before he took the goggles off and set them on the sink only to hear a knock on the door.
"Occupied!", Lincoln spoke before the knock turned into a pounding, annoying Lincoln.
"I can't believe some...", Lincoln murmured before he answered the door to see that Lori was there on the phone.
"Bobby, you'll never guess what Whitney said to me today.", Lori spoke over the phone.
"That you don't respect a man's privacy?", Lincoln retorted before Lori ignored Lincoln and kicked him out.
"No, silly! Not even. She was all like...", Lori began before Lincoln then went to his room and realized something.
"Oh no! My gaming glasses!", Lincoln shouted before he rushed to the bathroom only to be stopped by Lola and Lana, who are dressed in some kind of authority attire, complete with shades.
"No running in the hallway!", Lana ordered.
"Huh? What are you talking about?", Lincoln asked.
"Lana, is this maggot giving you lip?", Lola asked as she wrote Lincoln up.
"We're the new hall monitors at school, so we're practicing at home.", Lana responded before she and Lola gave him a ticket with a piece of gum on the back of said ticket.
"If we catch you speeding again, you're going downtown! We already locked up Luan for telling bad jokes.", Lola warned as she revealed Luan in a cardboard jail cell.
"Hey! Did you hear the one about the thief who stole a calendar? He got twelve months!", Luan joked before laughing to a rimshot.
"Get it?", Luan asked.
"That's five more minutes, dirt bag!", Lola shouted.
"Okay, okay. I'll walk within the speed limit. I swear.", Lincoln assured.
"NO SWEARING!", Lana shouted before the twins left for their room/office while Lincoln went to the bathroom and found one critical thing: his goggles have been totaled.
"Someone stepped on my glasses! NOOOOO!", Lincoln shouted.
Since Lori kicked him out when he left them in there, he figured she was somehow behind this, so he ran out of the bathroom and saw Liberty and Liberet before heading for them.
"Where's Lori?!", Lincoln shouted angrily.
"You didn't see her? She just ran downstairs in a hurry.", Liberty responded before Lincoln ran downstairs and got out just in time to notice that she left in the family van.
"LORI! YOU DIRT BAG!", Lincoln shouted before going back inside.
Later, Clyde, Liberty, Liberet, Addison, and Brenna were just told the story of the incident, but not before the latter introduced herself.
"Hi, I'm Brenna Noel, and I'm not only Liberet's best friend, but I'm aslo her best girlfriend, believe it or not.", Brenna introduced before the show continued.
"One minute I'm electric-sliding with the undead, and the next…, it's all Lori's fault!", Lincoln groaned angrily, tossing aside his broken goggles before Clyde caught them only to fall off the bed.
"Wow. That's harsh.", Brenna spoke.
"Oh, so that's why you were so tense earlier.", Liberty realized.
"I can't believe it!", Clyde spoke, holding the broken goggles.
"I know! She didn't even say sorry!", Lincoln responded.
"No. I can't believe these were touched by Lori's beautiful tootsies...", Clyde responded as he cradled the glasses, lovestruck.
"Get over yourself, Clyde. She clearly doesn't feel the same way for you.", Addison spoke, making Clyde groan a bit sadly.
"Thank you, Addison. Anyway, Lori's a monster! All she cares about is talking on her stupid phone!", Lincoln continued.
"Actually, all she cares about is Bobby. She does have a thing for him. Point is, she might've been so busy, she didn't notice where she stepped until it was too late.", Liberty responded.
"Yeah. She might've done that by accident and wanted to make up for that. That's probably why she ran off quickly the way she did.", Liberet guessed.
"Yeah. Maybe she didn't see it.", Brenna agreed.
"Oh, yeah? How do you know?", Lincoln asked.
"Dude, we were there when she ran off. How else would she be able to guess what happened?", Liberty responded in retortion.
"Doesn't matter, because I'm going to give her a call she'll never forget...", Lincoln spoke.
"And what kind of call is it gonna be?", Brenna asked as Lincoln looked in his drawer and pulled out a sheet of paper before showing it to his friends and sisters.
"'Why 'blank' is the worst sister ever'?" How long have you had that?", Liberty asked.
"I knew this would come in handy someday. I just didn't know which sister would be getting it.", Lincoln began as he wrote Lori's name in the blank.
"But you, Lori Loud, have made my decision very easy.", Lincoln spoke evilly before dialing Lori's phone number on his duck phone.
While Lincoln was waiting, Luna and Logan were jamming together and riffed to the last note of Lori's ringtone.
"Agh. Must be charging her phone. No worries. I'll just leave it on her voicemail.", Lincoln spoke impatiently.
"Hey, this is Lori. You know what to do.". the voicemail spoke before a beep sounded.
"Hey, Lori. It's your dear brother, Lincoln. There's something I've been meaning to tell you. You are...". Lincoln began before quickly going into a blindingly raging rant about Lori just as Luna and Logan came into his room and rocked out to censor the harsh and foul message for any profanity it may contain, all the while Clyde watched in despair as his dream girl is getting roasted as the rest only looked on in shock and disapproval as Liberty just shook her head before Luna and Logan finished up.
"And that is why you are the WORST SISTER EVER!", Lincoln shouted before hanging up.
"What do you think, guys?", Lincoln asked.
"Dude. Seriously.", Liberty scolded before Clyde fainted.
"I don't know what's worse, that vocabulary you used in that harsh message or how loud that jam Luna and Logan just played.", Brenna commented before Lori entered.
"Hey, bro. I just wanted to say I'm so sorry I stepped on your stupid toy. So, I went out and bought you a stupid new one.", Lori responded.
"You did what now?", Lincoln asked, surprised at her generosity.
"Also, I'm very impressed you didn't freak out over this. Very mature.", Lori spoke as she handed him the new glasses.
"Yep. That's me. Mr. Mature.", Lincoln responded with a nervous laugh before Lori left with Lincoln then realizing he made a terrible mistake and closed the door.
"We did try to tell you before.", Liberet spoke.
"What have I done? I called Lori a devil when she's actually a sweet angel. What am I gonna do?!", Lincoln asked.
"We tried to tell you it was a misunderstanding, but no. You just had to vent your frustration in a harsh voicemail message to her. You made your bed, so now, you have to sleep in it.",Liberty responded.
"if it makes you feel better, though, it doesn't seem like she got the message yet. She doesn't even know about it.", Liberet assured.
"You're right! Lori clearly hasn't listened to the voicemail yet, or I'd be a human pretzel. We gotta delete the message!", Lincoln spoke.
"Correction: you gotta delete the message. We, on the other hand, are sitting this one out.", Liberty responded.
"Guess it's just you and me, Clyde.", Lincoln sighed.
"Huh?", Clyde puzzled before falling over.
"Good talk.", Lincoln responded.
Later, Lincoln and Clyde were peaking out the door and noticed Lola and Lana tracking a trail of poop that lead from Lynn and Lucy's room to Luan and Luna's just as Lori locked up her room and entered the security password before leaving.
"Perfect! Lori doesn't have her cell which means it's still in there charging. Our mission is to infiltrate her room and delete the message before she gets back.", Lincoln spoke.
"But Lori's room is off limits.", Clyde stated.
"I know. That's why I need you to be a lookout for her.", Lincoln responded.
"That's easy. I'm always on the lookout for Lori.", Clyde assured.
"Then let's do this!", Lincoln spoke before he and Clyde fistbumped for luck.
Then, Clyde snuck in through the hallway like a bunny.
"In position.", Clyde spoke over the walkie talkie.
"Roger that.", Lincoln reported before peeping out the doorway only to spot Lola and Lana inspecting the ground.
"I know poop when I see it, and that's definitely some poop.", Lana stated.
"Drat! The po-po! I can't go through, so I'm gonna have to go over!", Lincoln spoke before he put on his gray stealth hat and snuck by while the twins checked the sound he made only to see he's nowhere, although actually hiding up on the top of the doorway before he tossed a hamster treat that Geo went after in his hamster ball.
"Hey, fur ball! No speeding!", Lana shouted before she and Lola chased after Geo.
"Hey! What did we just say? Get back here!", the twins shouted before Lincoln then snuck into the vent.
"I'm in.", Lincoln spoke before Clyde then presented a schematic of the house.
"Great. Proceed two clicks north, hook a left, and you should be right over the target.", Clyde instructed before Lincoln headed down that pathway.
"I've got eyes on the package.", Lincoln spoke before he let loose a rope from the vent and slid down inside before finding Lori's phone still charging.
"Lincoln! Lori's coming!", Clyde reported.
"You're going to have to stall her!", Lincoln instructed.
"Roger that...", Clyde understood before drawing a mustache on his upper lip with a marker and tearing off his shirt, revealing a white tux underneath it before acting so suave as Lori approached.
"Hey, beautiful, you take these stairs often?", Clyde asked before Lori suddenly threw her arms around him and swooned.
"I will now...handsome~...", Lori responded before winking to him.
Lincoln then grabbed the phone from its charger and started playing the message.
"Hey, Lori. It's your dear brother, Lincoln.", the message spoke before Lincoln then deleted it.
"Message deleted.", the phone spoke before he put the phone back and snuck out with a tug on his rope, which then let him back up before Lori entered.
The whole event turned out to be just a dramatization of his plan.
"And that's how we're gonna do it!", Lincoln responded.
"I love it! Especially the part where I get to talk to Lori.", Clyde grinned before he started applying perfume onto him, making Lincoln cough.
"Is that perfume?", Lincoln asked.
"Yeah. It's my Nana's.", Clyde responded.
"Here are the blueprints for the vents.", Lincoln responded before handing Clyde a drawing of them with some blots of ketchup all over it.
"Are these food stains?", Clyde asked.
"I eat ketchup-sandwiches while I floor-plan.", Lincoln explained before he heard a door opening.
"Quiet! Lori's coming!", Lincoln whispered before Lori got out of her room, closed the door, locked it, and entered the security password before leaving just like in the dramatization.
"Okay, let's do this.", Lincoln spoke.
Later, Clyde hopped over to the position from the dramatization before speaking to Lincoln through the walkie talkie, only for it to come out too loud.
"I'M IN POSITION!", Clyde shouted, causing a loud feedback on the other end which knocked Lincoln back.
"Roger that.", Lincoln responded before seeing Lola writing Lily up for not wearing her diaper.
"No, I can't let you off with a warning!", Lola spoke before Lily laughed.
Then, Lincoln snuck by like before only for Cliff to get on his hat and start padding it, forcing Lincoln to shoo him off only for the cat's tail to hit his nose, prompting him to stifle a sneeze with his finger, making him sigh in quiet relief.
"Next time, remember. This is a mandatory diaper zone!", Lola advised.
At that point, Lincoln realized that her used diaper was not far behind, noticed it, and nearly threw up, the sounds of a near-barf struggle getting the twin guards' attention before he hid up the doorway, but his hands were covered in ketchup, causing him to slip.
"Gah...ketchup fingers...", Lincoln groaned a bit before the twins saw Lily crawling away.
"She's making a crawl for it!", Lana shouted before she and Lola chased after her with Lincoln barely managing to sneak into the vents.
"Clyde, I'm in.", Lincoln reported before someone suddenly spoke up next to him.
"Hey, Lincoln.", Lucy greeted, surprising Lincoln as he screamed.
"Lucy! What are you doing in here?", Lincoln puzzled.
"I come here to think. I actually just wrote a new poem called 'Ventilate'.
Inside the wall I choose to be alone If I ever get stuck Please listen for my moan.", Lucy responded, making Lincoln nervous.
"Riiight.", Lincoln spoke before laughing a bit nervously.
"Clyde, get me to Lori's room, now.", Lincoln urged as he crept away from Lucy.
"Go three clicks, and a right. Or was it three rights and a click? Wait. What's a click?", Clyde puzzled as Lincoln was crawling around.
"Never mind. I think I'm there., Lincolns poke before falling through the vent hatch and slipping just in time for Lucy to catch him before he could hit the bathroom floor.
"Hey, Lincoln.", Lucy greeted.
"Phew. Thanks, Luce.", Lincoln sighed in relief.
"Lincoln! Everything okay?", Clyde asked as Lincoln noticed the radio in the toilet before he swung and plunged the radio out.
"Yeah, Clyde. Everything's perfect.", Lincoln spoke as he groaned at the soggy texture his radio has been contaminated with.
Later, after more vent excavations.
"I've got eyes on the package.", Lincoln assured.
"Package? What about Lori's phone?", Clyde asked before Lincoln only facepalmed himself and entered Lori's room via a red rope, which apparently seemed to be coming undone.
"Clyde, what kind of rope is this?", Lincoln asked.
"Cherry licorice rope.", Clyde responded before Lincoln screamed and thudded onto the floor, which prompted Lori to go upstairs to check it out.
"Lincoln! Lori's coming!", Clyde urged before then speaking in a suave tone.
"Don't worry, I'll stall her.", Clyde assured before drawing a fake mustache on his upper lip and trying to rip his shirt off with little to no success before just taking his shirt off and approaching Lori only to be stunned by her beauty.
"What?", Lori puzzled before Clyde, due to his shyness, suddenly got a major nosebleed resembling two twin red waterfalls.
"Ugh! Gross!", Lori exclaimed as she then ran to her room.
Lincoln was just about to delete the message when he heard Lori about to come in before she entered and looked around with a displeased look on her face, thankfully not knowing that Lincoln was hiding under her bed.
However, Lori kicked off her shoes right under them and they hit Lincoln in his face.
"Ugh!", Lincoln grunted before quickly shutting his mouth.
When he did, Lori suspiciously checked under her bed before noticing one crucial detail in her life.
"So, this is where all my shoes are.", Lori spoke as she saw all her shoes and boots under her bed.
Thankfully, Lincoln had escaped her line of sight and tried reaching for the phone, but Walt perched right onto it and bit Lincoln's finger, making him hold in his yelp of pain just as Lori's phone finished charging.
"Finally.", Lori spoke before she then took her phone out of its charger.
"Ooh! New messages! I'm so loved!", Lori grinned as she left.
Things were looking very bleak for Lincoln.
"Mission is compromised! The package is on the move! Clyde? Clyde! Do you read me?!", Lincoln shouted as Clyde apparently had his nostrils covered with tissues to clear up the bleeding just as Lori passed by, listening to the messages she got.
"Hey, babe. It's Bobby. Do you think we'll always be together?", the 1st message spoke.
"Aww! Totes saving that one!", Lori spoke as she saved it before Clyde fainted again.
"Hey, babe. It's Bobby again. Should our couple name be Bori or Lobby?", the 2nd message asked.
"Saved.", Lori grinned as she saved it before Lincoln hurried to try to stop Lori from getting to his message only for the twins to stop him.
"We warned you, dirt bag!", Lola shouted.
"It's the clink for Linc!", Lana added.
"Look! Luan's making a jailbreak!", Lincoln shouted before the twins turned around with Lincoln making a break for it downstairs.
"Hey!", Lana shouted.
"Oh, forget that bum. He's out of our jurisdiction now.", Lola spoke.
"Yeah. Let's get doughnuts.", Lana agreed before she and Lola head out for a doughnut break.
Meanwhile, Lincoln got downstairs just in time to find out that Lori is already starting to listen to his hateful message.
"Hey, Lori. It's your dear brother, Lincoln.", the message spoke.
"Lori! NOOOOO!", Lincoln shouted as he leapt up toward her in slow motion before landing on the couch at normal speed.
"There's something I've been meaning to tell you. You are...", the message continued as Lincoln looked on in horror.
But before the rant can begin, Lori deleted it just in time.
"Ugh! Delete! Lincoln, there are two rules in this house: stay out of my room, and never call my phone! My voicemail is full enough without useless messages from you!", Lori spoke angrily.
"Gee, Lori, I'm sorry.", Lincoln apologized, sarcastically relieved before Lori calmed down.
"But, I'm gonna let it slide this time 'cause you were so mature when I broke your stupid toy.", Lori spoke in a calm tone.
"Yeah, right. That's me. Mr. Mature.", Lincoln responded with a sheepish chuckle before Lori finally got a call and answered it.
"Bobby. Only 12 messages today? I thought you cared about me.", Lori spoke as she went upstairs with Liberet, Liberty, Addison, and Brenna coming downstairs as Lincoln sighed in relief.
"I hope you learned your lesson in all this.", Addison spoke.
"Yep. Next time I have a problem with one of my sisters, I'll just talk to them instead of leaving a message or writing a nasty letter.", Lincoln responded before realizing something.
"Speaking of which, where is that letter?", Lincoln asked as he looked around for it but couldn't find it.
"Good. And just to be sure…", Liberty responded before she took out the letter.
"You found it?", Lincoln asked.
"You left it in the bathroom. But now that this whole mess is over, I say 'good riddance'.", Liberty replied before quickly tearing it up into pieces.
"Well, since this is all over, what do you plan on doing now?", Liberet asked.
"Well, it's time to do the official dance of the Loud House: the Running Man!" Lincoln responded before he put on his new game goggles and started dancing away.
A/N: And all's well that ends well, this time. Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta get something started so's I can finish it. Until next time. :)