Angel Flying Too Close To The Ground – Part 3

"I told you that leaving the room was a bad idea," said Clay in a tight voice to his mother when she and Lily paused apprehensively in the nursery doorway. "It's not humanly possible for Logan to be fine right now, it's just not!" The infant was red-faced and screaming as if he was being tortured and the two women watched his distress in dismay. Clay held his son against his shoulder, rubbing his back and shushing him desperately. "I know the feeling, little man, believe me." When he had paced the length of the nursery a few times to no avail, he stared desperately at his mother. "Any bright ideas?"

Marie shook her head regretfully, but Lily stepped slowly forward. "What about a scent? Did Sara have a regular perfume or something? We could put a few drops on his blanket."

"That is a brilliant idea, love," said their mother approvingly and both women watched Clay's thoughtful expression curiously. "Well?"

"Jasmine," he said slowly at last; "I got her a bottle of jasmine perfume for Christmas when Logan was a month old. She used it all the time, I think that could actually work."

"Go and find it," Marie urged, reaching for Logan. "I have ways with this little angel, yes I do."

She settled the eight month old in her arms and he curled instantly against her chest and stopped screaming. Clay gaped at the sight for a moment, then swept hurriedly past his mother and out of the room before the pain simmering beneath the surface could explode. The master bedroom was just opposite the nursery and when Lily stormed after her brother, she found him standing in front of the sleek black dresser, fingering the bottle of perfume they needed. "You okay?" she asked softly, when it went without saying that he wasn't.

"Who am I kidding? I can't even calm Logan down, I'm useless." His trembling fist was clenched so hard around the perfume bottle, Lily was afraid he would shatter it with his bare hands.

"Clay, you are not useless!" she said firmly, prying the bottle gently from his grasp. "But we do kind of need this, ease up, okay?" He surrendered the bottle to her, but then sank onto the bed as if the world was wearing him down. Lily placed the bottle carefully back on the dresser and sat down beside him. "You really need to let yourself be upset. Keeping it inside isn't going to help anyone."

"I don't know how to let go, Flo," he choked. "We were supposed to have so much more time. Logan needs his mother…and so do I. If you make me cry right now I'll never stop, so please don't!"

"Nobody's expecting you to stop, sweets," she pointed out carefully. "Hell, I'm more surprised you're keeping it together at all right now."

"I'm really not," he said; "it just doesn't feel real yet, that's the problem. I keep feeling like this is a bad dream and I'm going to wake up soon." His eyes shone with unshed tears as he whispered; "I kept begging her to wake up, the whole thing just felt like a nightmare. How is this real life?"

"Life is kind of a bitch sometimes," said Lily sympathetically, knowing that on a normal day her frank quips could have made him laugh. "You're strong enough to get through this, ducky. I'm not going to let you forget that, ever." With that she finally pulled him to his feet and back towards the nursery; "We should get this to Logan," she said, clutching the jasmine perfume bottle carefully. "Come on."

By the time they got back to the nursery, Logan's agonized tantrum had subsided to slight whimpers. "Did you find it?" asked Marie quietly, swaying gently on the spot to keep her grandson calm. Lily held up the bottle triumphantly and slowly approached the infant, unscrewing the bottle as she went. Clay and his mother watched with bated breath as she squirted some fragrance onto the pale yellow baby blanket that had once belonged to her.

"How's that, Wolverine?" Lily cooed but Marie was staring anxiously at her son. Lily followed her mother's gaze and moved back towards Clay, wrapping him up in another hug for their mother's sake. "See? Crisis averted, I don't see any useless parents here."

"What's this about useless parents?" demanded Marie sternly, contenting herself with a disappointed glance at Clay when Logan stirred at her raised voice. "Honey, you look wiped out. I'll get Logan back to bed, please go and get some sleep."

"But Mom…" he began wearily, trailing off when Lily linked her arm through his, steering him forcefully to bed. "Flo, sleep is a super bad idea!"

They had reached the master bedroom again now and his sister was eyeing him disbelievingly. "How could sleep possibly be a bad idea right now? I for one am totally beat."

"Mom of all people should understand," Clay muttered; "when Dad died it was just me and her before you and Tuney arrived from England. She used to say the bed felt too big without him. Now I understand why."

"Oh Clay," Lily sighed and this time he didn't bother fighting it when she hugged him so hard, it was as if she was trying to glue the shattered pieces of his soul back together. "Would it help if I stay with you? You really need to sleep, somehow or other."

"You're kind of awesome," he said simply and she took it as a yes.

"I know," she joked half-heartedly. "I'll be right back, alright?" With that, Lily gently kissed his cheek and drifted out to the guestroom to change into her nightgown.

It was when he was standing alone in his bedroom that the weight of his memories made it feel like the walls were closing in on him. Clay closed his eyes, hoping that removing the bed from view would help, but the memories were sharp enough even without the bed in sight. "Wake up," he whispered, with no idea if he was trying to shake himself out of this nightmare or will Sara back to life with his sheer desperate need for her.

A strange sense of panic was tightening its grip on his heart and making it harder to breathe when the phone rang in the hallway. Glad for an excuse to tear himself away from the suffocating bedroom, Clay moved to answer it. "Hello?"

"Hi Clay," said a familiar British voice. "It's Jess, I hope it's okay that I'm calling now. I would have come in to say hi with Lily, but I figured Logan didn't need a stranger around tonight." Her voice was thick with emotion; "How are you holding up?"

"About as well as you from the sound of it," said Clay dully. "It just doesn't feel real. I almost envy Logan, he's still allowed to cry hysterically because he's only a baby."

"Who says you can't cry too?" said Jessica frankly and it was so typical of her that Clay felt his spirits lift slightly. Despite her own tumultuous relationship with Clay's room-mate Alex, Sara's wing girl had been the peace-maker in their group of college friends for as long as he'd known her.

"Did James put you up to this?" he asked. "I hope you're not still in cahoots with my brother-in-law, Jessie."

"Who says cahoots anymore? You insult me, Evans." She gave a shaky laugh; "My relationship with the Potters might go even further back than your sister's, but he didn't have to put me up to anything. I'm here for you, okay? We'll get through this."

"So Lily keeps saying," said Clay gloomily, but her affection warmed his heart anyway. "I-I don't really know what to say about any of this yet, but I'm really glad you're here. Thanks, Jessie."

"I love her, too," said Sara's former room-mate simply and that was enough to make countless flashes of their years at Duke together bubble to the surface. "Anyway, I just called to check in. Get some sleep, okay? I'll see you tomorrow, I promise."

When she had hung up the phone, Jessica paced back over to the single bed in her hotel room and tugged her laptop towards her. The memorial page on Facebook she had neglected to mention to Clay just yet was already getting hits, but Jessica just stared at the profile picture she had selected. It was one of the shots from Sara's wedding photoshoot and the pearl-string around her neck shone as brightly as her eyes. "It's not fair, bestie," the brunette whispered, trailing her finger across the screen. "So many people need you here." Staring at her best friend's happiest day captured for posterity, Jessica made a vow she hoped Sara could hear wherever she was. "If you could find a way to not let Clay hate me for this memorial it would be great. We won't let Logan forget you, I swear."

A / N The sadness continues, enjoy all! xx