AN - I couldn't resist getting this chapter written. The conclusion to the Fudge Kidnapping mini plot has been planned since almost the very beginning, and it made me laugh, even while I was writing it. I hope you all enjoy :)

Chapter 8

Loose Screws and Pink Onesies

Harry folded his ankles together, his hand tapping absently on the table. He was utterly relaxed, though he was getting bored and that could prove quite dangerous for all involved.

"You realise that if they take too long, My Lord will not be pleased?" Severus muttered from the corner of the room. As Harry's sworn bodyguard, he'd been allowed into the room under strict instruction that he wasn't allowed to talk during the actual interview.

"Of course. Which is why they won't keep us waiting too much longer," Harry replied amiably. "Not that I'm all that fussed. It's not like I'm missing much in History of Magic, is it?"

Snape snorted, nodding to concede the point.

The door opened and Kingsley entered the interview room, followed eagerly by Rookie Auror Button.

"I apologise for the wait, Lord Potter," Kingsley said as he sat down across the table. "This shouldn't take too long, it's just routine questions."

Harry smiled. "Ask away, Auror Shacklebolt. We've all the time in the world, I'm sure."

"There is a man missing," Auror Button snapped. "We do not have 'all the time in the world', as you say."

"And yet, you're here wasting your time questioning little old me. Doesn't say much for the Department of Law Enforcement, does it, Button?" Harry retorted before he turned his attention back to Kingsley. "My movements are easy to follow and easy to confirm, Kingsley. After leaving the Ministry yesterday afternoon, I dropped in on Andromeda Black to inform her of the happenings in the Winzengamot Chamber, and then my husband took me to France, where we ate in a wizarding establishment and then took a stroll through the streets of Montmartre. Following that, we returned home to the Manor, where I spent the rest of the night until this morning, when Kreacher informed me of the morning headlines."

The information was given in a flat tone, and while Kingsley listened with an amused glint in his eyes, Auror Button seemed to grow angrier with every word Harry spoke.

"You expect us to believe that you just happened to be in France when Minister Fudge was being kidnapped? That's rather convenient, Lord Potter."

Before Kingsley could hush the rookie, Harry chuckled.

"Instead of being set on my guilt, Auror Button, perhaps you should at least make the attempt to confirm my version of events? Surely that's in the Auror training book, no? Innocent until proven guilty?"

"I apologise, Lord Potter," Kingsley said quietly. "Auror Button, if you'd like to head to my office, I'll be with you shortly. Now."

They waited for the Rookie to leave before Kingsley sighed. "Apologies, Harry. He's a distant relative of Fudge, and it was also the order of the Ex Minister that he be allowed into the ranks in the first place. He's shadowing a few of the experienced Auror's at the moment and I'm afraid that I drew the short straw today."

Harry snorted. "Don't worry about it, Kingsley. Not going to lie though, Mate, you should probably get on with verifying my movements last night. I'm fairly sure that Tom won't play nice if I'm held for much longer."

Kingsley nodded. "I'm on it. I'll be as fast as I can, alright? Do either of you want anything? Coffee, tea, anything?"

"I'm fine," Harry replied, and Severus held up a hand to decline the offer. As Kingsley left the room, Harry rolled his eyes at his bodyguard. "I do hope they find Fudge alive. I'd prefer he suffer the disrespect at having been the first Minister in over a century to be ousted at least for a little while before he's put out of his misery."

Snape chuckled. "Probably not the attitude to be taking, Potter."

Harry shrugged. "The man's a menace. He's the cause of at least half of the degradation that I've faced over the years. Nobody could possibly believe that I'd wish him well with a smile and a handshake. There's a reason I'm not surprised they pulled me in for questioning, Severus."

"Quite. Still, it's rather pointless when they could have just fetched some Veritaserum to the house and saved themselves the time."

Harry shook his head. "Nope. I'm a Lord, they're not allowed to dose me unless there is reasonable evidence to suggest I'm guilty. Me disliking him isn't reason to think that I kidnapped him; no matter the Rookie's attitude on the matter."

They fell into silence, and Harry reclined further into the chair, thinking. While he did have the motive, and honestly probably the means to kidnap Fudge, he knew he hadn't done it. Tom... the thought had occurred that he'd had something to do with it, but that would hold the possibility of breaking the contract and he was quite sure that the older man had no wish to do that. One of the Death Eaters could have acted alone in the kidnapping, but that required them to have not only the sense of self, but also the brains to pull off a kidnapping, and not many of them did.

The one's who could pull it off, the inner circle; none of them would act without Voldemort's say so.

Honestly, it wasn't unreasonable to believe that Fudge had made quite a few enemies over the years all on his own. He was a bumbling fool with a chronic case of foot in mouth disease.

Kingsley broke his chain of thought when he reentered the room, holding the door open. "You've been cleared, Harry. Your husband awaits you in the atrium, I've been asked to pass along the message that he awaiting you there."

"Asked?" Harry said, raising his eyebrow.

Rolling his eyes, Kingsley huffed, making Harry laugh.

"Cheers, mate. See you soon, yeah?"

Patting him on the shoulder briefly as he walked through the doorway, Kingsley nodded. "Absolutely, Harry. And... thanks for not kicking up a massive fuss about this. We both know that you could have refused to come with us today."

"Got me out of History of Magic. It really is a tragically boring lesson, you know?"

"Ah, Harry, Severus, come in, come in," Dumbledore greeted as the two entered his office. "Quite the excitement this morning, no?"

Harry smiled. "Just a misunderstanding, Headmaster, nothing that hasn't been dealt with. I apologise for being late though."

"Think nothing of it, Harry, it wasn't your fault. Has there been any news of Cornelius yet?"

Harry shook his head. "None that I'm aware, though I'm sure the stellar men and women of the Department of Law Enforcement will find him... eventually."

Snape snorted.

"Was there anything you needed to discuss with me, Professor? I have transfiguration in ten minutes."

"Oh, no, no, you carry on, dear boy. We'll have tea soon, yes?"

"Of course, Sir."

Nodding his respect to the two men, Harry left the office, heading off for his lesson.

"How did Harry do at the Ministry, Severus?" Albus asked, pouring tea from the pot the elves sent up to his desk.

"He was fine. Bored more than anything else, I believe. The Dark Lord was quite irritated at the length they held Harry for however, and I wouldn't be surprised if Auror Button finds himself without employment by the end of the week - and that's if he lasts that long."

"Hmm. Auror Button is Cornelius' second nephew, I believe. He was causing problems?"

"A bad attitude," Severus confirmed. "Harry called him out on it and I believe that Auror Button has developed a rather severe dislike of our Young Lord. Not that Potter seems even remotely caring of it."

"Has Harry changed, Severus? I feel like... I'm not sure I know him anymore. I am... worried."

"I believe Potter is being who he always wanted to be, Albus. You cannot begrudge the boy his individuality, particularly with all that gets heaped on his shoulders. While he is far more sarcastic than I would have thought possible, and perhaps not quite as sympathetic as one would believe the Boy-Who-Lived to be, I do believe that he inherently good, and I can't see that changing."

Albus nodded thoughtfully. "I... believe you are correct with that assessment. Still, it wouldn't hurt to keep an eye out."

Severus shrugged. "I must protect him, Albus. It is in the contract that the two signed that protects the wizarding world, as well as a contract that the Dark Lord had drawn up for me to sign. Potter must be my first priority always. Against anyone."

"I know, Severus. I know."

"Then you'll understand that I'm going to have to resign my job here. I can't keep leaving classes in the hands of amateurs whenever Potter has something he needs to attend to. You'll have to start looking for my replacement, immediately."

"Hmm. I've been in contact with Horace Slughorn. I have his word that he'll be here before the Christmas holidays."

Harry clutched at his stomach, tears streaming down his face as he tried to catch his breath. In his panic, Kreacher left his master to collect the Potions Master, popping him to the Library in a split second.

"Potter? Potter, what happened?"

A shout of laughter left Harry's lips, and Severus relaxed, though he was also slightly irritated with himself that he'd actually panicked that his charge was in trouble. Eventually, Harry calmed enough that he could speak, though as soon as he tried, his laughter started up again. Instead, he handed over the sheet of parchment he'd been reading and waved his hand for Snape to read.

Harry,

We've found Fudge. It'll be in tomorrow morning's paper, along with an apology to you of course and a retraction of the article from this morning. You won't believe who it was!

Dolores Umbridge!

Turns out that she thought that him no longer being the Minister meant that he'd openly declare his 'affections' for her. When he didn't, she got into quite the rage, went batshit and kidnapped him! We found him locked up in the basement of her house... in a pink onesie!

I shouldn't laugh, the poor bastard was properly tormented, but anyway, I thought you should be told early. The best parts will be left out of the article, and I owed you a laugh.

Kingsley.

Severus shook his head disbelievingly, though he couldn't stop himself from chuckling. He'd always known that witch had a screw loose.

Harry wiped the tears off his face and accepted the letter back.

"Sorry for worrying you, I couldn't stop laughing long enough to tell Kreacher not to bother you."

"It's fine. That letter was worth coming up here for anyway. Have you informed your husband?"

"Not yet. I'll send him a missive shortly. He'd be pissed if he had to find out about it in the papers and then found out I had prior knowledge I'm sure."

"Quite. Good night Potter."

"Night, Professor."

Tom chuckled as he read Harry's letter. So, Umbridge had been the one to kidnap the disgraced Ex Minister. He tapped his long fingers on the desk, rereading the letter. It was rather pathetic how he clung to such correspondence from his young husband, but he was very quickly getting used to Harry's presence in his life, and he found the weeks of his absence very distasteful.

He wished he could demand more attention from the black haired imp, but Halloween was fast approaching, and he was well aware that for the next few weeks, he would have to tread very carefully. While the sentiment of it was slightly beyond him personally, he understood that for Harry, it would be a stumbling block.

Perhaps Lucius would have some advice on the best course of action to take. While he was loathe to ask for advice, he found it wasn't beyond him when it came to Harry. He was now quite sure that there wasn't much he'd avoid doing for Harry.

How... unappealingly human.