It's late and this came up randomly. Why? Ore wa Gundam. I've been indoctrinated by some Australians into the church of Gundam now, so there's no turning back. I will never stop.
This is a short, self-indulgent one-shot of an AU that could've been, and no, it's nothing pretentious like that. It's well known that Issei is a nerd. So wouldn't it make sense for the homie to do something involving giant fuck-off robots? It's not outlandish, is it? I hope not.
It's cheesy, it's barely passable, it's absolutely terrible! Is it crack? Yes. Was it written on phone?! Also yes. Do I care?! Definitely.
But I'm still going ahead with this.
Anyway, shitstorm or not, ahead lies the place I was meant to be. I'm done psyching myself up. Let's write some mecha.
Some Years Ago - Kuoh Town
A young boy was playing in a playground, surrounded by his peers as the hustle and bustle of the children's play area sounded out in a cacophony of shouting and the pattering of footsteps. However, among the throng of kids his age, Issei Hyoudou found himself in strange company.
"So remember, young Issei. Remember… that a man's hopes and dreams lie on one thing… and what is that I've taught you?" The shady-looking figure sat hunched on a bench before the star-struck boy. In any other circumstance, many would be inclined to inform authorities or attempt to spirit such a young, impressionable mind away from such an obvious source of debauchery. However, in the case of the young Hyoudou, nobody seemed to care, but it was mainly to the same response Issei would give each time.
"Boobs! And Gundam!" He would yell back each time. Alas, the young lad of less than double digits in age didn't really get the memo. Sure, a part of him retained the perverted teachings his sensei had taught him, but breasts shared that mental sideline with one other thing.
"Dammit, kid! I said one! One! Thing! How many times have we had this conversation?!"
Gundam. Issei was obsessed with it. About as much as he loved boobs, he could make up with his love of Mobile Suits streaking through space, locked in heated combat. Partly to blame for this was his father, who would show him reruns of old episodes of Gundam series gone by. The exploits of the pilots and their robotic partners, their hopes and dreams, morals and ideals, all occupying his still-growing mind.
"But they both mean so much to me! How could I not?!" He questioned. The old man merely sighed in response.
"Fine. It's good to have other interests after all." He relented.
"Yay!" And the boy was happy. "Boobs and Gundam! Boobs and Gundam! Boobs and Gundam!" He chanted. At home, at the park, even when the old man was long gone, Issei Hyoudou kept those blissful memories in his mind, within his heart of hearts.
The years would go by, and the boy would continue living. At some point, he decided to pursue his perverted passions to the fullest as well, so he studied hard and got into Kuoh Academy in pursuit of his grand goal - to become the Harem King. While he did, he knew he was never alone, because Setsuna F. Seiei was always there for him in TV reruns.
In his first year, he struggled. The girls were harsh, and the workload was harder. Nevertheless, he forged his path forward. They never stopped, fighting for their lives in space. So he wouldn't either.
In his second year, he fell in love with naught but a glance through a window. A flash of crimson, a vibrance and warmth he had never known, the colour of rage, the colour of blood, yet ultimately, the colour of love. Maybe that's why he gravitated to red Mobile Suits so much.
Issei always loved the colour red.
Months later, he went on his first date. That didn't end so well. As he lay drowning in a growing pool of blood and despair, he found himself reaching out. What happened to being the harem king, Issei Hyoudou?! He berated himself, the cackling of Yuuma Amano growing fainter as he reached forward pitifully with his left arm. I can't even crawl…! What filth am I? Come on! I don't want to die! My dreams… it's not over yet!
And so, he was reborn in a flash of crimson, the colour of blood, the colour of love. The banner of the Red Comet.
But even after Yuuma, no, Raynare was dealt with and Asia had moved in with him, the pain didn't stop. Each night was filled with phantom pains as he clutched his stomach. He could still feel the sting of the holy element, even now. The burning in his heart kept eating away at him. He lay in bed each night staring at the ceiling. Was it still ok to carry on this way? When he wasn't good enough for his gifts? When the first time he loved, he was beaten back to the shadows that rats like him scurried from?
But one phrase rang out in his head. The phrase of a dead man. The words of someone who lived until he died.
"Don't you ever stop." ...that's right.
"Even if I am not worthy of loving in earnest, of being loved… I… am the Red Dragon Emperor. I will never stop." So he swore. And he didn't stop.
The heir to the Phenex, a would-be warmonger of a by-gone age, his sworn rival who was, ironically, white, and he wasn't the devil in this conflict. A god of chaos, who had killed him once. He didn't stop moving. A terrorist of a usurper who tried to take someone precious, more precious than air, from him. He didn't stop moving.
That brought him here. Standing face-to-face with the inheritor of the weapon that could kill God. His friends, his precious comrades, were down and out. But he wouldn't stop. He had resolved to do that long ago.
"Ddraig. Push me further," he ground out, staring down Cao Cao with an eagle eye.
"Partner, any more and-"
"Come on, Ddraig, gimme more…" Issei snarled, licking the blood from his upper lip. "I'll take off these bothersome chains for you, I'll put you to use. So show me what it means to be one of the thirteen Longinus. Show me... your real power."
"Fine. Prepare yourself." Issei couldn't help but grin. But, he felt… empty. Ddraig was right, he didn't have the power reserves necessary to bring Cao Cao down, to reach his next form.
He didn't have the other half to his equation. The other side that would get him to the place he was meant to be.
To give into passion! He reached out. To attain true power! He imagined her. Crimson.
"Boobs and Gundam."
"Go, my other half! BOOB SUMMON!" He reached out with a cry that shook the heavens. A bloody red pillar shot into the sky, soaring as high as the sky could see. The world opened up at his behest. It brought him power. It brought him her.
From the light emerged Rias Gremory, in all of her almost naked glory.
"W-Wha-! Issei? If you're here then… is this Kyoto?" She shrieked in confusion. Issei let the helmet of the Scale Mail fall away, revealing his bewildered face. To be honest, he didn't know what he was doing either. But he knew intrinsically what needed to be done.
He imagined those who had gotten him here. His comrades. His lovers. His mentors. As he touched over the third title, he heard a voice from behind him.
"Poke them." He didn't turn around, but he knew it was Elsha, one of his seniors as the Red Dragon of Domination. Those that had helped propel him into this position.
So he did.
"President… no time to explain. I'll have to explain it to you when I get back!" His voice was half-apologetic, half-giddy, as his index fingers extended. Like missiles, blasting towards the very heavens themselves. They dug in. She squealed. He felt it.
The soft embrace of the mammary variety, the feeling beyond description. Both parties rocked as an immense power flowed between the two of them.
As quickly as it happened, she vanished into the light. Rias Gremory disappeared in a similar manner to how she arrived, leaving Issei standing there in a stupor. He felt the connection. It was there. His… other half.
She's gone on to the future… to the place I was meant to be! He could hear Cao Cao mumbling something in confusion. Issei paid him no mind. He felt it stronger than ever before. Ddraig felt it as well.
The crimson aura returned, blasting at full force. The bloody glow bathed all in its vicinity the colour of viscera, as the awesome might of the Red Dragon Emperor filled the space with a gravity unknown for centuries.
"This is it, Ddraig!" Issei roared.
"Yes! This is it, Partner! My full power at long last! The power from when I first fought Albion! It's here!"
Shape it… give it form… come on… YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO!
"Yeah, like this! Eat it! Welsh Blaster Bishop, form of Flauros! GALAXY CANNON!" Two massive cannons, each longer than Issei's body by a significant margin extended from his shoulder blades, reaching out over and past his head. Like an animal he fell down on all fours, digging in with his heels and feeling the power well up inside of him like if someone had clogged a hose.
"FIRE!"
KRAKOOM! A massive pillar of pure energy split the Earth, forcing the Hero Faction on the defensive. Taking advantage of this opening, Issei continued shaping his power. He took a step - and emerged in Cao Cao's guard.
"Welsh Sonic Booster Knight! Form of Sazabi! LIKE A COMET!" He cleaved cleanly through their formation, flying forward like a shooting star. He was three times faster than he used to be, but he wasn't about to stop. He would never stop making them pay. He used his momentum to strike once more—!
"Welsh Dragonic Rook! Form of Dantalion!" Massive gauntlets affixed themselves to Issei's forearms, modular armour rising from the surface of the Scale Mail's plating. Dropping his left arm down, he cocked the limb back. His massive accumulated speed backed the crippling blow, as he sent the spearman flying with a bone-shattering blast of a punch that would have turned any lesser man into a fine red mist.
In a blitz, he followed up with one last attempt.
"Return to Knight! Form of Exia! Come, ASCALON!"
"BLADE!"
With Ddraig's announcement, the Dragon-Slaying Sword gifted to him by Heaven emerged from his gauntlet, the blade facing in front of him like a pike with which to impale Cao Cao's head on. Arm outstretched and Ascalon facing forward, Issei let go and pushed forwards, putting all of his power behind the blow. Forced on his back foot, Cao Cao reached up and blocked the powered blow with the True Longinus. The holy aura was unrelenting, something that would surely melt a devil like himself, but Issei drove through with all his dragonic intensity, breaking through his guard and gracing his cheek with Ascalon's tip.
"Not bad, Issei Hyoudou!" He yelled as Issei skidded to a slow halt some distance away. Coughing up blood, Issei could feel the strain on his insides as he faded in and out of conscious thought.
After that, Issei found time passing in a blur. He ran on autopilot, snapping in and out of consciousness in accordance with the arrival of Sun Wukong and his respective clash with their enemies. But through the haze of exhaustion, he remained fixated on one person. Cao Cao…! No matter what! I will get you! With one strike!
He raised his arm once more, bracing himself as a long barrel swept over his left shoulder. Feeding the last of his power, he readied one final shot.
Wukong said something, but he couldn't make it out over the din of his own mind. What he did know was that he was being fed an energy source far greater than his own. Just one shot! That's all he had, and he would burn out as brilliantly as when he transformed, like a shooting star!
"Let's go." He took a deep breath and lined himself up with Cao Cao's head. "Triaina, full release. Limiters, all off. My hand is brimming with an awesome power… and it's telling me to bring you down! So with my love, my anger, and all of my sorrow! I will strike you down!"
He grit his teeth as he dumped more than he should've into his final obsessive attack.
"SUPER… GALAXY… CCCAAAAAANNNNNOOOOOOONNNNNNNN!" The world quaked as Issei's cannon roared. Cao Cao could scarcely blink before he felt a stabbing force forcefully rotate his head to the right. Fire spread from the right side of his face as his holy hero's flesh burned away under the might of the Red Dragon Emperor's burning fury.
That was the last thing Issei saw before he passed out on his feet. He smiled as he did so.
"That's right… I'm a Gundam. I am the Gundam… in service of Rias Gremory…!"
Present Day - The Rating Game Between Gremory and Bael
So here we find him today, stamina low, hunched over the body of the woman he loves. Sairaorg stood before him, clothed in his Nemea Mail.
What was it? Something Something Leather Rex? It'll take more than that to be king. He thought, staggering to his feet. Still, he was out of his league. No matter how big he talked mentally, there was still a gulf that needed to be filled. The seniors in his head ran wild, but Issei didn't care. Rias was here, in front of him. He couldn't care less about whatever Sairaorg threw at him.
After all, he had everything he needed now.
"...Boobs… and Gundam…!" Why else would he have let them make a shitty kids' TV show about him? To inspire others in the same way he had!
He grinned behind his helmet.
"Still standing, hm?" Sairaorg said, an impressed look flooding his face.
"I know I'm a fool for doing so, but." Issei cracked his neck, standing tall. "I am a fool in love with Rias Gremory, and that's all the reason I need to stand. To fight."
He took a long, deep breath.
"To reach the place I was meant to be… SAIRAORG!" He roared. "I am Issei Hyoudou, the Gundam Gremory! I have all I need! All the love in the world, all the power in the world! It's all here!"
He jabbed a finger into his chest.
"To all those watching! Don't you ever stop! Sairaorg! Don't you ever stop! Because I sure as hell won't!"
"Well said, Issei Hyoudou!" Sairaorg responded in turn, blood boiling, eyes shining. His golden armour burned with newfound intensity.
The two charged as one.
"HERE I COME!"
Well, that must be terrible. I wrote this all in like 45 minutes. A piece of self-indulgent trash I came up with on the fly. Trust me, all my projects will be finished, I'm just doing something called "planning ahead."
It's painful, but it'll be worth it, and infinitely better than this shit. My god, this is probably terrible. I'm going to regret posting this, aren't I? It's late, so I'll get this over with while I'm still tired. Rip me to shreds in the reviews, please. Don't validate me.
Anyway, to bed I go. I'll leave you with this horrorshow.
Best wishes,
Healthcare.