Chapter 14 – Surprise Yourself

What was life like before she got stuck in such a mess? Gods, she couldn't even remember. Not properly. She could vaguely remember her parents, though couldn't, for the life of her, remember whether she actually liked them or not. Had she gotten on with them? Did she love them? Did they love her?

"Please, Sakura-san," came Hinata's soft beg as she shuffled closer, gingerly reaching out and lifting matted pink hair. "Allow me to cut your hair. You will be much more comfortable."

"No."

What did it mean to be comfortable, anyway? There were many different ways a person could feel comfortable, but Sakura couldn't recall ever feeling such a way. She'd been comforted, sure, but not comfortable. Before Danzo screwed with her head, she'd been uncomfortable with her body. It was pretty amusing, when she really thought about it. What she wouldn't give to have such a pointless thing to worry endlessly about. Nowadays, she felt as though she was a stranger in her own head. She didn't understand half the emotions she experienced. Didn't know how she was supposed to feel. If she reacted a certain way to a certain situation, everyone looked at her like she was an alien, or possibly insane.

"C'mon, Sakura-chan," Naruto said with a wide grin and scratched the back of his head. "Hinata's really good at cutting hair, you know."

"I said no."

They seemed to back off at the firmness of her voice. Or was it because of the warning in her narrowing eyes? It didn't matter, really. She didn't care. Standing and ignoring their worried glances, Sakura left the medical wing, needing some space. There was a noticeable breeze drifting through the hideout and it had her pausing once she was out of sight. Was there an opening somewhere? Remaining calm, she followed the direction the breeze was coming from, her fingers running along the wall in a display of innocent curiosity. It got colder the closer she got, the wind biting at her healing skin uncomfortably, but she refused to show the pain it caused.

It was obvious from where she was standing that the sight before her was a disguise of sorts. From the outside it would look like an inhabitable cave and only a fool would try and stay in it. Holding onto a large protruding piece of rock that was easily taller than her, Sakura ducked beneath another, ignoring her body's protests as she forced herself to keep moving.

"Sakura," Tsunade sighed, following after her apprentice. "You're in no fit state to be wandering off."

She couldn't stay with them, could she? She couldn't trust them. She didn't want to trust them. Narrowing her eyes as the opening was finally revealed, Sakura stepped closer to the edge and was unable to stop the widening of her gaze at the three hundred or so foot drop. No wonder the wind was so strong, she thought and held onto the wall for stability.

"What are you going to do?"

There was no hiding her flinch at the sudden voice at her side and when she looked up, she found Shisui standing beside her. He was staring out at the forest, standing on the edge just like she was, only he wasn't holding onto the wall for support. Probably didn't need it, considering how well he looked in comparison to her.

Resisting the urge to move away from him, she muttered in response, "Nothing. I just wanted fresh air."

"Don't." She looked back to him at his deep breath, frowning at the pained look in his eyes when he met her gaze. "Don't lie to me, Sakura."

Don't lie to him? What did it matter if she did? Who was he to her? He was nothing–

"Please don't shut me out," she whispered, hand coming up to his hair, running through it comfortingly.

Turning to lay on his side, Shisui sighed, leaning into her touch. Up until that moment, he'd remained motionless in his bed for the past two days. The curtains were drawn, leaving the room in total darkness (she'd had his old curtains swapped for blackout ones, just in case he wanted to take off his bandages during the night). Any and all food she offered to him went ignored, along with the glasses of water she kept leaving beside his bed.

"Shisui, please," Sakura begged. "I know I can't understand how you're feeling right now and I know that nothing I say will ease your suffering, but please, don't do this. Don't shut me out. Don't starve yourself or make yourself die of thirst. Please."

"…Why?" came his eventual croak. "What… use am I?"

Tears filled her eyes at the darkness of his words and she continued to try her best to comfort him. Itachi would be equally as heartbroken – no, more heartbroken, if he heard his best friend's words. "What use?" she repeated, like the question as absurd. "Are you saying being useful as a shinobi is more important than having people love you? Are you really that stupid?"

"I-"

"No, listen to me, Uchiha Shisui," Sakura told him and added more steel to her tone, forcing him to listen. "Itachi loves you. His parents have come to your defence time and time again over the past month. The Gods know I've almost pummelled the hell out of this clan three times over for you. So what if you're not on the best of terms with everyone? You have Itachi and his parents. You have…" She smiled helplessly. "You have me. Are you telling me we're not worth anything?"

Slowly, with obvious difficulty, Shisui managed to sit up, their faces only centimetres apart. She could tell he was trying not to breathe through his mouth due to the fact he hadn't left his bed in a couple of days, meaning he hadn't brushed his teeth in a while, either.

"You…" His hand lifted, searching for her face until she leaned forward, allowing his hand to cup her cheek. "Please don't ever say you're not worth anything."

She blushed at his words and inwardly groaned when she realised Shisui could probably feel the heat of her cheeks. "Then please don't question your use or worth."

Because each day that went by, despite knowing how wrong it was, she felt herself falling more and more…

Real?

Was that real?

Spinning on her heel with widening eyes, she prepared herself to demand answers from him, but much to her horror the edge gave way beneath her foot and gravity took hold. Dark eyes met hers, wide with horror and fear and she saw the way Shisui paled as he quickly reached for her, only for their fingers to miss by just a couple of millimetres, making them curse their luck.

"Sakura!" her shishou yelled from behind him.

He was already ten… twenty… thirty feet away from her and Sakura was grateful when her hair began to obscure her view. With the state her body was in, even if she managed to slow her descent, she wouldn't survive the fall. It was too much for her weakened state. Already, the speed of her descent was burning her skin. Maybe it was for the best? At least there would be no more confusion or pain if she fell to her death. Considering how fast she was falling and from such a height, she'd be dead as soon as she hit the ground. Wouldn't even feel a thing.

"Sakura," she heard someone yell from the opening. "Shisui!"

The same second as those dark thoughts filled her mind, she felt strong arms wrapping around her, her back being squeezed against someone's wide chest. It hurt. Agitated her wounds. But Sakura couldn't find a reason to complain.

At least she wasn't going to die alone.

Shutting her eyes as the person's head pressed to hers, she willed herself to calm down.

"I love you."

The words had her eyes snapping open in shock, only to be met by the sight of shockingly green chakra encasing them both. She wanted to turn in his arms. She wanted to meet his eyes to see if there were any signs of lies in them. Were his words the truth? Could she trust him? No matter what, she couldn't turn. He was holding her too tightly against him, turning them so that his back was facing the ground.

"Stop thinking so much," came his desperate words, his hold tightening. "Listen to your heart, Sakura. Trust me. Please!"

"C'mon, Shisui," she goaded, grinning from ear to ear. "You need to be faster than that."

There was frustration on his visible features as he reached for her, hands grasping at thin air. In response, he growled lowly, a bead of sweat running down his temple, soaking into the bandage. "Sakura," he warned lowly. "I don't enjoy being toyed with."

From the awkward shifting of his feet to the uncertain grabs at air, it was clear Shisui was unsure of himself. He didn't trust his surroundings despite them walking around the garden several times a day to ensure he memorised the layout.

"Maybe so, but you still have to exercise regularly to keep yourself in shape," she called, still smiling. Stepping back so she was just out of reach, Sakura couldn't help but giggle at his annoyed yell. "Stop thinking so much and just trust me. You know the layout. You know you can do this. Trust me."

"Trust me," he begged and his lips brushed the side of her head, surprising her with the gentleness of the gesture despite their situation. "Trust me."

Trust me…

Shutting her eyes, Sakura relaxed in his hold, willing the racing of her mind to stop. She willed the ever present paranoia to leave her alone. The confusion, the pain, the sadness… She willed it all to just stop.

Trust me.

Trust him!

A/N - Annoying short chapter, I know. I just wanted to let you all know why I was on hiatus as of late (especially one I didn't warn any of you about). Basically, it's the end of my final year of university, meaning there's finals and assignments and a dissertation that needs my full attention if I want to graduate with my class. On top of that, me and my fiance (I still haven't gotten used to saying that) are moving into a place of our own, and we plan on having my adorable nephews over more often. So until everything is settled (moving house on the 11th, university ending on the 14th, returning to work on the 16th after a prolonged absence due to mental health reasons etc), please don't expect any updates. I can only promise to try my best, though realistically speaking, it may be at least two months before you get any updates. I'm trying my best to stay positive about everything, but to do so, I need to pace myself (which, in all honesty, isn't going to be easy - May is going to be a big month for us).

Anyways, I hope you all understand :-)