AN: The song used in this chapter is "Midnight in Me" from My Little Pony.
Steven was enjoying his party with everyone. It was nice of Twoie to arrange it as a surprise party for him, even though it was for both of them. The whole morning was already so much fun, and now they were deciding on some games to play! The group was setting up a game of pin-the-tail when they noticed that Twoie and Dr. Maheswaran weren't with them. Connie hummed in thought as she noticed she couldn't see them anywhere nearby."I guess they're having a private conversation."
She knew that her mom cared about Twoie and Steven a lot. After the hospital fiasco, her mom had channeled part of her overprotectiveness to the two brothers. She knew they were fine and suggested they play without them. It wasn't until an hour later, when Greg was ready to serve lunch, that they noticed they were still gone.
"I'll go find them! You guys can go ahead and get everything set up!" Steven chimed in before running off into the direction of the silo. He figured if they had gone somewhere to talk privately, they'd be at the silo or in the field. Just as he was about to call out, he heard Dr. Maheswaran's voice. "-such a cute nickname. I think it's very fitting for him." He paused. 'Fitting for who?' "Yeah. That's what I thought when I started calling him that." He crept up to the corner of the silo, feeling slightly guilty for eavesdropping.
"He's bright, cheerful, eager to help, and cares about everyone. He smiles and laughs, and you think, 'already my day has gotten better.'" He heard Twoie sigh. "Steven just shines like the sun. I want to protect that, you know?" The younger raised his brows in surprise. 'Why are they talking about me?'
"You make it sound like you're not the same person." Steven cautiously peered over the corner of the silo. Thankfully, Dr. Maheswaran and Twoie had their backs to him. "We aren't." Steven saw his stance shift and ducked right as Twoie spun on his heel to face his friend. "Steven makes everything better! I just make everything worse." Steven bit his lip. He should've known that their discussion wasn't enough. Twoie still blamed himself for the stupid fight.
"Back home, I kept hurting the people around me. Rose left me with so many problems after I was born, and I'm still trying to fix everything. She hurt so many people, and lately, I've been doing the same! And then, if that wasn't bad enough, I felt trapped because everyone back home was changing and leaving me behind!" He could hear Twoie's voice rising in pitch the longer he ranted. "I was raised by the gems because I have her gem, and so I was pretty secluded from everyone. The gems were rarely home, and I didn't go to school, so the only time I wasn't by myself was when Dad visited, or I left the house! And, I did anything the gems asked of me if it meant I could spend time with them."
Steven clenched his fists tightly. He used to be the same way, but Twoie's arrival had changed that. He wasn't lonely anymore because Twoie always kept him company. "And then, once I was finally getting the hang of my powers, I was thrown into many situations where I almost died. Just because everyone thought I was my mom! Now that everything is peaceful, I don't know what to do! My whole life, all I've done is help others. I couldn't think about my future because, honestly, I wasn't sure if I was going to last long enough to have one!"
It felt like his heart was in his throat. Steven covered his mouth with shaky hands. There was so much wrong with what Twoie just said that Steven couldn't get control of his thoughts.
"When I was little, I didn't realize that gem stuff was that dangerous. I never thought that one day I could die in battle. My life was simple. I had my mom's gem, and, after the arrival of the Homeworld gems, I helped protect the earth. That was my purpose, you know? The reason why I'm alive."
Realization dawned on him as he recalled Twoie's advice. The conviction in his voice about not having a magical destiny. To find someone who could help if helping someone meant hurting himself. This is where his advice stemmed from. 'Twoie got hurt helping others.' Steven could feel a sob rising in his throat.
"That's why I started teaching Steven. I want him to have a future. I want him to be different from me. Our powers are emotion-based, and all of my stress and anger has manifested into a power that I can't control. If Steven is sunshine, then I'm the darkness. I don't want him ending up like me, always scared of hurting the people he loves." Twoie's voice was shaky and pained. "I don't want him to hate himself."
Everything felt frozen in time. As the blood thundered in his ears, and his body shook in horror, all he could think about was how broken Twoie sounded. All this time, Twoie had been dealing with so much, yet he always did everything to help him. Steven just wished he'd noticed his pain sooner. Maybe he could've helped Twoie in return. "Sweetheart, please don't hate yourself. You shouldn't tear yourself apart because of an accident. Take a couple of deep breaths for me, okay? I don't want you to have a panic attack." The sound of her gentle shushing snapped Steven out of his own increasing state of panic.
"Just because you accidentally hurt someone, doesn't make you a monster. Everyone has negative thoughts, and we just have to work through it. I can help you get an idea of what you may want to do with your future at a later date, but you really need to talk to someone! Bottling your emotions is not a healthy coping mechanism for all the trauma you've suffered."
Steven poked his head out again. He could see Dr. Maheswaran holding his older brother's hand. When he turned his attention to his brother, he held back a gasp at how exhausted he looked. Twoie avoided looking at her. "I talked to Connie about it a couple of times, but she's so busy with studying for college, I didn't want to keep bothering her."
The older woman rubbed her eyes with her hands. "Although I'm glad my daughter helps you with this in the future, I meant someone qualified to help you with your mental trauma. Have you talked to a therapist?" Twoie went pink. "A what?" Steven flinched as he could see him trembling. "A therapist. Someone who can help you come to terms with everything you've dealt with and help you find a better way to cope."
The young man shook his head as the glow faded away. She cupped Twoie's face with her hands. "I'll talk to you about that later as well. How did you express your feelings in the past? Did you have any kind of outlet for dealing with stress?" Steven hummed as he thought about the question himself. The only thing he could really think of was- "Singing..." Dr. Maheswaran chuckled at Twoie's response.
Steven's eyes widened as Twoie glowered at the ground. His brother only sang around him once, the entire time he'd been there, and it was only for a verse. He was just now realizing that Twoie never joined in any song that he or the gems sang.
"Ah, yes. Connie has told me about how often you and your family sing. She said it's akin to 'being in a musical.'" Twoie gently removed her hands. "I haven't felt the desire to sing in so long… I don't know if it'll work, but I guess I can try it…" She watched him sadly as he walked over to the corner of the silo. Steven ducked, crawling around to the opposite side so he wouldn't get seen. "I guess… It used to be so simple. It was a world I understood."
Twoie smiled wistfully as he watched the gems laughing at something with Connie and Dad. "I didn't know what I didn't know, and life seemed pretty good." He gripped his shirt at the spot his gem was at. "But now the darkness rises, from somewhere deep inside of me."
Steven watched as Twoie's cheeks glowed pink, even more vibrant in the shade of the silo. Twoie flinched and concentrated on making the power fade. Dr. Maheswaran held her arm out, but Twoie backed away in fear. After a couple of breaths, the pink faded completely. Tears prickled at the edges of his eyes. "This power overtakes me. How can I keep this darkness from getting free?"
He stepped out of the shadows and into the sunlight. There was a wide smile on his face, and the sun shone on him, and a slight breeze ruffled his jacket. "If I can stay with the light, I know I'll be free." He spun to face his friend with his hands in front of his chest. "I can start to feel fine, I can start to be me!" His expression became sorrowful. Twoie hugged himself as he retreated back into the shadows. "But instead, I am struggling with all that I see." Dr. Maheswaran wrapped her arms around him. "And I can't…" He clenched his eyes tight to stop himself from crying.
"Let them see the darkness in me. Can't let it get free." He collapsed, kneeling over the dried grass now gripped tightly in his hands. "They mustn't see the darkness in… me." As Priyanka moved to comfort Twoie, she heard a soft sob from behind her. Steven had no time to duck behind the silo. She noticed the concern in his watery eyes and knew that he had heard a good amount of their conversation.
As quietly as she could, she brought a finger to her lips and motioned for him to go back to the party. Once the younger boy was out of sight, she knelt down next to Twoie. "Everything will be okay, sweetheart. I promise you'll get through this. You have family and friends that love you and care about you." She brushed her hands through his hair. And as she sat there with the young man who carried the weight of the universe on his shoulders, she hoped she eased some of it.
Steven retreated as silently as he could back to the party. The others knew something was wrong by the redness of his eyes and the fact that he had not returned with the others. "What's wrong? Did something happen to them?" Connie got up to go search for them, but Steven motioned for her to sit down. "Twoie and your mom are having an important conversation. I'd rather not interrupt more than I already have."
Pearl and Garnet exchanged a look. "Well, alright, then. Shall we get started without them? We'll save some for when they have finished." Steven nodded. The rest of them continued the party without Twoie and Dr. Maheswaran. When they eventually returned, no one commented on how exhausted Twoie looked.
The party wrapped up fairly quickly once the sun started setting. Dad had hugged both of his sons one last time before heading home. Connie and Steven already said goodnight to Dr. Maheswaran and were at the loft, while Peridot left to work on the drill with the gems.
"Thanks for inviting me, Twoie. It's always nice to see you. Don't forget, we're still meeting up on Sunday for coffee. We'll bring the kids with us since I'll be picking up Connie in the morning." Twoie held her car door open for her. "Sounds like a plan. Thank you, Priyanka. For everything."
She smiled at him. "You're such a polite young man. Remember to call me if anything bothers you." Right before she took off, she unrolled her window. "And if I hear from Connie or Steven that you're still only drinking protein shakes for breakfast, I'll drive down here and ground you. You need to eat more, sweetheart." He chuckled as she backed out. "I'm working on that!"
When Twoie turned to head back into the barn, he was surprised to see Pearl waiting for him by the entrance. "Can I talk to you? It's about earlier." He groaned and ran a hand through his hair. "Is it an emergency or can it wait for tomorrow? I kinda just want to go to bed." She stared at him for a moment before shaking her head. "I'll be fast. It's about Steven." He became more alert at the mention of his little brother. "Did something happen?"
She hummed in concern. "Well, while you and Dr. Maheswaran were talking, he left to get you two for lunch. When he came back without you, he was noticeably upset. I'm pretty sure he had cried before he came back since his eyes were red." Pearl didn't notice as Twoie paled at her words. "I understand he interrupted an important conversation, but please keep better control of yourself. You shouldn't have scolded him so harshly." His fear and worry quickly morphed into anger. "Why do you always think the worst of me? Did you think that maybe I never knew he was there and he overheard something he wasn't supposed to? That he eavesdropped on something extremely personal and got upset about what he heard?"
He tugged at his hair as anxiety shot through him. "Great. Just great. I should've known talking about it would just make everything worse. Now I've gotta deal with whatever he overheard." Pearl shifted uncomfortably. "I'm sorry, you're right. I shouldn't have assumed that you yelled at him." Twoie brushed her words away. "Stop. I know you still don't trust me. I'm going to bed." He walked past her into the barn. He could see Connie and Steven watching TV together.
"Twoie!" Steven chimed nervously as he entered the loft. "Do you want to watch TV with us? Or we could tell stories? Or read a book?" Twoie pressed the palm of his hands into his eyes. There was no point in addressing it right now. At this point, he was so tired and anxious that he'd yell at him. "I'm pretty tired, Steven. You guys have fun without me. I'm going to bed." He dragged his sleeping bag to a dark corner, laid in it on his side, and stared at the wall for hours.