Chapter 15 – The Way We Were Before

What the hell even happened?

Eyes wide as he stared at the woman he loved ripping through the sky, their hands still outstretched towards one another as if they still had a chance of stopping her descent, Shisui did the only thing he could think of in that moment: he followed her. Pushing off the side of the rocky cliff so that he had extra momentum, it felt like no time at all passed before she was in his arms, the relief he could feel lasting only for a brief moment.

Gods, she was going to be the death of him. Shisui readjusted his hold, bringing her as close as physically possible, willing himself to find some kind of strength to slow them down – there had to be something he could grab. But there was nothing. From somewhere far above them, he had the desperate yell of a friend who didn't want to be left behind again, the yell of someone who'd done everything in his power to protect everyone for so long. Why couldn't he do the same?

"I love you."

The wind carried his voice away and upon seeing the sea of trees waiting below them, Shisui shut his eyes. It seemed he truly was a coward. He couldn't even face death – maybe his own, but certainly not hers. Never hers.

"I love you," he said louder, wishing her to hear the words and the weight they carried.

At least, if he was going to die, it was with her. He wouldn't have to live without her.

Opening his eyes a final time, despite his sight being obscured somewhat by the matts of bloody pink hair, he was both startled and relieved to find green chakra enveloping them without his command, like it was responding to his emotions. The form of Susanoo came quickly and in response, there was a horrific wave of pain behind his eyes. He chose to ignore it. It was his chance to save her. He could save her.

Sakura must have had her eyes open too, because suddenly, she began fighting him. Wait, why was she struggling? Was it fear? Couldn't she remember the stories he'd told her about his strengths? The stories Itachi told her?

"Stop thinking so much," came his desperate words, his hold tightening. "Listen to your heart, Sakura. Trust me. Please!"

Gods, he'd never felt more desperate as he begged the Susanoo to slow their fall. Soon enough, they would be submerged by the trees. Everything was a blur around them, even with his Sharingan activated, and for that, Shisui was grateful. He didn't want to remember any details, even if his Sharingan stored it all to memory. The less memories, the better. Just in case he failed.

"Trust me," he begged and his lips brushed the side of her head. "Trust me."

I won't let you die.

She didn't need to say anything back to him – the fact she relaxed in his hold, but her hands still tight on his, said everything he needed to hear: she trusted him. Whether it was with her life, or her heart, it was a starting place for him and he couldn't let her down. He wouldn't let her down.

It was with a great amount of effort that he spun her around, forcing her to look him in the eyes. She flinched, at first. The sight of his Sharingan startling her. However, it was necessary. They needed it to survive and what better way to prove to her the Sharingan wasn't all that bad, then by saving her life with it?

"Keep hold of me," he pleaded, grateful that she immediately complied by wrapped her arms around him, wide, horrified green eyes glued to his. "Do you trust me?"

He couldn't hear the words, her weak voice being torn away by the wind, but he could read her lips as she murmured, "Yes."

In response, the Susanoo spread its arms, preparing itself for impact. Previously, he'd never used it for anything more than defence – well, once he allowed Susanoo to spray out a barrage of needles that rained down on his enemies, but that was beside the point – and he seriously hoped it was developed enough to take most of the impact. They were falling too fast for it to grab anything, proven by part of the cliff crumbling under its powerful grip.

Those hauntingly green eyes were still staring up at him, wider than usual and helpless, begging him not to fail and for some reason it… It strengthened his resolve. It made him happy that she wanted to live. Somewhere deep inside of her, Haruno Sakura refused to give up. The woman he loved was still in there.

Much to his surprise, his Susanoo tried once more to grab at the cliff, this time, jamming a kunai it developed into the side, its hold unyielding as their descent began to slow. Shisui breathed out a deep sigh of relief at the sight of its feet submerged in the trees, completely hidden from view. Another fifty feet or so and it would be standing. Could the Susanoo make the drop without causing too much destruction to the area? They had to remain hidden, after all. Using Susanoo was a huge red flag, even if it was necessary.

How much chakra did he have? Assessing his reserves, Shisui decided to take the risk, willing the Susanoo to take them in its hand and as close to the cliff as possible. From there, he applied chakra to the soles of his feet and readjusted his hold on Sakura, kneeling before her.

"Climb on my back," he ordered. "I'm going to walk down the cliff from here."

There was no hesitation like he'd thought there would be – she immediately followed his orders, the lightness of her body causing him to frown as he stood up, the hold on her thighs tight but not uncomfortable. Breathing in and out through his nose, Shisui placed one foot on the cliff and although he wasn't one to doubt his own abilities, he tested the control of his chakra first. It was only when he decided it to be sturdy that Susanoo evaporated around them.

"Down?" she questioned, voice quiet. Was she possibly going into shock? There were spots of wetness soaking into his back and he could smell blood in the air. Damn it, how many of her wounds had opened? They weren't even halfway healed yet.

"Yes. It's too far to walk back up. The others will meet us down there."

Feeling her nod against him, he turned to face the trees, shuffling her higher up his back. For a moment, however, he was struck with the memory of the time she had lifted him effortlessly, scaring the crap out of him, when he'd refused to move from his spot of darkness, brooding away for days at a time. Deciding she'd had enough, she carried him outside, where he was greeted with a smug Itachi. Shisui smiled and tilted his head towards one of the arms wrapped around his neck and shoulders. Despite seeming so delicate, Sakura was a strong woman. How could he have ever doubted her ability to grow stronger from this? There would be no need for his own vengeance against Danzo – Sakura would beat him to it.

He had to stop doubting her.

At that moment in time, however, she was considerably weaker – injured, too. For now, she had to rely on his strength.

"Are you ready?"

Again, she nodded.

It was a long walk down the cliff. Much longer than he'd anticipated. Every slight rustle of the trees below them, along with any noises that couldn't be excused as sounds of the forest, had them on edge. They were out in the open. Possibly the highest two on Danzo's hit list. He would have his spies everywhere, ready to strike the moment they revealed themselves. The anxiety it caused was suffocating.

"I don't see anyone," Sakura mumbled into his shoulder as they were finally covered by the trees. Struggling against him to try and get a better look, he could feel the beginnings of a scowl. "Where's Itachi?"

Itachi was the first person she thought of when it came to somebody rescuing her? Shisui shook the petty thoughts from his mind. He'd learned a long time ago that envy was everyone's downfall. Everyone's. "It is a large forest, Sakura," he explained patiently. "He will be searching for us."

"So what now?" she snapped, though there wasn't much anger behind her words. "What are we supposed to do?"

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Shisui assessed the drop to the ground. It wasn't too great – there wouldn't have been one at all, had it not been for the awkward angling of the cliff. It would be simpler to jump the distance. Tightening his hold on Sakura, he took the leap, saying, "We wait."

Some part of Sakura clearly trusted him, even if she didn't want to admit it. The fact that's he didn't cling to him or freak out, instead trusting his ability to land safely, proved that to him. And inwardly, he smiled.

Glancing around them, he tried to spot if there were any hidden spots they could use, but there was nothing spectacular – all relatively obvious to those who were raised in or around a forest. For Konoha-nin, it wouldn't take long to find them. Though, he wondered, if his Sharingan and genjutsu skills were up to the test of protecting them? It was at the feeling of the blood spreading across the back of his shirt that made Shisui's mind up: yes. They couldn't not take the risk, really. At some point, either the fall or his handling of her had opened her wounds. He had to tend to them otherwise they risked infection. He would not prolong her suffering or cause her greater harm.

"We will take cover here," he stated, already making his way towards a tree. It was taller than the rest, effectively allowing them to hide in the leaves of the other trees while sitting on the branches. Once more adjusting his hold on Sakura, he sent chakra throughout his legs and jumped, landing on the branch better than he'd expected. "Here, I will look at your wounds."

But Sakura shrank back at the offer, arms coming around her bloody abdomen. "It's not necessary."

Considering the amount of blood he could feel soaking his shirt, he highly doubted that. Instead of arguing, however, Shisui sat in front of her, his legs dangling on each side of the branch. "This is me, Sakura," he said, trying his best to smile at her. It felt foreign, though. Forced. "You have seen me in various states of indecency throughout your time as my caregiver."

There was clear uncertainty on her features and for a selfish moment, he wished they weren't covered in the shadows of the forest. He wanted to know what it looked like when the sun hit her face. Surely, she looked radiant. Even with the injuries.

He sighed, knowing that it went deeper than trust issues or fear of being indecent. It was because of what that symbol meant by being on her body – something that still had his blood boiling with barely contained rage. No doubt she was deeply ashamed of it. The Sakura he'd come to know was a proud woman, one who cared about her image. Was it the same for the Sakura in front of him?

"You are not whatever the emblem means to you," Shisui said seriously, almost fiercely. "You-"

"What do you think it means?" she questioned. Peering up at him, she gingerly pulled her arms away, seemingly able to ignore the fact the pale skin was dyed red.

He took a deep breath, trying to collect his thoughts. Seeing her covered in so much blood – being able to smell said blood – was wrong. So, so wrong. "I believe it is Danzo's way of manipulating you." At her inquisitive stare, he continued, shifting just the slightest bit forward. "I know of his plan – to have Itachi, Sasuke and myself succumb to the madness that is the Curse of Hatred. And while this is only a guess, am I right to assume it plays on your mind? That it makes you question your connection with us?"

Green eyes averted from his as Sakura decided to stare at the leaves behind him. From the sounds of it, there was a bird's nest fairly close to them. Was she watching them? "I'm… a possession of the Uchiha Clan. A whore."

The words caused the rage within him to swell, but he never let it show on his features, instead remaining calm for her sake. Being alone with her when she was so vulnerable (not to mention capable of having her mood switch in the space of a nanosecond) meant he had to tread carefully. Perhaps it was a sign that he still had the chance to get to know her? Maybe there was a small part of the woman he'd fallen in love with left?

"You? A possession?" he questioned, his smirk faint. "While I may not have known you as long as the others, I can assure you now: you could never be anyone's possession, Sakura. You value yourself too much for that to happen – it's the same with being a whore. The Sakura I know could never be such a thing."

"Because she was innocent, right?" repeated Sakura harshly and the anger in her tone startled him. Had he said the wrong thing? "I'm not that person any more – you said so yourself. You don't know me anymore."

Damn it. The unsteady truce between them was falling apart. "And I regretted it instantly."

"Then why say it?"

"I said it because…" He shook his head, finally giving into the urge of looking away from her. It wasn't until he figured out a way to word his next sentence without offending her that he returned his gaze to hers, frowning somewhat. "How much do you remember of our time together? Do you remember Sasuke's return after I left the hospital?" Uncertainly, she nodded, though it took her a few moments to remember. "You didn't want to see him, correct?"

"Y-Yes…?"

"No, you didn't," he assured her gently, once more moving just that little bit closer. Their knees bumped together lightly and she flinched, eyes darting towards the closing distance between them. "You couldn't bring yourself to see the man he had become because you were in pain. You were hurting from his actions and said you needed time to think. About who he'd become and separating him from the boy you'd fallen in love with."

There was wary realisation on her features. She was clearly unsure whether to believe him, but at the same time, knew deep in her heart that there was some truth to his words.

"I suppose that was how I felt," explained Shisui, still carefully choosing his words. If he said one wrong thing, the moment would shatter and there was no telling how long it would be before they next spoke so calmly with one another. Would her madness put a stop to it? Would she be able to remember their conversation later? There was no way of knowing. "I felt as though I needed the time to separate the woman who cared for me so selflessly, without a single thought of herself, to who you are now."

"I'm… selfish now?"

"No, not at all." He sighed, losing what he was about to say and growing frustrated with himself. "You're different. Understandably so, but it still came as a shock to me. Although I warned myself of this possibility, I never truly believed it would happen."

Why did it feel so good to be speaking with her about such things? To be looking her in those beautifully green eyes and getting all the pain off his chest? It was like he was admitting his wrongdoing towards her – the giving up on her so easily. Almost like confessing a sin. Perhaps with it out of the way so early in the rebuilding of their relationship, it meant good things for them? For her?

For a few minutes, she didn't speak, the sounds of the young birds behind him chirping away being the only thing filling the silence around them. He didn't push her. Instead, Shisui waited patiently, wondering how he would treat her wound if she allowed him to. There were some spare bandages in the pouch he'd been given – for his eyes, but they would do for now, he supposed. They were clean and would just about cover the symbol. That was all that mattered.

"Before I fell, I…" She chuckled humourlessly, the previous cold demeanour returning briefly and making his heart sink, only for her to shake her head like she was trying to gain control of her emotions. "I think it was a flashback. Of our time together, I mean."

"Oh?"

Hesitantly, she nodded. "I was… comforting you. You were refusing to leave your room – wouldn't even get out of bed."

"That wasn't unusual for us back then," he admitted with a small, sheepish smile. It hurt to think back on their time together in their safe bubble. Gods, he wished he could go back so badly. Wished he'd spent less time shut away in his room and his head and more time with her. "You would spend hours every morning getting me out of my bed."

She was watching him closely, trying to detect any traces of deception. When she found none, Sakura continued slowly, once more hesitant to share her story as she told him, "It was almost like a confession, of sorts. We seemed really close."

"We were," Shisui said with a sad smile.

"Do you miss it?"

He didn't miss a beat in answering, didn't look away for a single second. "Every day."

The truth in his words seemed to trouble her, for Sakura once more fell silent. This time, it lasted a while – long enough for him to question where Itachi and the others were… unless he was trying to give them time alone? Would his friend really do that? And what did Sakura's silence mean? Was she unsure of her own feelings? Was she scared? Saddened? Was something whispering in her ear, telling her not to believe him?

"I…" She searched the area surrounding them, or as best as she could given their cover in the trees, green eyes narrowing suspiciously. "Please could you… change the dressing?"

There was no describing how much her request meant to him. Already, they were getting somewhere. Whether it was due to the scare of the fall, or being in shock or simply his insistence. It didn't matter what it was. They were getting somewhere.

Since they were already knee to knee, there was no way to get any closer. Instead, he reached into his pouch, placing the clean bandages between them before gently, slowly, lifting her shirt to reveal the bandages. As expected, they were drenched in blood, so he wasted no time in removing them, albeit carefully. Hurting or scaring Sakura was the last thing he wanted to do.

"Did the medic give you any medicine?" he asked in an attempt to fill the silence.

She shook her head, staring at the leaves above them so that she didn't have to see what he was doing. Had she even looked at what had been done to her? Honestly, as the last of the bandages fell away, revealing the sight of his clan's insignia, Shisui found that he couldn't blame her if she hadn't. Danzo had branded her. Upon discovering her feelings, he'd used them against her.

It was only when those huge green eyes fell to the side of them that she suddenly went rigid, nearly yelling, "Wait!"

His hands froze, senses quickly stretching out to try and pick up on any dangers. There were none. Just a rabbit beneath them hopping by. "What's wrong?"

"You're doing it wrong," said Sakura with a scowl. "There's supposed to be gauze."

Was there? He inwardly frowned and glanced down to the old bandages, sighing quietly in defeat at the sight of the bloody gauze. How could he not have known? Applying simple bandages – while clean – was risky.

"What should I do?"

"How should I know?"

"You're-" Shisui cut himself off.

"I'm?" she pushed, eyes narrowing. At least she was looking at him again.

Not for the first time, he lowered his gaze. "Forgive me."

"You confused the current me with the old me." It wasn't a question, but he nodded anyway. Then, quietly, she asked, "Do you think I'll ever remember that part of myself?"

"The selfish part of me wants you to be able to," he admitted, his voice low.

"But?"

Again, he sighed. The birds were chirping desperately and a single glance over his shoulder informed Shisui that the parents had returned with their lunch. It wasn't exactly a heart warming sight, he noted as the mother began regurgitating her meal, but the gesture wasn't lost on him. Family was a sweet thing.

"But I need to learn to accept that you are different now." As much as it killed him inside. "It's wrong of me to keep comparing you to who you used to be – not when this version of yourself could be twice the person you previously were."

"I don't see how," she grumbled in response.

Of course she couldn't see. He couldn't truly see either. However, there was every chance Itachi was right. There was every chance Sakura could bounce back from what had happened to her, using the experience to push herself. Gods, she was so beautiful. Ignoring the bruises and the wounds, her skin was pale and smooth. But other than her beauty, there was a power lurking within. He could see it in the delicately sculpted muscles – had seen it when she turned on Itachi. Her instincts knew exactly what they were doing, or what she should be doing, even if Sakura couldn't remember. The person she was, was just beneath the surface. It was in her subconscious. That meant she wouldn't be starting from scratch.

"Itachi said you need to find yourself," Shisui finally managed to reply, ignoring the aching of his chest. "That is no easy task, Sakura. It will take a while." Deciding that the conversation was too much, he then said while gesturing the bandages, "What do you suggest I should do?"

She shrugged. "Wrap it up. I'll deal with it."

"Are you sure?"

"Just do it."

At the impatient snap, he did as he was told, carefully wrapping up her abdomen. Quick glances at her face told Shisui that she was uncomfortable and pensive. Her body continued to be rigid, eyes tight.

He went back to his job, watching how it just barely managed to cover the emblem, which was already seeping through the thin wrappings. The wound itself was around seven inches in length and just a little smaller in width, causing Shisui to despair for her. It was always going to be there – a horrific scar that would always remind her of the torture she'd gone through at the hands of Danzo. Damn it, they'd stripped the skin away entirely where the emblem was supposed to be red. How was she ever supposed to move on from that with such a permanent reminder?

His angry thoughts were interrupted as he sensed three chakras approaching fast, the most powerful of the three causing him to sigh. "They've found us."

"Who?"

The pure fear on her features had Shisui quickly reiterating, "Itachi and the others have found us."

Some of the stiffness eased away. "…Oh."

It had only been around twenty minutes since they sat down in the tree and surprisingly, Shisui found that he wished they had more time alone together. Despite his previous thoughts of wanting to avoid her, wanting to protect his heart from the agony of watching her in her madness… It was becoming increasingly difficult to ignore her. It was bordering on impossible. He loved her too much.

Dropping the genjutsu once the three shinobi stopped directly below them, Shisui stood, offering his hand to Sakura. Similar to the other day, however, she didn't accept it. Instead, she stood by herself, using the trunk for support, her old bandages being held tightly in the other hand. But that didn't upset him. The previous Sakura, he'd noticed, hadn't enjoyed spending time by herself unless there was something for her do. She preferred to be of use, to have someone relying on her, to be taking care of their every need and following their orders. Like she was unsure on what to do with herself without said orders. It had him wondering if the new Sakura was more independent – whether she was too scared to rely on others, or merely wishing to prove herself. Maybe it was even a mixture of the two?

"Shisui? Sakura?"

Their only response was to drop from the tree, landing before the group. Alongside Itachi was Kakashi and the Hyuuga male, their stances relaxing upon seeing them.

"I was unable to see through your genjutsu," came the smooth voice of the Hyuuga. "We had to follow Kakashi's sense of smell."

Good. So his genjutsu skills didn't need too much work. Then again, they'd always been above average – even before he activated his Sharingan. For his skills to have slipped in that specific area would have meant he truly let himself go.

"Are you both okay?" Itachi questioned, assessing the pair of them closely. His eyes were drawn to the opened wounds on Sakura's body, expression smoothing out when he noticed her discomfort at their staring. "I noticed you used Susanoo, Shisui."

"It was risky considering we need to stay hidden, but-"

"But you had no choice," Kakashi cut in. "Don't apologise for it."

"It wasn't activated for long," said Itachi. "Anyone on the ground would not have seen it."

"Either way, we should keep an eye on the area."

There was no telling whether or not Danzo had his spies hiding around the forest. After all, he allowed Itachi to 'rescue' Sakura. How could they be foolish enough to believe he wouldn't have spies hanging around the area? Then again, if he did, he would simply send in his strongest forces to dispose of them all. It wouldn't take much considering how weakened they all were.

"I agree with Neji," Kakashi said with a nod in the younger man's direction. "Station the shinobi at the entrances."

"It would be best if we continued this discussion inside," Itachi reminded them all. Turning in the direction they'd come from, he ordered quietly, "Follow me."

It struck something within Shisui when Sakura picked up her pace so that she was side by side with the Copy-Nin, his single eye saddening at the restless way she watched their surroundings. It was clear to him that Kakashi had Sakura's trust – how, he was unsure, but he did have it and that was enough to make Shisui ache inside.

The walk back to the hideout was silent and uneventful, with Naruto and the others waiting worriedly by the entrance for their return. Ignoring them all, Sakura walked straight to the medical room, refusing to give so much as a backwards glance. Shoving his hands in his pockets, Shisui followed her example, returning to the main hall. Or, at least he would have, had Itachi not stopped him once they were out of earshot of the others.

His friend was visibly worried. Partly shaken, too, if Shisui wasn't mistaken. And why wouldn't he be?

"Shisui, was that…?"

Many would have succumbed to the horrors they'd been through, had they been in Sakura's position. Sighing, he faced Itachi, eyeing him momentarily before saying, "No. It wasn't a suicide attempt."

"Then what happened?" he demanded, wary of keeping his voice low as his red and black eyes darted to the archway. The others were walking past but if they knew what was good for them, they wouldn't pay any attention to them. Looking back to him, Shisui narrowed his eyes fractionally. Was there a reason why Itachi's Sharingan was still activated? Was it the heightened emotions? Was he stressed? Or was it something more sinister, like his sight? "Shisui."

He sighed. The eventual blindness that came hand in hand with the Sharingan was a fate all Uchiha had to face at some point in their lives. As far as he was aware: there was no escaping it.

"She slipped – that's all there is to it."

"She slipped."

"Even shinobi are capable of being clumsy at times, Itachi."

"Not that particular shinobi," he argued seriously. "I have seen Sakura train and I have seen her in battle-"

"Yes, but this Sakura is different to the one we once knew." Turning on his heel to continue to the main hall, Shisui threw over his shoulder, "The sooner we learn to accept that, the better."

A/N - So for those of you who follow STIL (not sure if many of you do, considering it's ItaSaku), you will know about all the changes in my life. For those of you who don't, I'll make a long story short: I'm pregnant - still only the first trimester, but it's been a nightmare. To update you all on that, however, I had to have an emergency appointment with my doctor, who immediately sent me to hospital with hyperemesis gravidarum. Simply put, it's a pregnancy complication caused by severe nausea and vomiting. It got to the stage where I couldn't keep down any food or water and it made me severely dehydrated. They had to hook me up to a few drips to hydrate me, inject a load of anti sickness meds into me and monitor my meals.

Thankfully, I'm home now that they've eased me onto oral anti sickness tablets. It's my first day at home and so far, so good, but HG is tricky and can last either a few months of the pregnancy, or for the entirety of it. God, it was awful. It felt like the life was being drained out of me!

Anyways, I just wanted to let you all know that, if I do ever randomly stop updating, it's because I'm genuinely unwell. I'll do my best to keep updating, but understand that I'm obviously going to be putting myself and the baby first. Although it may seem easy enough to sit at a computer and write a story, it's difficult at the best of times. Adding nausea, dizzy spells and headaches brought on my dehydration to the mix and you've got yourself a nasty combo.