Chapter 20 – Our Blood Is Cold

With Itachi gone, she was able to convince Kakashi into allowing her time outside – supervised, of course, but that didn't bother her too much. Outside, she wasn't surrounded by a miserable, overbearing atmosphere. She didn't have to find ways to cope with accusatory stares or people muttering under their breaths about how she wasn't much use to their cause.

Did their words bother her? If she was being honest: no. She couldn't care less. And that irked her, for some strange reason. Like her heart, or a part of her that had been locked away, wept at the mere thought of being ostracised or disliked, that pain only increasing by her own indifference towards it all. But why would she let it affect her? What would it achieve by allowing it to weigh her down? They didn't like the new her – big deal. That was their problem to deal with.

Standing before the lake, Sakura shut her eyes, breathing in deeply. The air was crisp, filling her lungs uncomfortably, burning them and making her throat itch. She could sense Kakashi and Sasuke in the background, hovering, whereas Itachi wouldn't have made such an obvious effort to try and make his presence less known. Would they attempt conversation at any point?

She sat after a few moments, taking the time to roll her pants up to her knees. Just because Itachi was away, it didn't mean she couldn't continue making progress. If she stopped even for one day, there was no telling how it would affect her. What if she couldn't bring herself to continue? What if taking a break made the inescapable panic return? How long would it take her to get back to where she currently was?

For a while, Sakura remained motionless as she watched the ripples in the water, continuing to breathe slowly, deeply. The usual panic she suffered from withdrew the longer her meditation went on for, allowing her to eventually unfold her legs, feet growing closer to the edge. Calmness of the mind was key, Itachi had told her. It was the key to gaining the upper hand in battle, to remaining level headed. It was how he made difficult decisions, how he went through with them and how he coped afterwards. It was why and how he'd walked away the victor of many battles.

It was with a hard swallow that her feet dipped into the cold water. Momentarily, the panic spiked, her hands clenching into fists in the moist grass until Sakura forced herself to calm down. It took a few moments longer to calm her racing heart, but once it had slowed, she moved further, the water soon reaching her shins. Her fingers released their death grip on the grass and her eyes opened, taking in the sight of her feet underwater. The sight was unnerving, her mind threatening to become overwhelmed by the memories of her torture, but once more, Sakura resumed her meditation.

Calmness of the mind was key.

Raising her left foot, she wriggled her toes, watching the droplets of water that returned to the lake, creating ripples. So enraptured, she almost missed the presence of another approaching. Almost.

"Why?"

Green eyes drifted to the figure beside her, unsurprised to find he wasn't looking her in the eye but instead watching her foot. He seemed to be in deep concentration, watching as her foot flexed and arched.

"What?" she questioned.

Something in her voice forced him to look at her face, his dark eyes trying to read her expression. "The water. Why can't you stand it?"

Had Sasuke always been so forward? Nobody – not even Itachi – had been so direct about her torture. They hinted at it, indirectly asking what had happened to her. However, Sasuke was the first to outright ask her about it, not bothering to hide his curiosity. She wasn't sure how to handle the question. If it weren't for her determination to beat yesterday's time in the water, she would have removed her feet as a sickening chill swept through her body, like the cold water was suddenly replacing her blood.

"Danzo is a big fan of bringing his prisoners to the brink of death, only to snatch them back as soon as they catch so much as a glimpse of escape."

"That doesn't answer my question."

Bitterness had her snorting. "Most people would read between the lines." When only silence met her, Sakura once more met his eye, saying carelessly, "At one point during my torture – hell, probably more than once – I had to be resuscitated. On a particularly bad day, Danzo decided he didn't want me removed from the water before I was shocked into breathing again." Pausing, she took in his odd expression before looking away, adding, "Or maybe I was holding my breath too well, managing to hold it for a bit longer each time my head was held underwater?"

"They electrocuted you."

Why did it sound so horrific? Like he couldn't – or didn't want to – picture it happening to her? Hadn't he tried to kill her with his lightning element before? "Water is a great conductor for electricity." Again, she snorted at his silence, demanding, "Do you think I like smelling like this?"

"Well, I wasn't going to mention the smell," stated Kakashi cheerfully from behind them. "But now that you mention it…"

Her lack of response to his obvious baiting had him sighing, leading Sakura to believe that, previously, she would have responded to his teasing. She wondered how those conversations went down. Did she respond with equal amounts of teasing? Did she get riled up? Was there some kind of connection between her and Kakashi like there seemed to be with the other sharingan users? Was she just as obsessed with those deadly eyes as Danzo was? No, that couldn't be right, because she was branded as the Uchiha Clan's whore, not Konoha's. Unless Danzo classed Kakashi as an Uchiha due to possessing the sharingan? No, she doubted it, since Danzo himself had the sharingan and he clearly had some unresolved issues with the clan that even the most experienced psychiatrist couldn't begin to understand or dissect.

Dark eyes returned to hers, assessing her, like Sasuke was trying to see into her mind and witness the torture for himself. "Do you think that's partly why you're confused?"

"Maybe."

"It probably goes deeper than that," Kakashi argued calmly and sat beside her. He was silent for a few moments during her questioning staring, watching her dangling legs before he copied her, unknowingly allowing Sakura to take an easy deep breath. Obviously, Kakashi wouldn't have put himself at risk. There was nothing in the water with her. "Danzo used the sharingan on you, didn't he?" Slowly, hesitantly, she nodded. "Not just any ordinary sharingan, but the Mangekyō – the patriarch's, no less."

There was a pause in Sasuke's response as he sat on her other side, staring out at the lake. "And my father's abilities were kept secret. Only a select few know-" He cut himself off, then continued bitterly, saying, "Knew of his techniques."

"Itachi-san said no two sharingan are the same, but what if Fugaku-san had similar techniques to Shisui-san?"

"It's possible. Even though it's not as extreme, Itachi's abilities are powerful enough to destroy minds too," Sasuke agreed quietly and his brows came together. "He's told me about Tsukuyomi. It's left many of his enemies brain dead."

Why did that name sound so familiar? Frowning, Sakura looked between the two men, wondering just when the hell they were going to include her in their brainstorming session. It was about her, after all. Or had they forgotten about her entirely?

"Perhaps with your seal, Sakura-"

"Seal?" she couldn't help but interrupt, frown deepening. "Like Tsunade-sama's?"

He briefly looked away, anger flitting over his expression, but then Kakashi met her gaze again, face once more neutral. "It was one of your greatest achievements. The day you activated your seal was the brightest you'd smiled in years. You were extremely proud of yourself – your hard work paid off."

Was that why he looked so pissed off? Was it because it had been stripped away from her? "Then where is it?" came her annoyed question. "Tsunade-sama's was always activated-"

"Unless she was seriously drained of chakra," argued Kakashi.

"Give me my chakra back, then."

Beside her, she felt Sasuke shift, felt his eyes searching her expression again. Then, he surprised her by saying, "Perhaps we should."

"Sasuke-"

"Don't use that tone with me," he warned darkly and the sudden drop in temperature had nothing to do with the fact it was almost winter. "You're not my sensei and I'm no child."

"Then don't fill her head with false hopes."

"Why shouldn't we?" he demanded. "How is she supposed to get anywhere in terms of strength or remembering how to be a medic-nin if you're all draining her of her chakra? She can't perform any of her techniques without it."

It was obvious to them both that Kakashi was quickly losing his patience with the wayward Uchiha, his gaze dark and narrowed as he muttered lowly, "Stop manipulating the situation by making us out to be the bad guys, Sasuke. You know why we can't allow Sakura access to her chakra-"

"Because I'm too much of a liability, right?"

"Yes," replied Kakashi simply, shrugging. "I'm sorry, Sakura, but it's too risky. I want nothing more than to help you, but we have to take every life in the hideout into account. Even without chakra, you're a threat to many here. With chakra, you're a threat to everyone. Itachi-san is gambling with his life by going against your strength."

"I would never hurt-" The fierceness of her own words stunned Sakura into silence, her lips thinning when Sasuke's head snapped in her direction, no doubt surprised, too. Since when did she display such great concern over Itachi? She knew they were all thinking it. "The only difference between being here and in Konoha is the torture," she snarled and yanked her feet out of the water, standing and turning her back on the men. "Other than that, nothing's changed. I'm still a prisoner here."

"Sakura-"

"Leave me alone."

No, she hadn't been insane before. She was now, though. She had to be, because it'd been however long since Itachi and Shisui left and she found that, while sitting on her futon, she'd never felt more alone despite the fact her room was far from empty. Both Naruto and Hinata were fussing over the ill child, trying and failing to make themselves useful. It was difficult to watch, really. If the child hadn't been in and out of consciousness, surely he would have expressed annoyance at their endless fussing. Nobody in their right mind would put up with it for long.

At their incessant chatter, Sakura stood and left the room, growling under her breath. The problem wasn't Hinata, even if it seemed that way. No, she would go through hell and back for her – already had and would willingly do so again. The fake Naruto was the problem. Part of her was annoyed with Hinata, because for someone who'd admired him for so long, who'd always watched him from afar, she easily missed major flaws in his new self. She missed huge warning flags. Anything that should have warned her about him being a fake, she somehow couldn't see and it was driving Sakura insane. How could she not see that the man she loved wasn't the man she loved? Was Hinata delusional? Was she so overwhelmed by the sudden attention that she couldn't see it?

"Are you stalking me now?"

He pushed away from the wall at her words, approaching without hesitation. "This goes deeper than that idiot pissing you off."

No, really? What gave him that idea? "It's a lot more than him pissing me off like when we were kids, that's why."

"Why?"

Gods, she was going to tear her matted hair out. At least that would solve the problem of trying to sort through it all. It was without pause that Sakura brushed past him, walking towards one of many entrances to the hideout. She only ever approached said opening when in the presence of another, always staying well back from the edge.

Holding onto the protruding rock, she looked out at the vast forest, gaze drawn to the image of the trees rustling in the wind as it picked up, reminding her of the ripples in the lake as it travelled. Leaves danced in the sky, flying higher and higher until the wind died down, leaving them to drift to the ground once more. Due to how high up they were, it was much colder, goosebumps breaking out over her exposed skin and she shivered, though didn't dislike the feeling.

"That's not Naruto."

There was a snort of dry amusement. "There's nothing I want more than to agree with you."

"You want a fake Naruto?" she demanded in disbelief, glaring at him. "Why the hell would you want that?"

"Because maybe the fake would mess up his personality and I'd finally be left alone," he replied simply. Glancing at her from the corner of his eye, he added, "You're both as persistent as each other."

Hand lashing out behind her, she snarled, "And you think this version of him is persistent? He doesn't even look like-"

"Say what you want, but even in that pitiful state, Naruto was willing to lead the way back to Konoha to rescue you once he found out you were alive. Until that point, he refused to give up hope. He knew you were alive and fought anyone who said otherwise."

The words silenced her, but only long enough to send him another glare before walking forward, her hold on the rocks as secure as she could manage. "And now?"

"Nobody knows how to act around you," he stated and followed her example of staring out at the forest. "And if you're not glued to Itachi's side, then you're talking to yourself or lost in your own head."

Was that true? Was she really isolating herself? Did it matter? Something nagged at her, in the back of her mind, that yes it mattered. It mattered a lot. The voice cried out at her thoughts, disagreeing with them wholeheartedly, begging of her to make a difference. They needed the comfort of others, they needed the security and support of camaraderie.

Don't do this, the voice begged. Don't shut out their love.

Sakura wanted to laugh in return. Did that foolish voice truly believe Sasuke loved her? After he'd abandoned her? Attacked her? Broke her heart? Those were not the actions of someone who was in love. They were the actions of a man – of a boy – who wanted to be left alone, who was tired of those around him and the bonds they continuously tried to forge. He didn't care about them. They could die at his feet and he wouldn't think twice about it.

Despite her dark thoughts, Sakura glanced at him from the corner of her eye, frowning when she found he was already looking at her.

He isn't a bad person, that voice returned, telling her. There's a reason why we fell in love with him. There's a reason why we still love him.

We? Who in the hell–

Still love him? She–

Frustration had her grip on the rock increasing in strength, had her sucking in a sharp breath. How was she supposed to know her feelings for someone else when she couldn't even figure out what emotion she was experiencing? It was ridiculous.

Don't.

She was seriously growing tired of that whiny voice in the back of her mind.

Don't ignore our feelings or our love for them.

How did she make it shut the hell up?

It's what makes us stronger. Loving them. Fighting for them. Healing them. Protecting them. We got to where we were in terms of strength because of them. Because of our love.

Instead of making it shut up, the voice only grew louder and more demanding, all but yelling at her to take notice. Sakura's hands shot up, grabbing at her hair and scalp like she could claw it out, eyes squeezing shut so that she couldn't see Sasuke's expression when he spun to look at her.

Stop shutting them out!

"Don't tell me what to do," she snarled in response and her scalp ached in protest to the death grip she had on her matted hair.

Face your feelings for them, damn it.

"Shut it out, Sakura," came her shishou's warning. How long had she been lingering for? Sakura would have questioned the older woman, but her mind was spinning, head beginning to throb. "It's Danzo's influence on you. Remember what he's trying to do with them. He wants them at each other's throats."

That was right. She couldn't let them in. Couldn't accept any sort of feelings. It was too risky for them and her.

No!

"Sakura!"

Her forehead burned when it slammed into the rock, no doubt grazed and her fingers suddenly dug into the cold stone, her breathing heavy and unsteady, threatening to make her dizzy. Hands grabbed at her shoulders, attempting to pull her away, but it only worked in causing her to headbutt the rock once more when she struggled against Sasuke's strength.

"Stop resisting," he ordered.

Look at him!

"Don't," warned Tsunade, voice raising. "He might have his sharingan activated."

What was she supposed to do? Tears of frustration filled her eyes and she once more squeezed them shut, willing herself to stay strong. Who was she supposed to follow? Usually, it would be Tsunade, but that voice was manipulating her feelings – it had to be, because that weight in her heart couldn't possibly belong to her, could it? An impossible ache in response to the feeling of Sasuke's hands on her?

Desperation was clawing at her insides, confusing the hell out of her as Sakura's breathing turned shaky and shallow, causing her head to spin. Fortunately for her, she had great support from the spiky rock protruding from the ground.

"Ignore it, Sakura," Tsunade snapped at her.

She was trying! She–

The fear was overwhelming as her body moved against her will, straightening her from her slumped position against the rock, forcing her to stand to her full height. It was a struggle, however. A battle of wills, in a way. She fought against the foreign feeling of her body moving of its own accord, fingers curling into the rock, leaving indents. Her fear was so great that she didn't even feel the pain of her wounds reopening.

More hands grabbed at her and she felt Tsunade's overbearing presence to her left, forcing her to remain still. "Don't let him take control!"

"Stop," she begged, body beginning to tremble from the different pressures working against it. "Stop it, please."

"Sakura."

How she managed to hear him over Tsunade's sudden yelling, she'd never know, but Sakura wished she couldn't as the voice in her mind seemingly lunged, taking her breath away because she knew for a fact that it wasn't just a voice. Whatever it was – whoever it was – was taking control.

"Shannaro!"

Arms wrapped around her from behind, pinning her arms to her sides and she felt Sasuke's shaky breath in her ear, the side of his face pressed firmly to hers.

"Stop, Sakura," he ordered quietly, his voice a murmur, evoking a memory she knew her past self once clung to. "Stop."

No. That wasn't Sasuke. It couldn't…

But it was. And the boy she loved was turning into a monster. He was going to kill them all, wasn't he?

"S-Sasuke-kun," she whispered, body shaking as she forced herself to stand.

But he couldn't hear her. He couldn't even see her, could he? Tears filled her swollen eyes and before she knew it, Sakura was rushing forward, crying out Sasuke's name. Her arms wrapped around him from behind, eyes wide when he glared over his shoulder at her with a dark rage.

"Please, stop."

"They'll use this against you," he warned her in an almost whisper and she swallowed at the feeling of his lips so close to her skin. "You'll never have access to your chakra again."

Was that voice still in control of her body? Was it the voice that had her reaching up with trembling hands, clutching at the arms that were securely around her, like she was begging Sasuke to never let go? It had to be, didn't it?

Didn't it?

A/N - Finally, now that I actually have something to update with, I get to tell you all about the safe arrival of my son. He was born on the 18th of December, at 1:34am, weighing 7lbs 2oz and he's absolutely perfect. We're both healthy and finding ourselves and I honestly don't think I've ever felt so much love for one person before. He's beautiful!

I promise I'll update when possible, but said updates will be slower than usual. I write bits at a time now, barely even 500 words per writing session.