Xxxxxxxx

Down in autopsy a concerned Dr Mallard was, beginning to get frustrated at a certain Leroy Jethro Gibbs.

"Jethro you don't seem to understand. After everything that Ziva has been through, it's only human that she's trying to find different ways to cope with the pain" the older ME pleaded.

"I'm telling you Duck she's fine, but if will get you off my back I will keep an eye on her for the next couple of days" Gibbs replied in an equally tired voice.

"Thank you Jethro that would be for the best" Ducky said sighing a small sigh of relief. He was more than slightly worried about the girl, and although he didn't want to think there might be something wrong with her, he knew his mind would be more at ease knowing that someone was keeping an eye on her.

"No probs Duck, bye" came the short reply, from the team leader.

Xxxxxxxx

Gibbs walked back into the bullpen to find his agents working on a stack of cold cases. It had been a slow day, which was a quiet relief to only 3 of the agents. The other was fidgeting around in her seat, and secretly wishing a case would come through, just so that she had an excuse to move around and burn more calories.

"Ants in your pants Ziva?" barked Gibbs as he stared at her, wondering what on earth was going on with her.

"Ants in my what, Gibbs?" asked a very puzzled and confused Ziva

"It means your fidgeting and moving around a lot Ziva" said Tim coming to her rescue.

Meanwhile Tony, who could not keep himself from doubling up in laughter at the look on her face when the "ants in your pants" expression was used.

"Sorry Gibbs, I just need to move around for a bit, my legs are wood after sitting for so long" the Israeli explained

"Rule no #6 Ziva. Don't make me remind you again" Gibbs

The team continued in silence for a few more minutes, when Gibb's phone rang.

"Hi Duck, hmmm yeah I know, uh huh ok I'll send someone to come and collect them" the three agents listened intently to the conversation, whilst trying to guess what exactly what was going on, and not look like they were eavesdropping at the same time.

"David, since you want to stretch out your legs so much, Ducky has files that we need." Gibbs said watching as his agent's eyes gave away a slight hint of fear.

"Oh um Gibbs, are you sure? I mean I'm fine here really" Ziva explained, panic now evident in her voice.

Shit, what am I going to do? Why does he want me to see Ducky again? Stupid cow you need to stay away from him. I have even began to start getting on top of things yet. He MUST NOT interfere.

"That was an order David, now go" came the now annoyed voice of Gibbs.

Ziva all but practically ran into the elevator.

Xxxxxxxx

Once in the elevator Ziva punched all the numbers, ensuring that the ride down to autopsy would take as long as possible. As soon as the doors closes she started doing jumping jacks as fast as she could.

Faster, faster, faster, faster you're too slow, I said FASTER!"

When the elevator stopped at autopsy, she stopped jumping immediately, and tried to slow down her now rapid breathing.

"Ah Ziva, so Gibbs sent you did he" Ducky said with a twinkle in his eye. He watched the younger woman for any signs that would give what she was thinking away.

"Oh yes Ducky he did" she replied trying to smile, whilst still trying to slow down her still ragged breathing

"Are you quite alright my dear?" asked the older man, concern in his voice in regards to the young agent for the second time that day.

"Of course Ducky, I decided to take the stairs. Just need to work on my fitness again I think" she said, never letting her smile drop. She knew the ME was on to her, but she needed to keep up the perfect façade. At least for now.

Ducky smiled a small smile, as he realised that she was not going to indulge him in what was worrying her today. His hope however, was that she would soon feel comfortable enough to tell him soon. He walked over to his desk and picked up the files that Jethro needed, and handed them to her.

Before Ducky could say another word, or even worse make another observation. Ziva walked as quickly as possible out of autopsy. Thoughts were running through her head at an alarming pace. Mostly because she was worried and yet at the same time relieved that there were people looking out for her. One of the things that she hated the most about her illness, apart from hating herself for both not wanting and wanting to be sick, was that she felt like she needed people. She had never needed or wanted anyone her entire life, she had been trained to kill and get the mission done no matter what for heaven's sake! Yet when she was hurting she wanted people to be close to her, and yet at the same time she wanted to push them away in a futile attempt at proving to herself that she was strong, that she was invincible.

But you're not invincible, you are fat failure. You are worthless and you will never amount to anything."

You're disgusting, as if anyone would want you.

As she listened to her head, tears started to form in her eyes. But she would not cry. Not here and not now.

Xxxxxxxx

As soon as Ziva had left for autopsy, Gibbs had walked out of the bullpen muttering something about coffee. Leaving Tony and Tim on their own for the first time that day. But there was only one thing or rather one person that was on their minds.

"Ziva's acting a bit strange lately don't you think probie?" Tony asked Tim, his voice laced with worry.

"It's not unusual Tony, after what she's been through in the last couple of months" Tim replied calm as ever.

The two men sat in silence contemplating the changes in their fellow co-worker. There was something off about Ziva, they just couldn't put their finger on it.

Xxxxxxxx

Ziva arrived back in the bullpen to find only Tim and Tony still at their desks.

"Legs still feel like wood Ziiiva?" Tony asked rolling her name around his tongue as he often did

"No thankyou Tony, they are quite ok now. But where is Gibbs?" she asked as she sat behind her desk.

"Coffee" was the simultaneous reply

"Man I'm hungry" exclaimed Tony, holding his stomach as if he hadn't eaten for a week.

You have no idea.

"You're always hungry Tony" McGee stated interrupting Ziva's thoughts

"Well McDonald, it is lunchtime and I have myself here a nice couple of slices of pizza" DiNozzo said putting his feet back on his desk, whilst digging into his pizza. (550)

McGee had brought a simple lunch consisting of a chicken salad roll (400), apple (70) and custard (110)

Ziva suppressed a smirk that was forming on her face, proud that she no longer needed to succumb to such human weaknesses. She pulled out her own lunch which today consisted of a salad (100) and diet jelly (28).

She watched Tony wolf down his Pizza, almost disgusted and yet half jealous of the way he could just wolf down his food without shame or regret. She picked at her salad whilst turning her attention to McGee who was also enjoying his lunch, although admittedly without as much gusto as Tony.

Now this is better, you don't need to eat like them. This is what we need to do, stay in control and you will be fine.

Ziva smiled as the team finished eating, and started back on their work as Gibbs walked back in, from a very long coffee break. A few more weeks like this, and she just might start to feel good again.

"Will it really though? Are you sure this is not going to go downhill again?" nagged the other voice in her head.

This was what Ziva called her logical voice. And even though she knew that her logical voice was probably right, she was already too set in herself destructive ways to listen to it.