Xxxxxxxx
0500
Ziva silently prayed as she stepped on the scale.
135 pounds
She stared at the number, and then kicked the scale away, disgusted.
FASTER, is this the best you can do? Stop being so lazy and FASTER!
She walked back into her room, still shaking her head in disgust. She was a week into "operation skeleton" the code name she had decided on with the help of friend Lucy.
Lucy and Ziva, had become friends 4 years previously, through one of Lucy's work mentors who thought the two might be able to support each other when times were tough.
Lucy also had an eating disorder, more specifically anorexia and it had plagued her throughout her adolescence and young adulthood. They were very close, or as the Americans put it, best friends.
The only other girl Ziva had known that had an eating disorder was her sister Tali. Tali had been killed the year before Ziva had come to NCIS. A terrorist roadside bomb had exploded, killing her instantly. However it was unknown to her father, and most people close to her, that she was suffering from Anorexia. Ziva had done all she could to support Tali, but in the end it was a terrorist and not her illness that had killed her.
Ziva opened her diary recording today's weight. There was a slow pattern of weight loss emerging on the page in front of her.
130
125
120
115
110
105
100
95
90
She snapped the diary shut, putting it down before opening her closet to find clothes to get dressed. Getting dressed was a daily battle, and she usually tried on 3 or 4 outfits before finally giving up, and just wearing whatever was on top of the pile.
She changed slowly running her hands over the scars that covered her stomach and thighs. She grabbed her blade and started painting bloody red lines onto her thighs. She had decided that once she was under 100 then she didn't need to cut anymore.
As she cut, she let out a breath that she didn't even know she was holding in. She grabbed some tissues and cleaned the fresh wounds, wincing as the cold water flowed over the open skin. She knew she needed to hurry up, it was 0600 already and she hadn't even left the house. Ziva knew she needed to pull herself together before someone noticed something was off. She didn't want that, not yet.
Xxxxxxxx
Gibbs knew something was off. Something was very off.
In all his years at NCIS, Gibbs had not known the former Mossad agent to be late. Checking his watch for what must have been the 20th time that morning. It was 0631 and he had made up his mind, that if she did not show up within the next ten minutes then he would send a search party after her, or at the very least he would call her.
Xxxxxxxx
0635 hours
Ziva continued running towards the Navy yard silently hoping that Gibbs was also late to work today, because she knew he would try to interrogate her as to why she was so late. Well technically she didn't start work until 0700, but at Mossad the agents started at 0500 and out of habit she kept it that way. Lately though she was finding it more and more difficult to keep track of the time, or anything that was not in her head. She knew that she was losing grip of reality, but she knew that the evil side of her was not done yet, and it would not let her stop.
0639 hours
Gibbs let out a breath as he watched Ziva exit the elevator. His relief quickly turned to worry, as he fixed her with a steely gaze that let Ziva know without question that he was mad. He was more than mad. He was pissed.
Ziva walked towards her desk, trying to ignore what the did the Americans call it? Elephants? No flies that were in her stomach at seeing the look on Gibb's face. She knew she was going to have to do some fast talking to get out of this one.
"Hello Gibb's sorry I am late, I overslept this morning" she explained smiling a fake smile,
But she could see Gibbs was having none of it, his face turning from worry, to anger to betrayal. She knew that the unspoken rule on Gibb's team was to always be honest with each other. That's why the team worked so well with each other. They were honest with each other no matter what.
Gibb's knew that there was something wrong with Ziva. Her behaviour had been so out of character for the last week, and if he heard her say she was "fine" one more time, he might just lock her up into interrogation room 1, until she started talking. That said he knew a week was too little a time to judge someone's behaviour by, so he would wait for as long as his patience would allow. But his patience was wearing thin.
"Well David, next time you "oversleep" call me, so at least I don't nearly call a search party" Gibbs barked in reply not bothering to life his eyes from the report he had in front of him. If she was not going to talk to him, then he would play her game, giving her enough so that she knew he cared, yet keeping a distance. He knew that before long she would crack and he would finally find out what was bothering her. Or so he thought.
Ziva stood, and walked out of the bullpen, muttering something about "ladies room" and as soon as she was out of sight sprinted down 3 flights of stairs, finally settling for the fourth flight and sitting down. Holding her head in her hands her emotions changed from sad to angry to hurt. She couldn't understand why Gibb's couldn't even look at her, and it brought back memories of being a child, when her father was too buried in his own problems to notice she was hurting. Not because she thought that Gibbs was buried in his own problems, but because it brought back the same feelings. It made her feel lost, and it made her evil head even more self-destructive. She wanted and needed to show people how much she was hurting. She wanted them to know that she wasn't the strong person she pretended to be. She was a mess and she knew she had to hit rock bottom, before she could allow herself to even start to get better. She didn't know where this twisted logic came from, but for the last five years it had been a feeling she couldn't shake off.
Well of course he doesn't care, why would he. You're just being an attention seeking bitch. You're fat and ugly and stupid. Why on earth would he want to be with you? You're a fake cow.
And with that, she grabbed her blade and started to cut.
Xxxxxxxx
Tony and Tim walked into the bullpen, Tony teasing the younger agent as usual. Tony didn't seem to notice Gibb's odd behaviour, but Tim being ever observant as he was did.
"Something wrong boss?" he asked, Gibbs had become both his boss and mentor over the years and as such Tim had learned to pick up on his bosses moods.
Tony watched the pair intently. Now that Tim had pointed it out, his boss was acting slightly strangely. Gibbs never really was the talkative type, but he had learnt to read his moods and thoughts by his facial expressions, and the one that Gibbs was wearing now was one of hurt, which was rarely seen on the face of Leroy Jethro Gibbs.
In response to Tim's question Gibbs replied
"I don't appreciate being lied to Tim. Especially by a member of my own team. We are a family and families stick together"
"Uh well, we aren't lying to you boss, you know we've always got your six" Tony replied panic in his voice
"I'm not talking about you DiNozzo. If any of you find out what's wrong with Ziva I want to be the first to know" he said standing up from his desk, and fixing them with a stare that left no room for discussion.
"I'm going to get coffee" were his last words as he stood up, walking out of the bullpen, passing Ziva as she walked back in.
Tim and Tony watched as Gibbs and Ziva walked past each other without so much as a glance at each other. They knew this was unusual for the pair, that had been so close just a week ago.
Tim sat down shaking his head.
"Today" he thought, "Today is going to be a very long day"