Sakura was exhausted.
Her eyes burned from keeping an eye on Izuna all night. Her back hurt from staying curled up in the chair at his bedside. Her head ached from her stress.
Izuna had remained stable throughout the night despite his own pain. His blood pressure slowly continued to rise to an almost normal level, his breathing never became so shallow or so sparse that she worried about giving him his pain killers, and his pulse continued to grow in strength each time she checked it.
She would have been impressed by his endurance if she could think of anything besides his vital signs and her own frantic thoughts.
Sakura was unable to focus, her thoughts wild as they rampaged in her mind. Her thoughts were so scattered that they were beginning to border on nonsensical. She felt like she was being pulled in a hundred different directions and her lack of sleep did nothing to help abate her anxiety.
She knew she needed to get out of the clubhouse to think straight. She needed to get away from all of these Uchiha to think about what she was going to do. She needed to gather her thoughts and she couldn't accomplish that being surrounded by Madara's family.
Sakura desperately needed to be alone.
Now that she was certain that Izuna was through the worst of it, she knew that she could slip away to think. She performed one final check on her patient's vital signs and was satisfied when they remained stable and increasingly strong.
He had made it through the night and she was confident that he would be fine from then on out.
Sakura stood from her place in the chair next to Izuna's bed and stretched, working out the kinks in her back. She quietly returned the chair to it's home at his desk before pausing to gather up a paper and pen from the neatly organized work space. She quietly wrote down everything that the Uchiha family would need to do to take care of their wounded club mate before gathering her purse from the floor.
As she opened the door and stepped out into the hallway, she took one final look back at Izuna. Her eyes drifted up from the peacefully sleeping man to the makeshift IV stand and then to his blood soaked cut still hanging on the post of his bed frame.
Her gaze dropped down to the floor before she silently closed the door behind her, her heart and stomach lurching in unison. She took a steeling breath before hooking her purse more securely on her shoulder and heading towards the doorway leading into the main room of the clubhouse.
When Sakura reached the entry way, she peered around the corner to discreetly take a look at everyone in the main room.
She immediately spotted Madara sitting on a stool at the bar, his elbows resting against the wood as he hunched over the bar, deep in thought. His bangs hid his face from her as he absentmindedly turned a coaster over in his hands. Her heart clenched in her chest, her hands fisting around the strap of her purse, and she immediately tore her eyes away from him.
She noticed Kagami sat at one of the tables in the clubhouse, deep into one of his textbooks on law. Obito sat next to him, one of the novels he had borrowed from her in his hand. Being the incredibly observant man he was, Obito's eye flicked up to meet Sakura's eyes. She tensed when their gazes locked but the hitman's expression softened and he discreetly nodded once before returning to his book.
Sakura's perusal continued until it fell upon Izumi, Itachi, Shisui, and Sasuke taking up all three of the couches in the makeshift living room. The news played at a low volume on the TV perched on the wall in front of them, the white noise filling the otherwise quiet clubhouse.
Sasuke, who had changed into a clean set of clothes at some point that night, was out cold, dominating an entire couch as he slept fitfully. Shisui took up the other couch, his long legs spread out along the cushions and his arms crossed tightly across his chest as he slept incrementally more peacefully.
Izumi and Itachi shared the final couch, sharing a private conversation in hushed tones. They both appeared as tired as Sakura felt and, when she finally gathered the courage to step out into the open and approached them on silent feet, they looked up with bleary but hopeful eyes.
"How is he doing?" Itachi asked, his quiet voice breaking the silence in the room in a way that jarred Sakura down to her bones.
Even though Sakura felt as all of the eyes in the room fell upon her, Madara's gaze at her back felt the heaviest.
"His blood pressure has been slowly rising and his pulse is getting stronger. He'll be okay. He just needs to take his antibiotics, take care of his incision, and rest," the doctor explained simply, the tension in the room abating as a wave of relief washed over everyone.
"I'm so happy to hear that..." Izumi sighed, sagging in relief, before her eyes flicked back up to Sakura's. She noticed the elder woman's gaze lingered on her hands but was too overwhelmed at the moment to think more deeply about it.
"Is there anything we can do to help in his healing process besides making sure he takes his antibiotics?" Itachi questioned, drawing Sakura's bleary attention.
"Yeah, there is. Here... I made a list of things to keep an eye on and things he can and can't do and what you need to keep an eye on," Sakura answered before handing Itachi the folded note in her hands, "The most important thing is that he's going to have some pretty severe hypotension which means he needs to be careful when sitting up and standing. He can pass out if he does so too quickly. And don't give him his pain meds if his breathing gets too slow. Everything else is written there."
"I understand. We'll keep a close eye on him so he doesn't hurt himself," Itachi promised, opening the note and skimming over the contents.
"Good. I'm..." Sakura rubbed her opposite arm before tugging her purse close. "I'm going to head home and get some sleep. My phone is on and, if anything happens, you need to call me."
Izumi frowned but nodded in understanding. "Of course. We'll keep you in the loop... Thank you, Sakura. For everything."
Sakura's stomach lurched in her chest at Izumi's sincere yet final sounding tone. She forced a smile, not able to respond with the sudden lump in her throat. She looked to the ground before turning and heading towards the door, her heart racing as she passed by all of the Uchiha who she knew were watching her.
Unable to restrain herself, despite already knowing what she would find, she glanced up to where she could feel Madara watching her. When their gazes met, her galloping heart skipped a beat. Looking into his eyes now, she could see the restlessness in his form. She could tell that he hadn't slept last night, the bags under his eyes that much deeper. She could sense his anxiety and, more than that, she could see the question in his eyes.
Sakura had no answer for the question in her lover's gaze and quickly broke eye contact, her own gaze falling to the floor as she brushed her bangs out of her face.
She couldn't talk to Madara yet. She didn't even know what she would say to him. She needed to eat, she needed to sleep, she needed to get out of the clubhouse to think straight.
Sakura was in such a rush to leave that she missed how Madara's shoulders slumped and how his gaze dropped back down to the bar.
Sakura had been so distracted by her thoughts that she couldn't even remember her drive home. It was only when she slipped her key into the lock on her front door that she finally came back to herself.
After stepping into her dark apartment, the only light being the diffuse light from the rising sun hitting her closed blinds and making them glow. Her home was painfully silent, the only thing to combat the buzzing in her ears being the steady tick of her clock hanging on the wall.
When she took a shaky breath in, the tiny noise sounded incredibly loud in her near silent home. She flicked on the lights in her living room before hanging her purse on the coat rack next to her door.
Sakura passed by her living room, her kitchen, and her bedroom in favor of her bathroom. Without even grabbing a change of clothes, she immediately spun the knobs on her shower and began tugging off her borrowed garments. She caught sight of her reflection in her bathroom mirror and, when she spotted a few smears of blood on her forearms that she had missed when she had washed her hands that night, she immediately rushed into her shower.
The water was far too cold and nearly made her cry out when she submerged herself. The spray quickly heated up to be far too hot but Sakura couldn't find it in her to care when her thoughts brought her far more discomfort.
She made quick work of washing her short locks, scrubbing the shampoo into her hair and rinsing off in the too hot water. As she brought her hands down to reach for her next set of soaps, her sharp gaze once again returned to the lingering smears of dark brown blood on her arms, halfway washed away by the hot water.
Sakura shoved her limbs into the spray of water and scrubbed away the lingering remainders of her surgery, her thoughts once again returning to that night. Anxiety and guilt shot through the doctor as she watched the old blood wash away, disappearing in the too hot stream of water.
Had she done the right thing? She had saved Izuna's life, but she had tied herself to the club. She had risked everything she had worked for, everything that she had dedicated her entire life to earning. She hardly knew these people, aside from Sasuke. And she had only been with Madara for a few months...
What was she going to do?
Sakura became so lost in her thoughts that she forgot to condition her hair entirely, something she only noticed when she finally emerged from the shower and tried to drag a brush through her tangled locks.
She kept her towel wrapped around her as she exited her steamy bathroom and padded into her bedroom. She reached into her closet for something to wear and she had already pulled one of Madara's shirts halfway off of the hanger before she realized what she was doing.
She paused for a long moment, her breath catching in her chest, before she returned the shirt back to the hanger and instead grabbed one of her old pajama tops: a faded band t-shirt. She pulled it over her head before pulling a pair of panties and a pair of shorts onto her hips. She tossed her damp towel into her hamper before heading back out into her kitchen, brushing her damp bangs out of her face as she went.
Sakura was on autopilot as she heated up a microwavable dinner chosen from her freezer at random. She wasn't even sure what she had made for herself, her thoughts still wild as she stared at the slowly turning plastic dish in her buzzing microwave. When the beeper sounded, she jumped, surprised back into the world around her once again.
She took her meager dinner to her table where she sat down in the oppressive silence. As she waited for her meal to cool enough to eat, she gathered her thoughts just enough to make an important phone call.
She scrolled through her contacts before tapping on a familiar name and putting the call on speaker. She dropped her phone onto the table at the same time she dropped her forehead into her hands. The call was answered after just two rings.
"Dr. Senju," Tsunade greeted briskly from the other side of the line.
"Good morning, Dr. Senju. I'm sorry for calling so early, I just needed to ask for tomorrow off. There was a-" Sakura paused for a moment as she thought and hoped that Tsunade didn't catch her moment of hesitation. "-family emergency last night. I can work over the weekend to make up for it..."
The lengthy pause on the other end of the line was deafening.
"Very well," Tsunade finally replied professionally, Sakura sagging with relief, "I expect you to return the day after tomorrow. You're our newest resident and I can't have you making a bad impression after I chose you specifically."
"I will. I'm sorry again for the late notice. And thank you for the opportunity. I won't let you down."
"Good, I'm glad to hear it... But... Sakura?" Tsunade continued, her tone softening into something which sounded close to concern.
"Ma'am?"
The elder woman paused for a long moment, as if struggling for words, before finally sighing, "Nevermind. I'll see you the day after tomorrow. Don't be late."
The blonde didn't even give Sakura the opportunity to say goodbye before she hung up.
The young woman sighed quietly, rubbing her temples as she watched the screen of her phone go dark. She wondered what that odd tone of voice from Dr. Senju had been about. The normally gruff and powerful woman had sounded strangely concerned. She wondered what the elder woman had been about to say before brushing it off as concern about her 'family emergency'.
She cringed at the lie before turning her attention to the food sitting in front of her.
Sakura quickly ate her tolerably hot dinner, not even tasting the meal she had made for herself. Once finished, she threw away her trash, threw her fork into the sink, and filled a glass with water. She downed the glass in one go before dumping the dish into the sink as well.
The exhausted doctor finally made it to her couch, flopping down onto the cushions and stretching out. She rolled over onto her side, intending to take a short nap to combat her exhaustion. When she grabbed one of her pillows and laid her head down on it, she was immediately greeted by Madara's all too familiar scent.
They had known each other for such a small amount of time but, in the time it took for them to fall in love, he had pervaded every facet of her life. Even now, it felt like a part of her was missing. She had grown used to him always being with her and, even with her inner turmoil... she missed him.
Allowing herself this one small concession, she curled up around the pillow and tugged the throw blanket from the back of her couch onto herself. As she finally began to drift off, her thoughts continued to spiral uselessly in her mind.
Sakura thought of what Madara had told her: What the club did. What he did. Who he was. She thought of how he had risked his position in his family, how he had risked being ousted from the club he loved so much, just to tell her the truth.
She thought about what Izuna had told her: How Madara strove for peace. How he had tried to put forth a treaty that had fallen apart.
She thought of what Itachi had told her: How he believed in Madara's dream. How he had so much faith in his uncle that he had allowed his most precious person, Sasuke, to join the club.
Sakura thought of the questions Itachi had asked her.
Did she love Madara? Yes.
Did he make her happy? Yes.
Could she still be with him after everything he had done? Could she live with this? Could she still love him now that she knew who he was?
Sakura still couldn't find an answer to that question as she quickly fell into a fitful sleep.
When Sakura's eyes slid open, she was greeted by the abnormal sight of the wooden floor of an unfamiliar room. She slowly sat up, confused by her surroundings, and only became more confused as she found herself lying on the floor of a dark room that seemed to stretch out to infinity. When she looked around, she could see no end to the dim, never ending space.
She picked up the sound of a woman sobbing in the distance and, when she looked behind her, she could barely make out the form of someone sitting on the ground a ways away.
"Hello?" Sakura called out as she slowly rose to her feet, her voice sounding strangely muted, as if she were under water.
The woman didn't respond, her sobbing continuing as if she hadn't heard Sakura at all.
Sakura continued forward, slowly approaching the strange woman. As she walked, she was slowly able to see more and more of the crying stranger. She could see now that she had light colored hair and was holding something large in her lap.
"Hello? Ma'am? Are you okay? Do you need help?" Sakura offered as she continued forward, slowly walking until she came up to the woman's side.
As she got closer, Sakura could make out that it was a person lying across the woman's lap. The doctor's heart picked up in her chest as dread settled over her. As she cautiously approached, the woman didn't even react.
She quietly walked around the woman, the stranger's wailing becoming more frightening and ominous as she got closer. She carefully peered around the crying woman and, when she finally saw who was laid out across the stranger's lap, Sakura released a broken sob of her own.
Her hand slapped over her mouth to hold back her cries as she stared down at the broken and bloodied form of Sasuke. Her lifeless best friend looked as if he had been in some terrible accident, as if he had been thrown off of his bike on the freeway. He looked just like the mangled corpse of a man who had found his way into her ER all those year ago.
Tears immediately sprung free from her eyes and began to pour down her cheeks. She couldn't drag her eyes away from her broken best friend, her knees growing weak as she was forced to accept that one of the people she loved the most in this world was dead.
The strange woman who was holding Sasuke's corpse in her lap suddenly stopped wailing, the only sound to fill the silent, never ending room being Sakura's own cries.
"This is your fault."
"W-what?" Sakura sobbed, finally tearing her watery eyes away from Sasuke's body to look at the pink haired woman.
When the strange woman whipped around to face Sakura, she realized that she was staring down at herself.
"You abandoned them! If you had stayed, this never would have happened!" her copy screamed, Sakura stumbling backwards at the sorrow and fury in her voice.
"No, I'm-! I didn't, I-!" she tried to argue as hot tears continued to pour down her burning cheeks.
"You thought they were monsters but you're the monster!" her copy roared.
When Sakura tried to defend herself, Sasuke's head snapped up with the sound of a gunshot. His lifeless eyes flared red as he locked eyes with her, startling her. She tripped over her own feet as she staggered back, falling backwards. It felt like an eternity before her back finally hit the floor, Sasuke's scarlet eyes staring into her the entire time.
Instead of hitting solid ground, however, Sakura hit a body of freezing water. She sunk down into the frigid, pitch black water, her limbs pinwheeling as she struggled to figure out which way was up and which was down. She couldn't breath, the oppressive weight of the icy water filling her mouth and her nose. She could feel as she began to black out, her head and her lungs throbbing as she struggled against the oppressive darkness.
Sakura had thought that she was going to die, that she was going to drown in this freezing water as punishment for letting Sasuke die, before three small hands grabbed onto her arm.
She watched as she was dragged towards a light in the murky distance before she finally breached the surface of the water. She dragged in a desperate gasp of air as she was pulled onto something wooden and solid, the smooth wood warm under her fingertips. After wiping away the water in her eyes, she could see that she had been pulled onto a dock that stretched out over a pristine lake. Beyond the lake was an endless forest and, above her, the sun shone brightly.
"Are you okay?" the voice of a young boy asked, drawing Sakura's attention behind her.
Shisui, Itachi, and Izumi all sat behind her, concern flooding their features. The sight of them all together was not an unusual one but the sight of them all together as children no older than ten took her by surprise.
"Sakura?" Itachi prompted, his tiny face pinched in apprehension.
"Yes, I… I'm fine. I just fell in... I think," Sakura finally answered, her voice sounding high pitched and childish to her own ears.
"Good to hear you're okay!" Shisui declared with his same megawatt smile, drawing a smile from Sakura as well.
"Want some?" Izumi asked, offering Sakura a stick of colorful dango.
"Sure," she replied as she reached out and took the proffered treat.
When she looked back up at her friends, they all had bright crimson eyes.
Her own eyes widened as she felt like she had fallen into a black hole on the wooden deck. She slowly fell back down into the darkness, unable to tear her eyes away from the scarlet eyes of her friends as they watched her fall back into the darkness with frightened expressions.
"Sakura!" one of them screamed, she wasn't sure who, the call sounding as if it had come from some far away place.
Sakura blinked and, in the moment her eyes were sealed shut, she landed flat on her back. Her eyes snapped open once again and she was greeted by a ceiling fan lazily spinning from its place on an off white popcorn ceiling.
She shot up into a sitting position, her eyes flicking across the room that she now realized was her parent's living room.
"Miss? Are you okay?" an unknown man asked from behind her, Sakura whipping around to face him.
A man and a woman, both the faded, sepia coloration of old photographs, stared down at her with concerned expressions. They both wore Uchiha MC cuts but, when Sakura tried to read the patches that would tell her their names and positions, the letters wouldn't form coherent words.
"Miss?" the dark haired man repeated, Sakura's eyes lingering on his somehow familiar undercut as she struggled to recognize who he was.
"Sweetheart? Are you alright?" the woman asked, holding out her hand to help her stand. As she leaned down, her unruly ebony hair hung wildly around her shoulders like a dark halo.
Sakura's eyes snapped between the two strangers before she swallowed and finally forced out, "Yes, I'm... I'm okay."
They both smiled in relief as Sakura reached out and grasped the woman's hand and allowed her to pull her to her feet.
"Good. We can't have you getting hurt after everything you've done," the woman cooed, pulling Sakura into a tight embrace before releasing her with a pat on her back.
"I'm sorry?" she asked, confused.
Her breath caught in her chest when she finally noticed the deep, bleeding gash carved into the woman's neck.
"Thank you for saving my son," the man thanked deeply, Sakura gasping and taking a startled step backwards when she noticed the gunshot wounds peppered across his chest.
"You're…" Sakura started, her voice a whisper.
"Please take care of our family," the woman with a slit throat beseeched, her words garbled from the blood leaking from the corners of her mouth.
The strangers both blinked before Sakura could reply and, when she met the now crimson eyes of the strangers, her world went blank like someone had pulled the plug on a TV.
In the span of a heartbeat, she was suddenly in more agony than she's even felt in her life.
Sakura parted her lips to scream, an indescribable pain radiating through her entire body. When she dragged a desperate gasp of air into her burning lungs to fuel her next scream of torment, the pain suddenly dulled to a single point in her abdomen.
As Sakura panted, the sound of a baby wailing filled the sudden silence left behind by her screams. Her eyes finally slid open and she was greeted with the all too familiar inside of the operating room in Konoha Regional Hospital.
She looked down and saw a pristine white sheet covering her parted legs, shadows of people silently flitting about before her. She watched, still desperately trying to catch her breath, as a faceless nurse approached her from the darkness, a bundle as bright as sunlight cradled in her arms.
"It's a baby girl," the unknown nurse crowed as she handed her the squirming bundle.
Sakura could feel hot tears building in her eyes as she reached out to reverently take her baby girl into her arms. She was speechless as she settled her baby into her embrace, her tears finally breaking free from her eyes and slipping down her cheeks as she gazed upon her daughter for the first time.
She was so beautiful, a small tuft of ebony hair peeking out from the scarlet blanket she was wrapped in. Sakura's hands trembled as she reached out to brush the dark strands away from her daughter's closed eyes.
"She's so beautiful..." Madara whispered from beside her, Sakura smiling at the sound of her lover's voice.
"Our baby girl…" he continued, reaching out to touch their daughter.
Sakura's eyes widened in horror at the sight of her lover's blood soaked hands reaching forward to touch their child. His fingertips left smears of liquid crimson across their baby's blanket.
Before Sakura could speak, their daughter's eyes finally snapped open, revealing blazing red irises that pulled her in like a whirlpool. Her vision darkened as she was pulled away once again.
Without warning, Sakura was suddenly looking up a gradual hill that peaked at a crest of a cliffside. Standing at the edge of the cliff was Madara and Hashirama, both of them wearing strange, dated clothes. They both turned around to greet her with bright smiles, ones that she couldn't help but return.
After all, they had finally accomplished their dream of peace. They should all be happy.
She walked up to them until she was standing between them, looking out at the beautiful, colorful village that spanned below their feet. Hashirama affectionately patted her on the shoulder twice before Madara lovingly pulled her against his side.
"Look at what we've accomplished, my love," the dark haired male hummed in satisfaction as they all looked out at the peaceful village below.
"It's wonderful," she whispered in awe, leaning into Madara's embrace.
When she looked up at her husband, they shared a warm smile before she was once again drawn in by crimson eyes.
Sakura bolted upright with a gasp, covered in a cold sweat and panting. She took a deep breath and dropped her face into her palm once she realized she was at home, lying down on her couch. She reached up to investigate the strange wetness on her cheeks and realized she had been crying in her sleep.
She lifted her head to look at her blinds as she wiped her of her cheeks and recognized the light of the midday sun. She checked the time on the clock on her wall and was shocked to find that she had slept nearly eight hours.
Sakura immediately grabbed her phone from her coffee table and was relieved to find that, aside from a couple of texts from Ino and Tenten and a handful of emails, she had no messages. She hoped that everything was going well with Izuna and, when that thought crossed her mind, her internal struggle from before returned full force.
Sakura ripped off the sweaty blanket that was tangled around her legs and fell back against the couch to catch her breath, her eyes sliding shut for a long few moments. When her eyes finally opened again, she stared up at the strips of light on her ceiling, cast by the sun leaking in through her blinds.
The dream had felt so real...
It had made such little sense. She was already starting to forget sections and she was unable to piece it together anymore. She could hardly remember the words that were spoken to her but some parts couldn't be forgotten. She couldn't forget seeing herself holding Sasuke's dead body. That strange man and woman with mortal wounds thanking her for something. Madara's hands covered in blood as he reached out to touch their baby.
All the sets of piercing crimson eyes...
Sakura shook her head as she finally sat back up, her breathing and her heart having finally settled into a normal rhythm in her chest. It was just a stupid dream. It was just her brain trying to sort out her current troubles, nothing more. Nothing to look too deeply into.
She stood from her place on her couch to grab another glass of water, flipping on the kitchen light as she went. She downed the glass in one go before filling it once again. She pulled herself up onto her counter, perching on the edge of the tile as she set her glass down next to her.
Taking a moment to gather her scattered thoughts and figure out what she was going to say, Sakura scrolled through the contacts on her phone once again before tapping on a familiar name. The phone rang three times before being picked up.
"Hey," Izumi greeted through the speaker.
"Hey, Izumi. How's Izuna's sprained ankle doing?" Sakura asked, careful of how she spoke over the phone.
"He's, uh. Well, he's okay. But he's very insistent on getting a drink and we're worried he's going to... re-sprain his ankle. Should we just let him get a drink?"
Sakura sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger.
"He can drink beer but no hard liquor," the doctor conceded, knowing that Izuna was an alcoholic and withdrawal could be more damaging to his state at the moment than drinking a few beers.
Before Izumi could reply, Sakura could hear Izuna yell in the background, "Give me some more of your pills you stingy fuck!"
Obito's voice mercilessly returned with, "Eat a bowl of dicks, you punk ass addict!"
"That's fucking hilarious coming from you, pill junkie!"
Sakura groaned as Izumi sighed wearily on the other side of the line.
"Do not let him overdose, please. Alcohol will make the effects of the opiates far more intense. He can stop breathing or fall and re-sprain his ankle," the doctor informed, shaking her head in exasperation.
"Sure thing, Doc. And, uh…" Izumi started before pausing for a long moment, "I hope I see you again soon."
Sakura got the feeling it wasn't what Izumi wanted to say but didn't address it.
"Take care of him," was all the she said in response before hanging up the phone.
Sakura watched as her screen flashed and returned to the home screen on her phone. She quietly stared down at the background of her phone, gazing at the picture of her and Madara at the Sound Four concert, one of their first dates. It was just a couple months ago but it felt like a lifetime to her now...
Her gaze flicked over the artfully taken photo of her held high in his arms and her cradling his face as they kissed. She could feel her heart rate pick up at just the memory of that moment. The memory of the adrenaline from the fight with those creeps and the passion from their kiss. How strong his arms had felt holding her up, how warm he had felt against her...
They looked so in love.
Sakura clicked the power button on her phone, watching as the picture flashed to black. She set the device to the side as she dropped her face back into her hands.
She still didn't know what to do, what to say.
Sakura decided that she simply needed more time to think, more time to come up with what she was going to do. She didn't want to make a rash decision. She wanted to make the right choice… Whatever it may be.
Sliding off of her counter, she began setting up her coffee pot and going about making herself a proper meal. Maybe if she ate something, she would be able to decide...
As she ate, her thoughts continued to rush through her mind. When she tried to study, she couldn't focus on the material. When she tried to read her novel, the words might as well have been in another language. When she tried to watch TV, the images on the screen were little more than pretty colors.
Curling up on the couch and staring at the pictures flashing across the screen, Sakura finally succumbed to her thoughts. By the time night finally fell and the only light in her home came from the lamp in her living room and the light from her kitchen, Sakura remained curled up in her same spot, wrapped around the pillow that still smelled like Madara and trying to decide if she ever wanted to see him again.
Sakura finally dragged herself to bed around midnight, still struggling with her thoughts. Despite having spent the entire day trying to sort through her thoughts and emotions, she felt no closer to finding an answer.
Despite her lingering exhaustion, she could not find sleep. She tossed and turned for hours, unable to drift off with her thoughts still tumbling in her mind.
She loved him. Gods, she loved him so much. But now that she knew what he was, what he did... Now that she knew the truth of their war... Now that she knew the truth of his life...
Sakura rolled over for the hundredth time and checked the time on her phone. Three AM.
She unlocked her phone to double check that there weren't any messages and, just finding the same texts from Ino and Tenten, she sighed quietly. Her gaze caught on the picture of her and Madara on the background of her phone, her stomach twisting.
For what felt like another handful of hours, she stared at the picture of them. Her thoughts continued to tumble mercilessly in her mind but, in that moment, she felt like she finally knew what she needed to do. The decision she had to make.
Her heart clenched in her chest as she thought she finally realized what was best for them both. For better or for worse, she thought she knew what she had to do.
With her stomach rolling in anxiety, she opened up her texts and clicked on a familiar name attached to a familiar string of messages.
'We need to talk. Can you come over?'
Madara's response was immediate.
'I'll be there in ten minutes'
Madara couldn't find sleep no matter what he had tried.
He should have been more comforted by the fact that Izuna had survived the night. That his brother had survived at all. That his only remaining blood sibling would live. No matter what he did, however, Madara couldn't stop thinking about Sakura. About their conversation, about how he had revealed everything to her. The truth about the club's past as well as his own. The truth about what the club was and about who he was.
She had been horrified by the reality of who he was and her reaction had made him sick to his stomach.
What had he expected?
Madara had tried to sleep that night as she looked after Izuna but found that he couldn't find even a moment of rest, laid out in the bed in his flop room only a room away from his brother and lover. Could he even consider her that anymore?
He was so lost in his thoughts, in wondering whether she was going to decide to leave him or not, that he couldn't find sleep. He had instead relegated himself to the bar in the clubhouse, unable to come up with the energy to do much more than sit at the bar and toy with a coaster as he remained trapped in his head.
When Sakura had finally emerged from Izuna's room early that morning, Madara had hoped that she had made her decision. When she finally looked at him, when their eyes finally met after her conversation with Itachi and Izumi on how to take care of Izuna, he had hoped that she would give him that same loving smile she always did. That he could slide off of that stool and join her as they returned home.
That everything was okay...
Madara felt like he had been punched in the gut when she instead looked away and hurried out the door that much faster.
He had wondered if that was a no.
After an equally stressful day at the clubhouse, Madara had returned to his own home late that night. He had fallen into bed, certain his exhaustion would allow him to sleep, but he found that rest evaded him still.
His sleeplessness clawed at his senses, leaving him feeling lifeless and dim. His eyes burned, even though he had replaced his contacts with his glasses long ago, the glass frames lying on his bedside table as he struggled to sleep.
Madara had thought that trying to sleep in his own bed would help but it did exactly the opposite. His bed felt too cold, too large, and too empty without Sakura to fill it. His pillowcase still smelled like her floral shampoo and he found himself lying on the side that was hers that night.
He had dragged himself out of bed, grabbing his glasses as he went, when he realized that trying to sleep was a fruitless endeavor. He instead found himself sitting on his couch at three AM, his TV playing some war documentary at a low volume, as he swiped through the pictures of Sakura he had saved on his phone.
The picture of her sleeping soundly and bundled up in blankets in the passenger side of his truck during their date at the drive in theater. The picture of them both at the Sound Four concert, her held high in his arms as they kissed after fighting those cretins. The picture of her cherry red lipstick print on his neck that he had woken up the morning after. A picture of him holding her close as she wore her cap and gown, having graduated from medical school. Numerous selfies that she had sent him while at work, at the gym, or at home, all of which he had saved...
The Uchiha sighed, ashamed that he had become so attached to Sakura in such a short period of time. He had known that this was never going to last but he had let himself fall in love anyways. She was a doctor, she was so wholly good, she was a goddess of a woman. And he was the president of a 1% motorcycle club, an outlaw, a criminal. It was never going to work out and the fact that they had made it work for as long as they had had been a miracle.
He clicked the power button on his phone, dropping the device into his lap as his bleary gaze settled onto the war documentary playing in front of him. Even though his eyes remained on the screen, he couldn't find it in him to care about the story of one of the numerous wars he had spent six years at Konoha University studying. There was nothing this documentary could tell him that he didn't already know. As if he cared if they could.
Madara's phone pinged once in his lap and, even though he knew it was just a message from one of his club mates, he felt a thrill of excitement. Tamping down his ridiculous reaction, he scooped up his phone to figure out whoever had texted him at three in the morning.
When he read the name on his screen, he was shocked to see that the message was from Sakura. He unlocked his phone and, when he read that she wanted him to come over, his response was immediate.
Madara didn't bother to put in his contacts, instead deciding to wear his glasses. He did go through the effort to change out of his pajamas and into a clean pair of jeans and a clean shirt. When he grabbed his cut, however, he paused as he considered whether or not he should wear it. His thumb ran over the collar of his leather in consideration before he pulled the familiar weight onto his shoulders.
He couldn't lie to her now. He couldn't pretend he was something he wasn't. She knew the truth about him now, there was no hiding from her any longer.
He gathered the keys to his truck and his wallet, shoving them into the pockets of his cut, before he slipped on his boots. He was out the door a moment later, pulling himself into the driver's seat of his truck and pulling out of his garage.
As he drove to Sakura's apartment, his heart pounded in his chest. He wondered what she was going to say, what her answer was. He hoped that her asking him to meet her meant she was going to say she wanted to stay with him but he also knew that she was the kind of person who would want to do the polite thing and say goodbye in person.
When he turned down a familiar road which would take him all the way to her apartment complex, the song Walk on the Water by Creedence Clearwater Revival began to play through his speakers. He nearly laughed at the irony of it. The song that had been playing in his truck when they had gone on their first date had begun to play as he drove to her house in the dead of night to see if he could call her his old lady any longer. It almost felt like an bad omen, like hearing Sakura's answer before it even passed her lips.
Madara turned down the volume of his stereo, not wanting to think about fate's cruelty in that moment.
He pulled up outside of her complex, parking his truck on the curb and hopping out. The air was chilled as he made his way up to her apartment and made him wish he had had the foresight to put on a jacket beneath his cut. He shook off the thought as he ascended the stone staircase to the Sakura's apartment and stood in front of her door.
Madara raised his hand and knocked on the wood twice, taking a step back as he waited for her to answer. When he heard the lock twist in the door just a few moments later, anxiety began to build within him.
Sakura opened the door and they made eye contact through the crack for a moment that seemed to stretch on for eternity. She finally looked down before stepping back and opening the door, silently inviting him into her home.
When he entered her apartment, one that was warmer, smelled better, and felt infinitely more like home than his own house, he noticed that she appeared to have just crawled out of bed. Her hair was a mess, her eyes were bleary, and she was dressed in her pajamas. But not her normal pajamas.
She wasn't wearing one of his shirts like she always did when they slept.
The realization felt like more proof that she was preparing the leave him and, even without her having yet to speak a word, he felt all the more resigned.
Sakura gently closed the door behind him, the doorknob shutting with a soft click. She paused for a moment before she turned to face him. She wrung her hands together and continued to stare at the ground, her lips parted and her lungs full as if prepared to speak. He remained silent as she gathered her thoughts, quietly steeling himself for her goodbye as he pushed his glasses to seat higher on the bridge of his nose.
"I need to know if you really want peace," Sakura finally blurted out, her viridian orbs shooting up to meet his gaze.
Madara blinked once as his eyebrows furrowed in confusion, not having expected her sudden question.
"Of course I do... Ever since I was a child, it's all I wanted for my family," he answered honestly.
"What are you doing to bring it?" Sakura continued, her voice slowly growing stronger.
"Everything I can."
"Like what? You-you say you want peace but what are you doing to bring it? Or what are you doing to prevent the war from getting worse?" Sakura questioned bluntly before quickly adding on, "I know everything now so don't lie to me. Tell me the truth."
Madara didn't bother with half truths when he answered her.
"You already know about the treaty that Hashirama and I attempted. You don't know about the hits that I've called off, retaliations that I've quashed, or debts that I've taken onto myself. Ties to allies that I've severed. Jobs that I've turned down, deals that I've refused, customers that I've turned away because their influence would spell more violence in the future," he explained firmly, detailing just a part of his efforts to avoid an escalation to the war. The actions he could afford to take to protect his family.
Madara's tone softened but his words were no less firm when he continued, "Every decision I make as president is carefully analyzed to prevent more of my family members, even more Senju, from being killed."
"But what about the president of the Senju MC? What is he doing? Does he want peace like you do?"
"I believe he does."
Sakura's eyebrows furrowed deeply. "And what makes you have so much faith in him?"
"Even with our war, Hashirama's dealing have proven to me that he still wants peace in the same way that I do," Madara explained, unsure of how to explain to Sakura the unspoken faith he had in the man he had once called his best friend.
"Then why does this war keep going? If both of you want it to stop, why hasn't it?" Sakura interrogated, her tone becoming more heated as she pressed for answers.
"Because we're only two men at the heads of organizations that contain hundreds of people. I don't command my family, I lead them. The timing needs to be right..." the Uchiha frowned deeply as he spoke, "There needs to be some sort of a catalyst for change. I want peace but my family has to want it too. I was chosen to be president and my chance to put an end to this war will disappear if I am told to step down by forcing peace."
"What kind of catalyst could change the minds of hundreds of people? What single event could possibly put an end to a hundred years of bad blood?"
"I don't know yet," Madara admitted honestly.
If he knew what it would take, he would have taken advantage of it long ago.
"Then how could you possibly predict an end to this bloodshed? How can you ever hope to make a difference?" Sakura demanded, her eyes alight with barely withheld emotion, frustrated tears beginning to build in the corners of her eyes.
Her words struck a chord within the Uchiha president, immediately dragging the anger from his hopeless situation to the surface. She had no idea what he would do to create a life free from violence for his family. A world where none of his club would have to worry about the crest on their back becoming a target in the wrong company. A reality where the people he loved would no longer be massacred simply for the last name they shared or their shared past.
She had no idea the sacrifices he had made, the things he had done, in pursuit of this dream. He could not doubt himself in his dream and her doubt in him hit a tender note within him.
Madara scowled as he shot back, "There is no maybe when it comes to ending this war. I will put an end to the carnage, I will bring a truce, and I will do whatever it takes to save my family because there is no other way. I refuse to allow my dream to die and my family along with it!"
His sudden vehemence made Sakura's eyes widen in surprise but her viridian eyes soon narrowed in challenge.
"Like beating, torturing, and killing people?" she confronted, staring into his eyes and refusing to be cowed as she gave a voice to his atrocities.
Madara's shoulders sagged, the tension he hadn't realized was building within his form abating as the breath was stolen from his lungs at her bold declaration. He took a steeling breath, calming himself as he gathered his thoughts.
"I don't want that life for my family any longer..." he replied sincerely, his fervor from before melting away in the face of her accusation, "Peace through violence isn't possible. It never has been. Not in my lifetime, not in my father's lifetime, not in my grandfather's lifetime... I want to put an end to it all."
Sakura's own fierce expression melted away to something softer, something sadder, as her gaze sunk to the floor. She nodded silently as she stared into her carpet, as if considering. She took a deep breath, one that could be heard clearly in the deafening silence of her living room, as her eyes slid shut. Her hands fisted at her sides as the tension rising within her became visible in her small body.
When she finally spoke, her words were soft yet sharp.
"What you do, what you've done… it terrifies me…" she whispered, her eyes still tightly closed, "It horrifies me that anyone could do such appalling things, let alone you..."
Madara's heart dropped into his stomach.
This was it... Her goodbye.
He knew he only had so long with Sakura but he had wanted more. He didn't think the end of their relationship would come so soon. The time he had had with her hadn't been enough. He'd never felt like this before, he'd never loved anyone like he loved her. Sakura made him happy in a way he had never felt before. She gave him the strength to continue onward, to keep pushing for peace no matter what it had cost him. Her love had felt like home, like hope, like a happy ending to a bitter tale.
He would respect her decision no matter what it was but...
Madara dropped his head as he waited for Sakura's goodbye.
Not yet...
"But..." she whispered, that one solitary word igniting a spark of hope in his chest as his eyes shot upwards to gaze at her face.
Sakura's eyes slid open, a sudden determination in her expression as she met his gaze confidently. Her eyes were misty, unshed tears gathering in the edges of her eyes, but her stance was strong.
"I believe you," she stated simply.
"You... believe me?" Madara parroted back, not only unsure if he had heard her correctly but unsure of the meaning behind her words.
"Or, I... I believe in you I believe that you want peace between the clubs and that you're working towards it. That you can accomplish it and..." she struggled to amend, her gaze flicking across the ground as she struggled for words, before her expression transformed into one of decisiveness once again, "And I want to help!"
"Help?" the Uchiha returned, baffled, before questioning, "Why?"
"Because the thought of losing you or Sasuke or anyone… it terrifies me more than anything else. The thought of losing you forever, whether it's you dying o-or…" Sakura's voice lost some of its strength, her speech becoming soft and strained as she wrapped her arms around herself. "I can't do it. I couldn't live with myself if any of you died when I could have been there to save you. I would give anything, my job, my title, anything, if it meant saving even one of your lives..."
Madara's heart swelled in his chest as she spoke. He remained silent, unable to swallow back the lump slowly building in his throat.
"I can't let any of you die by abandoning you... I want to stay. I want peace. And I can help. I want to help end this, to keep you all safe how I can. Like with Izuna."
"Sakura, I-" the Uchiha tried to start, his voice labored.
"But..." Sakura interrupted quickly before pausing as she considered her next words, "But I have one condition..."
Anything. "What's your condition?"
"You never keep secrets from me. If I'm here, if I'm involving myself in your war, you need to tell me everything. You never keep anything from me again. You never tell me that 'it's nothing to worry about', you don't lie to me, you don't keep the truth from me," she declared, her voice thick with emotion as she gazed into his eyes unblinkingly, "It's all or nothing with me."
"Are you sure you want this?" Madara began, needing to know that she truly wanted this and wasn't just saying so because of fear of consequences, "You can leave, if you want. Forget any of this ever happened... Forget about me... No one would blame you for it. I wouldn't blame you for it. You'll be safe, I promise you."
"No," Sakura replied firmly, not tearing her eyes away from his.
"No?" Madara returned, eyebrows furrowing at her simple yet unwavering reply.
"I'm not leaving you all to die!" She took a deep breath, gathering herself, before asking with finality, "Do you accept my condition?"
The Uchiha stared at her in wonder, unable to tear his eyes away from her determined expression, shining through her misty gaze. He could hardly believe what he was hearing. Not only was the woman he loved wanting to remain with him but she was offering to help him fight for peace. She was offering to help his family, to save the lives of those he cared about most in this world...
"Of course..." he muttered, feeling as the wellspring of hope building in his chest rose to a fever pitch.
The silence between them stretched on, their hearts pounding so loudly that one could hear it in the oppressive silence of her apartment. Their breaths came fast, fueled by their racing hearts. Tension was heavy in the air, weighing down their lungs even more than the weight of the words they had shared. The promise they had made.
Madara wanted to touch her. He wanted to reach out and make sure that she was real, make sure this was real. To convince himself this wasn't some dream he had conjured for himself as he laid unconscious on his couch at home.
He tentatively took a half step forward, his hand twitching at his side as he struggled over whether or not he was allowed to reach out to her. Not a moment later, like a wave crashing against the shore, Sakura lurched forward and crashed into his chest. When her arms looped tightly around his neck, the breath he hadn't realized he had been holding left him in a burst. As did all of the tension that had been building within him.
His arms wrapped around her middle, pulling her more firmly against his chest. A part of him was concerned he was holding her too tightly but, when she nestled into the place against his chest that he swore had been made for her, the rest of his concerns washed away. His palm cradled the back of her head, holding her against him, as he nuzzled the crown of her head.
Madara held her strongly, unwilling to let go as he basked in her warmth, her scent, the feeling of her body against his. This was real. His heart flew with joy in his chest.
Sakura felt like coming home...
She was perfect, she was a goddess. The gods had to have made them for one another. She was going to help him accomplish his dreams of peace. She had saved his brother's life. She would save the lives of anyone she could, any of his family members that were in danger, because she loved him. Because she loved his family, the most important thing in the world to him...
He had never loved and never would love anyone like he loved her. In that moment, he realized he would do anything for her. That, for the rest of his life, he belonged to her. No matter what happened from that moment forward... He would be hers forever.
"I love you," Madara finally gasped against her hair, finally saying what he had wanted to tell her yesterday but couldn't.
"I love you," Sakura whimpered against him, her voice muffled against his chest as she began to tremble in his arms.
He could feel as her shoulders began to shake, tears slowly slipping free from her careful control as she tried to conceal her sniffles.
"Oh, darling..." he breathed, pulling her into his arms so he could hold her more fully, "My love, don't cry..."
His glasses hung awkwardly on his face as he pressed his face against her hairline, the arms of his glasses digging into his temples.
Sakura's arms tightened around him as she buried her face into his chest, hiding her tears from him even as they began to pour down her cheeks and soak the front of his shirt.
"Please, I... I can't lose you... I can't lose any of you..." she cried softly.
"I'll never leave you," he assure in a low tone, his breath puffing against her ear as he nuzzled her hairline.
"Promise?" Sakura pulled away just enough to look into his eyes, blinking back her tears.
"I promise," Madara vowed, gazing into her eyes.
When she pressed a sloppy kiss to his lips, one that was more tears and hiccups than anything else, it felt like the most meaningful kiss of his life.
When they parted, she buried herself against him, her warm, soft body tightly wrapped around him. He quietly lifted her into his arms and carried her to her bed, his lover only releasing him to allow him to lay her out across the mattress. He pulled away to strip his cut from his shoulders, hanging the leather on the edge of one of the drawers to her dresser.
Madara didn't bother to change his clothes, uncaring about his lack of comfortable attire. He instead laid down next to Sakura in his jeans and long sleeved shirt, happily accepting his lover back into his embrace. She wrapped herself around him, nearly lying on top of him in her need to be as close to him as she could. He circled his arms around her, bringing her as close to him as he could.
He never wanted to be away from her again and couldn't even bear the thought of her not being in his arms at that moment.
He only broke their embrace long enough to slip off his glasses and set them on her bedside table.
With the exhaustion of the last couple days dragging at their senses and with them both finally being reunited once again, both of the lovers quickly began to succumb to the gentle tugging of sleep. His fingertips traced a nonsensical pattern across her covered skin, basking in the sensation of her warmth leaching through her clothes as he began to drift.
"Sakura?" Madara suddenly whispered, breaking the comfortable quiet of Sakura's bedroom.
"Yes?" she hummed against his chest, her breath warm against his skin even through his shirt.
"Do you think you could do me a favor tomorrow and tell Izumi I'm not abusing you?"
"What?" Sakura parroted, her tone becoming less sleepy as she processed what he had asked of her.
"She saw the bruises on your wrists and jumped me with a crowbar after you left this morning..." Madara admitted.
There was a heartbeat of silence before Sakura snorted, her sudden giggles feeling like a cathartic release. He couldn't help but join in on her laughter, their shared amusement finally making the night feel somehow normal. Like they were coming back to their old selves. Or rather, like they were becoming their new selves.
They had made the decision to stick together, to end this war together. From then on, there would be no more secrets between them. Only love.
"I will... We can go to the clubhouse tomorrow..." Sakura declared, smiling against his skin, "Together."
Together.
Madara smiled in return, nuzzling the crown of her head as he held her tightly.
The lovers easily fell asleep together, wrapped up in each others' arms, at home against each others' bodies.