Chapter 31 – Your Innocence Takes Flight

The first thing she did that morning after waking in the wrong bed and going through a wasted effort of sneaking out, was check on a still unconscious Shisui, her worries for his well-being eradicating all else in her mind.

It seemed she'd gone overboard while using Gaara's chakra, lulling Shisui into a much deeper sleep than she'd planned. Nothing to worry about, a part of herself constantly reassured her. It simply meant he'd be out longer, which in the long run, would be beneficial. He would heal more efficiently that way, when he wasn't straining his body.

Still, it allowed her the chance to speak with her oldest friend, the blonde coming straight to her the second Sakura was alone.

The first thing she did was hug her as closely and as tightly as her bump would allow, shedding silent tears together. There wasn't a doubt in Sakura's mind that her tortures were scorched into Ino's mind now, the struggles she'd faced now shared with her best friend. But… She couldn't decide whether she preferred it that way. Sure, it meant she was no longer alone, that someone truly understood because they'd seen it from her perspective, but…

Was it strange for her to think of it as her ordeal? As something that only she could overcome?

Not only that, but some of the stuff Ino had seen were simply… She didn't want others knowing about them. Her sterilisation, for starters, was something Sakura hadn't even come to terms with herself. She didn't want people's pity on top of her own self-pity and loathing. Her own was choking the life out of her.

Hands coming to Ino's shoulders, Sakura carefully pried herself away, trying her best to smile when they both sheepishly wiped at their own faces, drying away the evidence of their crying.

"Sakura…" Ino tried after several moments.

"Don't. Please." She knew where the conversation was headed, and she couldn't do it. Couldn't. Plain and simple.

"Why?" she questioned softly, wiping at her eyes when the tears threatened to start up again. "Talking about things might help, Sakura. You're the one who told me that."

But she couldn't.

It sounded ridiculous even in her own mind, but she still couldn't believe it had happened to her. Whenever Sakura heard of torture methods or interrogations or whatever else, she always thought, 'poor soul, having to go through that'. Never, in a million years, would she have thought she'd become the poor soul.

"So, what now, then?" demanded Ino when nothing more was said. "You're just going to roll over and take it? You're going to let that–" She tapped the side of her own head harshly, glaring at her. "–get the best of you? Huh?"

Like hell. Sakura would fight to her dying breath to get back what she used to be, even if it truly did feel like a losing battle.

"Sakura-"

"I don't want to talk about it," she repeated more firmly, then offered a smile she didn't really feel like giving. Knowing exactly how to steer Ino off course, she said knowingly while gesturing at the bump, "What I do want to talk about is this."

And, as expected of her best friend, Ino quickly divulged all sordid little details regarding her fling with Sai – or, at least, what started out as a fling and eventually developed into more. Surprisingly, it happened before the attack on the village, though it was after it all went down that the true feelings formed.

"And what happened?" she asked curiously, eyes greedy as they searched the blonde's face.

Ino sat before her like an intelligent sensei, arms folded and resting atop her bump, features expressing their wisdom as she told her, "We were told that Danzo found out about our pregnancy, so Sai thought it best that I got out while I could. I crossed paths with Temari and she brought me here."

As in while she could move fairly well, without being at too big of a disadvantage.

"What about Sai?"

Blue eyes looked to the ground and she frowned. "I-"

But she was rudely interrupted by a yelling blond and the whole conversation was quickly forgotten about because Gods, the moment Naruto came bursting into the dining room, grinning wildly and yelling for her, exclaiming, "He's awake. C'mon, Sakura-chan!" had her trembling with anticipation, her heart taking full control of her body and forcing them to rush through the Kazekage's mansion, straight to the medical wing.

As expected of her friend, Itachi was already there, smiling down at Shisui as he helped him get more comfortable on the bed, mindful of the injuries he'd sustained during battle.

Everyone else was apparently there too, but they became blurred to her. She didn't even notice Ino's teasing smirk when the blonde eventually made it to the room with the aid of Temari (she'd started struggling with the stairs and in the mansion, there were a tonne).

He was…

She stepped further into the room, not noticing when the others parted for her, allowing Shisui to see her and Sakura felt her heart swelling at the widening of his eyes, the stunned happiness in his expression at the sight of her.

He could still see.

"Sakura…"

Nothing else mattered to her in that moment.

Rushing over to him excitedly, with tears stinging her eyes, she saw that he was just barely finished manoeuvring to the edge of the bed before she was yanking Shisui against her with all her might, eyes squeezing shut tightly.

Gods, she'd…

A horribly painful yet somehow relieving sensation flooded her chest when a hand ran through her freshly washed hair, the other gently coming to her back to return her loving embrace.

Gently, his hands came to her face, lifting it so that he could see her better and she smiled widely at the warmth in his eyes as they drunk in her features greedily, like he couldn't get enough of seeing her.

"It's really me," she assured him, hold just as tight. "I'm back."

"I knew you were still in there," whispered Shisui, smiling.

"Sakura-san," she heard Hinata softly saying her name, the sound of her relief and happiness making her heart warm further. "Perhaps we should give them some privacy," Hinata went on to suggest.

"I agree," stated Itachi and she sensed him moving.

It was what forced her to separate from Shisui, her hands slipping to his, holding securely while she took a step back. Uncomfortably, she noticed the way both Itachi and Sasuke purposely avoided looking in their direction, the sight making her lips turn downwards at the corners.

Just as she had for the brothers, she knew her conversation with Shisui regarding their relationship and the future of it deserved to happen in private. However, seeing their carefully masked pain made her hurt deeply, although she wasn't sure what to do or how to handle their predicament. Never in her seventeen years of life would she have ever considered being in such a difficult situation – not only because it seemed so unlikely, but because Sakura had always been so certain of her concept of love. Loving more than one person at a time was impossible.

But…

Now she knew differently.

And she knew Shisui could tell where her thoughts were headed, because the hands being held by hers twitched before holding on tighter.

"Don't say it," he murmured when the others had left, shutting the door behind them with an air of finality. "Not when I've just got you back."

Reluctantly, she faced his heartbreak, her own heart begging of her to take away his suffering. But to do that meant she would be evoking pain on her other two loves and that was equally unbearable.

"Please, Shisui," Sakura quietly begged and she lowered her head, no longer able to look him in the eye. "Don't make this harder than it needs to be."

"Why?" came his demand, but it wasn't spoken harshly or angrily. His voice was just as quiet as her own, trapped between them, making the ache of their hearts worsen. "I thought that…"

"There's too many involved for us to…" Sakura shook her head, unable to so much as consider where their relationship could have gone. Thinking of the future, when their present was so depressing, was like teasing herself mercilessly even though she knew it would only hurt her. "Can you honestly say you'd be happy when us being together would cause them pain?" At his silence, she sighed, hand leaving his to come to his cheek, bringing their foreheads together. "I know you, Shisui. I know your heart wouldn't allow you to be happy if those you loved were suffering."

Even Itachi, the gentle pacifist who constantly put others before himself, was unable to hide his feelings from her. Their being together – her and Shisui – hurt him, just as it would hurt him if she ended up with Sasuke. But because of how selfless he was, he bottled up that pain and got on with things, stepping aside and allowing his precious people to be together, because above all else, he just wanted them to be happy.

"How am I supposed to act normally around you?"

She smiled at that, albeit weakly. Stroking beneath his eye, she told him, "You don't have to change how you act around me. I told Sasuke-kun last night that if anything happens naturally, then I accept it."

"But you won't actively pursue a relationship."

She nodded.

"But what if something was to happen with each of us?" he questioned, frowning. "Would you stop one interaction if it followed someone else's?"

Without a doubt. She vehemently refused to string anyone along and to knowingly flounce around with each man, knowing how much it would crush them in the end if she chose just one of them, was downright unforgiveable. She would not make them compete for her heart or affections.

"I'll be completely honest with you all," Sakura assured him and shut her eyes, sighing. "My heart's such a mess right now, Shisui. It's giving my head a run for its money."

He chuckled once at her tasteless joke, hands coming to her waist to hold her close.

"Danzo wants to divide us," she reminded him and pulled back slightly to meet his eye again, frowning at the longing she found there. Her frown only deepened when her own heart returned the longing tenfold. "He's manipulating my love for you all, hoping it will trigger the Curse of Hatred."

"I can take those two," he told her in a rare show of arrogance, smirking.

Even though she knew he was only joking with her, Sakura still chastised him, saying, "And that's what I don't want. Two lifelong friends at each other's throats. Three friends – relatives – itching to take the other out all because of one insignificant woman who can't even offer them much of a future–"

Slowly, as she'd been speaking, the arrogance slipped away, sadness taking its place until she reached the end of her sentence and anger shone brightly. Immediately, his hands came to her cheeks, tipping her head back to keep their gazes locked, the intensity of his emotions taking her breath away.

"Don't say that about yourself," muttered Shisui darkly, the hold on her firm.

But why not when it was true? Everything Danzo had said to her was true, otherwise he would have deemed his rash actions unnecessary and a waste of time. Knowing that it would hit their pride being unable to carry on the Uchiha lineage, he attacked the woman they each loved, taking away their chance of any shred of normalcy they could have ever hoped to have. With her, they wouldn't ever have children.

She was a dead end.

She would never have children.

"He sterilised me, Shisui," she whispered, choking back her sob.

He seemed to contemplate something, those endlessly dark eyes searching her teary ones until he was bringing her close again, embracing her tightly.

"H-He…"

"I love you regardless," Shisui told her with conviction. His words were absolute, leaving no room for arguments. "And if somewhere down the road – if we're lucky enough to make it that far – you want children, then we'll adopt. We'll adopt so many children that–"

"It's not the same," she wailed pitifully. Gods, she wished he would let go of her face. He could see her now and she was the ugliest crier known to man – Ino had told her many times. "They won't be your children–"

It was at her sob that he stood up, completely closing the distance between their bodies and Sakura felt herself sinking into him, hands desperate to find a part of him that was okay to grab, to clutch because Gods, it hurt so bad. Knowing that no matter what happened, knowing that she would never have that happily ever after most craved–

"He will pay for what he's done," Shisui assured her, his voice a quiet hush. Feeling him gently running one hand up her back, cradling the back of her hair, she cried even harder, shaking against him. "Danzo won't get away with any of this, Sakura. I promise."

But what the hell would revenge do other than allow them to fall further into the darkness? Being locked away in her own mind as her other persona interacted with everyone, displaying such madness and a dark craving for vengeance, had solidified that thought. As much as Sakura wanted to give into her rage and heartbreak, it was…

She sobbed.

Hating Danzo was way too easy. Giving into her damn near immobilising grief and rage was too easy. He'd taken so much from her, had destroyed and taken so many lives. He wanted them to react when they were submerged in their hatred, making them vulnerable. It would aid him in picking them apart one by one.

They needed to bide their time, to wait for the best opportunity to attack. The way they were at that moment in time wasn't good enough – not nearly good enough.

"And no matter what the outcome of all of this turns out to be," he continued with a sigh. "I'll still be here."

His words only made her cry harder.

Dinner was awkward.

Glancing up from her meal, Sakura surveyed the table and its occupants, attention captured by the uneasiness of their interactions. Could anyone else notice it? They must have, because Naruto was just as uncomfortable it seemed, nudging Sasuke to try and draw him out of his brooding.

Sakura breathed in deeply and willed herself to be calm. There was no reason for her to be feeling such a way, was there? It was so pointless.

Yet…

"So," she spoke up, surprising many. "Gaara-kun."

He met her eye and she noticed instantly that they had the attention of the entire table. So far, other than Naruto, she'd been the most outspoken in Gaara's company. Nobody else seemed comfortable talking with him. "Yes?"

"Has there been any word from Konoha?"

"No," he murmured. "Konoha has been silent for a while now."

"You must have some form of correspondence with Danzo," argued Shisui calmly, lowering his chopsticks to give his full attention to the conversation. "To go completely silent before a war – especially if the villages are to form an alliance as I've been informed – is unheard of."

"Just as an alliance between all the nations is unheard of," he retorted coolly. Looking to the Uchiha with his bored, lidded gaze, Gaara assessed him for a moment, taking a particular interest in his eyes. Had he also heard the rumours about them? Or was he masking his own anger and disbelief of how easily he'd been deceived by Danzo? "Nobody can enter the village without the knowledge and permission of the current Hokage."

"Danzo is not the Hokage," muttered Naruto. His sudden anger caused all oxygen in the room to disappear, especially when he gripped the table and stood up slowly, glowering at Gaara. "I'd rather die than have him sit in Baa-chan's seat."

She dropped her gaze to the table.

"Many share your sentiments," Itachi attempted to assure him. Frowning, Sakura looked up at him, unable to hide the fact that his words worried her. "However, getting worked up won't help matters."

But knowing that Danzo was seated at Tsunade's desk, knowing that he believed himself worthy of sharing the office of the previous Hokage was maddening to her, for he truly didn't deserve any of it. The title, the trust the villagers put in him, the shinobi who died for him… All of it. It was all so fucking undeserved.

The chopsticks in her grip snapped.

He murdered her. He murdered her shishou and sibling disciple. He used their bodies to torture her, like their lives meant absolutely nothing.

It didn't occur to her that she was gritting her teeth and trembling all over. She didn't realise Itachi was speaking with her, or that everyone's eyes were on her. She didn't even realise Naruto reached out to touch her until he was choke slammed to the floor that cracked around him in response to her strength, her hand on his throat unyielding and immediately causing his face to turn a deep shade of purple.

"Haruno-"

"Sakura!"

"Forehead."

Suddenly, all fell silent in her mind.

A cool hand encircled her wrist and realising what she'd done to her teammate and friend, Sakura quickly released him, eyes going wide with horror. But she wasn't given the chance to apologise or heal him, because the other cool hand tipped her chin upwards, forcing her to meet Ino's calm stare.

"Are you going to let it get the best of you?" she repeated her question from earlier that day, the fierceness that suddenly entered her eyes making Sakura swallow hard.

Everyone was staring at her, even those who helped Naruto shuffle out from beneath her, allowing Hinata to examine and heal his throat.

Gods, she was still insane, wasn't she?

Merging with her other self hadn't done a damn thing, had it?

"Forehead, don't worry about them. Just focus on me."

She kept her eyes locked on Ino's, allowing her to continue soothing her mind, blocking the others out.

Her thoughts and emotions weren't half as scrambled as they had once been, but it seemed she still had triggers. There were still things that could send her careening back into her insanity. How did she figure them all out, however? How did she avoid those triggers? Was it possible to avoid triggers?

"Are you feeling calmer now?" she asked.

Obviously, Inner-Sakura was only allowing Ino partially into their mind, so the blonde was unable to see too much. "Yeah," she rasped, like she was the one who had been choked. Clearing her throat, she tried her best to smile. "Thank you, Ino-Pig."

"Don't thank me yet," came Ino's serious response and she narrowed her eyes worriedly. "We need to start working on getting you through this."

What?

"How would you do that?" Shisui questioned.

Sakura was surprised that he was so close to her – so was Itachi, she realised belatedly. They were both standing behind her.

"Therapy can help with PTSD," Ino stated and she was quick to help the blonde stand from her kneeling position, hands lingering to ensure there were no pains or losses of balance. The concern wasn't lost to her, making her best friend smile sadly. "But I was thinking of a more… tough loving approach."

"Sakura-chan is barely coping as it is," argued Naruto angrily and he gently pushed Hinata's hands away, standing on shaking legs. "She doesn't need any tough love."

"We need to find her triggers," she repeated her thoughts, glaring at him.

"You-"

"Stay the hell out of it, idiot," Ino demanded shrilly. Spinning, she raised a shaking fist to him, her glare increasing. "Unless you're suddenly a master of the mind?"

"You're not one either," came his booming yell, startling Sakura with the intensity of his sudden rage. "And everything you know came from the man who put her in this state to begin with!"

His accusation silenced them all.

Frowning, Ino said, "You-"

"Shut the hell up," he snarled and grabbed Sakura's arm, shocking her by yanking until she was by his side. "Like hell I'm letting you use any of his techniques on her."

She…

She looked to her best friend with wide, terrified eyes, the colour rapidly draining from both their features when Ino realised where her mind was going, when she realised Sakura was understanding how they would discover her triggers.

"No."

"You're dangerously unstable-"

"No," she said, much louder than before.

"Sakura-"

Naruto's eyes went wide. "Sasuke, don't-"

But suddenly, Ino was tensing and gasping, eyes wide and sightless. Not a single one of them (other than Naruto) had seen Sasuke move until he was glaring down at her with his mangekyo activated, the rage on his features undeniable, Sakura hidden behind his rigid body.

"You want to put her through this again?" he snarled.

Whatever she was seeing was horrific, for the blonde gagged, hand quickly covering her mouth to hide the sight. Still, they could see the disgust and pain and horror on the rest of her features, even as Temari came to stand between her and Sasuke, shielding Ino protectively, meeting Sasuke's gaze without a shred of fear.

"Release the genjutsu, Uchiha."

His upper lip curled, ignoring her. "You want to make her revert back to that state?" When he received no answer, the strength of his genjutsu, or what Ino was seeing, must have increased, because she whimpered, tears falling and knees growing weak like she was physically being weighed down by Sakura's torture. "Huh?"

"Enough, Sasuke," ordered Itachi.

Shisui seemed to agree, for he warned, "You've made your point."

Temari's approach of getting through to him was much less restrained, her fist slamming into his mouth without remorse, forcing his concentration to break and release Ino.

"I promised Shikamaru that I would protect her," she muttered, standing over him threateningly. "Don't make me look incompetent."

"You-"

"Control your brother, Uchiha," ordered Gaara calmly and he finally joined the rest of them in standing, leaving his now empty plate. Apparently, he'd been eating throughout the whole ordeal, Sakura realised belatedly and she felt part of herself filling with amusement despite the situation. If anything, it helped calm her tightly wound nerves to know that Gaara hadn't been concerned in the slightest. "I have taken a great risk in taking you all in, alongside the others who are receiving news from your crows. Do not make me regret it."

It was with a terse nod that Itachi created more distance between Temari and Sasuke by dragging his brother back by the collar of his shirt, the former continuing to glare at him angrily, still unaffected by his furious sharingan as it bore into her eyes. Wasn't she worried about being caught in genjutsu? That he would torture her?

"T-Temari," whispered Ino.

Immediately, she dismissed Sasuke like he was beneath her, turning her back on him as she checked on the other blonde. "Do you want to go to your room?"

Ino could only nod. She accepted the hands that reached for her, steadying and guiding her out of the dining room.

It surprised Sakura that she only felt vaguely upset about the distance between them, that it wasn't her who was asked to help her. No, she felt way too angry and betrayed by the fact that Ino had wanted to try triggering her with Ibiki's techniques, forcing her to go through it all over again.

She caught sight of the empty plate again.

Breathing out a deep sigh, she stepped around Itachi and grabbed a napkin from the table, kneeling before Sasuke with a small smile. His sharingan was deactivated the moment their eyes met, allowing her to relax further and she showed her gratitude for his defending her by reaching up, gently dabbing the blood from his split lip.

His gaze softened.

"Use your chakra," he encouraged quietly, nodding once when she watched him worriedly, hesitating in doing so. "You'll have enough for something this small."

Breathing deeply to calm herself, Sakura lowered the napkin and returned her hand to his face, covering the injury. She shut her eyes in concentration, willing herself to shut everyone out. In that moment, they weren't allowed to matter. She had to remain focused and calm. She couldn't waste Sasuke's encouragement or trust in such a way.

There was a tinge of excitement in the air when she summoned her chakra, but she quickly shut Naruto out when he started boasting proudly about how he knew she could do it.

It helped calm her nerves when she sensed how relaxed Sasuke was, how there wasn't an ounce of tension in his body as he allowed her chakra to ease its way into his wound and she continuously reminded herself of the empty plate on the table to keep herself in control.

At one point, they'd trusted each other completely, hadn't they? Hadn't they always looked to each other in their greatest achievements and concerns? Had they often prodded the other in the right direction when they were steering off course – or tried to, at least?

Curiously, she peered at his lip, breathing out shakily at the sight of it slowly mending – it was no longer bleeding and with the aid of her fingertips bringing the open wound together, her chakra stitched it together until her physical assistance was no longer necessary.

Sakura smiled and withdrew her chakra, soon bringing the napkin back up to wipe away the leftover blood.

Sasuke caught her wrist. "Thank you."

It was so easy forgetting about everyone else in that moment, she noticed belatedly.

She was no longer looking at the Sasuke who was lost in his darkness, taking down anyone who stood in the way of his goals. She wasn't looking at the boy who felt inferior to his comrades, willingly signing his life away to change that feeling.

No, she was looking at the person he was inside. She was looking at the heart she'd only caught glimpses of – those glimpses being enough for her to fall hopelessly in love with him.

This was her Sasuke.

"–you believe that would be possible?"

"It's worth a try," she heard Shisui reply, effectively breaking the spell between her and Sasuke. Frowning, she looked up at the oldest Uchiha, said frown only deepening at his thoughtful expression. "I will admit I have never stretched my dōjutsu so far, so there is no telling–"

"Absolutely not," snapped Sakura without restraint. She pulled away abruptly from Sasuke, standing and whirling around to glare disapprovingly at Shisui. "Your eyes–"

"They will be fine–"

"Perhaps Sakura is right–" Itachi tried to defend her.

"We will get nowhere if we hesitate at every hurdle," he argued calmly. No doubt sensing her continuing anxiety, his hand came to her shoulder and he smiled.

What the hell was his problem? Was he determined on destroying everything they'd worked so hard for? Anger had her hands trembling until they clenched tightly, jaw soon doing the same. How the hell could he shit on her efforts like that? Like she hadn't spent months working tirelessly over his eyes, to the point of crying herself to sleep because damn it his depression had been so fucking heart-breaking and now–

"Don't you dare agree to this," she snarled in the Kazekage's direction, taking everyone by surprise with the malice in her tone. Glaring back to Shisui, she narrowed her eyes further, upper lip curling. "What the hell are you trying to prove? I can't fix them if you undo everything we've done so far–"

"I'm not trying to prove anything–"

Sasuke snorted and pulled himself to his feet, brushing his hands down his pants. "Sure. And the timing of your sudden martyr act has nothing to do with the fact that Sakura was just–"

"Enough, Sasuke," warned Itachi. It was with a sigh that he stepped between the other two Uchiha, gaze moving to Sakura with the same warning. "You can't control everything, Sakura."

No, she didn't want to hear it. She wanted Sasuke to continue with what he'd been about to say, because what the hell? Hadn't she been clear enough when she put the brakes on their potential relationships? Conflict was the last freaking thing she wanted, so why were they making competitions of gaining her attention or affections?

"This may be something we have to accept," agreed Kakashi with shocking reluctance. His hand came to her shoulder and she felt her heart ache at the sad, understanding smile he gave her. "Shisui-san understands the risks. If he's willing to go blind to better our cause, then that's his decision."

He had a point. She knew in her heart he did. But that didn't mean she was comfortable with it and like hell she would ever accept it.

Looking to Shisui, she frowned, saying pitifully like it would even have any affect, "Please, don't do this."

But he wouldn't look at her, instead focusing on Itachi as he ordered, "Summon your crows."

A/N - So, remember how we were all saying this year is going to be better for me?

GUESS WHO IS SICK.

Yep. Me. I'm having symptoms of COVID-19 after regretfully having to go shopping because we have literally no money to stockpile and need to get bits at a time. According to 111, I'm "not serious enough YET" to be tested, despite the fact I'm 'possibly' high risk. The YET reeeeeeally makes me feel so comforted right now. I can't even go near my own son and we're all trapped in the house together, so I'm literally stuck in bed all freaking day, getting fat, binge-watching Hannah Montana – YES HANNAH FUCKING MONTANA. I can't even laugh because it causes a stitch-like pain in my sides and when I cough and bring forth that devil pain, I literally pee my pants because of the shock to the system - but don't worry guys, I'm not a serious case yet.

Omg I'm so stressed. I think I'm actually cracking up.

Don't get me wrong, I try my best not to be a bitter person and I know 1000000% that there's people out there who are so much worse off. But all I was hoping to do was be tested so I know whether I can fucking sit in the same room as my son so I can somewhat comfort him when I hear him crying for me all damn day. But nope. Not a priority.

Best part is that even when we get paid, because my partner lost his job due to COVID-19 and all the clubs closing, we still won't have any money. We're up to £600 a month down now. Fortunately, we have a super nice landlady who said to cover essentials with whatever money we bring in, then pay whatever we can and we'll arrange something when the government eventually respond to us. Had this been our old landlord, we'd be out on our asses even if it's illegal to evict tenants for three months during the whole ordeal.

I genuinely cba anymore.