Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS or any of its characters. This story is entirely fictional and is based on my own experiences. Reviews and/or comments would be greatly appreciated as I am loving this story and it is a pleasure to write. Enjoy.

Also for reference Ziva in this story is 5 foot 5 inches, just as the real actress was.

Xxxxxxxx

0500

Ziva arrived at the navy yard, and quickly made her way into the bullpen. She was sweating and out of breath, and wanted nothing more than a nice cold glass of water. She quickly shook off her jacket, and dropped her bag on her desk. She had forgotten about the self-harm on her arms as it was contained on her upper arms. For now.

She quickly walked towards the staff room, gulped down an ice cold glass of water, and made her way towards her desk. She settled down into her chair, and pulled out a report from the cold case that she had been working on from yesterday. The leads had all turned into dead ends, and it was with regret that she was forced to close the case again. She always found the cold cases the hardest to deal with mentally, because more often than not, there was no information that she could give to the families. At least when a body was found, or a murderer was caught they could offer the families some closure.

Xxxxxxxx

0600

Ziva barely looked up as Gibbs entered the bullpen. She was so engrossed in her report, that she didn't even hear him walking passed her.

Gibbs briefly looked over Ziva's figure, looking for abnormalities as he had become accustomed to doing lately. His eyes narrowed as he looked at her arms where her t-shirt ended. There was the edge of what looked like a red line coming out from her sleeve.

"DAVID, interrogation room 1 NOW!" he yelled, trying to calm himself down. He was about ready to strangle the younger agent, and he needed to get his anger in check before he talked to her. He knew she wouldn't respond to him if he was angry, or so he thought.

What Gibbs didn't know was that Ziva needed someone to care. She needed someone who wouldn't run, just because she wasn't ok. But because of her training she didn't respond to what some people might call "the soft approach". She needed to know that there was no way that she would get away with self-destructing, but at the same time she knew she would push the limits. She would push them just to see if that person stayed around, and once she knew there was no way she would get away with her destructive behaviours she would start to listen.

Xxxxxxxx

Ziva made her way into Interrogation 1, and started pacing around. She felt sick in her stomach, because it scared her when Gibbs yelled like that. Not that she would ever admit that to anyone, especially since she was in denial about it to herself.

She had been pacing around for 40 minutes before Gibbs stormed in the door and in a very firm voice ordered her to "sit".

She did so carefully, wincing slightly from the previous night's damage. The pained look was not lost on Gibbs, as he stared her down.

"Roll up your sleeves David" Gibbs said in his best stern fatherly voice.

"But Gibbs, I have a t-shirt on, I don't have any sleeves to roll up" Ziva said smiling like she had no idea what he was talking about, and nothing was wrong.

"Now is not the time to be smart with me, you are in enough trouble as it is" the older man said, trying to keep a grip on the anger that was building up inside him. He was just trying to help, and if she didn't talk to him, then there was not much he could do. Her carefree attitude to what she was doing to herself, infuriated him. What he didn't know was that her attitude was all an act. She hated the person she had become, but it was more terrifying to change than keep going.

"You can either roll up your sleeves, or I will do it for you" Gibbs stated, giving her one last chance to do as he asked.

Ziva stood up and tried to bolt from the room. When confronted her first instinct was to run from the danger and get as far away as possible. She tried to open the door, but Gibbs had stealthily locked the door as he walked in. Whilst he was calming down, he had paid a visit to Ducky, to try and find out how to best handle the situation.

Flashback

"Ducky I need your help, its Ziva" Gibbs had explained whilst pacing around autopsy.

"What has our young ninja been up to now?" Ducky asked worriedly. The young agent had been on his mind a lot lately, as she had just seemed so distant. Which in his experience was not unusual for eating disorder sufferers, as their condition was worsening.

"She has cuts on her arms, and god knows where else. She's looking thinner every week, and she barely talks or laughs anymore. What the hell am I going to?" Gibbs asked still pacing around and waving his arms around.

"First of all you are not going to do anything" Ducky said, whilst Gibbs glared daggers at him and started to open his mouth to talk. Ducky put his hand up to silence the younger man and continued.

"We are going to help her Jethro, whether she wants the help or not. And right now, I do believe she knows she needs the help, but will probably not be very willing to accept it. We are going to have to be patient with her, these things take time, as I've told you before Jethro."

"So what are we supposed to do Duck? Wait until she stops eating completely? Or maybe when she's shredded herself to pieces? Or better yet why don't we JUST WAIT UNTIL SHE'S DEAD!" Gibbs yelled his voice escalating at the thought of losing her. He didn't care if he had to lock her up in his basement for the rest of her life, there was just no way in hell that he was going to lose her. She was like a daughter to him.

"Jethro calm down, I am not suggesting that we wait for any of those things to happen. But the last time I tried to talk to her about her eating disorder, she tried to run. So you are going to have to make sure that she can't run from you. Have patience and stay with her, and she might open up to you. Don't abandon her."

End Flashback

Gibbs just watched as Ziva kicked and punched the locked door, both anger and terror evident on her face. He wanted to wait until she had exhausted herself before trying to talk to her, because he knew that in the state she was in at the present, she would just yell and scream, which wasn't going to be helpful at all.

After about 6 or 7 minutes, Ziva gave up trying to fight the door, and sunk to the floor. She was terrified about what she knew Gibbs was about to find out, but in that moment she was also past caring. She was tired of hiding, she had been hiding for years. She knew that he only wanted to help, but she also felt like she didn't deserve the help, especially since she deserved the pain. Couldn't he see that?

You're pathetic, now he's going to expose you. They all thought you were so strong and look at you now!

She held her head in her hands and waited. She was waiting for Gibbs to push her aside and walk out. To brand her as "attention seeking" and "weak", and to walk out of her life, like so many others before him.

Gibbs lowered himself, so that he was sitting right opposite her. He felt that it might be easier just to let her stay in her current position, rather than trying to force her onto a chair. He also knew, that it would be harder for her to get up and run from him again.

"Ziva talk to me, tell me what's going on" Gibbs pleaded softly, trying to get the young woman in front of him to open up.

"Nothing is wrong Gibbs, I just don't like feeling like I'm trapped" she replied keeping her head down, and not daring to look at him. She hated looking at people when talking to them about her "issues" because she knew that they would see through her "I'm fine" speech. Well not all people did, but certainly Gibbs, Ducky and Katrina did. She knew her eyes showed the pain she was feeling, because that was the only crack in her mask, and it was one crack that she couldn't seem to fix.

"Then explain to me, what this is" Gibbs said, rolling up the sleeve of Ziva's t-shirt. He drew in his breath as he looked at what she had done. Blood red lines, covered her upper arms and some were deeper than others. He made a mental note to make sure she saw Ducky when they were finished their "talk" as he was sure some of them needed to be stitched up.

Ziva looked at Gibbs and then looked away. She couldn't bear to look at the expression on his face. His face was full of concern, and any anger had melted away. She knew if he didn't leave her alone soon, she would end up telling him how she was feeling. As much as she loved that he cared (and as much as she hated herself for that) she still wished he would just leave her alone.

Gibbs took the young Israeli's chin in his hands and turned her head to face his. Ziva did not try to back away from the gesture, she still refused to look at him.

"Ziva look at me, look at me now" Gibbs ended his sentence firmly, as to get her attention. And it worked. Ziva looked at Gibbs for all of a second and then the floodgates opened. It was all over now.

"Gibbs I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for you to see any of this. I just needed something to take the thoughts away."

"But Ziva, don't you understand, you're hurting yourself."

"Gibbs, the voices hurt more" Ziva replied and stared at the floor once more. She knew she would sound crazy to the older man. I mean who would believe her? She knew that unless you had experienced it yourself you could never understand, and sadly there was far too many people that understood.

"Well this has to stop, do you understand. I will have none of this nonsense" Gibbs said sternly, honestly believing that he could sort the "nonsense" out then and there. He didn't understand that all this approach was going to do, was to force Ziva to shut down again, and try and hide her behaviours even more.

Ziva stared at the man in shock. She couldn't believe what she was hearing, especially after she was finally honest with him.

See he's just like everyone else. You can't trust him, he just thinks you're being stupid.

"It's ok Gibbs, I understand, it won't happen again" she replied, making a mental note to hide everything from Gibbs at any cost.

"And you need to start eating more as well" the older agent continued sternly, honestly believing that he was sorting out the problem.

"Now let's get you up to autopsy, young lady because I want Ducky to have a look at those" Gibbs stated whilst standing up and looking at her expectantly.

Ziva sighed as she stood up, and made no complaint as Gibbs gripped her arm tightly and led her down to autopsy. She knew she may have fooled Gibbs into believing she could stop self-destructing so easily, but she knew Ducky wouldn't be so easy.