Tribulation

—

Now where did we leave off?

—

One leaning over him, another standing with her arms crossed, a third standing with perfect posture, and a fourth leaning against the wall next to where he is sleeping. The bed that was chosen for him is the couch in the half-elf's hut. The one that Emilia and Subaru fell asleep on.

"So, Beatrice-sama, what occurred at the mansion?"

Beatrice tightens the arms crossed in front of her and looks up at the pink maid. She can feel the attention of everyone in the room on her, everyone that is awake at least. Despite the attention focused solely on her, Beatrice only addresses Ram when she speaks.

"Some woman with mental problems attacked the mansion in fact. She brought with her a little girl that can control demonbeasts. This passed-out guy did a good job not dying, and the great Betty helped significantly in disposing of the woman I suppose. That clown's mansion suffered damages, but Betty doesn't really care."

Subaru held a hand to his chin. No doubt thinking something irrational I suppose. No matter, Betty is done speaking.

Subaru waits one moment more before a smile widens on his face. One hurdle cleared, though that sounds dismissive when put into words. Subaru would never have been able to defeat Elsa by himself, so the teen is glad that Meiss was able to fill in for his missing combat strength.

"Well, that means the guthunter is dead, that's a good thing to hear. What happened to that little girl then?"

"Betty and this guy left before Betty could find out I suppose."

Garfiel is silent throughout this entire exchange, the faint sound of his breathing the only indication he is there. His eyes are closed as well, and he could be mistaken for sleeping.

After a minute, Subaru stands up and looks at Ram. The two turn towards the door.

Just Garfiel and Beatrice remain with Meiss after Ram and Subaru leave to collect Emilia from the trial. Before Subaru closes the door...

"Hey Beako, mind letting me have some time alone with Meiss after I get back?"

"Do not call Betty by that name! And… I suppose."

The teen snickers as he closes the door behind him.

So now it's just the loli and the lion. I could try to make some reference to a show or perhaps a book about a wardrobe or something, but I'm terribly uncultured.

Beatrice uncrosses her arms and walks up to the couch in Emilia's hut, sitting in the remaining space that Meiss leaves. She snuggles her small body into the flat cushion, careful not to accidentally bump Meiss.

"So… Is there any business you need to attend to I suppose?"

"Ya gotta problem wi' me bein' 'ere?"

"Not at all. Betty merely caught a glimpse of this boy's memories when we were energy I suppose. Betty can gather from the brief snippits and emotions that you two have less-than friendly opinions of each other in fact."

Garfiel lets out a tch and opens one eye to peer at Beatrice and Meiss.

"He started it."

"How juvenile. Though Betty will be benevolent and let you in on a secret I suppose. This fool doesn't really think bad of you."

Garfiel snorts and rolls his eyes, swinging his head to gaze at the floor.

"He has a friend similar to you in fact. An awkward boy with dark brown hair. Annoying at times, insensitive, and unafraid to speak his mind even if it hurts others. Despite the glaring social ineptitude and lack of tact, this fool stubbornly remained friends with him I suppose."

A strange emotion falls across Garfiel's face. The lion wipes it from existence before looking up at Meiss and Beatrice. He uncrosses his arms and pushes off the wall.

Beatrice shrugs, moving around in the small space she occupies to find a softer spot.

"That is what Betty saw within his memories, do with it what you desire I suppose."

Garfiel hesitates for a second, no doubt asking himself if he should do what he's about to do. He clenches his hand and squats down near Meiss' chest.

"My amazin' self can heal cuts n' bone's n' stuff, but not th' more intricate things."

—

Door opening, starlight seeps into the hut as Subaru and Ram return with Emilia. Beatrice starts as the sound of the door jolts her from a state between wake and sleep. Next to her is the now-awake form of Meiss, having slept no more than thirty minutes. That he was so extremely still was because he thought Beatrice was asleep and didn't want to disturb her. Also because he can barely move.

"Meiss?"

The owner of this voice would be the disheveled Emilia, who was not informed of Meiss' stay in her hut. Even though Ram continues on and leads her to her room, Emilia's shaky gaze lingers on the intruding boy. What had happened to leave Meiss in such a state? Is the question she still has, and uses to distract herself. Holding Emilia's other hand is Subaru, who succinctly explains the situation.

"It's better for him here than in the cathedral or with Roz-chi."

Subaru continues with Emilia and Ram to Emilia's room, where Subaru leaves Ram to take care of the rest.

"Well, that letter must have worked…"

Subaru mumbles to himself as he walks over to Meiss and sits on the floor in front of the couch. Neither of the couch-surfers hear this hushed remark from Subaru.

Nobody speaks, since there is still an audience in the other room. A quiet awkwardness fills the air as Beatrice decidedly does not look at Subaru differently.

Eventually, Ram leaves, announcing that Emilia has fallen asleep. Two or so moments pass after the door clicks shut before Subaru breaks the ice.

"So Meiss, how are you doing?"

"Eh, so-so."

Subaru raises an eyebrow at the nonchalant response from the clearly battered boy. Seeing as more questions like that would probably result in similar responses from the stubborn blonde, Subaru instantly dives into the reason for this talk.

"Can you move?"

"Eh, so-so."

"Seriously."

"Uh… I could probably crawl around now, but the lingering stuff and remaining fractures really suck. On top of just being exhausted and sore to the point I can barely move, Beatrice told me that my broken bones dug into my muscles in some places, so that's nice. Oh! My joints feel kinda stiff…"

That last comment arose from Meiss trying to shift himself and wincing because of it. Though compared to immediately after the Elsa fight moving around is much more tolerable. Meiss could probably take a dozen or so steps easily before his strength starts to fail. His injuries are mostly in his upper half anyways, what affects his legs is just exhaustion and soreness. Fighting Elsa was the most exhausting and strenuous thing he has ever done, his muscles need to recover from the sudden use. It's something a good night's rest will fix. Err, maybe a week long slumber would be better.

Satisfied with this answer, Subaru puts a hand to his chin. It might be a bit risky to tell him now, but what other chance will he get? Meiss is mostly immobile and wounded, he wouldn't be able to move fast or far.

"Well, now's as good a time as any to tell you that Roswaal has a gospel."

"!?"

Meiss looks at Subaru. He stares. He stares hard.

"Excuse me Beatrice, I need to go do something."

Meiss attempts to swing his legs off the couch, achieving nothing more than a small relocation. Any further attempts at movement are hindered when Beatrice holds Meiss down and Subaru wraps a small blanket around him. The raw power of the tsundere and deredere working together is a sight to behold.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?"

"Shhh."

"…are you kidding me?"

The scene is quite strange. Meiss, with his currently weak upper body, is unable to escape Subaru's supreme blanket-tucking abilities. So now Meiss is trapped. This really does a number on the blonde's pride. It's rather humiliating.

Beatrice turns to Subaru.

"How has such a mentally lacking person such as yourself learned of the clown's gospel in fact?"

"You know about Roz-chi's gospel, Beako?"

"Do not refer to Betty with that name I suppose."

Meiss huffs before tightening his lips.

"Careful Subaru, that's a touchy subject for her."

Beatrice turns to Meiss and slaps his legs for a few seconds.

"The powerful Betty does not require assistance!"

Meiss snorts and averts his eyes from the childish display. Beatrice hitting his legs like that kinda hurts, but he wasn't going to say that. Subaru adjusts himself on the floor before looking at Meiss again.

"I held off on telling you since I figured you would try to go beat the crap out of Roz-chi."

"Yeah. You got me at the perfect opportunity."

Beatrice's eye twitches as she crosses her arms. She has a few questions.

"Why was that information so important? Why was Betty even brought here in fact?"

"You brought yourself here Beatrice, I had no say in our destination."

"Er- you… mentioned…"

Subaru snaps his fingers. This catches Beatrice and Meiss' attention

"We're going to fight the Ousagi. It's coming the day after tomorrow."

Beatrice leans back into the couch, recoiling from Subaru's statement.

"What?! You utter fool I suppose! Imbecile! Are you insane in fact!?"

"Hai, ore wa Natsuki Subaru and I'm insane."

Meiss tilts his head at Subaru. The blonde knows a very limited amount of Japanese due to his tastes in media from beyond the cascade. Not enough to converse or understand talking, but enough to understand an isolated word or two. Like how he understands "Nani" is something like "What." Also does Meiss understand there are a few different pronouns used to refer to yourself, like "Watashi," and "Boku."

"Ore? Maybe I have a different meaning for it, but you seem like a 'boku' kinda guy."

"Hm? Ore is informal. I- I thought you were my friend…"

While Subaru wipes his eyes in mock sadness with a grin on his face, Beatrice makes no sounds. Eventually, this catches the two guy's attention and they look at her. The spirit is uncannily still, unmoving.

"Beako completely shutdown."

"Must be what you said. Most people wouldn't accept others calling them insane."

Meiss lets his head relax, and he enjoys the ability to breathe without pain. It's one of those bodily functions you always take for granted, like being able to hold in waste or being able to hear.

"You look like an 'Atai' kinda guy, Meiss."

"Is that another word to refer to oneself?"

"Yup." Mwahaha...

Meiss takes a deep breath before turning his head to look at Subaru again.

"Was Emilia able to beat the first trial?"

Subaru's eyes turn downcast. An expression heavily removed from his usual cheerfulness.

"No, she drags herself out of the tomb crying every night."

Meiss furrows his brows in worry.

"She hasn't taken any breaks? I told her to... Constantly challenging can't be good for her."

"She hasn't. Garfiel, with his tactless self, has finally noticed too. It's worrying, I can't find a way to help her."

Meiss is silent. Perhaps mulling over the information in his head. It seems like an eternity has passed before he speaks again.

"A half-hour power nap won't help me much. It's about time to get some real shut-eye."

Subaru wearily stands up, agreeing. The teen bids a final goodbye for the night and leaves, only after waving his hand in front of Beatrice a few times of course. She doesn't show any indication of noticing him.

…

…

…

"OK, wake up Beatrice."

Meiss prods the spirit with his foot.

It does nothing.

"Beatrice."

Another prod.

Nothing.

"Er… Beako?"

"Do not refer to Betty with that name in fact! And don't kick me!"

At the mention of Subaru's nickname, Beatrice springs from her trance and smacks Meiss' leg. Her ornate drill-like hairstyle swings around her face and she gets a mouthful of cream-colored hair.

"Bleh! Pleh!"

"Heh, I didn't want to leave you like that all night. Also, I don't know how much mana it takes to sustain your form, but I'm not going to complain if you siphon some while I'm sleeping."

In response, Beatrice zaps him by draining a little too much of his scant mana. She forces the mana from him even though their contract allows a passive transfer through touch.

"OW, OW, OW! Malpractice! Malpractice! WhY wOuLd YoU dO tHaT? I'm still recovering!"

Beatrice looks extremely pleased with herself in a way only a 400 year old loli could be.

—

｢Behold the unpredictable present｣

In the white northern lands, a village is like an orange scar in the land. It's on fire, the result of a conflict that spilled into the village from the surrounding woods. From those woods, a blonde walked in on something he shouldn't have.

Melancholy waited, his nape pricking with double intensity below his golden hair. Somewhere in between the flaming buildings was another Archbishop. The sneaky bastard had been attacking him from the shadows with a purple-black hand and a stinging whip studded with mana storage lagmite. The worst part was that whenever Melancholy caught sight of him, an intense elation overcame him. Melancholy was smart enough to know that the emotions weren't his own, but rather his attacker's. The guy felt elated to fight him, and wanted something from him. It made Melancholy sick.

Fast as lightning, the whip snaked out of the shadows and wrapped itself around Melancholy's left arm. He tried to resist, but the slashed muscles made pulling his arm awkward. The blonde felt his mana get pulled from his body as the crystals tried to pierce his skin. Color rippled underneath the blonde's black shirt as he finally yanked the whip, pulling his attacker into the firelight. That strange elation and greed washed over him again as Melancholy registered the haggard appearance of the man before him. Messy black hair, sharp hazel-brown eyes, and a playful smile on his face. His orange and black cloak streamed out behind him as he skidded on his feet.

Melancholy pulled the whip even harder, making the attacker tumble forward into the air. Melancholy then spun around. The attacker moved in accordance, his hand not leaving the whip even as he scraped against the ground and into a burning building. Melancholy heard a hoarse scream of pain from the attacker as he was no doubt being burned alive. Finally taking a breath, Melancholy let go of the now-flaming whip. Regardless of his attacker's no doubt dying status, Melancholy was apprehensive.

There!

A black-purple hand shot from the flame of the building and aimed itself at Melancholy. The blonde raised an arm, cutting the hand with a short burst of colored light.

So he is alive. Melancholy tunnel-visioned on the house and the immediate area around it. Everyone in the village had either fled or died from whatever battle he had walked in on, so it was just Melancholy and the other guy here. The blonde retracted his tunnel-vision after a few seconds of silence, reasoning that the attacker must have slipped away. He was about to turn, but as soon as he made the slightest twitch, burning cold engulfed his lower back.

Melancholy didn't even cry out because the stimulus was so intense. In one fast motion, he lost feeling in both of his legs and his hips, leading him to flop onto the ground.

"Guh!"

Ironically enough, the impact from the ground was what elicited a sound. Melancholy tried to twist, but found his severed back muscles made it difficult. The most he could accomplish was holding his torso up with his arms and looking behind him. Melancholy's gaze traveled from the gash in his lower back, some pink stuff was poking through, as well as two tubes that spurted blood profusely. Past his immobile legs stood a pair of tights-covered woman's legs, trailing his gaze up revealed a well-endowed woman staring down at him. Her black clothing was snug against her body and looked reminiscent of a one-piece swimsuit with a large V missing from the front. A kukri stained with blood, my blood, rested comfortably in her hand.

"Hk!"

Realizing the wound is fatal, the woman paid the blonde no heed as she looked past him to the hazel-eyed man. Or rather, he looked not that much older than Melancholy so maybe teen was the correct word? Melancholy turns his heavy head to look at the teen who is slowly approaching. Black burns mar his exposed skin, they slowly disappear because of his most recently acquired power.

The pricking on Melancholy's neck raises from two to three times the norm.

"Good job Elsa, this guy would have been a very time-consuming problem without you."

"My pleasure. Would you like me to withdraw Meili from her battle with Mama?"

"Yeah, that surprisingly one-sided battle has her authority integrating into me, so Capella is without doubt dead. Shikiyoku, huh, so healing is what I got… It's rather boring."

The teen bends down to look Melancholy in the eye, his smile wide. Despite not being the type of person to do something so crude, Melancholy has the urge to spit in his face. The blonde has an indescribable feeling of ire right now. The teen stares for a second too long, clapping happily as Melancholy's arms finally give out from blood-loss. The clapping dies out though, and a confused expression distorts the man's face.

"Huh, that's weird. I don't seem to be absorbing this kid's authority. Actually, what authority does this kid even have? My guess would be Wrath, with the way he fought, but that's not possible because I've got Wrath. Oi. Oi kid, what authority do you have?"

"Fuuuuuhk… yuuuuuu..."

—

The stroke of midnight passed a few hours ago. Almost everyone in Sanctuary is sound asleep at this hour, late enough that the night-owls are asleep, yet too early for most of the early-risers. Among those extremely early risers is a wittle girl.

Subaru is woken up by Beatrice, who is nearly snapping his neck with how hard she is shaking him awake.

"WAKE UP YOU IMBECILE, THAT HALF-DEAD BOY IS MISSING IN FACT!"

"GYAH!"

Subaru bolts up and almost clonks the spirit with his head. They are in the cathedral, Subaru not feeling comfortable lodging with either Roswaal or Garfiel. He would have slept with Meiss and Beako, but Ram gave him a soul-flaying look the instant he suggested staying in the same building as Emilia. So now Subaru has to sleep alone in the empty cathedral.

Poor Subaru.

"STOP SHAKING ME!"

Subaru is able to push the loli away using her forehead as leverage. The spirit's twintails bounce wildly as she flaps around for a second before becoming still. Her blue eyes open to look at Subaru, the X shaped pupils expanding to get a clearer picture of the teen in the dark area.

"Betty doesn't know where that arrogant child sleeps, you were merely a footstone to the useful person I suppose."

Subaru rubs his eyes awake with one hand and waves a 'shoo' gesture at Beatrice.

"Yeah yeah, you mean a lot to me too, Beako."

—

｢Behold the unpredictable present｣

What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck.

The boy feels his breath dry on his tongue, his lungs burn as he sprints through the woods. Most of his concentration is on avoiding any low-hanging branches and exposed roots that would trip him. He didn't even dare to look back in the direction of the destroyed house and mangled ginger body. Not like they could be seen anymore, he had been running for the better part of a half-hour, almost forty-five minutes.

The only thing in front of him is dense foliage that hinders his speed. The only thing behind him...

Death.

A feeling so powerful, so resolute, that it nearly trips him with the shock. Death, behind him is death and nothing else. He can't run forever, his adrenaline is finite. How long can he keep up this exhausting pace?

Feeling a sudden pain in the side of his abdomen, a result of overexertion, he knows the answer.

I can run, I can run far, I can run fast, but full speed for so long isn't doable. This is it. I'm going to die. Why? Everything was so nice. Why now? Why here? She was going to introduce me to her cousin. She said he is the strongest ever. Why am I thinking of that? I was happy, different from most of my time beyond the cascade. Am I not allowed to be happy? Why? WHY?

The boy feels his hot cheeks cool due to moisture. Tears drip down the skin, wasting much-needed hydration. The blonde blinks the salty liquid away, he needs clear eyesight to run through this forest. He plants a foot into the ground, using the appendage to jump over a small creek. He lands softly and maintains his momentum.

You had one job. ONE JOB!

The blonde flinches as the voice invades his mind. The lapse causes him to slip on some loose leaves, sending him skidding over the earth. He tries to steady himself by placing another foot out, but this one slips on a round rock.

"GAH!"

The boy's ankle rolls painfully to the side and he falls. A sharp root pokes his side as he lands, causing him to roll away from it. He brings his leg up to his chest, holding the area just above his injured ankle.

I don't like it when people disobey me~.

Now, ｢come here.｣

The blonde's back tenses as a shockwave of fear thunders down his spine. He shuts his eyes tight, refusing to see what's happening to him. He can feel leaves scraping by him, branches cutting his face. The ground seems to slant, sliding him to the speaker. His body splashes in the creek he jumped over seconds earlier. The ice-cold water not nearly as chilling as the voice intruding into his head.

The last thing he witnesses is the darkness of his closed eyelids.

—

It's been half an hour since Beatrice woke Subaru. They then went to Garfiel in the hopes that his nose would be able to find Meiss.

Well, he found Meiss quite easily.

The lion sprints through the woods. He knows this place like the back of his hand, having lived here since he was a baby. He palms a low-hanging branch out of his way and bursts into a star-lit clearing. Losing no speed, he sprints into the center of Sanctuary.

"OI BASTARDS, WHERE TH' FUCK ARE YA!"

Down the path jogging into view is the bastard. Well, his name is Subaru but that's irrelevent. Anyways, he runs over to Garfiel and catches his breath for a second before asking the question on his mind.

"Did you gasp Didjya find him wheeze?"

"My amazin' self's nose's impeccable. Of course I found 'em. Hard ta miss th' lights anyways..."

"What do you mean?"

Garfiel clicks his tongue as he grinds his heel into the earth. Jus' how fuckn, aggravatin' can people get? That blondie goes 'n raises my opinion'v him then pulls somethin' like this! Bullshit's what it is.

The lion grimaces as he answers Subaru's question.

"Fucker's at th' tomb. He's takin' th' trial again."

"What?"

Garfiel turns his gaze to the direction of the tomb, the thinning of trees around it barely visible from here. Like a one-way mirror. From the tomb Sanctuary is a lot clearer and easier to see, but from Sanctuary it's hard to see much beyond the trees.

Subaru begins to walk in the direction of the tomb. Garfiel holds a hand out to stop him.

"Oi, an' where th' fuck're you goin?"

"To get Meiss out of there. That thing judges how much to hurt you based on mage potential, right? So I'll be fine."

Subaru tries to move again, but Garfiel holds him in place stubbornly.

"Hey, he could barely move today! You saw what the trial does to Emilia and she's perfectly healthy! What makes you think he'll have the strength to crawl out!"

Garfiel closes his eyes. On the one hand, he doesn't like anyone messing with the tomb. On the other hand, he had agreed to not get in Subaru's way. Why are things so difficult?

"Grrrrrrrrrr FINE!"

Garfiel raises the hand holding Subaru back up over his head and scratches his back. He kicks the earth and watches Subaru run towards the tomb. The lion grumbles something before ruffling his hair and stomping further into Sanctuary.

Damn, I need ta find that lil' girl 'n tell her to stop lookin'.

—

"Hrk-!"

Feeling a pressure in his throat, he curls into the fetal position until it subsides.

"Hah... hah..."

Meiss takes a deep breath and releases it. He continues this process for a minute or two, calming his nerves. Once he gets his pulse under control and stops sweating he tries to organize the new experiences. His head hurts, it throbs from the information.

He can organize later.

Ok, so what was that? Five alternate versions of now? I thought this world couldn't get any shittier.

...

Ok then, doesn't make it any less hard to understand. Though there are a few enjoyable things in this world, so I'm thankful this is reality.

The blonde rubs his temples as he lays on his back. It still sucks to move, but screw pain. Sheer force of will has no limits.

Stumbling, Meiss crawls over to the tomb's wall and pushes himself onto his feet. It was already bad enough getting here after waiting for Beatrice to fall asleep, getting back would be even worse. The trial seems to have stolen all of his puny strength despite him not moving an inch.

Maybe I should rest, I've scarcely rested in probably twenty hours.

No, you can still move. One foot in front of the other even if it hurts. Left, right, left, right, left, right, left, ri-

"Gyah!"

Meiss splays his arms out as his foot trips. He falls to the dusty floor, sending up a grey cloud with his impact. He yelps and clutches his left forearm as he lays there. Breathing heavy, he rolls over. Meiss raises his head, seeing the slash in the tomb he created days ago being the reason he fell.

The blonde can see a sliver of the night sky through the slash in the stone.

I can still take the trial tonight. It's still dark out.

Meiss rolls back onto his stomach and braces himself against the wall of the tomb. He tries to rise, but all he can achieve is one leg underneath him. It's like he can feel each individual muscle fiber screaming at him, hot and cold and hurting all at the same time. Also the throbbing, by god the throbbing. His whole muscular system throbs every time he moves. Rythmic, like a dull heart beat he can feel through his whole body.

Resigning to the inevitable, Meiss relaxes himself and leans against the wall.

He covers his eyes with the inside of his elbow.

"Dammit you're pathetic Meiss."

"Yup, hammer on the nail. Or was it nail on the head?"

"Whuzzit!?"

Meiss jumps and scoots away, a sudden rush giving him power to do so. He raises his arms, only to lower them a second later.

"Really, Subaru?"

Subaru looks down at the form of Meiss, mostly feeling pity for the boy. The teen places a hand on his hip and shifts his center of mass onto one foot.

"Yes, really. What the hell are you doing here? Didn't you almost die? And don't use the excuse of Return by Death. Value yourself more."

Meiss looks at Subaru for a second before he smiles and chuckles at the wall.

"You gonna pull a Rem on me? Slap emotions at me with such force that I improve as a person?"

Subaru furrows his brows.

"What's wrong?"

"Oh that's rich Subaru, maybe it's the three times you're responsible for my death!?"

Subaru steps back in surprise as Meiss buries his hands into his face.

"I-I know that wasn't really you, you would never side with Elsa and I mean how the hell do you even become a crime lord? Also you were going to run away? What the hell! That's on top of the other things I saw..."

Subaru looks at Meiss, and for the first time he looks beyond the overwhelming strength and drive, the teen finally realises how small the blonde looks. He's a teen at the height of emotion, stuck between child and man. He has no idea what he's doing, what he needs to do, what he wants to do.

Meiss lets his hands trail to his neck and then his collarbones. He digs his fingers into the skin around the ridges.

"Do you ever find it hard to breath? To feel so helpless towards yourself and the fact that you can't do anything right?"

"I do know."

Meiss hangs his head a little lower.

"You do know... I know that you know how much it hurts to feel so useless, to have to put up a front to make people not worry about you... and I'm not even good at that... I told myself I wanted to be a sanctuary, a... a light in the darkness or something that makes people feel safe and calm and grounded. How can I do that when everyone I've ever tried to protect has died or gotten hurt? I'm incompetent, unable to do something so simple. I'm-"

Meiss doesn't finish the sentence. He feels no need to, it's achingly clear what would have been said next.

"Here I am spouting this crap about wanting to be a sanctuary to occupy myself, to distract myself..."

Meiss lets go of his collarbones, his hands flop into his lap as he stares at the ground. His energy is gone, he can't move. Won't move. He isn't thinking of anything, his mind is completely blank. He retreats within himself, feeling ashamed at how he let that outburst spill out of his emotion bottle. He can't even keep that closed properly, how can he ever hope to keep anyone safe? How can he ever hope to-

"Meiss."

The blonde slowly closes his eyes.

"Go away, you're smarter than me, you can do this easier without me."

"Meiss."

"I'm so strong but so weak, I'd just be a hidrance. I don't want to be a reason..."

"Meiss."

The blonde snaps his eyes open and lifts his head to glare cold ice at Subaru.

"I said GO AWA-"

The whipping peal of flesh on flesh echoes through the tomb. Meiss' head snaps to the side, he lets out a surprised breath. Subaru waves his hand in the air, trying to cool his palm down.

"Ita, ita."

Meiss slumps to his side, his cheek burning. His eyes are wide open and shocked. Slowly, trembling, his hand travels up to feel his stinging cheek. His fingers are cold, smooth. The feeling of temperature subsides as his cheek goes numb.

Subaru looks down at Meiss again, at how he doesn't even try to right himself. He just lays there pathetically. Subaru crouches down, hands on his knees as he examines the visible parts of Meiss' face. His blonde hair covers most of it, but where his hand slowly explores his reddening cheek some skin pokes through. His nose also is showing, creating a little opening where Subaru can see the top of Meiss' lips.

"I know how it feels to feel useless and to put on a mask. That's no way to go about things though. Someone told me that I should think of myself first before others once in a while. To love myself. I think you should do that too. Feeling useless won't get you anywhere, take it from me and my experience. I died three times before I was able to put together the forces to kill the Hakugei. Do you know why I was able to do that?"

...

"..."

...

"I started thinking of myself a little. Rem helped me realize that I wasn't useless. That people would care if I left. People will care if you leave; if you shut down. You aren't useless. You're one of the smartest and strongest people I know. It hurts to see you like this and it'll hurt other people to see you like this."

Meiss draws his legs to his chest, curling into the fetal position. He continues to lay on his side, his burnt clothing sliding across the brick under him. Meiss wraps his arms around his legs, bringing them closer to him as he buries his face into his knees.

If he didn't look small before, he definitely does now.

"I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't Ican'tIcan'tIcan'tIcan'tIcan'tIcan'tIcan'tIcan'tIcan'tIcan'tIcan'tIcan'tIcan'tIcan't..."

Subaru furrows his brows in worry at Meiss, laying on the floor and whispering to himself. Eventually, he stops and says nothing more. Completely silent. Subaru falls into a sitting position as crouching becomes too taxing.

Subaru closes his eyes, breathing in the dusty air for a moment before looking out of the slash in the tomb at the purpling sky. The teen's gaze travels back to Meiss, and he gives a start as he realises Meiss is staring at him from under his bangs. The blonde hasn't moved an inch, still laying there.

"Why won't you leave me? I can't do anything, so why keep me around?"

Subaru looks worriedly at Meiss.

"You're not useless, Meiss. How many times will I have to say that for you to understand? Goddamn it you're my friend, Meiss. You're Rem's friend. You're Emilia's friend. You're worth keeping around. I don't even know what you said to Beako to make her worry about you. You made Beatrice worry. Beatrice. You planned out the mansion's defense and protected everyone there from Elsa."

Subaru leans forward, hoping to see more of Meiss' expression.

"Take a look at who you've met and what you've accomplished, seriously take a look, and tell me that nobody would miss you or that you're useless. You're not useless."

"I am."

"You're not."

"I am."

"You're not."

"I am."

"You're not."

"I AM."

"You're not."

"I AM!"

"You're no-"

"FUCK YOU, SUBARU!"

Subaru leans back, startled at the outburst even if he saw it coming.

Meiss is sitting up now, heaving angrily. He glares at Subaru for a second before his expression changes to regret, then he scrunches his eyes closed and shouts at himself. He thrusts his hands into his scalp, pressing down as his hoarse cry slowly fades. The blonde sits for a second, his breathing labored, stifling a sob every now and then.

"I'm useless. I can't do anything right. I couldn't protect Eura. I couldn't protect Rem. I couldn't protect Crusch. I couldn't protect Frederica. I couldn't protect Petra. I'm sure I couldn't protect you a few times that I can't remember. I'm sure I couldn't protect other people that I can't remember. Why even try? If everything I cherish and hold dear gets hurt, then why even try? Why let myself get close to people if all it does is hurt? I'm hopeless... There's nothing I can do."

This sounds awfully familiar to Subaru, yet so different. Meiss and Subaru are similar in many ways, excluding the obvious alien status...

If Rem was able to help Subaru, then maybe Meiss needs a character to fit into the 'Rem' slot. If only briefly.

But Subaru isn't Rem. He had feelings of friendship towards Meiss, but nothing close to the unyeilding intensity of Rem's love. Really though, Rem's feelings are so potent that to compare anything to them would be futile.

Regardless, Subaru isn't Rem. He doesn't know what to say besides what has been told to him. Regurgitating information meant for one person's problems wouldn't help another with his own different problems, no matter how similar they may appear on the surface.

That's just it. Surface. On a superficial level minute differences between Subaru and Meiss' respective outbursts are the only contrasts. The words spoken may not convey the truest burden of the heart though, for words can never truly give the heart proper voice.

Voice... Why did it have to be voice?

Meiss backs away, not knowing why he feels the need to as Subaru draws in closer. The teen reaches out to Meiss' shoulders and clamps down, holding him in place. Meiss can't escape as Subaru closes in. The blonde cringes away, trying to make himself smaller.

Meiss' breathing hitches, then comes in shallow, shaky breaths as Subaru's arms wrap around his body.

What is this? ... What is this? What is this? What is this? Is this what it's like to be hugged? It's so warm and calming and inviting and I feel so safe. Please don't ever go I don't want to lose anyone again please. How have I gone without this for so long it's maddening I don't want to let go. Please don't go please stay.

"We need you, Meiss."

Please please please please stay please stay please stay please stay stay stay I can't I can't lose anyone please stay I'm so safe.

Subaru feels his shoulder wetten as Meiss buries his head into it. The teen ignores the dampness and tickling of the blonde hair on his neck. Just like during the week of turbulation and the return to the capital. The warm twin pillows of Emilia's thighs shattering Subaru's composure, as well as the hug and forehead kiss from Rem that swept away the gushing stream of self-loathing.

Yeah... Voice could never compare to something like this.

Nobody knows how valuable a shoulder to cry on is until it's needed.

—

Subaru drapes his arm around Meiss and pulls him to his feet. With Subaru supporting most of his weight, the two make their way out of the trial room. Subaru abruptly stops after moving a few steps into the tomb's hall.

"Yeah, this isn't going to work."

Subaru gently places Meiss on the ground and grabs him by the legs, dragging him. The tomb's floor is smooth brick, so nothing snags or hinders Meiss' body being dragged.

The blonde looks up through the tomb's hall to the outside. He can see the light slowly gaining a purplish-red tint.

I guess I wouldn't have had enough time to take the third trial.

"You worried everyone, Meiss. Beako's gonna skin you alive."

I'm not going to complain about getting dragged around. I deserve this for making anyone waste time looking for me.

Plus, the pulling feels kinda nice on his legs.

After a moment or two of slowly dragging Meiss, Subaru drops his legs. They've finally exited the tomb and now stand inside the tomb's small fenced-off yard.

Subaru brings his arms to his hips and puffs air for a second. The boy wasn't heavy, but he wasn't light like Rem either. It was tiring dragging him, not something the teen would enjoy doing again. Mostly because that would mean Meiss would be injured, but also secretly because it's tiring.

"Barusu, I commend you for dragging this insolent Guest-sama from the tomb in such a fashion. You have repented for waking the beautiful Ram from her sleep."

"But jus' how th' fuck're you completely fine after strollin' into tha tomb? I expected at least a lil' blood..."

Subaru turns to see Ram and Garfiel welcoming him from the tomb. Faced with the dynamic duo of whatchamacallit-unreciprocated-feelings though, Subaru can't really call it warm.

Though being praised by Ram is something Subaru could get used to. Shame it doesn't happen often.

The teen smiles and clicks his heel against the ground. He points to his temple.

"My mage potential is so low I only get a headache. Lucky me eh?"

Garfiel seems satisfied with this, if you can call muttering obscenities under his breath and glaring as satisfied. Rather, it's Ram that seems suspicious. She narrows her eyes at the blonde, who is slowly trying to roll over onto his stomach.

"I informed Roswaal-sama about Guest-sama's return after Emilia-sama's trial last night. He requested an audience once the pitiful boy was able to move. Seeing as Guest-sama was able to make it to the tomb, it seems that requirement has long since been fulfilled."

Subaru arches his brow at Ram, he heard nothing about Roswaal requesting an audience. Then again, it's not too much of a stretch to consider more secrets being kept. At this point Subaru would like to ask how many there are as well as what they are. With a sigh, the teen turns back to Meiss.

"Wait wait, I got this."

Meiss tries to stand from a crouching position.

...

"I don't got this. Some help please, Subaru?"

—

Breathing at a moderate pace, Subaru adjusts Meiss at his side. Instead of trying to carry him this time, the teen is allowing the blonde to walk with support. It makes Subaru kinda scrunch down though, so it's not very pleasant. The teen whispers to Meiss.

"Now please don't throw a fit about his gospel. We haven't compared notes yet, so let me do the talking, K?"

The blonde leans in a bit closer to Subaru.

"Might be a little trouble there, I tend to just 'do' sometimes if you haven't realized."

"I've realised, which is why I'm asking you in advance. Plus, when you plan you're damn good at it. I woulda ran around like a headless chicken on fire with the Elsa situation..."

The blonde lets his head loll, a soft chuckle escapes his lips at the mental picture.

Ahead of them, Ram comes to a stop before the door to Roswaal's hut. She waits for Subaru and Meiss to catch up before opening the door and walking inside. The maid holds the door open until the slow duo make it inside. She lets it close on Garfiel, the wood smacking into his hand as he catches it.

Surprisingly, he doesn't complain.

Instead the lion crosses his arms and steps to the side, not wishing to be a major part of what's happening. Subaru deposits his Meiss against a wall, which the blonde slides down unceremoniously until he is sitting. Subaru stands a few feet away from him, facing the bed.

A small sigh escapes Subaru's lips. The teen can remember a similar situation to this one. This time though, Meiss is here. Even in his current state, Meiss could still provide an edge of some kind. What edge that may be is unknown.

On the bed is Roswaal. He glances quickly from Meiss to Subaru and back again. He then closes his eyes for the amount of time it takes to count to ten in a calming exercise kinda way before reopening his eyes. The clown smiles a not happy smile at Meiss.

"Myyy myyyyy! What oh whaaat could have occuuuuurred to put Meiss-san in such a state of disrepaaaaaiiiiiiir?"

Meiss raises his head. His hair covers his face, obscuring his also not-so-nice expression.

"I tripped on the stairs; it hurt."

Roswaal's blue eye twitches. Meiss' icy eyes shine from under his bangs.

Roswaal raises his chin and rubs it with delicate fingers. His hand twitches, slightly smearing a small portion of some purple lipstick across the top of chin.

"Hmmmm, I dooooo wonder why you look at me with such distaaaaaaste, Meiss-san?"

"Well maybe-"

Clamping his mouth shut, Meiss grimaces. Curse his mouth for moving without permission!

The blonde glances at Ram, she looks kinda pissed at Him. Scratch that, she's openly mad. Has she always been this devoted to Roswaal, to the point of some sick infatuation? What was she like before Rem's name was eaten? Probably not much different.

"Oi, th' hell were you 'bouta say, blondie!"

Garfiel pipes up from the side of the room. He slightly tilts his body, pressuring Meiss for an answer.

"Garfiel, I don't really want to get into a fight with you."

The emphasis on 'you' was not wasted on Garfiel.

Garfiel looks at Subaru.

"Tch. You prob'ly know what th' blondie's talkin' bout, right? You two were whisperin' 'fore we got 'ere."

Subaru looks at Garfiel and decides to follow the example of Meiss' aloofness. The teen casually puts his hands into his tracksuit pockets and looks meaningfully at Roswaal.

"Yup, I do know what he's talking about."

Roswaal studies Subaru's hazel eyes for a second, looking at him with the yellow eye. Slowly, the clown chuckles as he reaches under his pillow.

"I seeeeeeee, then."

Ram steps forward.

"Roswaal-sama...?"

"It is thiiiiis, right?"

From under his pillow Roswaal produces a small black book, it's unimportant-looking. Slowly, the clown flips the pages with his thumb, breathing in the scent of paper. Ram widens her pink eyes.

"Revealed so casually..."

With an angry grunt, Garfiel uncrosses his arms and positions them at his hips. He takes a step forward towards Roswaal.

"Th' hell's that?"

Subaru glances to his side at Meiss, whose eyes no longer shine from under his bangs. Truthfully, nothing shines from them since anger is a dark emotion. Roswaal smirks as he holds a hand out to stop Ram's worrying. Focusing on Subaru, Roswaal adresses the boy.

"This book is the truuuuuuth, I have taken painstaking measures to make sure the writ becomes reality, even at the cost of a retry."

"Cost of a retry...?"

Meiss whispers to himself as it dawns on him.

This bitchclown knows about the memories! ... What did Subaru call it... Return from Death? Return by Death?

'How though,' is Meiss' question. The blonde knows that a penalty is forced upon Subaru whenever he speaks about the memories to anyone besides himself and Meiss. So how did Roswaal learn about them? The blonde can barely contain his shock, though his hair obscures his expression from the others in the room.

Must be that damn gospel.

Meiss glances at Subaru and notices that the teen doesn't look very surprised at the reveal of Roswaal's knowledge. Like he knew beforehand thet Roswaal knew...

"Roswaal-sama, what is this 'retry' you speak of?"

"Yeah! Th' fuck is goin' on? Somebody better start talkin'!"

"Roswaal you motherfucker..."

Roswaal merely closes his eyes after Subaru says nothing.

"It seems that we have alreeeeaaaady had this conversation, Subaru-kun."

Meiss grunts as he uses the wall to support himself. He slowly rises to his feet, stretching out his legs as he does. The appendages scream at him as he pulls on their tightness. Besides the blonde, Subaru opens his mouth to speak. He is cut off by a bubbling sound, courtesy of Meiss burning into the stone of Roswaals hut with acedia to better brace himself as he rises fully.

Acedia retracts into Meiss as dolorem spreads over his mostly uninjured right arm.

"..."

Ram harshly steps in front of Meiss, glaring her pink eyes into Meiss' blue eyes. The maid is the same height as him, so her eyes have a perfect window to stare into his soul. Meiss shifts his gaze between her two eyes, looking for any signs of hesitation or uncertainty or something else besides hostility.

None.

Nothing besides unwavering devotion to Roswaal. Meiss narrows his gaze, he's seen this look before. Rem's eyes often have that same look of love and devotion when she is with Subaru. Rem, whose love for Subaru borders on obsessiveness, is surely Ram's twin. There is no argument.

"I suggest you back down, Guest-sama. Even if you are injured I will not hold back. It is obvious who would be left standing."

Meiss, well practiced in stare-offs, returns the gaze of hostility.

"Yeah, it's glaringly obvious who would be walking away."

The blonde is too busy having a staring contest with Ram to notice the distance between the pink maid and Roswaal become no distance. Somehow, with his injuries, Roswaal was able to close the distance between him and Ram in the blink of an eye. The clown pulls back his arm...

"Ram, you truely are a good foll-"

"KISAMA!"

Meiss starts, his eyes widening as he sees Subaru throw himself at Roswaal. The clown reacts as well, changing the trajectory of his arm on instinct and scoring a shallow cut on Ram's back. With a bubbling cry, Subaru steps back while holding his throat, bleeding profusely. Meiss watches, stunned like the frozen Ram, as Subaru falls to the ground, a gash in his neck.

Nothing happens for a horrifying moment as everyone stares in shock at Subaru. Meiss tears his gaze away as nothing happens. Nothing happens. Return by Death doesn't activate.

Meiss spots his quarry and pushes himself off the wall at the same time Garfiel dives for Subaru. Ram is slow to react as she is pushed out of the way, watching as Meiss' hands close around Roswaal's dropped gospel. Garfiel mutters to himself as blue light weaves around Subaru's neck.

Ram looks from the bloody Subaru to Roswaal's red hand. The cut on her back stings. She was a good follower, she was praised by Roswaal-sama! So why was he going to kill her? It didn't make sense. Why did this have to be so complicated?

Meiss thumps painully to the ground, his fingers bumping the cold, hard floor. He makes a pained sound as he rolls onto his side, clutching the black book against his body despite the screams in his head telling him to burn it burn it burn it they're all bastards that take people forever kill it burn it leave no trace.

"No dammit, I'm fine!"

The blonde whispers to no one.

"YOU PIECE OF SHIIIIT!"

Roswaal's childish scream of rage tears through Meiss' eardrums as fire spurts from the clown's hands. He raises the appendage over his head, preparing to strike down with all his force, all his devotion, all his drive to meet his teacher again.

"AAAAL GO-"

Meiss raises the gospel in front of him like a shield, using his elbow to prop himself up shakily.

Just as quickly as it started, the commotion ended. The tension remains though, in the twitching of Roswaal, the glare of Garfiel, and the startlingly level face of Meiss. The moments tick by like hours as the tension mounts. It's like a bomb, ready to blow at the slightest disturbance, the slightest puff of oxygen adding fuel to the fuze.

"You should do something, Roswaal. I doubt Garfiel's gonna be as patient as me once he's done with Subaru."

Roswaal shakes with rage, his arm still raised and sputtering flame. He glares deep into Meiss' eyes, which shine from under the blonde's bangs. This bastard child recieved the authority of Melancholy? Before, it wasn't personal. Roswaal just happened to meet his match against someone he had no ties to, a force that meant nothing to him.

Now though, it's personal.

Roswaal is very angry.

The writ must be truth.

He needs to bring back Echidna

Spreading his arms apart, Roswaal blasts flame at the ceiling. The orange tidal wave bores into the wood and brick and shoots above, spraying debris around the hut. Roswaal's form disappears as he rockets into the sky, blood dripping from his wounds. Mana surges around him and through his glowing gates as he reaches the crest of his flight.

"ARTEMILION."

Roswaal hangs suspended in the air as the mana around him slowly dissipates into the atmoshpere.

Garfiel steps away from Subaru, who doesn't seem to be bleeding anymore, and glowers at Roswaal from the hole in the roof. He flexes his legs, preparing to jump up there and claw the bastard back to the earth.

"W-wait, Garfiel!"

With a snort, Garfiel turns his head to Meiss.

"Don't! That was it... He's called in the Ousagi!"

"The Ousagi!?"

Meiss glances at the door, then at Ram. The pink maid still stands frozen in place.

"We've got to gather everybody into an easily defendable area! Where though...? First get Subaru to Emilia's place, Beatrice can heal him!"

Garfiel looks between Roswaal and Ram, then to Subaru. Grunting, he picks up the unconscious teen and drapes him over his shoulder. Holding Subaru with one hand, Garfiel's other grabs Ram by the arm and drags her along behind him. Meiss tries to struggle to his feet, but his earlier anger-fueled strength fails to return to him and his legs aren't moving fast enough.

Slamming the door open, A man clad in green looks around the room. The door almost conks Garfiel, who curses loudly at the green-clad man as he dashes by.

Otto takes a second to look at Garfiel running into Sanctuary. He then looks in shock at the rubble scattered around and the hole in the roof. His eyes dart over to Meiss.

"Rhen-san! What has happened?"

Meiss parts his hair to frame his face so he is able to see properly. He takes in the panicked look on Otto's face.

"Otto! Roswaal's gone crazy! The spell he just cast will draw the Ousagi here!"

"Ousagi! What what what! The esteemed Roswaal-sama..."

"The 'esteemed Roswaal-sama' just tried to kill me! He's trying to kill us all! Please, help me follow Garfiel!"

Otto looks stunned for a second, before grabbing Meiss and hauling the boy to his feet. Despite his pencil-looking frame, Otto is surprisingly strong and has no trouble practically carrying Meiss to Emilia's hut. It made the travel much easier and faster.

"After this you should seriously consider leaving with no backwards glances, Otto."

—

A/N: I'm so sorry Otto! I completely forgot you existed! AAAAA! How could I do that?

—

"Unf!"

CRACK!

The door to Emilia's hut slams inwards as Garfiel kicks it open. The lion releases Ram's arm and gruffly tosses Subaru onto the couch. Beatrice scrambles off the couch, lest she get squashed by Subaru. She immediately returns though and looks at the teen with wide eyes.

"What...? You! Feral boy! What happened!"

"Th' bastard Roswaal tried t'kill Ram 'n Blondie, this bastard played th' hero."

The door creaks loudly on it's broken hinges as Otto walks in with Meiss. The merchant looks wide-eyed at Subaru and the blue light coming from Beatrice. Meiss pushes away, stumbling into the couch and fumbling Roswaal's gospel onto the cushions next to Subaru's feet.

"Beatrice! Drain me, heal Subaru!"

The loli fixes a dagger-like glare at Meiss as she runs out of mana and stops healing.

"You're in barely a state to walk in fact, let alone be a mana donor. You don't have any extra mana remaining either."

The door to Emilia's room creaks open slowly. The half-elf herself steps out, dressed in her pink nightgown and rubbing her eyes.

"What's all the hubbub? It's so earl- SUBARU!"

All notions of tiredness leave Emilia as she rushes over to Subaru and examines him. She holds her hands to his neck and starts to heal.

"Subaru! SUBARU! What happened! Whats going on?"

Emilia's questioning gaze travels over the people in the room, searching for answers. Garfiel isn't even paying attention, roughly walking out of the door while looking into the sky. Meiss pushes himself up and off the couch, ignoring Emilia for now. Beatrice looks at the blonde as he slowly tries to hobble to the door, only to wobble into the wall.

"What are you doing I suppose? Do not think you would be of any significance in a fight, silly boy. You have not yet fully recovered, did Betty's comment about being barely able to walk go over your head in fact?"

"Fight? Is that related to why Subaru is like this? Why's Ram look so frazzled?"

Meiss grits his teeth and pushes off the wall, making it only a few steps before falling. His anger at himself only mounts as his body fails to push himself back up.

"Dammit! You should have been quicker to save Eura, faster when the Hakugei started shooting gas, not let yourself fall to emotion against Ley, smarter against the OP Witch, more aware against Elsa! Heh, that's funny since she died this time... Use your past mistakes like a sharpened weapon, you useless fuck!"

At the conclusion of his triade against himself, Meiss swings his fist into his leg. Emilia and Beatrice flinch as all the glass and teaware in the hut shatters into dust. One of the couch's legs gives out, jostling Subaru as Meiss brushes his hair over his head. The blonde stands up and looks back at the three, whispering to himself.

"I didn't want to do that, but honestly being hurt sucks."

"What, how..."

"Someone tell me what's happening!"

"Will Natsuki-san survive?!"

Meiss looks to the broken door and the snow falling beyond it. His eyes burn with a determination honed by a new way of thinking. Garfiel is no longer outside the door, where did he go? Maybe he ignored Meiss and immediately went to go beat the shit out of Roswaal. There aren't any sounds of fighting though, perhaps Garfiel is the type to deeply care for his home? Meiss has had scarce interactions with him and wouldn't know.

"I'm not leaving anybody behind."

—

Hai, ore wa Natuski Subaru ~ Yes, I'm Natsuki Subaru.

Wa and ga hurt my head, but I'm pretty sure that's correct.

Boku ~ Masculine pronoun; kinda boy-ish (I think). Not as informal as Ore but not as formal as Watashi.

Atai ~ Feminine pronoun. Don't quote me but I'm pretty sure it's "cutesy."

Watashi ~ Gender-neutral pronoun. The go-to pronoun that is also used in formal settings.

Ita ~ Ow.

Kisama ~ You; extremely rude way to refer to someone in Japanese.

10K WORD COUNT BREACHED.

I can pump out chapters now, but the wait between them will be wildly inconsistent and most likely slow. Sorry for that.

I'm also going to focus more on rewriting Arc3, cliffhangers ftw. Also on the topic of Arc3, I rewrote some of the chapter2 A/N since when I wrote it originally I hadn't even started the chapter.

I opened an AO3 account to post this on there and a DeviantArt account for my doodles and drawings of this fic under the name 'Re-Pensivity.' So far not much is on there.

See ya next indeterminate amount of time!