"Is everything okay, Alice?" I ask frantically, glancing over toward the silver Volvo. Of course Alice, noticing the movement, looks over her shoulder to follow my gaze.
"Not really, but don't worry about it. This isn't your fault in the slightest. I told you I would talk to Edward, and I did. Fat lot of good that did though. He's stubborn as hell and doesn't seem to take your telling him you didn't want to be friends with him seriously." She says, shooting a glare in his direction, which he returns with just as much venom.
"That doesn't surprise me." I scoff, rolling my eyes.
"Anyway, I just wanted to let you know we talked as a family about his behavior. As you can see by the fact we took separate cars, he wasn't happy about it. As a matter of fact, he apparently believes you're playing hard to get." She says, traces of annoyance lacing her words.
While she is talking, I can see Edward over her shoulder step forward with a scowl on his face. I worry for Alice's safety for a moment, but Jasper puts a restraining hand on his shoulder. I almost thought Jasper was on our side, until he looks back over his shoulder at me and I feel fear rippling down my spine due to the look of utmost hatred he directs at me. Alice must have noticed I wasn't focused on her anymore, because she follows my gaze behind her. She must have given them a look in return, because after one glance at her and they head towards the main building.
"So, I just wanted to let you know that we are working on getting him to leave you alone. It's proving more difficult than we thought though. Also, why didn't you tell me he grabbed you yesterday? He didn't hurt you, did he?" She asks, frustration and concern evident in her voice. She glances at my arm where Edward had grabbed me the day before, as if she can see through the fabric of my sleeve.
"I didn't think to tell you, honestly. I didn't intentionally keep it from you or anything. And no, it doesn't hurt. How did you find out, anyway?" I respond, not wanting to worry her more by telling her the truth. In fact, my arm hurts like hell. I have a pretty nasty bruise now, in the shape of Edward's hand.
"Emmett wasn't far from where you guys were standing and saw. He said he was about to intervene, but Edward had let go and was already walking away before he got far." I notice she still seems concerned.
"Alice, seriously I'm fine. It didn't hurt. You aren't the only one that's tougher than you look, you know." I say, trying to lighten the mood.
"I don't doubt it." She says, smirking slightly. It's clear I wasn't as successful with bettering her mood as I wanted to be, but I still seem to have made progress.
"Well, if he causes anymore problems, please tell me. Text me in class, I don't care. Find me, Rose, or Emmett. They aren't happy with his behavior either, so they'll back you up. Anyway, we better head in or we'll be late." She says as she turns pointedly to face the main building.
"Okay, I promise. I just wish I didn't have to sit next to him in Physics. Makes it difficult to get my point across that I'm not interested in him." I say, rolling my eyes at the thought of how oblivious and stubborn he is.
"Well, maybe you can find someone to switch with you? Or ask Mr. Banner to arrange it?" She says, scrunching her eyebrows in concentration.
"Nah, I'm not gonna do that. Then someone else would be subjected to him and his antics. I'll tough it out and deal with him. Somehow..."
"Alright, if that's what you think is best. Any who, do you think your friends, and you for that matter, would mind if Emmett, Rose and I join you guys at your table for lunch? Obviously, we don't want to share a table with our other brothers." She asks, shooting a glance my way.
"I definitely won't mind. I'm sure my friends won't either. If it were Edward, that'd be a different story. But, save for Rosalie, no one seems to think badly of you or Emmett."
"What's wrong with Rose?" She asks defensively.
"I don't have a problem with her, but she does have a pretty hardcore resting bitch face going on. And from what I gather, listening to the conversations around me, the other kids think that she thinks she's better than everyone else. I don't believe that, but I also can't blame the others for thinking that consideration she socializes the least of you all, except maybe Jasper. Speaking of, why is he with Edward? I thought you guys are close?" I debated on whether to even ask the last two questions, but curiosity got the better of me.
"We are. I actually asked him to stick by Edward as much as he can. We're trying to keep him from doing something stupid. And he does the best at calming Edward down. "
Before I can say anything though, the warning bell rings and I realize we are in front of my first class. Alice raises her hand, after hesitating for a second, grabs and squeezes my forearm gently, which I find oddly comforting. It is a great contrast to what Edward made me feel the previous day.
"Bella, don't blame yourself. I'm serious, this is no one's fault but my brother's. I better go before I'm late. I'll see you at lunch!" She trailed off at the end as she walked away, no doubt in the direction if her own class.
Classes passed by in a blur for the first half of the day. Mike didn't say much, I'm guessing put off by my rejecting his far from subtle offer for us to go to the Spring Dance together. Eric was less dejected than Mike, but not by much. Angela, during History, asked me what I thought of her asking Eric to the dance. While I noticed that she and Ben seem to have better chemistry, Ben is currently dating Katie. So, I told her to go for it. With that, we headed to the cafeteria, chatting away about the progress we've made on our project.
"Oh, you don't mind if Alice, Rosalie, and Emmett sit with us today do you?" I ask, almost forgetting that I hadn't mentioned it yet.
"O-of course not." She stutters out, wide-eyed from the shock of having the most popular (and attractive) kids in school sit with us, no doubt.
While Angela made her way to the main lunch line to get a burger, I head to the salad bar. After glancing around, I notice the Cullen's (Edward and Jasper included) haven't arrived yet. I caught a glimpse of the burgers when following Angela to the line and saw they were mostly burnt and rubbery looking, which is why I changed course to the salads instead. The lettuce is a little wilted, tomatoes wrinkled, and cucumbers a little limp. Still, it looks more appealing than charcoal on a bun.
I grab a granny smith apple, preferring their more bitter taste, and set it down next to my empty plate while I grab the tongs to put some of the less wilted romaine lettuce on the plate. Letting my guard down as far as my OCD goes, I arrange exactly five similarly shaped tomatoes evenly around the perimeter of the plate. I do the same for the cucumbers, putting them between each tomato. Just as I am fixing the last one on the plate, my name being almost whispered behind me causes me to jump and knock the apple off the counter.
I watch it fall, but it never makes it to the ground. A size 10 dress shoe catches it just inches from hitting the floor, hacky sacking it back up and into pale hands. I look up into the smug face of Edward, who hands the apple to me. Rolling my eyes, I take it and put it into the nearby trash can. I'd have rather eaten that from the floor, which hundreds of students walk with their nasty shoes on, than from Edward's no doubt immaculately clean shoe. The smirk on his face wanes slightly at my action, but it only lasts a moment.
"You making some edible art there?" He asks, motioning to my salad.
"Sure, you can say that. Now, if you'll excuse me. I'm going to go sit with my friends." I say, turning toward the table where Angela and the others, which does not include the other Cullen's yet, are watching in awe.
"I'm sure you've noticed, but I'm a little... Estranged from my siblings right now. Would you care to keep me company at my table today?" He asks, stepping in front of me before I can even take a step.
"Edward, did it not sink in yesterday when I said we are not friends? I'm sitting with my actual friends, which will include your siblings when they get here. I'd appreciate it if you'd let that into that thick head of yours and leave me alone." I spit out, stepping around him and stomping to my seat in front of Jessica.
On my way over I see Alice, Rosalie, and Emmett had been standing at the entrance doors, no doubt watching the encounter. They each get empty chairs from nearby tables and join me as I sit down, not even bothering to get anything to eat. Alice sits next to me and places a hand on my knee under the table, giving it a gentle and comforting squeeze. I look up and see the question in her eyes, and answering with a silent nod and smile, letting her know I'm okay.
"Oh... my... god... Bella, why didn't you tell us the CULLEN'S were gonna be having lunch with us?" Jessica hisses at me, I'm sure what she thinks is quietly.
"I forgot?" I more question than state, which she answers with a glare.
"Soooo, everyone looking forward to the dance?" Emmett asks with a huge child-like grin, looking around at everyone.
I glance around the table as well, gauging the different reactions. Ben doesn't seem to care, as he is just reading a comic books while eating a square of pizza. Eric and Mike are staring at Rosalie with their jaws hanging, and a little drool seeping out. Lauren seems to be having a hard time trying to glare at all of us at the same time. Angela is smiling at Alice and I, nibbling on a sandwich. Rosalie pulled out a magazine and is reading it, not giving anyone else at the table a second thought. And last, but certainly not least, we have Alice. She has her elbow on the table, cheek resting on her closed fist, and is grinning at Emmett's antics. She must see me out of her periphery, because she turns her head slightly toward me and winks at me.
"Oh my gosh, I can not wait! Mike asked me last night and we are going to have so much fun. Right, sweetie?" Jessica says, turning to Mike when she addresses him.
"Oh, yeah. It's, uh, gonna be a blast." Mike says after shaking himself out of his stupor and wiping the saliva from the corner of his mouth.
"Angela asked me last night too. We should get a limo together!" Eric, who does a better job of being subtle with wiping his chin. I'm surprised Ben's head didn't pop off when it snapped up to look between Angela and Eric, before he realizes what he is doing and looking back down to his book.
"How about you, Bella?" Angela asks me, watching me intently for my answer.
"I'm not going, actually. I'll be in Seattle that day." I say, earning a confused look from Angela and an adorable head tilt from Alice. Even Rosalie seems to be listening, as her eyes have stopped moving and instead are trained on a spot in the middle of the page she's on.
"Can't you go another day? It would be even better with you there!" Angela says, giving me a pointed look. I know it means she just doesn't want to have to sit with Jessica and Lauren and the clueless boys.
"I already made the arrangements. Besides, dancing and big crowds like that aren't my thing." I say, feeling bad to leave her hanging like that. But, not bad enough to put myself through that kind of misery.
Alice's eyes glaze over for a moment, like she's started daydreaming. I notice her look over to Edward for a moment before turning to face me with a grin. She sits up a bit straighter and turns toward me more, so her back faces him.
"I've been wanting to go to Pike's Place and a few other places in Seattle for a while now. Do you mind if I join you? We can take my car. From the looks of your truck, I think the four hour drive may be a bit much for it."
"Aren't you going to the dance?" I ask, with what I'm sure is a stupid puzzled expression on my face. The way she practically dances into a room, I would expect her to be at home on the dance floor and not want to miss the opportunity.
"No, I'd rather go shopping. It's only a Spring Dance. I'll probably go to Prom next year." She says with a shrug.
"Well, in that case, I'd love to go with you. Although, only on one condition." I say, pointing a finger in her direction and giving her a stern expression.
"What's that?" She responds hesitantly.
"Don't be hating on Linda. She can't help it if a long drive causes her to stroke out." I say, sticking my tongue out at her.
"Okay, deal." She says through laughter.
Our exchange went mostly unnoticed while Mike and Eric were arguing over who would be responsible for arranging the limo. Jessica watched them and chimed in when it seemed Mike wasn't getting his way, in attempts to defend him. Emmett was busy egging them on, grinning like an eight year old, trying to instigate a fight. Angela was the only one who paid us any mind, but didn't say anything. Although, I swear I could see Rosalie looking at us from the corner of her eye.
The rest of lunch was spent watching and laughing at the boys. Mostly Emmett, who made a lot of, shall we say, tasteless jokes. This seemed to prompt Mike and Eric to make jokes too. I noticed they kept looking at Rosalie, Alice, and me when they did so. Obviously, they were trying to make us laugh too, competing with Emmett. They weren't nearly as funny though, but I faked a few laughs to spare their feelings.
"Don't worry, I don't think you'll have to deal with Edward bothering you today. I'll see you in Drama." Alice says with a wink and grin before we go our separate ways, she to her next class and myself to Physics, confused by her words.
Edward isn't at our table when I walk in, which surprises me since he left before me from the cafeteria. I sit down and look to the board and see we aren't doing Physics work today. I can feel myself pale when I read that we are testing our blood. I hate the smell of blood. Not the sight of it, but the metallic smell it gives off makes me nauseous. The bell rings, and still no Edward. I don't really care where he is, instead I'm trying to figure out why we are testing our blood.
"In lieu of the upcoming Red Cross blood drive we will have here next Wednesday, I was thinking it would benefit everyone to know their blood type. As we all know, AB negative is the rarest. However, this is not the most sought after type. O negative actually is. This is due to the fact that if there is an emergency and there isn't time to figure out someone's blood type, O negative can be used.
"It is a nearly completely universal type that can be used in people with type O, A, B, or AB blood types. So, I strongly encourage all of you to donate. Especially if you have one of these rare types. Don't forget though, if you are under 18 you must have a signed permission slip from your parent or guardian."
He says this as he walks around the room to each desk and lays down a sealed testing kit in front of everyone. I look down at it, already feeling nauseous, as he walks back to the front of the room.
"So, inside each kit are the instructions. If you have any questions, I'll be making rounds to everyone. Oh, and before I forget, the Lancers are not toys. Don't use it to stick anyone but yourself. I never thought I would have to say that, but alas it already happened last period." He says to chuckles from the more prank-ish kids in the class.
Of course that includes Eric and Mike, who are already eyeing each other while holding one of the two lancets that come in the kit. Just as Mr. Banner turns to walk to the table two rows in front of me, putting his back to Eric and Mike, they lunge at each other and I hear the click of their lancets as they poke each other. Eric got stuck in his forearm and Mike in the exposed part of his chest.
I shake my head at them as I hear them yelp in pain and the last sight I see before turning my attention to opening the kit in front if me is them both clutching their wounds and looking like they regret their decision.
Begrudgingly, I open the kit and read the instructions. After reading them, I place the Eldoncard down and fill the dropper with water from the dish that was already in the middle of the table when we came in. I do the water onto the four circles and then pop the top off the lancer. I take a deep breath, deciding it's best to just do it quick before I psyche myself out of it, I press it to the side of my left ring finger.
Instantly I smell the blood and start to feel lightheaded. It gets worse when I hear more snaps from other lancets and smell more blood. Mr. Banner sees me as he is heading in my direction and rushes over to steady me.
"Don't do well with blood, huh? We better get you to the nurse. Mr. Newton, since you seem more interested in goofing off than participating, will you escort Bella to the nurse?" He says after catching Mike trying to get payback on Eric by pushing the Lancet towards his cheek.
Mike drops the lancet immediately when his name is called, much to Eric's very visible relief, and rushes over to me. With a nod to Mr. Banner, he takes puts his arm around my waist, which I can tell he is enjoying, and pulls my arm around his shoulders. I lean into him as he leads me out of the room.
"Come on Bella, I've got ya." He says, sounding a little too eager to help.
"Please cover your chest and finger. They aren't helping things." I whisper out, swallowing the bile that tried to creep up, which makes Mike button up the top button of his shirt and put his hand in his pocket.
We walk out of the classroom and get halfway down the hall before I stop him, telling him to give me a minute, and sit on the floor while leaning back against a row of lockers. He doesn't say anything, which I'm thankful for since my head is starting to pound.
Barely a minute after we stopped, I hear a door open and hurried footsteps coming toward us. I have my head between my knees in an attempt to clear it, so don't look up to see who it is. I'm surprised and supremely annoyed at the voice that floats toward me.
"What happened? Is she hurt? What did you do to her?" I hear Edward ask Mike angrily before I hear, I'm guessing, Mike being slammed into the lockers next to me.
"I didn't touch her Cullen. She started feeling sick in class. I guess she doesn't like the sight of blood. Not that it's any of your business anyway, since you couldn't be bothered to come to class." Mike responds defensive and firmly, gaining some respect from me. Edward, I'm sure, looks terrifying right now and Mike doesn't seem to be backing down, from what I hear.
"Edward, back off!" I snap my head up at the voice, which was a bad idea since I'm already queasy.
Alice makes her way over from a classroom near the end of the hall looking livid. Her voice, which I didn't think was possible, sounded so aggressive and I'm not surprised that Ed did as she commanded, despite her being half his size. He drops Mike, who I notice now he had lifted against the lockers a good six inches from the ground.
"Bella, what happened? Are you okay?" Alice asks, touching her hand to my shoulder and looking at me with concern.
"We were just heading to the nurses office. We were doing blood type testing when I started fainting. The blood was getting to me and Mike here was helping me get to there since I can barely stand. Eddy here didn't believe Mike when he told him that and got all psycho." I answer slowly, taking deep breaths to try to fight the nausea.
"I thought he was trying to hurt you. It's no secret he likes you, and you deny him. Boys have done worse for less." Edward says to me, trying to defend his actions.
"Sounds familiar, doesn't it Edward?" Alice hisses back at him.
Edward glares at her for a few moments before turning his attention to me. "Let me take you to the nurse. I'm sure she has something to help you feel better." He says, starting to bend down to help me up.
"I don't want help from you. And what you did to Mike was completely unnecessary. Maybe you should get the facts next time before attacking people. You seem to have a habit of doing that." I say, scooting away from him when he reaches out for me.
"You don't know what you're saying. You aren't well. Let me help you." He says, looking a mixture of sad and annoyed.
"I don't want your help. Edward, you need to back off. If you ever want to be friends with me, you need to give me space. Listen to what I tell you and absorb it rather than letting it drift through the void between your ears." I say more firmly than I should be capable of with how I'm feeling.
I'm surprised to see his eyes glisten as if he is about to cry. Before I can get a better look though, he turns away and slams out the door to the parking lot. I take a deep breath and lean my head back against the lockers, closing my eyes as my symptoms catch back up to me.
"Come on Bella, let's get you to the nurse. Mike, I'll get her from here. You should go back to class. I'm sorry for my brother, but please don't tell any of the faculty about this. My family and I will deal with Edward at home." Alice asks Mike, giving him puppy dog eyes that I can see he won't be resisting.
"Um, I won't say anything. But, Mr. Banner asked me to take her to the nurse. I should do it." He says, looking over at me.
"I'll take her. Besides, I think we've been out here long enough for you to be able to say you took her to the nurse and went right back to class. Someone else will need your help before the class is over, I'm sure. Bella can't be the only one with a blood phobia in your class." Alice says convincingly, and I don't miss how she says the part about someone else needing his help.
She says it as if she knows it's going to happen. Mike doesn't seem to notice though, as he just looks on at us as he alternates putting all his weight on his left foot to his right and back again. She wraps my arm around her shoulders and lifts me up, which amazes me since she's so tiny and I am at least 50lbs heavier than her.
"Okay, if you're sure. I'll see you later, Bella. Feel better." Mike says, after he seems to have settled his internal debate, and walks back to class.
"Don't tell me what to do!" I say jokingly to his back, which I can faintly hear him chuckle to. "How did you know we were out here?" I ask when Mike is out of earshot.
"I heard Edward talking, and he didn't sound happy. I figured I should check up on him to make sure he wasn't causing more trouble." I give her a skeptical look, since I find it odd that she is the only one who heard and bothered to come out and investigate. "I am only a few doors down from here, and I don't think anyone else caught the tone of voice like I did."
"Oh, I guess I can see that. Eddy does seem to have that concealed menace thing going on."
"So, you can't stand the sight of blood?" Alice asks me as she steers me back down the hallway.
"Seeing it doesn't bother me. It's the smell that gets me. Like salty rust. It's awful." I say with a slight shrug.
"What weirdo freaks out over the smell of blood rather than the sight, like a normal person?" She asks with a laugh as she guides me toward the front office.
"You're one to talk, calling me weird. I think you're the one with the reputation for being an oddball around these parts." I gasp out, taking deep breaths as another wave of nausea hits me.
"Fair enough. Did you get around to seeing your type, or did you wuss out too soon?" She asks, sounding more amused than concerned now that I'm talking.
"I wussed out. I don't need to do the test though, I already know my type from when I was a kid and broke my leg. I'm AB negative, in case you ever need to know. The rarest type, lucky me." I say sarcastically.
"Did you need a blood transfusion when you broke it or something? And why do you say you're lucky?" She asks, sounding adorable with her confusion.
"No, they just needed to know what type they needed to have in standby if something happened during the surgery. And I say that because it's so rare, sometimes hospitals don't have any in stock. As clumsy as I am, and with my luck, I'll end up in the hospital that doesn't have a stockpile." I say as we step through the door to the nurses office.
"What have we here?" Ms. Allen, the nurse, asks as Alice sets me down on the exam table.
"She started fainting during blood typing." Alice answers as I start to feel woozy again, this time from the chemical smells in the office.
"Oh yes, I got a few of you earlier today. I expect I'll get more before the day is done. Just a moment." She walks out of the room and comes back less than a minute later with a bottled water, ice pack, and a small white tube in her hands.
"Put this on the back of her neck, please, Miss Cullen." She says as she hands Alice a cold gel pack, which she immediately wraps around the back of my neck. "Take these and drink the whole bottle of water slowly. I'll turn the light down for you, and you'll need to lie down for a bit. You can go back to class Miss Cullen." She hands me a couple yellow pills from the white tube as she talks.
"I was told to stay with her, Ms. Allen." Alice says in the sweetest and most convincing way.
"Very well. I'll be right outside if you need me." She says after only a moment if hesitation.
She turns the light off, making it so the only light in the room comes from the window. I take the pills, which are chalky and taste awful. I immediately rinse them down with some of the water. I didn't miss the snort from Alice, which I'm sure was a reaction to the face I made when I tasted the Dramamine. It's quiet for several minutes after, as Alice gently rubs my neck through the gel pack she is still holding. It's soothing and is slowly making me feel better. Although, I'm not entirely sure if it's the medicine, the cold pack, he massage, or just her presence that's helping. I suspect it's a combination of them all, but the majority ingredient to my recovery being her.
"Are you planning to go back to class or are you ditching?" I say after taking a few sips of water, feeling the nausea fading away.
"That depends entirely upon you and how soon you feel better." She says, gently pushing some of my hair back that stuck to my sweaty face.
"If it means getting out of having to go to gym, I think I can be sick the rest of the school day." I say winking at her over the water bottle as I take another sip.
"We have another one, Ms. Allen!" I hear Mike's voice through the door.
"I guess that's our queue to vacate the room for the next victim of hemophobia. Or just someone who has a vasovagal syncope triggered by blood. Either way, I guess we should go back to class." I say with a sigh as I finish off the water.
"You know what vasovagal syncope is. My father would love you. Anyway, let's solve this problem of yours." She says with amusement as she puts her hand in the handle. "Look sick and pale when we go out there." She says, ignoring my puzzled look as she opens the door and we walk out.
"Feeling better, Ms. Swan?" Ms. Allen asks as she hands Lee Stephen's, another student from my class, some Dramamine from the same white tube and a water bottle.
"Actually, she still isn't feeling well and she doesn't think she'll be well enough to participate in gym today. In fact, she thinks it would be best she went home and rested. Could she have an excuse from the rest of the day so I may take her home?" Alice answers in her honey-sweet voice, which seems to work on the unsuspecting nurse.
"Of course, she does still seem a little green. Will you need one as well?" She asks Alice, who smiles back.
"No thank you, ma'am. I have Ms. Goff and Coach Clapp the next two periods. They won't mind. Thank you for your help." Alice says sweetly as she twirls around happily and leads me out the office.
"Uh thanks. You didn't need to do that, you know?" I say, glancing at her appreciatively.
"I know I didn't need to. I wanted to, especially considering everything you've dealt with since you moved out here. Also, how do you know what vasovagal syncope is?"
"I get curious about random things and Google them. I had looked into my issue with blood before and read about it." I answer defensively.
She just hmm's as she stops in front of what is apparently her locker, which she opens to takes out her jacket, but no books. She then walks down the hall a bit and opens another locker that is filled with fashion magazines, car magazines, and some cosmetic products. She grabs some keys which have a BMW logo on them, so this must be Rosalie's locker.
"Now let's get your things and I'll take you home." She says as she guides us to my locker.
"I am capable of taking myself home, thank you. I'm feeling much better now that I'm away from all those smells." I say as I open my locker and retrieve my books, jacket, and keys.
"Bella, I don't like to lie. And I already lied to Ms. Allen about how sick you are, or should I say aren't. Don't make me a liar about taking you home too, with the 'condition' you're in." She says with a wink and she grabs my arm and drags me outside toward the parking lot and her car.
"What about my truck?" I ask worriedly, considering how much I love my new truck. I don't want to risk anything happening to her while we are apart (I named my truck Linda, get over it).
"Don't worry, Emmett will drive it to your house for you. He's been dying to take it for a spin anyway. I'm sure Rose will join him, eager to take a look under the hood. You don't mind if they drive your truck, do you?" She asks, as if she suddenly remembers it's rude to offer up someone elses belongings.
"Do you trust them to take care of my baby?" I ask as I give her a look that shows my seriousness.
"Of course. Well, Emmett can get a little... Overzealous at times, but Rose will keep him in check. Now come on, let's get you home before you faint again." She says with a wink as she opens the door to the passenger seat of the convertible for me.
I take my seat, Alice closing the door behind me. She is damn fast, because she manages to get into the driver seat before I even finish getting my seat belts on. I guess she has to make up for her tiny frame somehow, so being quick footed must be it. She starts it up and flies out of the parking lot and onto the road way faster than any sane person should. After glancing at the speedometer, I see she is doing 80mph, which is terrifying since the limit on this road is 35mph.
"Alice, I'm sure I've mentioned at least once before that my dad is Chief of Police. Do you mind slowing it down before you get us in trouble?" I say as calmly as I can muster.
"We won't get caught, I promise." She says with a grin.
"Okay, well can you slow down for me? The blur of the trees and houses is making me nauseous again. And I doubt Rosalie would appreciate me blowing chunks over her dashboard and floor." I say pointedly.
"Fair enough... but just so you know, I hate going slow." She pouts as she eases up on the accelerator, slowing us down to 50mph, which is an improvement.
"Thank you. I appreciate the sacrifice on your part." I laugh out at her adorable pouting.
"Well, this is nice anyway since it gives us more time to talk. I guess we wouldn't be able to do that if I got you home too quickly." She says with a smile glanced my way.
"What di- Denise LaSalle?" I cut myself off when I realize what is playing.
"Yeah, you like it?" She asks, sounding slightly shocked.
"Of course. Especially since it reminds me of my mom. She plays a lot of Soul, Jazz, and Classical music around the house. This song, Trapped By a Thing Called Love, is one of my favorites." I answer, swaying my head to the music.
"It's one of my favorites too... What is your mother like?" She asks after a pause to appreciate the song.
"Well, we look alike, but she's a lot prettier than I am. I have too much Charlie in me." I finish hastily when I see Alice raise her eyebrows at me. "She's brave, funny, eccentric, very irresponsible, definitely more outgoing than I am, and a... let's say unpredictable cook. She's my best friend." My voice breaks at the end, I miss mom so much.
"Bella, are you sure you're seventeen? You don't sound like a teenager." Alice says, a thoughtful look on her face.
I just laugh at that, which earns me a raised eyebrow from Alice. I take the seat belt off, turn to fully face her, and lean back against the door. We have arrived at Charlie's house, so I figure I might as well get comfortable if we are going to talk for a while.
"My mom constantly tells me that I was born 35 and get more and more middle aged every year. Anyways, yes I am indeed seventeen. And I can say the same about you. You don't look or act like a junior in high school." I say to answer her eyebrow raise.
She just rolls her eyes at that and changes the subject. "So, why did your mother marry Phil? From the little bit you told me about him, he seems a lot different than Charlie. What makes them more compatible, since Charlie wasn't the right fit for her?"
I take a bit to think it over before answering, glossing over the surprise of her remembering his name since I only mentioned him once before. "I think it may be because he makes her feel as young as she feels, while also being able to be the more responsible one for them both. She always tries to live vicariously through me, since she missed out on her teen years when she got pregnant with me.
"But, I don't do things typical teenagers do. I don't party, gossip, or really socialize much in general. I typically have one or two friends that I spend time with outside of school. Phil though, he had tons of friends that he parties with almost every weekend, which my mom is always invited to. He loves to join her in her many hobbies. And he's just as bad, if not worse, about gossiping as she is. Another thing that I know was one of the main reasons she left Charlie that makes Phil better for her, is he loves to travel and gets to do so all the time for his job.
"Charlie is a homebody, like me. He rarely likes to travel, which is one of the few things I did not get from him. He only has traveled outside of Washington the last few years because it was the only way he could spend time with me. Sorry for rambling..." I realize I've been talking for a while now, which isn't usually like me.
"Don't apologize, I enjoy hearing what you have to say. Like I told you before, you're harder for me to predict than others. It's a nice change... So, do you approve of Phil?"
"Actually, I do. While he can be just as childish as her, he is also responsible. I don't have to worry about whether a bill is forgotten or that she'll burn the house down with her odd food concoctions. Believe it or not, I had been balancing her checkbook and making sure bills got paid since I was seven. I learned the hard way then how scatterbrained my mom is, when we had to go two weeks without electricity. She had forgotten to pay the bill and spent the money that was left of her paycheck, after paying most of the other Bill's, on getting me a drum set for my birthday."
She looks at me questioningly after that, so I explain before I continue. "I wanted to learn after seeing a video of John Bonham's Moby Dick solo. Anyway, I didn't know about the present at the time and she wouldn't return it, so we had to wait until her next paycheck to pay the bill." I realize I'm making my mom sound like a terrible parent, which she really isn't, so they to think of a way to make sure Alice doesn't think that. "My mom has always put me and my happiness first. When I was diagnosed with Depression, she pushed me to be more active, which helped tremendously.
"I still had my moments, but it wasn't nearly as frequent. She worked two jobs and went to school to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. When she finally graduated, when I was twelve, she became a teacher and was able to afford to spend more time with me. We didn't live lavishly, but comfortably enough to where we didn't worry about bills as much. She may be absentminded and a little eccentric, but we balance each other out. We make a great team." I started to tear up, so sniff back the tears and finish. "But yeah, I approve. He makes her happy, and that is the most important thing."
"Wow, sounds like you two have a pretty special connection. Like Esme and I do. Do you think she'd be as approving of your relationships, no matter who with?" She asks, a mischievous grin on her face, but I can tell by her tone she's serious.
"Um, I think she would. But, no matter how young and flippant she may be, she is my mom and she does act like it quite often. I think she would respect my choice, but still do her best effort to dissuade me if she feels it'ss someone who would hurt me. Whether that be physically or emotionally."
"So, no one too scary?" She teases.
"What's your definition of scary?" I tease back.
"Well, isn't it facial piercings, multiple tattoos, motorcycles, and either big baggy clothes or lots of leather and spikes for most parents?" She laughs out, listing off everything that is the stereotypical Hollywood bad boy type.
"Personally, and I think mom would agree with me, from my experience the people who look like that are some of the kindest people. Those are the types I typically hung out with back in Phoenix, when I was feeling particularly social. No, I think mom would find anyone who is a little too perfect and sweet to be suspicious. Those types are the ones who are hiding something. She has a friend who's ex husband is like that. He is the sweetest and most 'perfect' person when he is in public.
"But, when they were at home, he was verbally and sometimes physically abusive. When she finally left him, she had custody of their girls. She could barely afford to take care of them, so she went to truck driving school and asked him to take care of them for a year or two while she got experience so she could get a local job. He went to court without telling her for custody of their girls, and since she didn't have an address while doing long haul, she didn't get the summons until it was too late. She is still fighting for custody of her girls.
"She accommodates him when he needs her to have them on his days, but when she needs to switch days with him, he won't do it. Not because he can't, but because he just loves flexing his power over her. He even went so far as to make it to where she still had to pay child support, even when she had the girls for the whole summer. For two months she had to pay him child support, when she could have used that money to do things with her girls. Anyway, she used to tell everyone how much of an asshole he is, but no one believed her. Not his family and not even hers. He was just so sweet to everyone. Mom, and now her dad, are the only ones who believe her. And he doesn't have tattoos, piercings, leather, or baggy clothes."
"Fair enough. But wait, does that mean she would disapprove of me?" She asks with an adorable pout.
"I think you're safe." I teasingly bump her shoulder, which doesn't make her budge... odd. "You don't really exude a douche bag aura like Mason or other people we have met like him. Anyway, I think I've talked more in the last half hour than I have since I moved out here. I do believe that means it's your turn to tell me more about your family."
"What do you want to know?" She asks with a hint of precaution that doesn't escape my notice.
"You were adopted by the Cullen's. Can you tell me what happened to your birth parents? I'm sorry if it's a sensitive subject." I ask with caution myself.
"Yes, Carlisle and Esme adopted me a long time ago. I honestly don't remember my parents and don't know what happened to them. I did some research, but never have found out who they are. I've made peace with it though. Esme and Carlisle are my parents now and have been for a very long time." She says, love in her eyes.
"I'm sorry, Alice. If you ever want to, I can help you search. I'm pretty good at it... So, you love your parents." I state rather than ask.
"Yes, they're the most loving, kind, and compassionate people I've ever met. I got really lucky to have found them." She says with a warm smile.
"Yes, it sounds like it. I'm happy you found them too. What about your brothers and sister?" I ask, curious to learn more about them.
Alice steals a glance at the clock on the dashboard. "Actually, Rose is going to be angry enough when she finds out I took her car without her permission. I better get back so I don't make it worse by having them wait in the rain for me. I'm sure you want to get your truck back as well before Chief Swan gets home?" She winks over at me.
"I'm sure he already knows. Nothing is secret in Forks. One of the downsides to small town living." I sigh. "Well, here is the key. Thank you for the ride. As unnecessary as it was, I enjoyed it." I say, taking the key off the key ring and handing it to her. "Hey, do you maybe want to go to the beach with us Saturday?" I ask, suddenly remembering I hadn't invited her yet.
"Which beach?" She asks, cocking her head to the side and smiling.
"First Beach down at La Push."
"Oh, well I don't think that's a good idea. Besides, my family and I are getting an early start on the weekend to go camping up at the Selkirk Mountains. Thanks for the offer though. I'll see you Monday, Bella. I hope you enjoy the beach!" I can't help but wonder why she said it wouldn't be a good idea, but she is obviously raring to get back to her siblings at school and I don't want to make her face the wrath of the Ice Queen by keeping her.
"Okay, enjoy your hike. Be safe out there! My dad said that weird animal is still on the loose somewhere out East"
"Well, we are going North, so no worries. Thanks for the warning though. Ciao!"
She waits for me to open the door before I hear her pull away. I get inside, let Mindy out, and sit on the couch and put on a random movie. I barely pay any attention to it as I am too giddy from spending so much time alone with Alice. I also go over some of the more suggestive parts of our conversation, like how she asked if mom would disapprove of her. I don't want to look too much into it and get my hopes up, but damn that sounds like she may like me as more than a friend.
After an hour I hear my truck pull into the driveway. I get up and go to the door ready to greet Emmett and Rosalie, but when I open it no one is there. Linda is in the driveway, but no other cars and no sign if Big E or Elsa. Looking down as I turn to go back in, I see the key to the truck in the mat. I find it isn't surprising that they didn't stay to chat. So I head inside and continue the rest of the day in typical fashion.
Friday went by in the typical fashion, minus the Cullen's. Lunch was spent going over the finer details of the beach trip. We agreed to meet at Newton's sporting goods shop to carpool down and Eric informed us he had a surprise in store. The devilish grin he sported while telling us made Angela and I give each other slightly frightened looks.
Jessica interrogated me, apparently unhappy that I wasn't willing to come to her of my own accord about my encounter with Edward at lunch yesterday myself.
"So, what's up with you and Edward? He doesn't usually strike up conversations with anyone but his family." She hedged.
"Oh?" Is all I say, knowing it will rile her up.
"You seemed pissed. What did he say to do that? You usually seem pretty calm and collected." She said leaning on the table toward me.
"Did I? I can't see why." I answered with finality.
"Fine, whatever. I don't care anyway." She said with a flip of her hair.
Lauren had given me hateful looks the whole time during lunch. I figured it was her general distaste of me and our battles in gym, but I was proven wrong leaving the cafeteria. I was only a few steps behind her and one of her minions and Mike, which I know she knew, but obviously didn't care.
"I don't see why Isabella doesn't just sit with the Cullen's at their own table. Keep all the freaks away from us." Her voice sounded more nasally than usual, I'm guessing it gets that way the more agitated she gets.
"She is my friend, so she can sit with us if she wants to. Even if that means the Cullen's join us." Mike said loyally, with a hint of possessiveness.
"Whatever, maybe I'll just sit somewhere else. Can't let the school think I'm a weirdo too." She responds, her lackey giggling along robotically.
I fell behind after that, not wanting to listen in anymore.
Later that night during dinner, Charlie couldn't contain his excitement over the La Push trip. Of course, he knows all the kids that I'm going with and their parents, and their entire genealogy going back three generations, I'm sure. He seems to approve of everyone except Lauren and her lackey, Brittany. I guess Brit's dad is a drunk who is a regular in the Drunk Tank at the station and Brit has developed nasty habits because of it. Anyway, I suspect his excitement about me going on the trip is because he feels bad about leaving me alone so much on the weekends, which he hasn't seemed to grasp that I don't mind. He has been alone for so long, I don't expect him to break his habits because of me.
"Hey dad, do you know the Selkirk Mountains?" I ask, obviously thinking about Alice.
"Yeah, why?" She says through a mouthful of chicken.
"Alice was telling me she and her family are going camping up there. Was just curious." I say after swallowing my food. Glad I haven't gotten all of my bad habits from him.
"Well, I hope they know what they're doing. Some of the last of the Grizzly population is on those mountains. Not to mention wolves, lynx, and Wolverines. It is beautiful up there though. They may get lucky and spot a caribou. Another endangered species, unfortunately." He responds, finally swallowing his food first.
"I'll be sure to warn her. They go hiking and camping all the time though, from what I hear. I'm sure they'll be fine."
So, now it's 2pm on Saturday, the day of the beach trip. As we all hoped, it's a nice sunny day and not terribly cold out. Mindy and I have picked Angela up. She had let me know that it was a dog friendly beach and asked if I could bring Mindy, whom she's grown quite attached to. We are on our way to the north end of town where Newton's is to meet the others. Since I have a truck, I was asked to put the surf boards, cooler, and other gear in the bed of it.
"Bella! Glad you guys could make it. And Mindy too!" Eric greets us as Mindy runs around getting love everyone.
"Hey guys! Hope you're ready for an awesome party." Mike says, looking around at everyone. "So, that just leaves Lee and Samantha. Lauren, Brittany, Annie, Jessica, Eric, and Conner can ride with me. Tyler, Samantha, Katie, and Ben can ride with Lee. Hey Conner, will you help me load this stuff in Bella's truck?"
"You gonna tell us what the surprise is yet, Eric?" I ask, nudging him as we lean against the front of my truck.
"I probably should now, since you brought your dog." He says with a frown, which I return with a puzzled look. "I have a bunch of fireworks that were leftover from New Years. I probably should leave them in the car though. I don't want to make your dog freak out or run off." He whispers to me.
"Oh, I appreciate that. But, don't worry. Mindy actually loves fireworks. I have to hold her back usually, cause she tries to chase them. Now I'm excited, I love fireworks!" I say, whispering back so as not to ruin the surprise for everyone else.
"For real? Sweet!" He responds even more enthusiastically than when he said he had a surprise at lunch.
Lee shows up with Samantha just as Mike and Conner finish loading up my truck. Everyone peels off to get into either Mike's SUV or Lee's minivan and we make the 15 mile trip west to La Push. We park in a sandy area right across from James Island and near the tribal school. The boys unload the surfboards and cooler while Angela and I grab the chairs and blankets. We take it to a spot that has a circle of burned wood, obviously a popular spot for parties and bonfires.
Almost everyone wants to surf: Jessica, Eric, Mike, Tyler, Conner, Lee, and Samantha. Since it is almost 3pm already, and sunset is around 5pm, they want to go immediately. They gear up and head out, leaving Angela and I with Lauren, her cronies, Ben, and Katie.
"Hey, you guys wanna go check out the tide pools?" Ben asks after a few minutes of everyone talking in their own groups.
"No thanks, I'm not six anymore." Lauren replies, all high and mighty.
"Well, if you all you're gonna do is sit here, why did you come?" I respond, tired of her belittling everyone.
"I came for the bonfire and booze. Not that it's any of your business anyway." She scoffs with a flip of her platinum blonde hair, in the typical Mean Girl fashion.
"Whatever. I'm down Ben. How about you, Ang?" I ask, looking over at her.
She hops up and holds her hand out for me. "Heck yeah, anything to avoid being alone with those bitches."
The Plastics wannabes ignore her comment and let us go with Ben and Katie in peace. I love the tide pools, and it was one of the few things I actually enjoyed when coming out here as a kid. Thankfully, we took my truck here, so we all squeeze in, Mindy happily laying across the others laps, as we drive over to the Rialto Beach. We park in the parking area and make the super long trek to Hole-In-The-Wall at the north end of the beach. It takes us about half an hour to walk up there, so we mostly just did some idle chit-chat.
It was well worth it, as the tide pools are brimming with more wildlife than I remember. In one pool alone there are at least twenty starfish of different shades of purple, pink, and orange. In another are four bright green and two deep blue sea anemones. A few crab are scuttling around, which Mindy sniffs at and immediately regrets when one snaps at her nose, making her yelp.
We spend about a half hour taking pictures and touching the various creatures. When we have had our fill, the sun is starting to set and we figure it's time to get back for the bonfire. On the walk back, we spot some seals along the beach, which thankfully Mindy avoids when she sees they are bigger than her. We snap some pictures from afar, along with some of the ocean when we spot a pod of orcas in the distance.
"The seals are probably waiting here til the whales leave. They don't want to be eaten, I'm sure." Ben speculates.
"I wouldn't want to be eaten by a giant whale either. Orcas are just the Lauren's of the ocean, big bully bitches." Angela responds, with a wink at me when I chuckle.
"Actually, that would be dolphins. I'm sure orcas are a close second though." Ben says, smiling up at Angela.
I can't help but notice a chemistry between Angela and Ben. It makes me wonder why she asked Eric out and not him. I decide I'll ask her about it when we are a little more alone. We get back in the truck and head back to First Beach, just in time to watch Eric wipe out and take Jessica with him. Mike, in a shocking act of valor, paddles over to her and helps her back onto her board. With him acting as her escort, they all head back to our group to collect their dry clothes and take turns changing in the back of Lee's van.
"Have you ever seen a driftwood fire before, Bella?" Mike asks from behind me, scaring the bejeezus out if me.
"A little warning next time. And no, not that I can remember." I answer, clutching my chest where my heart is pounding.
"I'm sorry. Anyway, check it out when we get it lit. It's pretty cool." He says with a chuckle as he goes to the fire where Tyler and Eric piled on some driftwood they found along the beach.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, so I check it out since Angela is busy chatting with Ben.
I hope you didn't drown in your clumsiness.
It's Alice, of course.
Nope, my lungs are free of fish pee ocean water. I guess this means you aren't grizzly or other predator's food. At least, so far.
Not a chance, we have ways of keeping the bears and other predators from eating us. Anyway, just wanted to check up on you. I hope you're having fun and Lauren isn't being too much of an ass.
Nothing I can't handle. I better go though, they're about to light the fire. Which I think means Eric is about to 'surprise' us with his fireworks. I can't miss it!
Ooh, fireworks. I'm sad I'm missing out on that. Maybe next time. Have fun!
As I put my phone away, Mike gets the driftwood fire to catch, and I'm transfixed by it. It's turning shades of blue and green as the fires lick up the driftwood that he shaped into a teepee. I hold my hands out to it, not sure if it is a real fire because of the odd coloring, and feel the warmth radiating from it.
"It turns different colors because if the salt from the water. It's pretty, huh?" Mike says, sitting next to me and holding his hands out as well.
I just nodded in response and allowed myself to get lost in thought while looking out over the water. You could see just the silhouette of James Island now, with the sun having almost completely set. Someone brought hotdogs and the fixin's for s'mores, thank god because I'm starving. I give Mindy a hotdog and fix myself one with a bun, ketchup, and mustard.
Some locals have joined us, and they brought a Bluetooth speaker. Sitting it on a piece of driftwood nearby, one of them plays Lost Without You by Freya Ridings on a low volume. The oldest of them, who introduces himself as Sam, rattles off their names. I only catch a few of the eight names: Quil is an average height boy with an impish grin, Embry is slender and tall, Jacob is the tallest and second in width next to Sam, and a girl who is also names Jessica. They all have beautiful russet skin and long, black hair. Jacob has his back in a ponytail while the others have theirs straight down.
Eric acts as our spokesman and introduces us all. When he says my name, Jacob's head snaps up to me with a grin. When he says my name, Jacob's head snaps up to me with a grin. Is that Jacob Black, I wonder? Anywho, someone brought beers in the cooler, which annoys me because it was in the back of my truck. All I can think is what if I was pulled over on the way here, being underage and all. Thankfully, someone else threw in some sodas, which is what Angela grabs for me. She is getting to know me so well, she is definitely gonna be my new best friend.
After a while, Angela, Ben, Eric, and Katie head off to a gift shop with the local girl, Jessica. Mike and Jessica head off to walk down the beach. Lauren is busy trying to get Tyler's attention while Lee and Samantha start on some beers they brought. Jacob, I guess having finally gathered the courage, takes up Mike's previous spot next to me.
"You're Isabella Swan, right?" He asks cheerily.
"Just Bella, please." I say, trying to get a good look at him.
I don't really remember what Jacob looks like, so I can't tell if this is him or not. For a teenage boy, he has remarkably smooth skin. His dark eyes are set above high cheekbones that most models would kill for, and below thick dark eyebrows. Based on the still childish roundness of his face, I guess he is still pretty young. Maybe 14 or 15, which would be about the right age. Still, he is rather good looking. Well, I know he is to most others. I still can't seem to be attracted to anyone but Alice.
"I'm Jacob Black. Your dad bought my dad's truck." He says, sticking his hand out for a handshake.
"I thought that might be you!" I say relieved, shaking his hand in return.
"I'm surprised you remember me. I'm the youngest, so we didn't play that much. I think you'd remember my sisters better than me. You played with them most when your dad came down here to fish."
"Rachel and Rebecca! I remember them. How are they? Are they here?" I suddenly remember their names, which is a huge feat for me. I look around him toward the others, wondering if i would recognize them now.
I didn't really play with them that much. They are twins, so tended to play with each other more than others. That didn't keep Charlie and Billy from pushing us together while they went on their fishing trips. That ended by the time I was 11 though, when I got the hook stuck in me and threw a pretty big tantrum over it.
"No, Rachel got a Softball scholarship to WSU. Rebecca met a Samoan guy named Sione while on a trip to San Francisco with friends. They're married now and live in Hawaii."
"Married? Holy shit. They're only, what, a year or two older than me?" I ask, stunned.
"I think so? They're gonna be 19 in June. Dad wasn't too happy about it either, but it's not like there's anything he can do about it. Anyway, how are you liking the truck?"
"Linda has really grown on me. For a truck as old as her, she runs pretty great."
"I was glad Charlie bought that old thing. Dad wouldn't let me build another car while we had a 'perfectly good one's in the driveway... Wait a second, you named it Linda? Doesn't sound much like an old lady name. I think Betty or Ruth would be better suited for that slow thing." He laughs out.
"Hey, she's my truck now so I can name her what I want. And she isn't that slow." I say defensively.
"Have you tried taking her over 60 yet?" He asks pointedly.
"No..." I respond hesitantly.
"Good, don't. If it even can get up to that speed, the motor would most definitely blow." He grins at me.
"Well, at least she wins in fights, despite her age." I stick my tongue out at him.
"I don't think she would lose to a tank, that truck is a beast in that department." He laughs.
"So, you build cars? That's awesome. Now I know who to go to if Linda ever breaks down." I nudge him.
"Hey now, don't rope me into any fruitless mechanical jobs. But, yeah I do. When I have the time and parts, that is. You wouldn't happen to know where I could find an original 1967 Dodge Coronet 500, would you?" He asks teasingly.
"Not at the moment, but I'll keep my eyes and ears peeled for you." I joke back, noticing that I'm finding him easy to talk to. He has a pleasant, husky voice that is calming and peaceful.
"You know Isabella, Jacob?" Lauren suddenly asks over the fire, no doubt noticing the look he was giving me that is all too familiar to me now.
"We've sorta known each other since I was born." He winks over to me.
"Oh, how absolutely lovely." She says dramatically, and not at all like she finds it lovely. Her stupid, fishy eyes narrow then as she calls back over to me. "Bella, I was just saying to Tyler that it's too bad no one thought to invite the Cullen's. A shame they couldn't be here today, isn't it?" She eyes me carefully for my answer.
"Dr. Carlisle Cullen's family, you mean?" Sam suddenly interrupts with his deep voice. He is definitely more a man than boy, unlike the others.
"Yeah, do you know them?" Lauren replies, obviously annoyed that I wasn't the one to respond.
"The Cullen's? They don't come around here..." He answers with venom.
Tyler, wanting Lauren's attention back, offers her another beer and asks her opinion on what to play for the next song. He apparently hooked his own phone up to the speaker and wants her opinion on a few of the bands he has pulled up. I look over to Sam, thinking over what he said. He's looking past us to the forest now, but I get the feeling he is thinking along the same lines I am. The way he said the Cullen's don't come around, I picked up on a hidden meaning.
The way he said it, makes me think it is more of a Cullen's aren't allowed here, than a simple they don't travel this way. My pondering are interrupted by Jacob, however.
"So, how are you liking Forks?"
"It's alright. I'm only going slightly mad." I say with a slight British accent, which I think went over his head based on the puzzled look he gives me. Kids these days don't know good music, I swear.
Jacob just grins in response, still puzzled looking, while my Queen reference just zooms right over his head. Rather than educate him though, I suddenly get an inspiring idea to maybe get some information out of him about what Sam said. I just hope he is as inexperienced with girls as he seems. I'm a terrible actress, so let's hope my flirting isn't too terrible.
"Hey, wanna go for a walk with Mindy and I?" I ask, looking up through my eyelashes the way I've seen Alice do a few times, hoping I don't look as stupid as I feel.