Chapter 5
AN: Please note that the italics are internal monologues. Also, I don't know if this is needed but TW: A CORNY RAPE THOUGHT HUMOR JOKE BUT NOT REALLY I DONT KNOW BUT JUST A MENTION OF RAPE IM SORRY. Enjoy!
Soma was pacing in his room, pulling his hair out, feeling guilty as hell. Why, why, why? He couldn't understand what came over him. It feels wrong but also, he never came that hard in his life.
Should I apologize? Why am I such a perv? Is there someone I can talk to about this? Why, oh god, why?
Hisako will skin me alive. Alice will throw a party and name that party something weird and connected to my predicament. Megumi will be traumatized and might avoid me thinking I'm a predator. Takumi and Isami will just laugh. Anyone else? Nope and besides, everyone knows Erina. That would be me objectifying her. But that's what I already did, right? But I didn't mean it. But I liked it. No, stop!
I should apologize, right? No, that would include telling Erina what I did! And if Hisako will theoretically skin me alive, Erina might drown me in acid, bring me to the hospital to get better, THEN skin me alive, then bring me back to the hospital, THEN decapitate me and bring me to the hospital and then... STOP, SOMA!
But I feel so guilty? How about a church confession? They say that works, right? I'm not even Catholic... Where can I find a church?... a church... confession... wedding... RIGHT! I must marry her. Accept the responsibility! But would she want to marry me after I already defiled her? In my mind? I mean, I'm not opposed to getting married to her but would she want that? With me? Where would we live? Will she come to the diner or will I move into the mansion? How many kids would she want? Wait... WHAT AM I THINKING!? GRAAAA! Great... Now, I'm crazy. I should see a therapist. THERAPIST. T... The rapist. NO, I'M NOT A RAPIST, I DON'T WANT TO RAPE HER! THAT'S CRAZY. I'M CRAZY. It's official, I'm losing my mind. I can't breathe.
...
Okay, calm down self. This never happened. No one has to know. Yes, let's forget this happened.
He's avoiding me. The idiot is avoiding me. Why is he avoiding me? He's walking around with that Megumi all the damn time. I'm pissed. Why am I pissed? I'm going crazy. Did I do something? No, I'm awesome, that's what I am. DID HE DO SOMETHING? That's a better question. Sounds right to me.
But seriously, he hasn't looked me in the eye for weeks. Even Alice is confused. ALICE IS CONFUSED. If that isn't a red flag, then I don't know what is. This class is boring and I should be listening to my sensei right now, but I see that he's sweating... and he's now scared. Oh crap, it might have looked like I'm glaring at him. No, I'm not mad at you and no, I don't have anything to add to the lecture. Look away, Erina!
Ugh, I hate this. I will get the answer, tonight. I swear on my God's Tongue, I will corner him and ask him what his problem is. Tonight.
'Tonight' meant not that night, or the night after... or any of the following nights. She keeps on chickening out and why should she be the one to fix whatever mess they're in? She didn't do anything! She keeps on justifying these thoughts in her mind. Next thing she knew, camp from hell is here.
They're all stressed out and whatever this fight she didn't wanna be in was, it would have to wait until camp is over. And if Soma gets expelled, she wouldn't have to deal with him, right? RIGHT? Wrong! Soma is her best friend, she actually misses him. Her initial Feelings of anger is now drowned out by sadness and confusion and missing his stupid face and his stupid jokes and his stupid presence. Did I get replaced by that Tadokoro Megumi? Ha, funny. That's impossible. I'm awesome. Right.
Camp is gruelling and brutal but so far everyone is okay. We're now halfway into the tests and so far none of my friends have been expelled. Tonight's dinner service was a breeze for me. I finished first and I get to go to the baths first and... being first is lonely. Alice finished just a few minutes after I did because she ran out of ingredients. Hisako is still in the kitchen finishing up. I feel more alone than ever. Where is Alice when I actually want her company?
Erina is now done with her bath and is walking back to her room in nothing but a towel since everyone's still in the kitchen anyway so who cares? She's looking forward to relaxing on her bed and waiting for Hisako so she can rant some more about Soma ignoring her. That bath has greatly lifter her spirits for the mean time though and she's now humming to herself when suddenly, she bumped into another person. And that person is the idiot redhead.
"Erina, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything!" Soma exclaims and then pauses, apparently noticing her state of dress or undress.
"Soma! Help me up!" Erina demanded to which Soma just closed his eyes bowed a bit and ran away as fast as he can, bumping into the hall way furnitures until he's nowhere to be seen.
"YOU IDIOT!" Erina screamed into the empty hallway.
WHY DOES THE UNIVERSE HATE ME? Now, I have a boner. Great. Awesome sauce. Life is going swimmingly.
Soma ran straight to his bath to hide his boner. He has been avoiding Erina because of a lot of reasons. He feels incredibly guilty. He loathes himself for what he's done so he hasn't touched himself in weeks which has been backfiring big time. Every time he sees Erina, his mind goes straight to the gutter and he starts to get hard.
How is Erina omnipresent? She's a goddess, I already know that but everywhere I go, I see her. Like she's taunting him with eyes saying I know what you did. To be fair, he knows he could have handled this better but the only thing that helps is being in Megumi's presence.
For him, Megumi is like a family member. A sweet little sister. And he's not THAT twisted to sexualize that so his boner always goes away when he sees her.
Soma didn't even notice Dojima senpai in the bath with him. He's just sporting a red face and a raging boner. Dojima looked at him for a few moments before bursting into hysterical laughter.
"Oh boy! I haven't laughed like that in years. What's with you, Yukihira? And do you remember who I am?" Dojima asked him.
"O-of course, Dojima senpai. You have been here all camp. I'm so sorry to be like this right now, y-you just caught me at a... an interesting time." Soma stuttered.
"No, I meant I used to go visit you and your dad when you were little. I stopped for a bit when I became too busy travelling for work but I was the one sending your dad to all those jobs abroad. You must not have remembered." Dojima said.
"Oh I remember, you had spiky hair then! I knew you were familiar!"
"So what seems to be problem? Maybe I can help?" Dojima offered.
"W-well... Okay. I really need help. It's about Nakiri Erina." Soma braved on.
"Oh ho ho ho ho" Dojima flexed while laughing. "Alright, tell me your troubles and doubt."
"So more than a month ago, I happened to have some alone time which I wisely spent on watching porn on my phone." Soma sarcastically recounted. "And when I was about to... you know... finish... Erina's face came into my mind. And I have been miserable ever since." Soma finished with a groan.
"I don't understand the relation of your misery with what happened. Why are you miserable?" Dojima asked.
"Because she's my best friend! We have been friends since we were 6 years old! I feel guilty and dirty and that I don't deserve to be in her life for sexualizing her like that!" Soma explained.
"And you think that running away from your friendship is the best solution? Who exactly are you punishing here?... But I think based on your misery, you didn't have bad intentions. I remember how teenage hormones are. You would have to dig deeper, Soma kun. Do you like her? As a romantic partner? Would you want to hold her hand? Go on dates? Kiss her?... Cook for her?"
Soma's blush returned 10 times darker. "I-I mean who wouldn't want that with Erina! She's a goddess! Everyone has a crush on her! But I'm just me. What could I possibly give her as a boyfriend that I can't give her as a best friend? Why risk losing our friendship because of teenage hormones! She deserves a guy who would treat her right!... But now everytime I see her, I get a boner and I'm too scared and guilty to touch myself because I might again see her in my mind... I have no choice but avoid her. I wouldn't be able to take it if she finds out I'm a perv!" Soma exclaimed. "I don't know the right thing to do."
"Soma, I think you're wrong on some points. You have things to offer her as a boyfriend. You already defend her honor, given that it's your own doing and she has no idea, but still. You wanna take care of her, right? The Nakiris already have everything money can buy but... happiness is something they can't afford. Real, genuine happiness. Can you make her happy? You already think the world of her. And you have to have a healthier view on sex, kiddo. It's not just something dirty, it's a perfectly normal act done by consenting adults who knows what they want and the repercussions of the said act. Yes, it could go bad real quick if you don't handle yourself right, that's how deviants are made. But having those thoughts are normal. Sex is about making you and your partner feel good. With consent and safety, it could be a wonderful and beautiful thing. Stop punishing yourself for something you couldn't have controlled. Erina is a beautiful woman. You said so yourself. I would have sent you straight to a shrink or a mental institution if you had that thought about your mom or dad." Dojima rambled while sparingly nodding to himself.
"Ewww gross! Dojima senpai, I'm gonna hurl."
"Not in the bath! But seriously, don't sell yourself too short. I haven't seen you interact but I can tell that you're hurting her, she's been looking at you all camp. Check your feelings. Do you want to pursue her? Make her happy as a boyfriend? Or are you content with being her best friend? Would you be okay if someone else dates her and-" Dojima was cut off by an agitated Soma.
"NO! I don't want anyone else to date her! I'll kick their asses! I even want to kick my own ass for this mess!" Soma complained.
"Then you best get your shit together and stop avoiding her! Anyway, go and rub one out before anyone else comes here. I'm out of here. I hope it goes well for you, kid." Dojima stood.
"Wait! If I may ask, do you know how my dad and mom got together? I asked my dad but he looked like he was gonna cry so I changed the subject." Soma asked.
"It was simple. Your mom pursued him. He was oblivious at first but then your mom pointed a knife at him while confessing and that's how he got the message. He sounded a lot like you, he thought your mom deserved someone better than him, a wandering chef who didn't wanna settle down, so he didn't even try to pursue her. He wasted so much time, Soma. And you know how precious time is. I'm sure your dad would have pursued your mom sooner if he knew that... well. You know." Dojima smiled sadly. "Good night, Soma kun."
"Good night, Senpai. Thank you so much, I know what I have to do now. Right after this camp, I'm going to tell Erina. The one fact that is so true but I keep on denying to myself... I'm in love with her."
Erina's relaxing bath was ruined and now she just wants to thrash the whole room. Stupid Soma! How dare he take her down and not help her out?
Thank heavens for shouju mangas. She's just gonna read her manga and sulk until Hisako comes back.
The manga she's reading right now tells of a boy who is avoiding the girl he likes. Because he's too much of a coward to confess. But secretly, the boy leaves the love notes and single stemmed flowers everywhere. If only her life was a manga... wait, what?
Did she just honestly hoped for Soma to like her? Like that? Or was she just giving Soma excuses for this whole avoidance thing, giving herself a reason for why this is happening to her?
Hisako arrived all done with her bath and wearing a robe.
"Erina, why are you blushing?" Hisako asked.
Erina was tongue tied and Hisako saw the manga. "Oh I see, are you at the steamy part yet? Is that why you're red in the face?" Hisako teased.
"Umm... yes. That." Manga saved her yet again.
"Well, Erina let's sleep. We have the breakfast buffet challenge tomorrow. I'm beat and I already know what I have to make. I wonder what Soma would make, he's never been to a buffet before." Hisako said.
"That idiot will probably make something with eggs... maybe a souffle. He will fail if he does. But oh well, he already has the help he needs with Tadokoro." Erina pouted.
"Is that jealousy I detect, Erina?" Hisako teased.
"N-no! I'm definitely not jealous! I just meant, I mean I'm thankful that I don't need to look out for him anymore! He's stupid anyway! Good night!" With that Erina turned away from Hisako on the bed that the girls shared.
Hisako knew her best friend is hurting but she also has no clue how to make it better. She tried talking to Soma but Soma acts like usual around her but when Erina is mentioned, he suddenly runs away. Hisako has an idea of what's happening, she hopes she's right. But now, her best friend needs her so she gets on the bed to cuddle the blonde.
AN: Please review, I'm a sucker for affirmation! And this story will be rated M moving forward. High School is the time to explore, am I right? mehehe.