DK looked down at his eleven broken legs. He placed the glue from the glue bottle upon the tarnished joints and sang sweet music to the bones.
"DK, we shan't heal..." the fractured tibia proclaimed. He and his ten other siblings slowly faded away to dust.
"This is major bogus, dude!" said Funky as he observed the leg death via the surfboard he made for his eyeballs.
"You don't have to tell me twice, my friend..." DK sighed. He stood up on his hands and trudged to the bungalow's front door. Using his teeth, he firmly grasped the knob.
Once DK was outside, he saw the sunset and it made him feel uber poetic in his gorilla soul. He instantly wrote eight haikus, one for each day of the week.
"What splendour, dude!" said Funky with his teeth perpendicular to a pad of paper.
DK squinted to try and make out the design on Funky's pad. "What is that rune, fellow Kong?"
Funky's totes righteous tongue gripped the pad and placed it close to DK's eyes. DK read the inscription with honour in his mind and dedication in his peanut butter jar.
"What says it, dude?" asked Funky. He pulled a golf club out from his left ear canal and smashed a pottery or two.
"I cannot read it because it is ancient text. We gotta inform my grandfather thingy!" said DK with urgent brain urges. He and his relative quickly ran swiftly to the cabin as fast as they could.
Cranky opened the door to his cabin and screamed with beard noises irritating DK and Funky's ears.
"What are we doing here?" DK said for Cranky so that the old ape did not have to overexert his lip muscles. They should only be reserved for eating bananas for old people.
Cranky nodded. "I hate my relatives, but I can see you are urgency. What is the problem, you two hunky idiots?"
DK gripped his own tongue so hard that it exploded into microscopic bits. The bits traveled upward to Saturn and shattered the rings in an instant. A single cow rained down from the heavens and landed at Cranky's feet. "Do you see now?" asked DK to the old Kong.
Cranky rubbed the back of his pencil eraser on his forehead and was able to delete wrinkles like a Neutrogena pro.
"All cows are proclamations of war, no?" Funky asserted. He then handed the pad to Cranky.
Cranky read through the runes with absolute beard powers. He then let out a light chuckle and he belched very loudly. It was a true sight to behold. DK could feel it in his feet. But he had feet no more...
"Cranky is my name..." said Cranky.
DK knew that. He popped open a Dr. Pepper and sat on his skunk machine.
Funky popped open his Coca Cola and sat on his skink machine (the blue-tongued one).
Cranky coiled his fingers together like a snake strangling the Tattletale Strangler. "It says on the runes on this pad that Funky had on his tongue betwixt his teeth (incisors and/or canines)... that K. Rool is planning an air strike on Kongo Bongo!"
DK's head turned into a volcano because he had so much rage. "I hate when lizards ruin my days!" He lunged onto Cranky and stole his dentures. He placed the false teeth into his broken leg area and they grew into new legs with teeth on them.
"You look like an upside-down Scyther, dude!" explained Funky like a Pokedex.
"Where is K. Rool so I may defeat his reptile angst?" asked DK to his grandthing.
But Cranky could not speak without his teeth. He sobbed into his hands for shame.
DK investigated the simian tears. He noticed that Cranky had formed a word in his palm using the droplets. It said "North".
"I hate those Norm movies, dude!" said Funky.
"Aye!" said DK. He hopped into the Invisible Boatmobile that he stole from Man Ray who stole it from MM and BB. He then hit the gas and the pedal and the steering wheel all at the same time like a wizard of automobiles.
He sped all the way to the golf course where his Little Buddy Diddy was eating fried nachos and chamomile tea. Each chip was between a separated toe filled with cheesy goodness. Diddy thought about how attractive he must be for Dixie.
"Diddy! No more toe nachos if K. Rool gets his way!" cried DK as he honked the horn loudly into Diddy's hatted eardrums.
"I hate not being able to do free choices!" shouted Diddy. He hopped into the back seat and placed his seatbelt into his back molars. Biting down hard, he unlocked his true potential: his abs got beefy, spicy, and slightly named Fred.
DK drove up to Bluster's barrel factory and the dynamic duo took the barrelcopter to the skies.
"If you get a scratch on it I'll make you walk the plank!" cried Bluster, holding the deed to his potato collection.
"Do you think he seriously owns stocks in Sega?" asked Diddy to his Big Buddy.
DK sighed and unlicked his envelope. Inside, he placed his final love letter to Candy. "I hate to say it, Little Buddy, but I think Elmer Fudd was right about the negotiations..."
"Say it ain't so..." Diddy wheezed. He pulled out a stick of pure marshmallow and shoved it into DK's right nostril.
"Arigatou, Little Bud!" said DK. He then flew the barrelcopter with insane speeds. He crashed into K. Rool's lair and grabbed the slimy cretin by the tonsils.
"You are thwarting my evil plans!" cried K. Rool. His crown screamed too.
"Yeah, you are pond gack and that it totes uncool for the sewer system!" said DK. He then Banana Slamma'd the everliving crud out of the Kroc King's stupid nose. Every mucoid died on the inside and K. Rool could never again grow a mustache.
"Sheesh!" chirped Diddy in annoyance. "What a goofus doofus!"
THE GRAND END