Hey guys,

So honestly I thought that no one would care to respond to the announcement I put up but I guess that's why you guys are amazing. On another note, I didn't know where to post this. Facebook was out because my sisters would see and I don't want to unload any of my baggage on them right now and most of my friends haven't responded to my messages in about two weeks so this was the only place I could think of. Um, so my step-grandmother just made all the grandchildren honorary pallbearers. Meaning we have to go to the funeral and sit at the very front looking at our grandfather's dead body the entire fucking time and I don't know how I feel about that but it fucking hurts and I have no idea what to do about it. She is literally forcing us to go to the funeral and right now my parents are talking about it but I know that we'll have to go and I didn't want to go because I don't know if I can emotionally handle this right now.

I might be being overdramatic but I feel like everything's falling apart and I haven't even cried. I feel like I'm being an unemotional bitch but I have no idea why I can't cry. Its like physical pain in my chest and this new situation is horrible.

Gods I have literally no idea what to do but I figured one of you might have an idea.

- Shyla

P.S. I have no idea what to wear to a funeral either.

P.P.S. I just want to stay in bed and cuddle with my cats or get drunk. Gods I've never gotten drunk before. Somebody, please help me!