Hey guys
First I know I've told you this before but you're amazing.
Second, I feel that since I've unloaded all this baggage on you already you can take a little more. Back in middle school, my great grandmother had a stroke, she's still alive, but the point is I started writing as a coping mechanism. I was just this awful little brat with her nose stuck in a notebook as I scrambled to put all these overwhelming emotions down onto paper just to buy myself a little more time. To be honest I hated it. Two days ago my dad came into my room and told me to write a farewell letter to put into my grandfather's coffin; to save you time guessing it was my stepgrandmother again. He thought it was stupid, hell I thought it was stupid. But I was writing it and I realized I had nothing. I had no idea what to say so I just wrote the usual stuff about loving and missing him, but I was working on a fanfic today and I noticed something. I never told him I was a writer. I never mentioned that I can't cope with emotions without writing them into something. Then I realized I would never get to tell him and it hurt. I will regret not telling him and sharing this part of myself that he will never get to know about.
But I also noticed that I don't think of writing the same way that I used to. I'm not making these worlds and characters just to cope with everyday life anymore. I love doing this; putting my ideas into motion and letting my characters take me to places that I never thought I would go. This is still my coping mechanism, but it's not just a coping mechanism. This- writing is as much a part of me as the fact I love my cats or that I have an unhealthy addiction to Gilgamesh from Fate. Just because I couldn't write a letter to bid my grandfather goodbye doesn't mean that I'm going to give up writing or that I'm going to stop updating my fanfiction.
So, I've decided to share a few truths about myself just so someone knows in case tomorrow I die.
One; I hate Kirito from SAO (no idea why I just do)
two; I have two cats who are both the bane of my existence and my reason to live
three; I'm a twenty-one-year-old virgin whose never gotten drunk; also no idea what my sexuality is
four; I'm a bitch who loves to make my characters suffer because I know that they're strong enough to stand back up
five; I make slideshows for my fanfictions using fanart from the internet
six; when you guys replied back to my announcements I felt like I wasn't alone
seven; I'm female
-Thank you for replying back to me this last week. Somehow it made everything easier and I'm not just saying that.
- Shyla
