WARNINGS:

Firstly, as usual: thank you for choosing my story to read! It means a lot to me!

English is not my first language, so when you see a mistake, please consider this. I've written as best as I could.

This story will be a three-chaptered short-fic, and it's an alternative reality fanfiction: if Jacob had reached Bella before she had jumped from the cliff, Alice wouldn't have seen her jumping and wouldn't have come back to Forks - only here Edward comes back anyways.

I'm posting this first chapter but I can't say when I will uptade. Hopefully soon.

Hope you enjoy and leave comments! Happy reading!


Wait, I wanted to say. Just a minute. But I was still locked in place, listening to the echo of his voice in my head. "Be happy," it had said.

As if he could hear me, Jacob didn't open the door right away. His hesitation gave me the moment to unfreeze, and slowly, carefully, I turned my head to him.

I heard him whisper my name, and I tried to ignore that the lips touching mine were hot instead of cold, that there were no precautions for my physical safety, that the hands holding my face were calloused and not smooth marble.

I wasn't very successful, but I was able to feel just a tiny bit that it was Jacob. And his smile when we broke apart was worth almost any pain.

Almost.

"Jake…" I was ready to tell him I was broken, that I'd need some time to be normal again. To tell him that I no longer had a heart, but that I could – would – try for him, my own Sun. But before I could say anything else, Charlie arrived. "We'll talk later, ok? After the… funeral and arrangements. I need to be with Charlie, and you need to be with Billy."

Jake nodded, saying, "good thing you didn't jump then," and pecked my lips once, very quickly so Charlie wouldn't see it, and finally opened the door. He took me home and only left when I was inside. I wasn't sure if he would go back home or turn again on the giant wolf and come back here.

In all reality I only hadn't jumped from that cliff because he had found me the second I parked my truck – Edward's voice on my head had been deliciously furious, ordering me to step back and then even pleading. It had been so easy to pretend he still cared, even if now it hurt too much.

At first Jacob had berated me – the weather was too bad for cliff jumping with him, even worse alone – but then he told me they had lost Victoria when she had jumped on the ocean. And when we got inside the truck, he told me about Harry.

"I'm so sorry, Dad," I told Charlie as soon as I saw him. I could see he had been crying. I offered him a tight hug and felt his sadness through his arms.

"It's gonna be hard for a while, Bells," he told me, sniffing. "I gotta help Sue dealing with the hard stuff. Her two kids… I just… will you be okay?"

"Of course, Dad, don't worry about me. Want some help?" I asked. He shook his head.

"No, no. Thank you, honey. If you don't want to stay alone maybe you could go and stay with Jacob?"

My stomach turned a bit at the thought, but I just nodded. I knew we had to talk, and I needed to be near him, but I wasn't really sure what I was going to say. I had to tell him everything – this much I knew. But how to explain the giant hole in my chest? How to tell him all of what I still felt for Edward and not make him go away?

I cooked some pasta for Charlie and called him when it was ready. We ate in silence and he only spoke to tell me he'd give me a ride to La Push in the morning if I wanted. He was going over to Sue to help her.

The next three days passed in a blur. As Victoria was still on the loose, the wolves were on high alert. The only time there weren't at least two wolves in the woods was at Harry's funeral, and we could see that Sam wasn't entirely comfortable. But Harry held a position on the tribe so high that all of them were there.

This meant that I hadn't had time to talk with Jacob alone. Of course we kept close – he held my hand as he had before, but we didn't kiss again. I used this time to try and think on the words I would use, even if I was absolutely sure I'd simply say what was on my mind at the time and try very hard not to cry. The night I actually got to do the talking would be one of the most difficult – to visit everything again would leave another mark for sure.

When I was leaving La Push with Charlie on the Sunday before spring break was over, I finally got a minute alone with Jacob.

"Listen, I know we need to talk," I told him, "and believe me, it won't be easy, and it won't be quick, so do you know when you'll take a break?"

"Tomorrow afternoon. Sam's been saying I need some rest," Jacob replied rolling his eyes to show just what he thought of resting. "Can you come over after school?"

"Sure," I nodded, and hesitated, "you know I'm broken, right?" I whispered. He smiled.

"We'll talk tomorrow, okay?"

Just then Charlie's cruise appeared and he honked. I hugged Jacob quickly but tightly, and ran to Charlie. As usual, I forced myself to ignore the road on the way to Forks. We were home before I knew it. As we had eaten pizza at Billy's, Charlie went straight to bed. I revised some school work and went to sleep a bit earlier so I would be rested the next day.

I left home the same time as Charlie, and when I arrived, the parking lot was almost empty. I decided to head to class and do something about algebra. The lesson did help me a bit when it eventually started, and I thought I might be able to do some of the exercise when I tried.

Maybe on my zombie phase before Jacob I wouldn't have noticed it, but being more sentient to my outside made me feel like something had happened. Like my first day here the previous year, I could sense people were talking about me on the hallways between classes. I just didn't know why, and honestly, I couldn't bring myself to care.

I probably would've been none the wiser had I not, while carrying my food tray to sit near Angela and Mike, looked at the table where they had sat, hoping it would bring me inspiration for my talk with Jacob, and almost dropped the tray.

It wasn't empty now.

My hallucinations hadn't done him any justice. When I looked at him (Edward Cullen was sitting at the same table he had almost a year ago!) he stared right back, his face in the same frown it always wore when he tried to understand what was going on in my mind.

Like when we first saw each other from afar, he didn't smile at me.

I looked away from him and back to the table I was currently sitting. All of them were looking at me, as if waiting for my reaction.

Ah. That's what people were talking about. The cause of my zombie days were back, and people wanted to know how "Barmy Bella" would react. Lauren's smirk told me I'd reacted just like she thought I would. I didn't know what I looked like – my face was too numb to school it onto something reasonable.

The hole in my chest burned and I took a deep breath. Angela was looking at me worriedly, and Jessica with a mild interest. Mike, I could tell even without looking, was glaring at Edward.

Edward apparently was back at Forks, and instead of looking for me, he had just showed up at school.

"I…" I tried to give an excuse, but in order to not cry, I had to shut up. Forgetting my lunch (I wouldn't be able to eat anyway), I stood and left as quickly as my feet and the mass of students allowed me.

I knew I was hyperventilating even before I even got to the restroom.

Edward was here. He was back, but not back for me. He'd come back to Forks, and I'd need to deal with it. To see him every day at school and know I couldn't be with him.

The tears were falling freely now, and for more I tried to be quiet in my stall, I knew if someone entered the restroom I'd be heard. I tried to summon all of the practice I'd had with Charlie at pretending I was fine and finally managed to stop crying. I had to keep a straight face just to get to my truck.

There was no way I'd stay at school today. I could go straight to La Push.

As I washed my face, I tried to convince myself to not try and look at him before I left. It would only destroy me further, leave an even bigger mess for Jacob to fix when I saw him.

Oh, God. Jacob.

Should I tell Jacob about… all of this?

But he was so close, and the hole on my chest was screaming for another look. Because right after the burn, it started to fill a bit at the sight of the bronze hair, the pale skin and the black eyes; like the first bites of food after not eating for days, it pained at the beginning, but slowly it started to get better.

But I couldn't let the hole hope. Edward might be back, but I was sure not for me. He'd said himself I was not right for him, and I agreed: he was much more than I deserved.

I looked at myself in the mirror one last time. It was easy to see I'd been crying, but my face was blank. I couldn't help but feel proud.

Of course, the fake calm was destroyed the exact second I left the restroom and on the opposite wall Edward and Alice stood glaring at each other.

They didn't need my "oh" to know I was in the empty corridor.

This time I allowed myself to look at them again. Edward's face was still contorted in a fury expression directed at Alice.

"Bella!" She exclaimed, approaching me. Without even thinking, I threw myself at her, and she hugged me right back. The tears fell again. It felt so amazing to be on her arms, something I'd believed would never happen again.

Then I remembered that her arms were not my favorite cold arms, and I forced my eyes to open. Edward looked at us, his face now with a pained expression. I stared at him as long as I could. The hole had been right; it was worth it.

"Are you… what are you doing here?" I asked when she released me. Alice looked at Edward, as if inviting him forward.

"We're back to Forks," he said quietly, and I swear I could fly. Again, my hallucinations were a hollow echo when compared to this, and my memories were a travesty. It was better – so much better that I was partially glad that it still hurt because it meant it was real.

"Esme didn't like Los Angeles?" I challenged him. The corners of his mouth shot up quickly and then turned to a frown again.

"Something like that."

Just then I felt the cellphone Charlie had given me to coordinate things in the funeral ringing.

It was Jacob.

With a frown I ended the call, but he called once again.

"What's up, Jake? I'm at school," I answered, backing away from Alice a bit. I knew they would be able to listen to everything Jacob said anyway, but it was automatic.

"I had to take Billy to the hospital and I saw Dr. Bloodsucker there. They're back?"

I sighed and bit my lip, ignoring Alice and Edward's frown.

"Jake, we'll talk later, ok?" I told him instead.

"You're with them right now, aren't you?" he accused.

"I said later, Jacob," I snapped.

The phone went silent for a moment, and I thought he'd hung up.

"If after everything he made you go through, and after… you know, you're thinking of forgiving him, Bells, honestly…"

"Jacob. Later. I'll see you after school."

I put my phone back at my purse after hanging up and looked back at Edward and Alice.

"Who was that and why did he call Carlisle 'Dr. Bloodsucker', Bella?" Alice asked.

"I believe that's Jacob Black. He's Quileute." Edward explained simply when I only bit my lip and didn't answer. "From what I've gathered, he and Bella are… very close… friends."

His face was a mask of indifference. Like he didn't mind what might happen between Jacob and me. Because he obviously didn't – why should him?

"Bella, can we go out?" Alice pleaded. I smiled at her.

"Of course, Alice. I'd love to. Just not today, alright? I promised Jake I'd come over to… talk about some… stuff. But tomorrow I'm all yours, if you want."

Alice grinned at me, but Edward didn't look as happy as his sister. Maybe he didn't want Alice to be friends with me so he wouldn't have to be near me. I sighed. I didn't think this would happen.

"You can come over to my place with me," I told her, "or we could go to Port Angeles."

Alice smiled, less brightly now, and nodded.

"We'll arrange something tomorrow. But beware – if we go to Port Angeles, there will be shopping." She warned me. I smiled back. This threat wasn't so bad if it meant I'd be with her.

"I've missed you so much that I wouldn't mind. As long as we do something together, ok?"

I hugged her again. The hole was mollified for having Alice, but it ached for me to hug the shadow behind her, who watched my every move.

I wouldn't impose this to him, however. He'd made it abundantly clear how he felt about me now, and I would respect that. I wouldn't beg him to take me back.

At least that's what I told myself.

"I, uh, should go to class. See you later. I'm so, so glad to see you, Alice. Truly." I turned to Edward then, observing him observe me. He had yet to smile, but I wouldn't be like that. I still loved him, no matter what. So I smiled at him. "It was very nice to see you again, Edward. Glad to see you're as fine as ever. Welcome back both of you. Hope you don't get too bored." I added with a small laugh and started leaving the hallway.

"You haven't eaten."

His voice would stop me anytime. I turned back to him.

"I'm sorry?"

"You haven't eaten lunch. You left your tray full. Won't you get hungry?" Edward asked, his voice so velvety it was easy to pretend he actually cared about me, if I ate or not, like on those old golden times. I smiled lightly at his small frown.

"Nothing you should worry about anymore."

I made my way to class again, this time without interruptions. I sat down on my desk, put my face on my hands and waited for class to start. I really should've just left.

Edward was back. He was back! And I couldn't for the life of me understand why he was back. Wasn't Carlisle too old for how he looked? Weren't they tired of Forks?

Maybe something bad happened where they were, and they came back because it was easier. Even if Edward didn't want to be with me anymore, Alice was still my friend, wasn't she? At least she looked like she wanted to be my friend. And this I could live with.

And if they were back, and Carlisle too, probably so was Esme, and although my visits to the ER would be less frequent now that I didn't need my hallucinations, they would happen, nonetheless. I bet Jake had already planned something dangerous for us to do.

I wondered if he would be there with me if Carlisle was the one stitching me up.

Of course, I would talk to Alice to make sure we wouldn't impose my presence near Edward. It wouldn't be fair to him. No matter how much I craved for him – for his scent and his arms and his voice.

I focused so much in trying to not think about Edward that classes flew by. People didn't bother with me anymore – except for Mike.

"Are you alright?" Mike asked when he saw me leaving the last class of the day.

"Yeah, sure," I replied, keeping my head and my voice down. Not that it would matter if he wanted to listen, but whatever. I had to try, right?

"Okay. Just checking. You looked a bit surprised to see him and…"

"Thanks, Mike. Really. I was surprised, but I'm fine. Don't worry."

Mike frowned and I sighed.

"That won't happen again," I told him. He nodded and left.

I'd be lying if I said I hadn't hoped to run into Edward and Alice before I left, and I suppose I didn't need to lie about that. I saw them from afar, near the familiar shining Volvo.

I'd already told Charlie I'd go to Jacob's after school, so there was nothing holding me back.

I was stalling, and I couldn't deny it.

I spent the way to La Push trying to organize just what I'd say to Jacob.

Edward being back shouldn't change anything, because I hadn't changed anything in his life. It shouldn't change whatever was happening between Jacob and me, or change whatever I'd do in school or in my future.

It didn't mean, however, that it wouldn't.

Obviously, it wasn't fair. Not at all. Not fair to Jacob, but especially not to me. That damned hole shouldn't be comforted just because I looked at Edward and the corner of his lips quirked.

To my surprise, when I parked the truck in front of Jacob's, he wasn't alone.

"Hey, Sam," I said as I covered my head with my bag. He nodded at me, and the whole pack, Jacob included, flanked him.

"Hello, Bella. Mind if we talk a bit?"

"Sure. Inside or…?"

He just walked to the forest nearby, with the other boys and I following him silently. We didn't go too far inside – I still could see some light and feel the raindrops.

"Jacob and Billy told us that the… Cullens are back," Sam said simply. Not a question, just a statement.

"It seems like it," I replied, just as calm.

"What do you know of it? Why are they here again?" He asked.

"I don't…" I cleared my throat, hoping my eyes wouldn't wet, "I know nothing of it, Sam. They just appeared today at school."

"And you didn't talk to any of them?" Paul scoffed. I could see his hands trembling.

"I did talk to Alice, but for obvious reasons, she just told me the same thing they said to everyone else: that Esme hadn't liked LA."

"I always knew these bloodsuckers were stupid! The girl did everything for them, and they didn't even bother to talk to her!" Paul spat, the shaking rising to his arms.

That moment, I wasn't worried about him turning. I knew Sam would control him if it happened. His words, however, cut through me like a sharp blade, poking the hole viciously.

"Paul, calm down and shut up," Sam commanded, turning back to me. "You do understand we can't keep you safe at home anymore, right? Because of the treaty?"

I nodded.

"Yeah, I understand."

"I don't know if you plan to maintain contact with them…" Sam continued. I looked quickly at Jacob, whose face was that mask of calm that resembled Sam so much, "but if you do, I'd appreciate it if you passed along the situation with…"

"Okay, no problem, Sam, I'll tell Alice."

His face looked like he wished my answer was different – he probably would've preferred if I'd said I wouldn't see any of the Cullens.

"That's all, then. Jacob, please rest. We'll need you tonight."

They exited the woods in that silent way that reminded me so much of the Cullens, leaving me alone with Jacob. I approached him hesitantly; he was looking down, his face still the same mask I hated.

"Hey, Jake," I whispered when I got closer to him. He frowned slightly.

"You were with him, weren't you?" He accused me.

"No, I wasn't," I bit back.

"You smell like them, Bella."

"I was with Alice, in school, Jacob."

He gritted his teeth.

"So you're choosing them?" He asked, making me blink.

"Choosing? Why do I have to choose?" I asked, crossing my arms.

"You know very well what I'm talking about, Bella."

I sighed.

"Listen, Jake…"

But he didn't seem like he wanted to listen.

"No, c'mon, Bells. He left you here. He just disappeared. You know what he did to you. Now you're going to let him come back to your life just like that? Like nothing happened? Like we didn't happen?" Jacob said, holding my hands. He was close enough that I had to look up to be able to see his eyes.

"You always knew I was broken, Jake. I… I can't explain what happened between him and me, but… it doesn't mean we're getting back. You said it yourself. He… he left me, so…" I broke, not able to speak again as the hole pumped and ached even with Jacob close to me. "But I will be friends with Alice, Jacob. And even with… him, if it happens. Just like I'll always be friends with you."

I couldn't read his face very well at that point. He lowered his face and, hesitantly, his lips grazed mine, just for a couple of seconds.

"What about this?" He whispered, and I felt his hot breath on my face, so different from the one I so longed for. "What are we doing about this?"

I knew he wanted me to say we'd go for it right away, but I couldn't. And not only because he was back. Because even if he was still away, I'd need more time.

"We're… taking this very slowly. Even if he had not come back and my mess hadn't grown. You know how it is with me. I'm not… ready. But we will talk about it later. I was caught off guard and I need to think a lot. Isn't that reasonable?"

Jake nodded slowly, smiling for the first time that afternoon.

"Can we do something, then?" He asked, "Bikes? Wanna try that cliff today?"

If I told him the real reason I wanted to jump, what would he say? I knew I needed to tell him, but maybe today wasn't the best option.

"Maybe just catch a movie on TV and get you some rest?" I suggested, and he nodded, grabbing my hands and leading me to his place.

Needless to say, Jake passed out almost immediately after he launched himself on the sofa. I ended up watching the first movie I saw on TV – but truthfully, I thought about Edward.

He looked even better than I remembered. I wasn't too surprised by that. His voice still made me respond to him in a special way. He also seemed genuinely concerned about me not having lunch – which made no sense. He made it clear in September he didn't care anymore.

Maybe he was just more used to being around me, and pointed out me not eating out of courtesy to Alice? As we clearly would still be friends.

I absolutely should not be thinking about him – not only because of Jacob, but because of myself. Of how it would affect me. So I did what I'd been doing this whole time: I picked my homework and did my best to not actively think about Edward Cullen.

I went almost straight to bed when I got home – only pausing to give Charlie back the cellphone he had borrowed down at the station. Blissfully, I had no nightmares that night. Nothing. I thought the hole would burn and hurt, but it was okay. I slept the whole night, and even woke up rested. Feeling… well, not good, exactly, but not bad, either. But enough to make pancakes for breakfast.

"Morning, Bella," Charlie said as he entered the kitchen, eyeing the plate before looking at me.

"Morning, Dad."

He sat down, but didn't eat. He clearly wanted to discuss something.

After a couple of minutes, he cleared his throat.

"So, Bella… I hear, hum, the Cullens are back?" He said so uncertainly it felt like a question.

"Looks like it. I'm going out with Alice after school," I said with a shrug. Charlie took a deep breath.

"Listen, honey. I know you're grown, that you're… better. But be careful, alright? I still worry about you, Bells. Don't… give in to… pressure or…"

"Dad," I interrupted him, "I'm fine, okay? Don't worry, I won't give in to any pressure," I assured him.

There would be no pressure.

Charlie nodded, and I finished my breakfast in silence. The only other thing he said was a weak goodbye as I left for school.

I parked on my usual spot, but didn't get out of the car. I knew people would still be talking, and I'd rather avoid it. So I took my biology annotations and read still on my car. The weather was mild and it wasn't raining, so I just rolled down the windows and enjoyed the morning chill.

"You weren't this dedicated to school."

I looked up with a smile. Alice was frowning as she watched me studying in my car. Edward was several steps away, but my heart sped up anyway.

"I found some free time, and Charlie really wants me to go to college. So I figure why not, right?" I replied. She didn't smile back.

"You've been studying in your free time?" Alice asked with a frown. I nodded.

"We'll talk about it later, okay?" I said, leaving my car. "Hello, Edward," I nodded at him, keeping my eyes down.

"Bella," he murmured back.

"Ok, so I've been planning what we could do later!" Alice exclaimed, taking my arm. I smiled and took her hand.

"Yeah? I'm sure it involves a lot of clothes," I half-joked.

"It might. But we don't have to, if you don't want to," she assured me quickly, "honestly, I'm just glad that we're doing something."

"Why don't we go to Port Angeles and decide what to do when we get there? There're bookshops, stores, movies, restaurants…" I suggested, and she grinned.

"Perfect! Can you pick me up at home, tho? I don't have a car…" She asked.

I gulped, thinking about the last time I saw that house – how the hole had hurt, and how it had led me to the motorcycles, and everything else.

"You can take Carlisle's, Alice," Edward added quietly, "he's not on call today."

"If you could pick me up, that'd be great. I'm sure Charlie would like to see you," I said.

Alice smiled and we kept talking on our way to Calculus. For what I could see, Edward had kept the same timetable he had before… last September. Thankfully, Alice had managed to get similar classes, which was brilliant – just imagine how utterly awkward it would be if I shared the desk with Edward?

It didn't mean I actually paid attention to math. I tried very hard not to look at him, but those last few months were cruel. I needed to sneak a peek eventually.

Or more than eventually.

I was aware he knew whenever I was looking at him, and he graciously didn't stare back. I would probably die if he looked at me. He should still know how I felt about him, and I didn't want him to feel too bothered by me.

I was sharing the desk with Alice, and she wrote everything down. Maybe she saw that I would need it, because when the bell rang, she gave me her notes with a smile.

"You're sitting with us at lunch, right?" She asked as we made our way to the next class.

"Uh, I'm not sure, Alice," I replied.

"Aw, Bella! Come on! It'll be just like-"

"It won't," I cut her quickly, "it's not like before, and it won't be like before. We'll see each other plenty, but… probably not as much."

I was glad Edward had his super-hearing, because this assured him that I expected nothing from him.

The rest of the morning went by quickly, and before I knew I was grabbing a tray and taking my place beside Angela, doing my best to not look at their table.

Of course the table went silent right as I sat, but I pretended I didn't know why.

"So… the Cullens are back," Jessica started nonchalantly, but I knew her better than that. She wanted the gossip.

"Yeah," I agreed simply.

"LA didn't work out, then?" She asked.

"Esme prefers it here, it seems," I was trying to say as little as possible, but this was the public story, so I was probably helping them, right?

"So you and Cullen are not back together yet?" Lauren asked. She didn't need to smile for me to know she wanted to hurt me.

"Does it look like it?" I asked as politely.

"That's good, you know. It's not good for a teenager to fall into that deep depression because of a boy, no matter how hot he is," Lauren continued.

And I surprised even myself, because I left out a chuckle; the word 'hot' caught me as I remembered his cold touch.

"Thanks for your concern," I replied, but Eric spoke at the same time, "Bella's dating that Quileute, Lauren. Cut it off."

I would be very grateful, had he not triggered me. Mike beat me to the correction while my heart raced.

"Bella's not dating him," he cut in, "they're just friends. But yes, leave her alone."

I said nothing, only sighed lightly. Angela asked Mike about some paperwork, but I knew she had only spoken up to take the spotlight away from me.

"Thank you," I said as we left. The others had run to class, but I waited for her.

"It's okay. They've got nothing to do with your life, and honestly, Lauren was being very rude," Angela replied, then hesitated, "but speaking as someone who really worries about you, you are fine, right?" I nodded and she smiled. "Great."

We kept walking and eventually ran into Alice.

"Hi, Angela! Bella, Edward's taking me home, but I'll be at your door very quickly," she informed me. Angela greeted her back with a nod.

"It's alright. But you are going to talk to Charlie when we get back. He still likes you a lot."

The two of them understood perfectly that there was someone Charlie didn't like, and I didn't need to say who it was.

Alice grinned and hugged me one more time.

"Of course I will!"

Angela laughed at Alice and I couldn't help but grin fondly. Alice had the power to make anyone like her. The three of us went to class, and once again, Alice joined me on my desk.

I took my notes, and was glad I refrained from looking at Edward every other minute.

I had always been grateful for being the exception to his mind-reading, but never like at this point. Of course, he still could hear my heart racing whenever I saw him, but it wasn't as embarrassing as me thinking how gorgeous he looked on that button-down.

However, it reminded me as I drove home that Alice wasn't immune to him, which meant I would have to be even more careful about what I spoke to her.

It didn't stop me from grinning widely as I saw Carlisle's black sedan, or throwing my arms around her before securing my seat belt.

"Port Angeles?" Alice asked and I nodded with a grin.

Being with Alice was very easy. It always had been. She was my best friend for a reason. She started talking about how the weather would give us many days: the Sun would not be shining any time soon.

"So! How have you been?" Had I not known Alice so well, I probably would've believed her excitement. But I knew her, so I just shrugged.

"How do you think, Alice?" I asked humorlessly. Alice frowned. "Not good at all."

"How so?" She kept on.

"Haven't you seen it?" I teased her, but Alice maintained her frown.

"Not really," she told me. "Well, for one I haven't been looking. He– I mean, we were trying to get out of your life and all. And even now… I've been having some trouble seeing you. Some parts of your future are just… gone."

It was my turn to frown. Alice had never had this sort of trouble before.

"Great. Now not only there's something wrong with my head…" I mumbled, getting a grin from Alice.

"Nothing's wrong with you, silly. Now, tell me what happened while we weren't here! You're being awfully secretive about it!"

I hesitated. It's not that I didn't trust Alice. I knew she would never tell Edward something I asked her to, but I couldn't ignore the fact that he could read her mind.

"Don't take it personally," I said slowly, "but… let's just say I'm much better now, ok? It's not you, you know that. I just don't…"

"I get it," she said with a sigh. "I had a glimpse of what would happen at first, but we were all hoping it wouldn't last much, you know?"

I only shrugged.

"I'm just glad you're here again," I told her. Alice went quiet for a few seconds.

"Who's that Jacob people were talking back at school?" She asked and I winced. "Now I really want to know," Alice laughed.

"He's from La Push, family friend," I hesitated, but I decided this much I could tell her. "He's a great friend, and he helped a lot when… when I needed. He's a bit younger but he's had to mature a lot recently."

I wondered if I should tell her about Jacob being a wolf, and I realized I didn't know how to, or even if I could. But Sam had asked me to pass along the message about Victoria, and Alice would surely ask how I had survived so far – the fact in itself was astounding, even taking the homicidal vampire after me out of the equation.

"So he's like… that sort of friend?" Alice asked, and I was ready to say no, but the past few days came back rushing and I felt my face blush. I hadn't blushed in a very long time. She didn't need to see it – her ears could hear perfectly my speeding heart – but Alice turned to me anyway. "Oh!"

"It's not like that," I assured her.

"Then what's it like?"

"He's… he wants, but I'm… well, I'm not ready to go down that road." I loved Alice but I didn't want to let Edward know how much damage he had left behind.

"Hm…" she hummed thoughtfully.

"What?"

"Just wondering if it might be the reason your futures are all fuzzy. You're completely undecided about this Jacob, so I can't see much beyond that."

"What do you mean 'our' futures?"

Alice looked at me like I had just asked the dumbest question in the world – I had missed even these stares.

"I mean yours and Edward's, of course."

I raised my eyebrows, but I preferred not to start on that.

"What have you been up to, anyway?" I asked.

"I've been searching for my past," Alice told me as we entered Port Angeles. "My name was Mary Alice Brandon."

She told me her story in hushes so no one else around us would listen as we wandered through the corridors of dresses and shirts. She told me about Carlisle and Esme, and how Jasper was studying philosophy, how Emmett and Rosalie were on yet another honeymoon in Europe.

Of Edward she didn't say anything, and I was mixed between wanting to know and fearing the answer.

Had he found other ways to have fun, then? Maybe he truly got tired of being always alert and having to save me from imminent death. Maybe that image I'd had last Spring break when James was hunting me – the two of us on a secluded beach – had become partially true; maybe he had been relaxing under the Sun somewhere. I really couldn't blame him.

A little voice intruded my mind, wondering if he had really moved on, but Alice's chattering pulled me out of what was definitely going to cost me later.

Maybe I could ask one of her clothes so I could sleep with it and the smell would prevent me from nightmares?

The idea was tempting, but I knew it would hurt… afterwards. And if it reminded me of those nights so long ago, I was almost positive it would remind Edward too, and I didn't want him to think he owed me anything.

Being with Alice again was good, too good. We had become great friends before, and I had missed her greatly. Not as much as I had missed him, of course, but enough to be the happiest than I had been since last September.

We talked about little things too, and she knew not to take me to that restaurant he had taken me more than a year ago.

Alice didn't really tell why they all had come back. I didn't believe Esme had simply tired of the life they were having, but I didn't feel like it was my business anymore.

I ate some random fast food while Alice carried the bags; she had bought a lot for herself and her family, and I couldn't escape her shopping frenzy. Two new dresses, one shirt and even three new skirts (she had frowned quite a bit when she saw my khaki long skirt).

When we got to the car again, Alice's phone rang. Like her brother, she didn't need to concentrate much to drive, and she answered the call immediately.

"Hey, Jazz," she said with a grin. Slowly, however, her smile faded and a frown took over her face. "I… yeah, I'll tell her. Sure. Okay. Bye."

I looked at Alice anxiously, scared what Jasper had told her. She eyed me warily and sighed.

"Please, don't freak out. You're safe, and we'll make sure it stays that way…"

"What's wrong, Alice?" I asked quickly. What could possibly make her that scared? I searched my mind and only the memory of her vision of me in the mirror room with James came back.

"Victoria is here, probably after you."