Numair was grateful to the man, so grateful. He wouldn't have been able to keep her safe without him...but now he wished that the big knight had moved on. He had come so close to losing her today. He wanted to fall asleep with her safely in his arms. He didn't think he was going to get any sleep otherwise. With the man sharing their camp though, Daine had set up her own bedroll on the far side of the fire, and had fallen into an exhausted, but fitful, sleep. He longed to go to her, to brush her hair back and hold her hand, to chase away the nightmares she would be fighting after today. His hand twitched.
"Have you told her?" Raul's voice broke through the silence. Numair turned to him, startled.
"Told her what?" his forehead scrunched in question, but his gaze returned to the sleeping girl. His whisper was barely audible over the cracking fire at the center of the clearing.
Raul shot him a perturbed look, but then sighed. "That you love her you idiot."
Numair thought about protesting, but he knew the man wouldn't believe him. Raul was big and brawny ...but he wasn't stupid. "Who all knows?" he asked instead.
Raul gave a wry smile. "I think Daine may be the only one who doesn't know Numair. It's been obvious since Carthak. Before that really." The knight prodded the flames with the tip of his sword, sending sparks into the night air. "You aren't doing yourself any favors by pretending it's not there..." His voice turned serious. "Come to think of it, you aren't doing her any favors either."
"What do you mean?" Numair wished the knight would lower his voice. What if Daine awoke? He didn't want her to hear this. He turned back to watch her. She mumbled something that sounded like his name. He fought the urge to go to her.
"I saw you today Numair" Raul leaned forward, making a point to meet the mage's gaze. "When those spidrens attacked her your magic just flew out of you. You blew three of them to pieces without a sound, without a gesture...without a thought." The knight's eyes narrowed. "You didn't have control of your magic today did you? That was just an emotional reaction?" He shook his head. "You can't protect her if you are reacting on just emotion. That's why mages go to university, to learn control of their magic so they don't accidently blow up half the kingdom." Numair glared at the man, wishing he had a rebuttal, but knowing he was speaking the truth. "You drained yourself in a desperate attempt to get to her. What would you have done if I hadn't shown up?" Raul shot him a questioning look.
"I don't know." Numair whispered, unable to hold the man's gaze. "I am eternally grateful Raul...you know that. I can never repay you for what you did today." Numair swallowed back the tightening in his throat. He didn't want to be reminded of how close he had been to losing her, of how he would have failed her. He turned away again. He would not cry in front of this warrior. He felt his magic, what tiny supply he had left, dancing under his skin. He took a meditative breath. He couldn't lose control. Not now.
Raul stood. "I have half a mind to tell Jon that you two need to be separated..." Numair shot the man a panicked look. "...but I won't." Raul placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly. "You need to tell her Numair. She needs to know how she affects you. For her sake. For your sake..." he paused. "For Tortall's sake." Raul moved away towards his bedroll, sheathing his sword. Numair stayed motionless by the fire.
"Please... mair ." Diane's voice cracked and she thrashed for a minute in her bedroll, causing two foxes and a rabbit to dart from her twisted blankets and into the underbrush. Numair stood, taking a step towards her, before remembering they weren't alone. He glanced over his shoulder at the burly knight.
Raul smiled at the mage. "I am not going to tell Jon... or anyone else." He jerked his head towards where Daine lay, still thrashing in her sleep. "Go to sleep Numair." With that he turned his back to the fire, away from them.
Numair made his way to Daine , untwisting the blankets and sliding in beside her. He pulled her into his arms. She whimpered. "I'm here sweet." He kissed her curls. "I won't let anything happen to you." he inhaled. "I promise...I'll do better." Her body stilled, and he felt her ragged breathing even out. He closed his eyes, trying to believe himself. He would do better. Raul was right. He couldn't risk losing her again. He would do better.
