Hi guys! I'm not dead. And I'm back. With a reasonably long chapter.

Now, there are over 70 reviews on this story now and a lot of irate ones: so, I'm just going to sum it up and apologize. Read the bottom footnote for more information about my publishing schedule, etc.

I hope you enjoy the chapter.

...

Recently on Nine Books and a Laptop: (If you wish to read the first three chapters go to the account on of Princess Books Rule, this is also my account but I haven't been able to access it for a long while now and until I can reset my account I am using this to publish)

"Told ya, Grimm, you'd be dead without me,"Puck laughed superiously.

"Yeah, and we'd also not be reading about my life events. Puck, do you remember a certain event that happened the day after Uncle Jake arrived? Cause that's probably in the book," Sabrina snapped.

Puck blanched, "Oh my god. When, what do you think? Which book?"

"Probably the second or the third one." Sabrina sighed.

"Why? What happened?"Relda asked.

"Nothing, absolutely nothing. Just an argument between me and fairy boy." Sabrina lied.

"Hold on, let me continue!" Red insisted.

"I told you to put on your seat belt!" Mrs. Grimm said.

"This!?" Sabrina shouted, holding up the rope.

"Yes, yes! Here!" The old woman leaned into the backseat and tied the torn straps of Daphne's seat belt to Sabrina's filthy rope so tightly the girls could barely breathe. "There, snug as a bug in a rug."

"I love dolphins too!" Daphne exclaimed.

"Not since I hurt my toes!" Mrs. Grimm shouted.

Sabrina put her face in her hands and groaned.

Red paused in her reading to chuckle a little bit and the comical misunderstandings that that car had caused. Everyone else was laughing as well.

They drove through the little town, which consisted of a two-lane road bordered by a couple of antique stores, a bicycle shop, a police station, the Ferryport Landing Post Office, a restaurant named Old King cole's, a toy store and a beauty parlor. Mr. Canis made a left turn at the town's one and only stoplight and within seconds they were cruising out of the town's proper and into what Mrs. Grimm called Ferryport Landing's "farm country". As far as Sabrina could tell, the only crop this town grew was mud.

Mrs. Grimm's house sat far up on a tree-speckled hill fifteen minutes away from the closest neighbor. It was short and squat, much like its owner, and had two stories, a wraparound porch, and small windows with bright blue shutters. Fat green shrubs lined the cobblestone path that led to the front door. It all would have looked cozy, but just behind the house loomed the forest-its branches hanging over the little roof as if the trees were preparing to swallow the house whole.

Basil shivered.

"You live in a dollhouse," Daphne declared, and Mrs. Grimm smiled.

But Sabrina wasn't amused. The place was creepy and she felt as if she was being watched.

"What!? But I was invisible!" Puck burst out.

"So it was you! Well, you're magic must be crap because I saw you later that day as well."

"Stop spoiling the story," Basil complained.

"It's also my life, Baz." Sabrina pointed out, the little boy shrugged as if that was immaterial to how interesting he found the story.

She squinted to see into the dense trees, but if anyone was spying they were well hidden.

"Yeah, I was!" Puck hooted.

"Why do you live all the way out here?" she asked. New York City was a place where everyone lived on top of each other, and that was exactly how Sabrina liked it. Living out in the middle of nowhere was dangerous and suspicious.

"Oh, I like the quiet," said Mrs. Grimm. "It's nice not to hear the honking of horns."

And there's no one to hear the screaming of children up here, Sabrina thought to herself.

"Sabrina! That is morbid!" Veronica explained.

"What? She was creepy. No offense, Granny."

"None taken, liebling." Relda smiled.

"Anyways," Red stressed.

Mr. Canis unlocked the car's huge musty trunk, pulled out the two tiny suitcases, and led everyone to the front door. The old woman followed closely behind, fumbling with her handbag until she fished out what looked like the largest key ring in the world. Hundreds of keys were attached to it, each different from the others: skeleton keys made from what looked like crystal, ancient brass keys, bright new silver ones in many sizes, and several that didn't look like keys at all.

"Wow! That's a lot of keys," Daphne said.

"That's a lot of locks," Sabrina added as she eyed the front door. It must have had a dozen bolts of all shapes and sizes.

"You really are the most pessimistic person ever." Puck commented.

"Shut. It."

Mrs. Grimm ignored the comment and flipped through the key ring, inserting one key after another into the locks until she had unlocked them all. Then she rapped her knuckles on the door three times and said, "We're home."

Daphne looked up at her sister for an explanation but Sabrina had none. Instead, she twirled her finger around her ear and mouthed the word crazy. The little girl giggled

Basil and Puck both giggled.

"Let me take your coats, lieblings," Mrs. Grimm said as they entered the house and she closed the door behind them, turning the locks one after another.

"I really was terrified of you at first," Sabrina commented.

"Liebling?" Daphne asked.

"It means sweetheart in German," the old woman said. She opened the coat closet door and several books tumbled to her feet. Mr. Canis quickly restacked them for her.

"Girls, I must warn you. I'm not much of a housekeeper," Mrs. Grimm said.

"We'll have dinner in about an hour," she said to Mr. Canis, who picked up the girls' suitcases and headed for the stairs.

"Ladies, let me give you the grand tour." She led them into the living room. It was enormous, a much larger room than seemed possible in a cottage so small. Each wall was lined with bookshelves, stuffed with more books than Sabrina had ever seen. Stacks of them also sat on the floor, the tables, and every other surface. A teapot perched precariously on a stack that looked as if it would fall over at any moment. Books were under the couch cushions, under the carpet. Several giant stacks stood in front of an old television, blocking any chance that someone could watch cartoons. On the spines Sabrina read the strangest titles: Birds of Oz, The Autobiography of an Evil Queen, and Shoes, Toys, and Cookies: The Elvish Handcraft Tradition.

Sabrina snorted, "I thought your books were strange."

Mrs. Grimm led them through another door where a dining room table sat littered with books, open and waiting to be read. Sabrina picked one up and rolled her eyes when she read the title: 365 Ways to Cook Dragon.

"There were some interesting recipes in there," Red said.

"Really gross when you consider the animal, though." Sabrina reasoned.

The old woman led them from room to room, showing them where she kept the snacks in the white-tiled kitchen and how to get the rickety bathroom door to close. Sabrina pretended to be interested but in reality she secretly "cased the joint."

"I wasn't aware you were a 60s movie sleuth." Puck mocked.

"I wasn't aware you wanted me to punch your lights out."

"Children! Children! Let Red continue." Relda scolded lightly.

It was a technique she had picked up after spending a year in the foster care system. In each room she noted where the windows and doors were, eyed locks, and paid close attention to creaky floorboards. But it wasn't easy. She kept getting distracted by the odd books and the dozens of old black-and-white photographs that decorated the walls. Most of them were of a much younger Mrs. Grimm and a stocky, bearded man with a wide smile. There were pictures of them hiking in the jungle, standing on an icy glacier, scaling a mountain, and even riding camels in the desert. In some pictures, Mrs. Grimm was carrying a small child in a papoose, while the bearded man stood next to her, proudly beaming at the camera.

"Daddy." Basil guessed.

"That's right," Henry replied to his son.

Daphne was just as distracted, and when they arrived back in the living room, she walked over to a picture and looked at it closely.

"That was your opa, Basil," Mrs. Grimm said wistfully.

"Opa?" Daphne asked.

"Grandfather," Sabrina murmured as Red spoke the next line.

"Grandfather, liebling. He passed on about eleven years ago," she said.

"Is that your baby?" Daphne said.

The old lady smiled and studied the picture as if she weren't sure. "That's your papa," she said with a smile. The little girl eyed the photo closely, but Sabrina turned away. Babies all looked the same. An old photo couldn't prove anything.

"Oh, my, I've forgotten the cookies," the old woman said as she dashed to the kitchen. In no time she returned with a plate of warm chocolate-chip cookies. Daphne, of course, happily grabbed one and took a bite.

"These taste just like my mommy's," she exclaimed.

"Great. Now I want cookies." Daphne complained.

"Where do you think she got the recipe, angel?" Mrs. Grimm said.

Sabrina refused to take a cookie, giving Mrs. Grimm an "I know what you're up to" look.

She wasn't going to be bribed with sweets.

"Bought off, not bribed." Jake corrected.

"This is boring. When do I come in?"

"Pretty soon, actually."

Just then, Mr. Canis walked into the room.

"I was about to introduce the girls to Elvis," Mrs. Grimm said to him.

Mr. Canis gave a slight smile, nodded, and walked past them toward the kitchen.

"Elvis! I wish he were here." Daphne sighed when they'd been transported to the small room the dog had not accompanied them.

Sabrina swore quietly, earning a reprimanding look from her mother. "Sabrina!"

"Sorry, but I am so dumb!"

"Well, we already knew…" Puck shut up at a look from Mr. Canis.

"What have you thought of, sister?" Red questioned.

"Phone. We don't know how time works here. Yep, I thought so, it was about… oh, noon when we left. Guess what time it is?"

"Let me guess, noon?" Relda volunteered.

"Exactly, time doesn't work here. When we go back, it'll be like we never left."

"Oh good." Daphne sighed.

"Yeah. Oh, sorry, Red, continue."

That's a weird man, Sabrina thought as she noted two loud creaks in the middle of the living room floor.

"Ha, I thought that was weird."

"Is he your boyfriend?" Daphne asked the old woman, who was trying to balance the plate of cookies on top of two uneven stacks of books.

Mrs. Grimm blushed and giggled. "Oh, dear, no. Mr. Canis and I are not courting. We are just good friends," she said.

"What does courting mean?" Daphne asked her sister.

"It's an old-fashioned word for dating," Sabrina replied.

Suddenly, there was a great rumbling in the house. Books fell from their shelves, windows shook in their frames, and the tray of cookies slid to the floor before the old woman could catch it. And then something enormous came charging through the room and right at them.

"Giant!" Puck exclaimed hopefully.

It moved so quickly Sabrina couldn't tell what it was. It pushed over lamps and chairs, leaped over an ottoman, and knocked the terrified girls to the ground. Sabrina screamed, sure they were about to be eaten when, much to her surprise, a gooey tongue licked her cheek. She opened her eyes and looked up at the friendly face of a giant dog.

"Elvis, please, get off of them," Mrs. Grimm said, half-commanding and half-laughing at the Great Dane.

"Elvis," Jake replied drily.

"No, Uncle, Granny Relda spoke. Not Elvis." Basil said innocently. Jake hid a chuckle at the little boy's innocent remark.

"He gets very excited around new people." The enormous dog gave one last lick to Sabrina's face, leaving a long trail of drool, before sitting down next to the old woman, panting and wagging his immense tail.

"This is Elvis. He's a member of our little family and completely harmless if he likes you," said Mrs. Grimm, scratching the beast on his immense head. The dog licked the old woman on the cheek.

"And if he doesn't?" Sabrina asked as she climbed to her feet. The old woman ignored her question.

"Then he Ms. Smirt's you," Daphne said maniacally.

"Red? Want me to take over?" Sabrina asked after grinning at Daphne's joke.

"Could you? My throat is scratchy and we don't have water." With a little 'pop', a glass of water appeared beside Red(along with a small end table) making everyone jump.

"I'll still take over." Sabrina offered. Red smiled gratefully and handed her the book.

Daphne, on the other hand, jumped up and threw her arms around the dog. "Oh, I love him! He's so cute!" She laughed as she covered the dog with her own kisses.

"He is so cute." Daphne sighed affectionately.

"This is the only boyfriend I have." Mrs. Grimm smiled. "And probably the smartest one I've ever had, too. Watch!"

Daphne stepped back and she and Sabrina watched as Mrs. Grimm put her hand out to Elvis. "Elvis, shake," she said, and the dog reached out a huge forepaw and placed it in her hand.

Daphne giggled.

"Play dead," Daphne said hopefully, and the dog fell stiffly over onto his side.

"Elvis does good tricks," Basil commented.

"He does."

The impact dislodged several books from a nearby shelf.

Mrs. Grimm laughed. "You two must be starving after your trip. I suppose I better get started with dinner. I hope spaghetti and meatballs is OK."

"Now I want spaghetti and meatballs!" Daphne whined.

And a plate of just that appeared on its own end table. Sabrina grinned as she said, "Strawberry milkshake." She got as she asked.

"I love spaghetti and meatballs!" Daphne cried as Elvis gave her a fresh lick.

Daphne made an agreeing sound as she devoured the plate of Relda-looking spaghetti.

"I know you do," Mrs. Grimm said with a wink. She disappeared into the kitchen, where she began rattling pots and pans.

"I don't like this at all, Daphne," Sabrina said as she wiped off the last of the dog's goo. "Don't get used to this place. We're not going to be here long."

"Ah, Grimm, so dramatic."

"Don't push me, fairy," Sabrina warned.

"Stop being a snot," Daphne said as she laid a huge smooch on Elvis. Snot was her favorite word lately. "She wouldn't hurt us. She's nice."

"I'm going to start calling you snot, Grimm."

Sabrina drew her knife and raised an eyebrow at him. He swallowed and quieted.

"That's why crazy people are so dangerous. You think they're nice until they're chaining you up in the garage," Sabrina replied. "And I am not being a snot."

...

Hehehe. I'm going to die. It's been four months and I haven't published; I am the worst human being ever. I really don't have any excuse besides the fact that school was pedal to the medal constantly and I was tired. I swear, and I do mean SWEAR, that every single Sunday-and hopefully sometime in the week but no promises-I will update. If something occurs that would hinder my publishing, I will let you know in the previous week's chapter. And I want to apologize Zay Zay and Jo who have been flooding the comments since August. Guys, I am really sorry. See you next week! Thanks for reading. Please review. I apologize again. Stay tuned for the next chapter! ;) Book Out.